13
ON CHRISTMAS MORNING, FAITH AND ZOE AND ALEX exchanged their gifts. Zoe had bought her mother a terrific leather backpack to use at school, and a long wool scarf so she'd look like one of the kids. And Alex had bought Faith a pretty gold bracelet at Cartier. She had given him a new suit, and some shirts and ties. And she'd given Zoe tiny diamond studs for her ears. All their gifts to each other were a great success. And their Christmas dinner was peaceful and uneventful, although they all admitted they missed Eloise. Faith had cooked a turkey, with her famous stuffing that they all loved, but somehow three at the dining table seemed a little sparse. They tried to call Eloise, but she was out when they called, and by the end of the day, Faith was feeling a little sad. She didn't like the idea that her family was shrinking, even for a year, although Ellie had promised that she'd be home for the holidays next year. And Brad called her right after they finished dinner, to thank her for her handsome gift. She answered the phone in the kitchen, while she was cleaning up. Alex and Zoe were sitting in the living room, drinking coffee, and talking, and admiring the tree. It was a rare civilized moment between them and Faith was relieved. She thought it might be Eloise when she answered the phone, and was surprised to hear Brad.
“Thank you for my wonderful books. They're incredible. They're going to be the best-looking thing in my office, Fred. Thank you so much.” He had been very proud of them when he unwrapped them, and very touched. And he had been careful to open them when he was by himself, to avoid unnecessary comment from Pam.
“They're not as beautiful as my rosary beads,” she said happily. It had been hard to find the right gift for him. She didn't want to give him anything too personal, and everything else she'd looked at seemed wrong. The books seemed to strike the right note between them. They were special and valuable, but not too intimate, almost like a symbol of what existed between them, although she had known him long enough to be outrageous if she chose, but she thought she had better not.
“I went to church last night,” he volunteered. “At St. Dominic's, and I lit candles for you and Jack at the altar of Saint Jude. He's your guy, right?”
“He's my guy,” she smiled. “That's really nice. Who'd you go with?” He had told her Pam was an atheist, and she couldn't imagine that she had gone too.
“I went by myself. What about you?” But in truth, he felt as though he had gone with her and Jack. He had felt their presence with him during the entire mass.
“Zoe met me at church. It was nice, just the two of us. We walked home afterward, and it started to snow. The perfect Christmas Eve.”
“How was Christmas dinner?”
“It was okay. It's kind of small with just the three of us. I'll be happier when Ellie's home next year. What about you?”
“The entire state of California is coming to dinner in black tie in two hours. I can hardly wait. It's so intimate and meaningful. Really kind of touches your heart to see a hundred near-strangers stampeding through your living room, shoving hors d'oeuvres down their throats and guzzling champagne. It really reminds you of the true meaning of Christmas. It's a shame you're not here.” She laughed at the description, and couldn't even begin to imagine it. As quiet as their Christmas had been, his seemed even worse. “Pam has a real knack for creating intimate gatherings that make people feel special for being here,” he teased, wishing he could be there with her, although that certainly would have been awkward and hard to explain, even to her.
“Maybe you can just give in to it, and have some fun, and not expect it to be anything more than it is,” she suggested, trying to be helpful.
“That's kind of what I do. That, and a lot of white wine. These gatherings are a little tough to stomach if you don't drink.” She had noticed he drank very little when they had dinner, so she could hardly imagine him getting drunk, even in self-defense. “What are you doing tonight?”
“Going to bed.”
“Lucky you. I'll call you tomorrow, or send you an e-mail.” He was going back to work the next day, and he was relieved that he was. He had had enough of the holidays, without the boys they meant nothing to him.
“Merry Christmas, Brad. Have a nice time tonight. You may be pleasantly surprised.”
“Maybe so,” he said, sounding vague, and thinking of her.
They hung up, and she cleaned up the kitchen, and as she was finishing Zoe came in, and asked for some money to go to the movies with her friends.
“Just take what you need out of my purse,” she said as she dried her hands, and hung up the apron she had worn over a black silk dress and a string of pearls. She had worn her blond hair in a French twist, and looked like a young Grace Kelly when she did. She pointed to the handbag she had left on one of the kitchen chairs the night before, when she came home from church. Zoe fished around for a minute, and then looked up at her.
“What are these?” She was holding the rosary beads from Brad. They had fallen out of the little satin pouch and were loose in her purse.
“They're rosary beads,” Faith said matter-of-factly She'd had them in her hands at mass the night before, but Zoe hadn't noticed them.
“I've never seen them before. Where'd you get them, Mom?” Zoe was curious. As though she had a sixth sense.
“They were a Christmas present from a friend.”
“A friend?” Zoe made a face, it sounded like an odd story to her, and then she understood. “Omigod, don't tell me that guy you grew up with sent you rosary beads, Mom?”
“It's not exactly a shocking gift. It seems pretty respectable to me.”
“Yeah, if the guy is in love with you. No one else would even know to send you something that would mean that much to you … and they look expensive too.”
“They're antiques, and you have a twisted mind. The poor guy tried to send me something religious and respectable, and eminently appropriate for Christmas, and you interpret it as a sign that he's in love with me. I love you, Zoe, but you're sick.” Faith smiled innocently at her.
“I am not. I'm right. You'll see. Actually, that's a pretty cool gift.” Zoe looked impressed.
“Yes, it is. But do you suppose that you could readjust your thinking to accept the idea that I'm married, I love your father, and no one else is in love with me? That might be a wholesome twist.”
“Maybe, but it's not true. This guy is crazy about you, Mom. Look at that, those are emeralds and rubies on that rosary, even if they are little ones. He must be a pretty cool guy.”
“He is, and a good friend. I hope you meet him again one day.”
“Me too.” She put the rosary beads back in her mother's bag, and helped herself to twenty dollars, for the movies with her friends.
“I'll cash a check tomorrow and give you some money. And by the way,” she came over to give her daughter a hug, “I love my backpack and scarf. I'm going to be the coolest kid in school.”
“Yes, you are, Mom. And all the boys are going to fall in love with you.”
Faith rolled her eyes. “You're obsessed.” The whole concept of Brad falling in love with her seemed silly to Faith. And offensive in a way. It disregarded the gift of his friendship and made it seem less than it was, and it was very important to her. She had no sense that he was in love with her, nor she with him. They were just very, very good friends, whether Zoe believed that or not.
Zoe went out a few minutes later, and Faith went to sit with Alex next to the tree. He was sipping a glass of port, and relaxing, lost in his own thoughts.
“Thank you for the nice dinner,” he said to Faith generously.
“Thank you for a beautiful bracelet,” she said, giving him a kiss on the cheek, but as always, he didn't respond. As far as Alex was concerned, displays of affection belonged in bed, at their appointed hour, and nowhere else. Anywhere else, they embarrassed him. And they no longer happened in bed very often either anymore.
“I'm glad you like it,” he looked pleased. “I love my suits, and shirts, and ties. You have terrific taste. You always pick out better things than I could pick out for myself.” It was a nice compliment, and they had a nice time sitting by the fire. He said he had had a nice chat with Zoe before she went out, which they both knew was rare.
Alex and Faith spent a surprisingly pleasant evening together, and they went upstairs after a while. It hadn't been an exciting Christmas for any of them, but it had been a pleasant day. They watched television for a while, and Alex had been thinking of making love to her, but he fell asleep in front of the TV, and she smiled at him. They had such an odd life. They weren't old, either of them, but they led a life of old people. Sometimes she felt now as though her whole life lay behind her, and not ahead.
It was the same feeling Brad had when he went to bed that night. It had been an exhausting evening for him, playing host to a hundred people he didn't give a damn about, and playing consort to Pam, in her endless social ambitions and endeavors. He couldn't even begin to imagine spending the rest of his life doing it, and yet he knew he would. It was what he had signed on for twenty-five years before, and where, whatever it cost him, he was going to stay. But living it was harder and more depressing than he had ever dreamed.