Desire (Desire, Book 1)

Chapter Twenty





I woke up disorientated. I hadn’t woken in someone else’s apartment in years. Not since I’d first moved to Seattle. My wild days, where nights were spent with various men, and days sleeping off my hangover.

The bed next to me was empty. Cold.

I sat up, remembering that I was at his house. Wrapping the sheet around my naked body, I climbed out of the bed. I could see the light on in the living room. I crept down the hall.



Devon sat at the table, folders stacked high and papers strewn everywhere. He looked up and smiled when he saw me.

“Hello.” He murmured. He stood up and walked over to me, his eyebrows raised at the sheet I held tightly around my body. “I didn’t want to wake you, you looked so sweet, snoring and all.” He whispered softly.

“I don’t snore!” I retorted hotly. Honestly, I had no idea if I snored or not. My face colored. Devon laughed and shook his head.

“You do.” He repeated, “But it’s cute. It makes you seem real.” He chuckled as I moved the sheet up to cover my face. What, did I talk in my sleep too? And why not throw in some farting? You can’t get more real than that.

“What are you doing?” I nudged my head toward the table.

“Work.” He replied, “When I can’t sleep, I go over cases. See if there is anything I’ve missed.”

I wandered over to the table, running my hands over the folders. Then I saw it.

“Kaitlin, please don’t.” I stopped, feeling Devon’s hand on my shoulder. I didn’t turn around, my eyes stayed focused on the manila folder that was labelled ‘Kathrine Delancy’.

Mom.

I let Devon turn me around until we were eye to eye.

“I can’t let you look at that. Please.”

I nodded, not completely sure why this was having such an effect on me right now. I sat down, on the verge of tears.

“She didn’t believe me.” I mumbled. Devon knelt beside me, not saying anything. Just listening.

“I told her what he was doing to me, and she didn’t believe me.” Devon touched my arm, down my elbow, eventually entangling my hand in his. “I put up with it for two years, Devon. When I saw the way he was beginning to look at Neri, I...” A sob escaped my mouth. I bit down on my lip, hard. I was not going to cry.

“You stopped him from hurting Neri, and that took great courage.” Devon pulled me into his arms.

“They blamed me. Mom and Neri. They blamed me for putting him in prison.”

“I’m sure that’s not true, Kait. Neri wouldn’t have understood-“

“And mom? What was her excuse? She said I ‘encouraged’ him. I led him on.” Devon didn’t reply. His eyes never left mine as he waited for me to let it all out.

“I knew it would be my word against his. I brought one of those teddy bear cameras. You know, where the camera is hidden inside a toy?” I asked. He nodded.

“Genius right? It took two nights for him to rape me again. I caught the whole thing on camera.” I shook my head, my hands balling up handfuls of my jacket.

“I had f*cking proof and she still chose not to believe me.” The tears were flowing thick and fast now. I was a blubbering mess. Wiping my eyes, I managed a smile.

“I’m so sorry. You didn’t ask for all this.” I took the tissue he handed me gratefully.

“Kait. What you did was so brave. Neri understands that now, I can see that from the way she looks at you. She respects you. Your mom, I don’t know. I don’t know what to say. I don’t want to say anything because I might end up regretting it later.” He sighed.



Standing up, he paced the short length that was the table. Running both hands through his hair, he turned, extending his hand. I took it, letting him bring me to my feet. I cried out as I overbalanced, sending both of us tumbling to the ground.

“Ouch.” He laughed, shaking his head. In spite of myself, I giggled. I’d landed almost right on top of him, and frankly, I didn’t want to move. The awkwardness of the moment had passed, when he rolled me over, so he was on top of me.

“Hi.” He smiled.

I smiled back. My lips tingled in anticipation as I waited to be kissed. My wish was fulfilled, when he leaned down, his soft lips meeting mine. He tugged at the sheet, eventually yanking it free and tossing it aside. His hands roamed my body, my skin screaming at his touch.

“You’re so beautiful.” He ran his fingers through my hair, as he stared at me as though he was just seeing me for the first time. We kissed again, his taste something I couldn’t get enough of. “Kait.” He breathed, his voice pained. I looked up, confused as he moved himself off me, laying down next to me on the floor. He banged his head against the hard wood of the floor. Over and over.

“What are you doing?” I asked, alarmed, ‘What’s wrong?”

“We can’t do this, Kait.” He sighed. I sat up, confused. This was the second time after as many sexual encounters that he was blowing me off. What the hell was wrong with this guy? More to the point, what was wrong with me?

“Seriously Devon? Again? Why the f*ck didn’t you just leave me alone?” I was pissed off. Was this some kind of game to him? Did he get a kick out of messing with my feelings?

I struggled off the floor, grabbing the sheet to cover myself with. Storming back to the bedroom, I grabbed my clothes

“Because I don’t want to. I can’t.” He added, following me. He sighed again, “I told myself last time it wasn’t going to happen again. And then seeing you yesterday...” He sat on a chair, his elbows resting on his knees.

“My partner Lacey? She told my boss she suspects I’m involved with a family member of my current case.”

Wow. What a bitch. I had gotten the feeling that she didn’t like me during our brief meeting, but this was extreme.

“Why?” I asked, as I quickly dressed.

He looked up at the ceiling, exhaling. “Lacey and I were a couple. We dated. For a year. She doesn’t handle me being involved with anyone else very well.”

“When did it end? You and her?”

“About 18 months ago. It just didn’t work out.” He shrugged. I got the feeling that it hadn’t been working out for him, not so much her.

“And you still work together?” I snorted, finding this particularly funny. Devon shot me a look. Okay, so he wasn’t amused. “So she told your boss what, exactly?”

“That I’ve been sleeping with you. I can’t be with you, Kait. Not while this case is still active.”

“Right.” I nodded, not sure what else I could say, “How long is this case likely to be active? What if she never turns up?”

“Then it will be turned over to another department.” He didn’t add that could be months, or even years away. I watched TV. I knew how this all worked. Besides, this all felt a little too convenient. I was completely convinced that had there been no conflict, we’d be all systems a go.

“Okay. Well. Thanks for this. Can you call me a cab please?”

“Come on, Kait, don’t be silly. Let me drive you home.” He walked towards me. I held my hands up, indicating I did not want him any closer.

“No, seriously, I’d rather take a cab, thanks.” I said, my tone short.

Mumbling under his breath, he grabbed his phone and ordered me a cab.

“I’ll wait outside.” I said, walking for the door.

“Kait!” He all but yelled. “Don’t be f*cking stupid. You’re acting like a child. It’s freezing outside!”

“I’m a child?” I laughed incredulously, not quite believing what I was hearing, “You’ve slept with me twice, well three times actually, with no intention of having this go anywhere!”



I opened the door, the cool hit of the air slapping me in the face. My stubbornness winning out, I walked to the curb and sat. I heard the slam of his front door. It was then the tears began to flow.

Maybe I was acting like a child, but all I wanted was some straight f*cking answers. I thought I deserved that much, at least. I felt like I was on a merry go round when I was with Devon, and at any time I was going to fall off.