Casey Barnes Eponymous

34



“The return of the prodigal Leigh Robinson,” Casey said.

Leigh appeared at her locker moments before, just after first period ended. She shrugged and as soon as she did Casey knew her fears from the day before were not wrong. Leigh was not going back to normal anytime soon.

“I’m here to clean my locker out,” Leigh said.

“Wha wha what?”

“I’m going to boarding school. I start next week.”

“Leigh. Robinson.”

“I want to get away for a while.”

“My Mom told me last night that if you get stoned before the age of eighteen it messes your brain cells up,” Casey said, “Maybe that’s what’s going on here. Why don’t you let the pot wear out of your system a bit more?”

“Your mom knows about the brownies?”

“I denied it, but sí. I’m grounded for a month. After talent show, that is.”

“Ouch.”

“You’re telling me. So anyway, don’t decide to go to boarding school while your brain’s still fried.”

“I smoked pot six weeks ago.”

“She didn’t exactly get said info from The National Enquirer.”

“Casey.”

“Maybe if you give the news a bit more time to sink in it will sit better.”

“I doubt it,” Leigh said, “and I don’t want to be around the people who say they’re my parents in the meantime.”

“They are your parents.”

“Not biologically.”

Casey sighed. “Did you speak to Eva last night?”

“Why would I want to speak to her?”

Casey bit her lip. Leigh was not going to budge from being pissed at the world. That much was obvious.

“Will you still be around for lunch?”

“Maybe.”



During library period, Alex Deal came in. “Yo.”

“Hey.”

He took a piece of paper out of his pocket and placed it on the counter. Casey reached for it. “Is this--?”

“Yep.”

She opened the paper up and read.

Songs for Casey

1. Song 1 - “Young Folks” by Peter Bjorn

2. Song 2 - “Caring is Creepy” by The Shins

3. Song 3 - “Wild Horses” by The Rolling Stones

She stared at the list for a moment. A feeling pricked at her, even as she tried to push it away. “Awesome. Thanks.”

“No sweat. So I guess I’ll see you at the show. And then, afterwards?”

“Yeah,” she said.

“You don’t sound so sure.”

“No. I mean, yes. I’ll see you later.”



“Young Folks” by Peter Bjorn. There was nothing wrong with the song. It was catchy. Chic. The problem, really, was with Tricia. Tricia knew that song. Not only that, but she was sick of it. When Tricia flew to London for business she always flew on an airline that played “Young Folks” as the passengers boarded. A month prior Tricia had walked by Casey’s room when it was playing and told her she was sick of it. And therein was the rub: the song was well known enough for Casey’s mother to be sick of it. In fact it was not only used by the airline but it was in a movie trailer and a commercial. Everyone knew that song. Alex had to know that. So why had he included it? Hadn’t he wanted to introduce her to something new?

“Caring is Creepy” by The Shins. He got points for including a Shins song. Fine. But that song was in the movie from years ago with Natalie Portman and the guy from Scrubs that annoyed the crap out of Casey. Also--and yes, she remembered the quote Leigh read her from a girlie magazine about how girls who were too picky never got boyfriends--but f*ck that, this was another song everyone knew. Maybe not Tricia. Maybe not Tricia. But the majority of the free world under the age of twenty-one who did not attend bible camp? They knew it. Again he wasn’t introducing her to anything new. Not even close.

And then there was “Wild Horses” by The Rolling Stones. Oh my God! If he had to include a Rolling Stones song why not use something obscure from Exile on Main St. like “Sweet Virginia” or “Let It Loose,” something she of course knew but that was still fairly unknown to the average American teenager. But “Wild Horses”? “Wild Horses”??? The Robinsons knew that song. In fact if Mr. Robinson were to make Mrs. Robinson a mix tape for their twentieth wedding anniversary--a stretch of a thought, perhaps, but given the events of the past day Casey was no longer ruling anything out--if he were to do that, he might include “Wild Horses” by The Rolling Stones. Because he was middle-aged and had not been introduced to new music in two decades. But Alex Deal had.

“Wild Horses” was unforgivable.

She was standing in front of her locker just before the last period of the day, reading the list and scowling, when Ben walked over.

Ben, who had smiled at her when he came into Spanish and then written a note about how much he liked the new song. Ben, who, at the end of class, even gave Casey a verb conjugation wheel his Mom’s students used.

“Did you read it?” he asked.

“Read what?”

“You mean you haven’t seen it yet?”

“Seen what?”

“Something I stuck inside the verb wheel.”

“Oh.” She reached inside her bag for the wheel. “Sorry I didn’t realize…”

There was a paper shoved into it that indeed she had not seen before. When she stood back up, Ben’s face was red. He took a step away.

She took the paper out and looked at him, confused. She opened it.

Casey Barnes Eponymous*

1. “Jezebel” by Iron and Wine

2. “Breathing Rapture” by Le Loup

3. “I Shall Be Released,” the cover Jeff Buckley did on Live at Siné

*You’re getting there, amiga



She looked at him. “This is so weird.”

He got an embarrassed look on his face. “Sorry. I just--”

“No, it’s not weird that you gave me the list. I mean it is weird, but in a good and cool way. It’s just coincidental. That’s the word I should’ve used.”

“Why?”

“Because…” She stopped herself. Of course she could not tell him why. “Just because. Anyway, thank you.”

She looked at the list again. Was it possible? Why, she had Iron and Wine on her iPod. But “Jezebel”? Didn’t have that song. And she had never heard the Le Loup song before. She’d heard “I Shall Be Released,” the Joe Cocker version. Of course. But the Jeff Buckley cover? Come to think of it she had heard it. It was a long time ago during a party Yull had. Casey heard it from the other room and wondered who was singing it. She asked Yull the next day and he said Jeff Buckley, but on an obscure live recording.

She felt her cheeks go red.

“Do you like it?” he asked.

“Yes Ben. I do.”





35



Talent show performers waited their turn in the hall adjacent to the auditorium. When whispers or giggles erupted amongst them, Ms. Vernon got irritated and told them to hush.

As if Casey needed any more impetus to whisper to Ben.

“Why Jezebel?” she asked as soon as he sat down next to her. He shrugged. “I googled it, today after school,” she continued, “Jezebel was an ancient princess whose name’s nowadays synonymous with strong-willed women of ill repute.” She sat up straighter. “I have no problem with you calling me a Jezebel, for the record.”

Ms. Vernon marched over. “Shh.”

“What does the word Jezebel make you think of, Ms. V?” Casey asked.

“Casey I am only going to warn you once about talking.”

“Right.”

Ms. Vernon walked away.

“So maybe I was referencing the strong-willed part,” Ben whispered.

“But not the woman of ill-repute one?” She did not try to hide her disappointment.

He smiled. “I can throw you that bone.”

She briefly pumped a fist in the air. “Moving on. I’ll hold off on commenting about song number two and skip to song three.”

“Shh!” Ms. Vernon hissed.

Casey saluted her and lowered her voice a notch.

“What about it?” Ben whispered.

“I shall be released from what?”

“What makes you think the song title was meant to be taken so literally?”

“Because I know you. It was.”

He blushed. “You shall be released from trying.”

“Trying what?”

“Trying to know.”

“But what?” she asked.

“You’ll know what I mean.”

“But I want to know now.”

He rolled his eyes. “Knowing how you fit into it all.”

“You don’t think I know that already?”

“Actually I think you know that more than most people. But I think sometimes you’re not entirely comfortable with it so you get in people’s faces.” He paused. “Just an observation.”

She stared at him for a moment before speaking. “Back to song two.”

Ms. Vernon walked over again. “If you insist on keeping this up, I may be forced to remove you from the show.”

Casey shook her head. “Empty threats are beneath you, mademoiselle.”

Ms. Vernon walked away.

“Song two,” Casey began, “Le Loup, made me feel like I was doing something I wasn’t supposed to be in the middle of the night. Which, for the record, I was, the night we, you know…”

Ben’s face got redder.

“It was, if you don’t mind me saying, a rather romantic song,” she continued. He looked down. “And yet, you refer to me as ‘amiga’ on that there playlist. Care to comment on the dichotomy?”

“Do you care to comment on it?”

And of course, of course, Alex Deal chose that moment to saunter over.

“Hey,” he said. Ben scowled. Casey looked from Ben to him and then back to Ben again. “Did you like the songs?” Alex asked.

“What songs?” Ben asked.

“I made her a playlist.”

“You what?” Ben said.

“Made her a playlist. She asked me to.”

“You did?” Ben said.

She looked down. “I didn’t know you were going to ma--”

“Why, exactly, is this your business?” Alex asked.

“He’s in my band,” she said.

Ben looked away.

“Whatever,” Alex said. He glanced at the other end of the hall, where Peter was motioning for him to come over. “I better get back. But, uh, I’ll see you later?”

With his head still turned away, Ben shook it ever so slightly.

“Um,” she said. Alex raised an eyebrow. “Yeah,” she said flatly. He nodded and walked away. “Ben,” she hissed. But he would not look at her.

Ms. Vernon stomped over again. “Final warning, Casey. I mean it.” Samantha came over and told them that if anyone had to use the bathroom they better go since it was almost their turn to play. Casey sighed, stood, and went off.



When she exited the bathroom a few minutes later, Danny from Alex’s band was entering the guys’. “Break a leg out there.”

“Thanks.”

“Oh and hey I hope you liked those songs.”

She stopped. “Alex told you about the list?”

He smiled. “What he actually told me was to come up with three songs I thought you’d like. Thing is, I was studying all night so I had my girlfriend do it. Then I remembered that she’s not exactly the music person you are. But as long as you like the songs, all’s good.”

Her jaw dropped open. She closed it. Then she laughed.

“Sorry,” he mumbled, “I mean I guess you probably had--”

“No, no, it’s not the songs. I mean, thanks. No, it’s…”

“Alex?” Danny asked. Suddenly, she had the feeling Danny’s slip had not been unintentional. She nodded, and he nodded back.

“Thanks,” she said.

She started to walk back towards the back hall. As she did, the door opened, and Alex came out. “Yo. Getting psyched? I for one can’t wait to hear your song again.”

“Well you won’t,” she said.

“Why’s that?”

“Because we’re playing another one.”

“You are?”

“Yup. One I wrote for you, in fact.”

“Seriously?” He smiled.

“I wrote it for you at the beginning of the school year. Thing is,” she hesitated, “It’s for someone else now.”

His smile faded. “You mean your imaginary boyfriend?”

“How could I write something for someone who’s not real?”

“Okay I’m confused,” he said.

“It’s not only that you got someone else to write the playlist, even if that is reprehensible times one hundred.”

He looked towards the guys’ bathroom Danny just disappeared into. Recognition dawned on his face. His smile faded but he maintained a cocky posture.

“It’s also that I just finally got you,” she continued.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean that you’re kind of a prick.”

He stared. All traces of cockiness were gone. “You sure you still wanna play that song you wrote for me?” he asked.

“Sure. I have someone else to play it for now.”

Alex’s eyes winced. He was too in control to let his whole face show it. But his eyes did. “That guy in your band, the drummer?”

She nodded. She turned and started to walk away.

“Hey,” he said. She stopped. When he spoke, his voice was quieter than it had been before. “I meant it when I said I like you.”

She looked at him. His green eyes were so nice. But the power they had was not what it once was. She wondered if she should be bookmarking the moment as a lesson in boy nature. She and Leigh once read something about the strange phenomena of winning over boys like Alex Deal. And there it was, happening in real time and living color. But she did not bookmark the moment or ask Alex questions about why his brain made him do the things he had done. Instead she turned and walked back inside.





36



When Pop Wire first got onstage Casey was nervous. It was a big crowd. Not only were students there, but teachers and parents. And she was about to play a slow, personal song about love. But she had a few things in her corner. For one thing, her conversation with Alex Deal helped her confidence. Telling the truth could do that. She had never let herself admit it about him until Danny said his girlfriend wrote the list, even if she had always kind of known.

And something else happened before Pop Wire went onstage that bolstered her confidence.

When they launched into their song there were confused looks in the crowd below. People were awaiting the Maxine French ditty. But after a verse and the first chorus, the looks changed to ones of appreciation. Casey’s voice got louder. For the first time ever she got what it was to be so lost in a performance that a song takes on a life of its own.

There was a lot of applause when they finished. A few people even stood and clapped. Granted Yull was one of them and King Yull standing might have influenced a few other kids. But whatever. Casey took it.

When they returned to the side hall, the last act of the show was still onstage but Leigh was waiting. She was smiling for the first time in days. “That was amazing.”

Then Yull appeared. “I’m proud of you.”

Before she could think better of it, Casey hugged him and quickly backed away. “I’d savor that hug if I were you.”

“I will.” He patted her on the head. She swatted his hand away.

Samantha walked by and said, “Great job!” Again she did not so much as look Ben’s way.

Suddenly, something occurred to Casey. “That thing you told me about Samantha liking Ben,” she said to Yull, “was it true?”

He shrugged.

“You sneaky devil. That’s like something I would do,” she replied. He winked at her, and left. Casey turned back to Leigh.

“You guys sounded like a real band,” Leigh said.

“You think?”

“Oh my god yes.”

“You really can’t go to boarding school now that your best friend’s a rock star,” Casey said, “You’d be a fool to give up such a social opportunity.”

Leigh smiled. “You know how you never used to play music in front of people and then one day, and granted it was because of AD--”

“Not anymore.”

“The point is that you needed time to not play in front of people to be ready to play in front of people. At least that’s how I see it.”

“I still don’t think you should go to boarding school.”

“I know you don’t. But I need time away now, from everyone, to process what I found out this week,” she paused, “Get it?”

Casey sighed. “Possibly. But if you leave I’m not gonna have any friends.”

Leigh motioned with her head towards the other end of the hall where Ben was talking to Sukh. “I’m not so sure about that.”

Casey looked at Ben.



So.

The other thing that happened before Pop Wire took the stage that helped bolster Casey’s confidence was this:

When she finished talking to Alex and went back inside, Ben was standing just inside the door, as if he had been waiting to walk out. And the door was open a crack.

“Did you hear what I just said to him?” Casey asked. Ben only offered a mysterious smile and told her eavesdropping was not his game. But there was something in that smile that told her he heard every word.



Ben looked back at her. She blushed and turned her eyes to Leigh.

“I saw that,” Leigh said.

“Whatever.”

Leigh hugged Casey. “I’m outta here.”

Casey made a face but Leigh stepped away and walked down the hall. The last act of the show finished, there was applause from the auditorium, and the back hall began to flood with people. Clayton Gould and Tricia came backstage and over to Casey.

“Clayton Gould,” Casey said, “I had no idea you were in the audience.”

“Well I did get the text you sent threatening water boarding if I didn’t make it.”

“Oh that.”

“You did a very good job, Casey,” Tricia said, “I was impressed.”

“Thanks ma. Does that mean I’m not grounded anymore?”

“No.” Tricia leaned over and kissed her on the cheek. “But I am proud of you. Now if you’ll excuse me, Jim and I are going to dinner. Enjoy your last night of freedom for a month.”

“Bon appétit, madre.”

Tricia walked away.

“I should be going as well,” Clayton Gould said, “I have an online chess match in an hour and I assume you want to be left to your post-rock debauchery.”

“Thanks for coming Clayton Gould.”

“It was a treat. And I mean that. You kicked some serious rear-end tonight.” He turned and started to walk away.

“Hey Clayton Gould.”

He stopped.

“You know that thing you said, a few weeks back, about how I was the one who had to make it happen, not the rock star boyfriend?”

“I remember.”

“You might have had a point there.”

“Of course I did.” He left.

Casey looked around. Ben was still down at the other end of the hall, with Kate now. Casey started to walk towards them.

Ben looked taller. He wasn’t hunching over like he usually did. That piece of hair was sticking up, as always. And his glasses were misaligned. She was beginning to think she liked them, though. In fact she was beginning to think that, in a disheveled, insolent boyfriend who introduces you to Le Loup kind of way, Ben was rather cute. Even it there hadn’t really been a Samantha.

She wondered what kind of reaction he would have when she told him, later, whom she now thought about when she played the Alex Deal song. She hoped the reaction wouldn’t be snappy or sarcastic. He looked at her again and she relaxed. She had a feeling it wouldn’t.

She listened to “Chiquitita” by Abba after school and before talent show. It was her secret weapon when in need of a good jolt song. She hummed the first few bars as she walked towards Ben. Suddenly, a weird sensation came into her head. Goddamn. She felt happy.

The word had always bothered her. It was overplayed, such a simple two beats for something that in reality was so elusive. There was a quick kind of happiness from people like Alex Deal, pop songs, new shirts and chocolate bars. But that kind of happiness didn’t always stick around. Then there was another kind of happiness.

When she reached Ben she stopped. Another song came into her head. And just like that, she experienced an epic rock moment. Now more epic rock moments had, perhaps, happened to other epic rockers. But this one was big, and strange because it had never happened to her before. What happened was this:

She placed a hand on Ben’s arm. He smiled.

She realized the song that came into her head was her own.



Many thanks to the following fine people who contributed to a 2013 Kickstarter campaign to support Casey Barnes Eponymous.

Jane Alexander, Dana Austin, Bryan Bilgore, Jonathan Bloom, Ami Boghani,Anna Booth, Cristin Bullen, Scott Byrd, Andy Carpenter, Jennifer Chalfant, Federico Chiesa, Ian Creighton, Lana Dai, Paul DeGooyer, Geoff Earle, Tonieh Ellis, Gema De Las Heras, Marjorie Feinstein, Heather Fell, Erin Forson, Dave Fowler, Amy Freundlich, Mike Freundlich, Celina Garcia, Mike Goodman, Nick Griffin, Pat Guiney, Anne Hamilton, Hayli Harper, Tiffany Harris, Annie & Sebastian Kaplan, Meredith Lerner, Dina Marro, Kelly Masley, Julie McDermott, Jennifer & Nick Meagher, Svend Mejdal, Emily Mellor, Victoria Moss, Diane Murray, Paige Murray, Sasha Orr, Simon Orr, Darren Owens, Ann Peck, Hardeep Phull, David Reisen, Jo Rigg, Nick Rigg, Barney Roper, Michael Russotti, Nina Sander, Elva Shkreli, Bjorn Schroeder, Carol Skillman, Judy Skillman, Richard & Sally Skillman, Ted Skillman, Caterina Turroni, Nick Weber