Casey Barnes Eponymous

31



Soon after entering school the following morning, Casey read a flier outside the Office of Student Activities. Pop Wire, Air Morocco, and Eleanor Hoffman had been selected as the three musical acts for talent show.

As Casey looked at the paper Alex Deal came up behind her. “Congratulations.”

She turned. “Thanks.” She started to walk away. She didn’t feel like engaging with him. Anyway what was the point of trying anymore? Maxine French was probably lurking behind the next corner, stingray ready and waiting in the wake of Pop Wire’s new song.

“Hey,” he said.

She stopped. “Yeah?”

“You guys were really good yesterday.”

She looked at him suspiciously. He moved closer to her. She got that excited jumpy feeling he always made her get. Goddamn.

“What are you doing after rehearsal?” he asked. There was only one talent show rehearsal. It was after school that day. Talent show was the next day. She shrugged. “Wanna hang out?” he continued.

Obviously, there were more reasons to say no than to say yes. There was how he’d blown her off, gone out with Melanie Corcoran, and kissed Maxine French. There was the stuff Yull said about him. And there was Ben. But then there were his eyes, which were, at the moment, hopeful. There was winter dance, only a few months away. And, there was prom. This was exactly how she had hoped it would be, when she first tried out for talent show.

“Sure.”



Playlist for a Person who has hit the popularity jackpot

1. Song 1 - “No Cars Go” by Arcade Fire. For when one has tripped into a role closely resembling ruler of the free world, one must listen to a triumphant song. And a racing string section smack dab in the middle does a mighty fine job of saying A) someone got a coveted slot in talent show, B) that same person has a date with Alex Deal after talent show rehearsal, and, C) that same killer of a specimen is, all of a sudden, one people take note of when she walks by them in the hall.

In other words, she is popular. When Casey walked from the outside of the office to her locker, no less than two kids she never saw before smiled at her. Once she arrived at said locker, an overweight girl in Goth clothing approached her. “That bitch made my life a living hell last year. I am your band’s number one fan from here to eternity.” She walked away.

2. Song 2 - “Starlight” by Muse. “Your song rocked,” a cute soccer player said in between third and fourth periods.

Casey looked at him. “Were you at auditions yesterday?”

“No. But my friend told me all about it.” He walked away.

High-energy pop.

3. Song 3 - “Ball and Biscuit” by The White Stripes. And even in the midst of major league popularity rushes, there are dips. Such as la clase de español. Such as Ben.

Casey volunteered to put her (flawlessly executed) homework on the board. She received accolades from Señor Griffin as well as nods from kids in the room who never noticed her before yet were, clearly, toasting her songwriting skills every bit as much as her ability to write sentences with reflexive verbs. But Ben? Ben who a mere week ago was invisible to the school community and now was performing in talent show as one third of the most talked about band? Ben had no reaction to offer his front woman. He did not even say hello when he entered the classroom.

Casey scribbled a note. Do you know yet? We got selected. In the show, drummer boy. IN. THE. SHOW. She passed it up and, after a moment, he passed it back. I heard. Casey fought the urge to rip the note up loudly and with force. Well then, she thought, it’s a good thing I am hanging with Alex Deal later.

Thus song número tres was a rock with a bluesy edge. Nothing like The White Stripes when the occasion called for it. A little grit to get a girl out of Spanish class with her head held high. Some attitude to escort her to math class, which, despite words of encouragement from random peers, she was still nervous about. Plus Leigh had not shown up that day. Casey could not blame her, of course. But for the first time since the whole Leigh running away thing happened, Casey feared she may not be coming back to school for good.

Math class, however, turned out to hold a pleasant surprise. And that was because Maxine French did not show up that day! She was a-b-s-e-n-t absent. There WAS a God.



At rehearsal Samantha announced what the lineup would be for the show the following night. Casey was sitting with Sukh and Ben. Sukh was excited and Ben was continuing his campaign to be the most annoying person ever by way of emitting sullen silence.

“Everything okay Ben?” Sukh asked.

“Just fine,” Ben muttered.

Alex Deal came over. “Hey guys, congrats.” Sukh and Casey turned and smiled. Ben did not. Alex focused on Casey. “We still on for later?”

Even though he did not so much as offer a head turn, Casey could sense Ben tensing up. She looked at Alex. “Yep.”

“Cool.” He left.

When Pop Wire rehearsed with “Maxine French is a Bitch,” it again got an enthusiastic response. Yet as Casey tried to force Yull (who was not even present that day)’s words from her mind, she could not help but notice there was less emotion than the day before. The shock value was gone. People had already heard that joke.

As soon as they sat down after performing, Ben leaned over. “Nothing like day old cupcakes.”

She stood and refused to look at him. But as she walked up the aisle to go to the bathroom not one kid said anything to her about the song. People smiled, sure, a couple even nodded, but they were already distracted by new gossip

And when she arrived at the hall at the back of the auditorium, she froze.





32



Yull and Maxine French were standing there. Together. In the hall. Casey turned and walked in the other direction.

“Casey,” Yull said.

She turned. “You talking to me?”

Yull rolled his eyes. “Come here.”

“Thing is, it’d be rude to leave my bandmates in the auditorium alone for too long so I’m just gonna use the bathroom and be on my merry way--”

“Now,” Yull boomed.

Casey groaned and walked over.

“Maxine wasn’t in school today,” Yull said.

“I know,” Casey said, “It was the first time I enjoyed math class all year.”

“Hear me out,” Yull said, “I called her after school to see how she was doing in the wake of my sister’s little ‘song.’”

“Or little sister’s song. It works either way,” Casey said.

“Shut up. Anyway, Maxine invited me over,” Yull paused, “and explained some stuff.” He looked at Maxine. “Do you want to tell her or should I?”

Maxine sighed. “I’ll do it.” She closed her eyes briefly and then opened them. “I was out for a semester last school year.”

Casey looked at her blankly. Really the only thought going through her mind was how she was going to get even with Yull for this.

“But I wasn’t studying abroad in France like I told everyone I was,” Maxine continued, “I was in New York getting treated for cancer.”

“Excuse me?” Casey said.

“Cancer. The tumor was in my right chest.”

For a moment, Casey was too shocked to respond. Then she spoke. “Oh my God. Are you okay?”

“They got it out with surgery. But it takes five years until you can be sure you’re completely in remission.”

Her chest. Casey connected the dots. She got a sinking feeling in her stomach.

“I got a boob job because there was nothing left on my right side. I wanted to keep cheerleading and having boyfriends. I didn’t think guys would want to date a girl with one boob.” Maxine’s voice cracked a bit. “The nose job my parents threw in because I’d been begging them for one ever since I was thirteen.”

Casey offered a weak smile. “It looks nice. I mean, your new nose. The old one was nice too but they did a good job.”

Yull rolled his eyes. But Maxine French accepted it. “I know I was nasty to you in math.”

Casey shook her head. “You’re allowed to act however you want after that.”

“Not really,” Maxine continued, “My parents made me see this shrink when I came back to school last year. I went back for a session today. I told him about how I treated you and the song you wrote and how much everyone liked it.” She fiddled with her nails. “He said it’s because I felt vulnerable and I wanted to make everyone else feel the same way. He also said I was angry that I got sick and no one else did. But he said that didn’t make any of it right.”

“I wouldn’t have written it had I known.”

“I know.”

“Maybe if you start telling people about what happened they’ll understand,” Casey added. Maxine shook her head. “Absolutely not. I’d rather people think I was a bitch than feel sorry for me, and I’d appreciate it if you’d promise not to tell anyone either.”

Casey shook her head. “I won’t. And we won’t say your name when we do the song tomorrow night.”

Yull made a face. “But the other lyrics in the song, Casey…”

Maxine sighed. “She only has a day. It’s probably too late for you to write a new one, right?”

Casey could see that she was trying to be nice, this new Maxine. But there was a note of hopefulness in her voice. She was secretly praying Casey would not play the song. She looked from Maxine to Yull. That song was the whole reason they were selected to be in the show.

“We’ll figure something out,” Casey said.

Maxine nodded but did not look at ease. Yull shot Casey a sharp look.

“I promise,” she added.

Behind them, the door to the auditorium opened. Casey heard footsteps that stopped abruptly. She turned and saw that Alex was there. He looked at the three of them and then held up a hand. “Yo.” He kept walking and entered the bathroom.

Casey looked back to Yull and Maxine. Maxine shook her head.

“What’s going on there?” Yull asked.

“Oh he dumped me the second we got out of here last night,” Maxine said, “Said he’s not into the whole ‘plastic surgery’ thing.”

Casey looked down. The last thing she wanted was to make Maxine feel worse. But she also thought that if Alex knew the truth he would understand, like she did now. She was afraid that even saying that much would tip her hand, though. She kept her eyes on the ground. Yull watched her.

“I’m gonna get going,” Maxine said.

“Thanks for telling me,” Casey replied.

Maxine forced a weak smile, turned, and walked away.

Which left Casey standing with Yull. A second later Alex Deal exited the bathroom. He walked over to them. “Brokering a peace deal?” Yull shot him a cold look in return. “Right,” Alex said. He looked to Casey. “See ya in a few.” He walked away.

Yull frowned. “Why’s he seeing you in a few?”

She hesitated, but then decided there was only one course to take. And that was lying. “Because we’re both going to be in the auditorium in a few. Duh.”

Yull narrowed his eyes.

“My bandmates are waiting.” She started to walk away.

“Casey.”

She stopped.

“Don’t play that song tomorrow night.”





33



On his couch, in his basement, one of Alex Deal’s hands was on Casey’s knee. The other played with her hair.

“I liked your song,” he said.

They left together as soon as rehearsal ended. There were no other band members with them that day. No need for practice. Instead they went downstairs and sat on the couch and Alex put the moves on her. She wasn’t as excited about his re-entry into her life as she had been earlier in the day, though. The truth about Maxine was ringing in her ears.

She inched away from him. “Why’d you blow me off at auditions?”

“I didn--”

“You totally did. You wouldn’t even speak to me.”

He paused. “Maxine was there. She and I were, I mean…”

Casey shook her head. “First Melanie, then Maxine. What, we’re going to go out for like a day and then some other girl comes along?”

“No.” But his eyes looked sheepish. “Look, sorry I’ve been a dick. I had an awesome time in the summer. You’re not like other girls.”

Casey folded her arms over her chest.

“I mean you’re pretty and all,” he added, “but you’re also funny and you can talk music. I just thought I should be dating another senior, or at least a junior.”

“Why?”

“Because we’d be in the same boat about college applications.”

Casey cocked her head to one side. Was it that, she wondered, or was it that his other senior friends, like Peter, would taunt him if he dated a sophomore? Or maybe just taunt him about her.

“And…” He stopped and looked down.

Suddenly Casey got what it also was. An upperclassman like Maxine or Melanie would sleep with him more easily because they had done it before. “And you think I’m a virgin?” she asked.

He rolled his eyes. “Come on, Casey. You don’t have to lie to me about it.” He took her hand. “But it doesn’t matter. I like you.”

His eyes weren’t as smooth as they usually were. No matter what Yull said or how Alex had acted she had a feeling, in that moment, that he was telling the truth. She would not, after all, have to change to be with him. And that was what she wanted: To be with him, in every way. But before she went there, there was one more thing she needed.

“Make me a playlist.”

Ever since she started making them for other people she wanted someone to make her one, to think about what songs she’d like and how they’d help her. To wonder if those songs were ones she had heard before.

“A playlist?” he repeated.

“It only has to be three songs long. But you’ll need to make it for me by tomorrow. Do that and I’ll let you get in my pants.”

“Are you always this frank?”

“What do you think?”



She had Alex drop her off at Ben’s house. She had texted Ben from the bathroom at Alex’s.

Emergency rehearsal at your place in exactly one half hour. This is mandatory. I’ll tell Sukh.

“Why’d you want us to get together?” Ben asked as soon as she walked in the door.

“I’ll tell you when Sukh gets here.”

“Tell me now.”

“No.”

He grabbed a magazine on the counter and began reading it.

“Mind if I help myself to some health food soda?” Casey asked.

“If you insist.”

“If you insist,” she mimicked.

He threw the magazine across the room. Casey froze. Ben losing it was a new one.

“You get him to drop you off at my house, don’t even tell me why you’re here, then make fun of me? You’re the one who’s a bitch.”

Casey placed the bottle of health food soda down on the counter gently. “Sorry.”

“No you’re not.”

“You kicked me out last night and barely said two words to me all day!”

He looked away. “You asked me about something I didn’t want to talk about last night.”

“Why not? What’s the deal with your Dad, Ben?”

“You like Alex Deal. Even if I hadn’t kicked you out last night you would’ve dropped me like a dirty shirt the second he showed interest in you again.”

Casey wanted to tell Ben he was wrong. Thing is, he wasn’t.

“That’s why I didn’t tell you about my Dad,” he continued, “Because you knowing and then dropping me would have royally sucked.”

“Me knowing what?”

Ben sighed. “Promise not to tell another soul in the world? Literally, not a soul?”

“Yes.”

“My Dad’s in jail.”

“What?”

“For forging checks. He’s what’s known as a confidence man.”

“A--?”

“A con man. He’s never had a real job. Always been in and out of shady business deals. The last time I saw him was two years ago. He asked me to lend him three hundred bucks from a check my grandparents gave me. I never saw that money again.”

“Wow,” Casey said, “So…” She stopped herself. She was going to ask why he said his Dad lived in Paris on the first day of school. Ben read her mind.

“Why’d I say he lives in Paris?”

“Yeah.”

“He did once, for like six months. What was I supposed to say? That my Dad’s in jail? You try being the new kid on the first day of school and throwing that one out for general consumption.”

Casey looked down.

“All I want is to not be like him,” he continued, “but sometimes I do things, like lie about him being in Paris, or make a joke a certain way, and I sound like him. And it totally freaks me out. So I always come back to this thing my Mom’s been saying for years, ever since she became a Buddhist. When in doubt, be good to people. It’s hard to go wrong as long as you follow that rule.” He shrugged. “That’s why I hated playing that song so much.”

Something about Ben occurred to her. “Eponymous,” she said.

“What?” he asked.

“An eponymous album’s a self-titled one. Like The Beatles’ The Beatles, even if it is more commonly known as The White Album.”

“I don’t get it.”

“You’re eponymous. Self-titled.”

The doorbell rang. Sukh was outside.



In Ben’s basement, Casey played the song she wrote for Alex Deal weeks earlier. It was scary to play something so much quieter and more personal than her other songs. But she felt comfortable in the wake of Ben telling her his secret. He trusted her with it and now she could trust them too. A few lines in, she relaxed. The looks on Sukh and Ben’s faces told her they liked it.

When she was done, Sukh whistled through his teeth. “An excellent song, Casey.”

Ben stared at her. Casey had a feeling he was trying to figure out who the song was written for. Then he nodded. “It was really good.”

“Glad you like it. Because we’re not gonna play the Maxine French song tomorrow night.”

“What?” Sukh asked.

“We’re playing that song instead.”

“But why?” he asked.

“Maxine told me something today that I told her I’d keep secret, and I will.” She glanced at Ben. “But let’s just say it made me think differently.”

“I like this new song you play for us tonight,” Sukh began, “It’s good. Maybe better than the other one. But it’s about, love, I think?”

She shot a quick look at Ben. He looked down.

“When we get up tomorrow night they will be expecting a rocker,” Sukh continued, “This song is not why they selected us.”

Casey bit her lip. She had not considered that angle.

“I disagree,” Ben said, “They selected us because they liked us as a band. And they’ll like us as much, if not more, if we play this song.”

They played it four times in a row until Ben and Sukh came up with bass and drum parts that sounded good. Casey didn’t get to talk to Ben again about what he told her. Yull was busy and thus her only way of getting home from Ben’s was hitching a ride with Sukh’s older sister. But when she got home she sent him an email.

Thanks for telling me what you told me. And not to fear, your secret’s safe with me.

He did not respond, but something happened after she sent it that distracted her. Tricia entered her room, without knocking, and began to speak about a packet of pot brownies.