24
THE PLANE BRAD, DYLAN, AND JASON WERE ON touched down in San Francisco on the seventeenth of July. And as Brad turned to smile at Jason, sitting next to him, he saw that his son was crying.
“I never thought I'd come home again, Dad,” he said through his tears, as Brad squeezed his hand. He didn't want to tell him he had feared the same thing. But they were home safe and sound. And Pam was waiting at the airport for them. She threw her arms around Jason, and hugged Dylan, and Brad left them to get the bags, without saying a word to her. Pam and the boys chatted endlessly in the limo. Pam asked a million questions, and she kept staring at Jason, as though to make sure he was really there.
The boys were obviously happy to see their mother, as she was to see them. And Brad said very little on the ride home in the limousine. She waited until the boys had gone upstairs, and then she turned to him.
“You're really angry, aren't you?” she asked him bluntly. He hadn't gone near her in the airport, and when she had tried to hug him, he walked away. He wasn't playing the game with her anymore.
“No, Pam. Actually, I'm not. I'm done.”
“What does that mean?” She looked stunned.
“Just what it sounds like. It's not up to me to forgive you for not coming to Africa, it's up to Jason. But I know I can't be married to you anymore. We were crazy to stay married as long as we did. Neither of us has been in it for a long, long time. You're not there for me. You're not even there for our kids. I don't want to live a lie anymore. I watched our son nearly die in an outpost of civilization. Everyone says it's a miracle he's alive. Without that miracle, there wasn't a damn thing I could have done to save him. I was sitting there just watching him slip away. I don't know where you were, or why, or why you weren't there. But the truth is, I no longer care, and I never will again. You deserve better than that from me. And I deserved a lot better from you. If we don't have it to give each other, we might as well quit. We should have long ago.”
“Brad, this works for us. It always did,” she said reasonably, but he could hear an edge of panic in her voice.
“Maybe. For all the wrong reasons. Mostly because we were too lazy and scared to do anything else. That's not a good enough reason to stay married. At least not for me.” He had finally let go of what his parents had done. He realized it wasn't about them. It was about him and Pam. And no one else. Not even Faith
“Do you have something better now?” she asked with accusation creeping into her voice. But it didn't work on him. Not anymore.
“I have no idea. But I know what we don't have. You and I have absolutely nothing with each other, Pam. You know it as well as I do. That's good enough for me. This marriage is dead, and it has been for a long time. It's time to bury it. It died years ago. And I'm no longer willing to die with it. You get one turn here. One. And we've been wasting ours. I figured that out one day at about five o'clock in the morning in an African village with a name I can't even pronounce. And I promised myself that when I came home I would tell you I'm out. It's time to be honest about this.”
“You're just emotional because of Jason. It was very traumatic for all of you,” she said, hoping to calm him down. She wasn't prepared for what he'd said, although she'd expected him to be upset. But not to this extent. She had counted on his good nature to make him understand.
“Yes, it was traumatic,” he agreed calmly. She was getting nowhere with him. “Lucky for you that you weren't there. Except the funny thing is, I feel sorry for you that you weren't. It was the most beautiful experience of my life. And something none of us will ever forget. You missed it, Pam. Completely. You stayed here safe and sound, and comfortable. You missed the boat.”
“I know I did,” she said sadly. But the truth was, she had felt relieved not to go, and to leave it to him. It had been something she just didn't want to do. “I'm sorry, Brad.”
“Me too.” And he meant it. “We probably never should have gotten married. But at least we've got great kids.”
“Are you serious about this?” It was beginning to dawn on her that he meant it, and the thought panicked her. She was used to being married to him. It was a habit she had relied on for years, but not much more than that.
“I'm totally serious.” His face said he was.
“What are you going to do?” she asked in a small voice.
“I'll move out when I come home. I'm leaving for New York tonight on the red-eye.”
“What are you going to do there?” She looked suspicious, but he had nothing to hide from her.
“I'm going to see Faith. I have a lot to ask her. And to say.”
“I always knew you were in love with her,” Pam said, looking both victorious and annoyed, but nothing more. This wasn't about her heart. It hadn't been in years.
“You're smarter than I am. I figured it out not long ago. I have no idea if she'll have me, but I'm going to give it a try. If I'm a lucky man, she will.” Pam stood and stared at him in silence and nodded. She could see there was no fighting him.
“Have you told the boys?”
“I thought we'd do that together when I get back.”
“How long will you be gone?”
“It depends on what happens.” He had been totally honest with her. She knew as much as he did at this point. He felt he owed her that. And it was more than she'd given him. “A few days, maybe a week. We'll see. I'll let you know.”
“I'd like to tell my father before we tell the boys.”
“That's fine.”
“Does she know you're coming?” Pam was curious now.
“No, she doesn't.” Pam nodded, and a minute later she left the room. She looked startled and unhappy, but she never shed a tear, or asked him to change his mind. She knew he was gone.
Brad spent the afternoon with Jason and Dylan, and he called the two attorneys who'd been covering his cases. They'd gotten continuances for him on almost everything, except for one minor case that had gone well. He promised both of them he'd be back in another week. And then he had a lot of catching up to do, and he'd have to move. As Alex had done with Faith, although with less grace, Brad was giving her the house. It wasn't worth fighting for. None of it was. They had lived an illusion for too many years. Now he wanted something real.
He told the boys that evening that he was leaving for New York, and they seemed surprised, but not upset. He had spent the last two months with them, giving them all he had. And he hugged them both and told them he'd see them in a week. And he stopped in their bedroom to see Pam, but she had gone out. She had long-standing dinner plans with friends. Brad packed a fresh suitcase, and left for the airport in time to catch the red-eye, and he fell asleep almost as soon as the flight took off. And the flight attendant woke him just before they landed in New York. It was six A.M., and there was a spectacular sunrise over New York.
He was at the house on East Seventy-fourth Street at seven o'clock. He hadn't spoken to her since London, but he assumed she was home. He hadn't wanted to say anything more to her until he saw her face-to-face. And with a feeling of trepidation, he rang the bell. He knew as he stood there that his whole life was about to change, either way.
He was startled to see the twin of the girl he had grown up with open the door. It was like turning back the clock. It was Zoe. She was the image of Faith at the same age. And she looked half asleep, wrapped in a pink robe.
“Hi, I'm sorry to wake you,” he apologized, looking slightly nervous, and she noticed instantly how handsome he was. “I'm here to see your mother. My name is Brad Patterson. I just flew in from San Francisco. Is she awake?”
“The rosary guy,” she said with a sleepy smile, and pulled open the door to let him in. “I'll go tell her you're here. Did she know you were coming?” She hadn't told Zoe a thing. And he shook his head. “Oh… a surprise …” And then she looked at him oddly. “Do you want to wake her up yourself?” She thought her mother might like that. And without ever having talked to him, Zoe knew she liked him. He looked like a nice man.
“Maybe I'll do that,” he said, accepting her invitation, and hoping Faith wouldn't be upset. He walked up the stairs, knocked softly on the door of her room, and then opened it and walked in. He stood there as she rolled over slowly in bed with her eyes closed. He had never seen a more beautiful sight in his life. And as she opened her eyes, she saw him. For a long minute, she wasn't sure if he was a dream. And he didn't move from where he stood. He just stood there smiling at her.
“What are you doing here?” She sat up in bed in her nightgown and stared at him.
“I came to see you, Fred,” he said simply.
“I thought you were going back to San Francisco.”
“I did. Yesterday.”
“When did you get here?”
“About an hour ago.”
“I don't understand.”
“Neither did I. It took me a hell of a long time to figure it out. I hope you're not as slow as I was. I wasted a lot of years. I should have run off with you when you were fourteen.”
“Jack would have killed you,” she smiled sleepily at him.
“Eighteen, then.”
“That would have been better.” She patted the bed next to her, momentarily forgetting her resolve not to see him again. And he accepted the invitation and sat down.
“I love you, Fred.”
“I love you too,” she said honestly, “but it's not going to do us much good. I can't see you anymore. Or talk to you. I made up my mind.”
“That's too bad.” But he didn't look disappointed yet. There was a lot she didn't know. “Why is that?”
“You're married, and I don't want to ruin your life. I prayed about it the whole time you were gone.”
“What did you pray for?”
“Wisdom. And courage. The wisdom to know what to do. And the courage to do it when I did. We don't have any choice.”
“I'm getting divorced.”
“You are?” Her eyes opened wide. “How did that happen… or when?”
“I figured it out in Africa, when Pam didn't come. I don't want to live a lie anymore. I can't. I told Pam. I'm done. How does that fit into your plans?”
“I don't know.” She looked stunned. “I thought you were married for life.” It was what he had always said.
“So did I. It doesn't make sense anymore. We do. That's not why I did it, but it's what I want, Fred. Do you? … Could you? …”
“Are you serious?” She couldn't believe her ears or her eyes.
“That's why I came. To see you. To work it out. To make plans. Will you marry me?”
“Do you mean that? Are you sure?” But she could see that he was, just as Pam had seen it the night before. There was no doubt in his mind that all he wanted was Faith. She was the woman he loved.
“Stop asking me questions, and give me an answer … now!” he said, trying to look fierce, but she laughed. She remembered that face from when he was twelve and she was ten.
“Okay … okay … yes.”
“Yes?” Now he looked stunned.
“Yes!” He reached out to kiss her, and she hopped away from him out of her bed. “You can't kiss me.”
“Why not?” He looked upset. “Are you going to marry me or not?”
“I told you I was … am …” They sounded like kids again, and she had never been as happy in her life, nor had he.
“Then why won't you kiss me?”
“I have to brush my teeth first. Then we can get engaged.”
She closed the bathroom door, and he lay on the bed and grinned, as Zoe wandered by, and poked her head in.
“How did it go?”
“Pretty good,” he smiled at her.
“Where's Mom?”
“In the bathroom, brushing her teeth.” Zoe nodded, she felt as though she had known him forever. He was that kind of guy. And she'd been hearing about him for months.
“Good luck,” Zoe said, and went back to her room, as Faith came out of the bathroom with clean teeth and combed hair, and a robe over her nightgown.
And with that, Brad got up and walked over to her, and pulled her into his arms. “I love you, Fred,” he whispered, so she would remember his saying it one day. He wanted her to remember this for the rest of her life, because it was what they had both been waiting for and never had.
“I love you too,” she whispered back. And he kissed her for a very long time. It was what they had both hoped and never quite believed. It was the answer to their prayers. Sometimes prayers take a long time to be answered, but the right ones are.