A Christmas Bride

CHAPTER FOUR

AFTER THE KING left and dinner was finished, Kayleen sent the girls back to their suite while she lingered behind to speak with As’ad.

There are just a couple of things I need to discuss with you,” she told him when they were alone.

I’m learning that with you, there always are.”

She wasn’t sure what he meant by that, so decided to ignore the comment. “It’s only about six weeks until Christmas,” she said. “We have to start planning. I don’t know what happens here at the palace, but this is the girls’ first Christmas without either of their parents. We have to do something.”

He studied her for a long time. “El Deharia is a very open country. All faiths are celebrated here. No one will object if you wish to set up a tree in your suite.”

It’s more than that,” she said, telling herself there was no reason to be afraid, even though As’ad was much taller than her and having to look up to meet his gaze gave her a crick in her neck. “You need to participate.”

He looked shocked. “I do not.”

She’d had a feeling he would be difficult.

You’ve always had family,” she pointed out. “Your brothers, your aunt, your father. These girls have no one. The holidays are going to be sad and scary and they’re going to feel so alone.”

Kayleen spoke from experience. She still remembered waking up on Christmas morning and feeling an ache in her chest. No matter how many presents had been donated to the orphanage, no matter how the nuns tried, there hadn’t been family.

She hadn’t even had the dream that a wonderful couple would find her and want to adopt her. She had plenty of relatives—just no one who wanted her.

They need traditions, both old and new,” she continued. “They need to feel welcome and loved.”

His expression tightened. “Then you will take care of that.”

But you’re their father now.”

I am someone who agreed to let them live here. Kayleen, these girls are your responsibility, not mine. Do not cross this line with me.”

I don’t understand. You were so great with them at dinner. Are you telling me that was just an act? That you don’t care?”

I have compassion. I have honor. That will be enough.”

Was he kidding? “That’s not enough. It will never be enough. We’re talking about children, As’ad. Lost, lonely children. They deserve more. They deserve to be loved.” She wasn’t just talking about the children—she was talking about herself. The difference was she’d already given up her dreams.

Then they will have to find that love in you.”

She took a step back. Her throat tightened and her cheeks were hot. “You’re saying you don’t plan to love them?”

He might as well have said he was going to kill them in their sleep!

I will honor my responsibilities. In doing so, it is necessary for me to be strong. Emotion is weakness. You are a woman—I don’t expect you to understand. Just trust me, it is so. I will see to the girls’ needs. You can take care of their hearts.”

She didn’t know what to say or where to begin to argue with him. “That’s the craziest thing I’ve ever heard,” she told him. “Love isn’t weakness. It’s strength and power. The ability to give means you can be more, not less.”

He actually smiled at her. “Your passion is a testament to your caring. That’s excellent.”

So it’s okay for me to have emotions, but not you? Because you’re a man?”

More than a man,” he reminded her. “A prince. I have responsibilities for others. It is my duty to stay strong, to not be swayed by something as changeable as feelings.”

Without compassion, there can be no judgment,” she snapped. “Without feelings, you’re only a machine. A good ruler feels for his people.”

You cannot understand.”

And you can’t mean this.”

I assure you, I do.” He took her arm and walked her to the door. “Celebrate Christmas however you wish. You have my permission.”

Can I have your head on a stick instead?” she muttered as she jerked free and walked out into the hallway.

Of all the stupid, annoying things she’d ever heard. He wasn’t going to feel anything because he was a prince? But it was okay for her because she was a woman?

No way,” she told herself as she headed back to her own rooms. “Something is going to change around here and it isn’t going to be me.”

* * *

IT’S SO EGOTISTICAL,” Kayleen ranted the next morning as she paced the length of her living room. “So two hundred years ago. He gets to be in charge because he’s a man? What does that make the rest of us? Chattel? I’m so angry, I want to throw him in the dungeon until he begs. I’m smart. I’m capable. And I have a heart. Why can’t he see that emotions give us depth? They define us. Are all men so stupid? I have to tell you, Lina, the more I see of the world, the more I long for the convent.”

Her friend smiled at her. “Is it possible your energy and intensity on this topic is one of the reasons you weren’t called to serve in that way?”

That’s what I was always told when I was growing up. I was too passionate about things. Too willing to go my own way. It’s just when I see an injustice, I can’t stop to think. I act.”

As you did with Tahir.”

Kayleen remembered the tall chieftain who had wanted to take the girls. “Exactly.”

Life does not always move on your timetable,” Lina said. “You need to be patient.”

Don’t act impulsively,” Kayleen said, knowing she’d heard the same advice a thousand times before.

Exactly.” Lina patted the seat next to her. “As’ad is a product of his world. His father taught all his sons to avoid emotion. To think logically. While my brother grieved after his wife died, he chose not to show that to the boys. In front of them, he went on, as if unmoved by her passing. In my opinion it was the wrong lesson.”

Kayleen agreed. “Because of that, As’ad won’t care?” She didn’t wait for an answer. “He’s not stupid. Why can’t he see the truth all around him?”

He has been trained for a specific purpose. His is a life of service, in a way, but with ultimate power and ego. You haven’t met his brothers, but they are all like him. Strong, determined men who see little virtue in love. It’s probably why none of them have married.”

But love is strength and a great gift,” Kayleen said as she sat on the sofa. “He has to love the girls. They need that. They deserve it. He would be better because of it. Happier. Besides, there’s a ticking clock here.”

Lina frowned. “You’re still leaving?”

I can go back on my twenty-fifth birthday. That’s less than four months away.”

But you have the girls now.”

I know.” Kayleen hadn’t worked that part out. “They’ll get settled and then As’ad can bring in someone else.”

She spoke bravely, but the words sounded a little feeble, even to her.

I’m surprised,” Lina admitted. “When you asked As’ad to adopt the girls, I thought you were taking on the responsibility with him. This isn’t like you, Kayleen. To retreat from the world.”

The world isn’t always a fun place. I want to go back to where I belong.” Where she’d grown up. It was the only home she’d ever known. “I can teach there.” That was the deal. She had to stay away until she was twenty-five. Then she could return to the convent school forever.

You can be a mother here.”

Not really. It’s just a game. When the girls are older, As’ad will have no use for me. Besides, if he doesn’t want to get involved, maybe I can take them with me.”

I assume my nephew doesn’t know about your plan to leave.”

I haven’t mentioned it.”

When will you?”

Soon. It’s not as if he’ll miss me or anything.”

Kayleen had always wondered what it would be like to be missed by someone. By a man. To be cared for. Loved, even.

Things change,” Lina told her. “You have a responsibility to the girls.”

I know.”

Would you walk away from them so easily?”

Kayleen shook her head. “No. It won’t be easy. Sometimes I do think about staying.” She didn’t know what was right. Her plan had always been to go back. Being here with the three sisters had changed everything.

Was Lina right? Did she, Kayleen, have a responsibility to the children? Should she give up her dreams for them? Could she go back later? When the girls were older?

Three weeks ago, she’d known all the answers and now she knew none. Her instinct was to go talk to As’ad about all this. But that made no sense. He was a man who didn’t listen to his heart and she had always believed the truth could be found there.

My head is spinning. Enough about this. Let’s change the subject.”

All right.” Lina smiled slowly. “Hassan is coming here.”

Kayleen stared at her friend. “The king of Bahania? The one you’ve been talking to all this time?”

I can’t believe it, either. I just... We were talking and he said he liked the sound of my laughter and now he’s coming here.”

Kayleen hugged her. “That’s wonderful. I’m so happy. You’ve been shut up in this palace for years. Good for you.”

I’m scared,” Lina admitted. “I thought my life was all planned out. I helped my brother raise his sons, I have my charity work. I was waiting to be a great-aunt. Suddenly there’s this wonderful man offering me something I thought I’d lost. There are possibilities. Am I too old for possibilities?”

Never,” Kayleen said fiercely. “The heart is never too old. At least it isn’t in all those romantic movies.”

I hope not. I married young and I was so in love. Then he was killed and I never planned to love again. I’m the sister to the king. It’s difficult to date. After a while, I stopped wanting to. Then Hassan and I started talking and suddenly I’m alive again.” Lina took Kayleen’s hands. “I want this for you. I at least experienced falling in love when I was young, but you’ve never had that.”

Kayleen squirmed. “I’m not good with men.”

You don’t try. How many dates did you go on before you gave up? Five? Six?”

Kayleen cleared her throat, then pulled her hands free. “One and a half.”

You’re too young to lock yourself away in that convent school of yours.”

Because I would meet so many men here at the palace?”

You’d meet some. More than you would there. There are many young men in the palace. I would be happy to introduce you to one or two of them.”

I don’t know.... I work for As’ad. As nanny to his children.”

Why would he mind you dating?”

He wouldn’t.” Not that she enjoyed admitting that truth.

Then think about what I said. Wouldn’t it be wonderful to fall in love?”

* * *

AS’AD LOOKED UP as his brother Qadir walked into his office. “I must speak with Neil about keeping out people who don’t have appointments.”

Qadir ignored that. “I am back from Paris, where the city is still beautiful, as are the women. You should have come with me. You have been locked up here working for far too long.”

As’ad had spent two sleepless nights unable to rest for the need burning inside. Worse, when he closed his eyes, the woman he saw satisfying his ache was Kayleen. An impossible situation. The nanny and a virgin?

You are right, my brother,” he said as he rose and greeted Qadir. “I should have gone with you. There have been changes since you were last here.”

I heard.” Qadir settled on a corner of his desk. “Three daughters? What were you thinking?”

That I had been placed in an impossible situation and this was the easiest way out.”

I find that hard to believe. There had to be another solution.”

None was presented.”

Qadir shook his head. “To raise children that are not your own. At least they are girls.”

There is the added advantage of our father now believing I am occupied with my new family and therefore cannot be expected to look for a wife.”

Lucky bastard.”

Indeed. Perhaps now he will focus more of his attention on you.”

He has already begun,” Qadir grumbled. “There is to be a state function in a few weeks. Several likely candidates are to be paraded before me, like very attractive cattle.”

As’ad grinned. “I, of course, will be busy with my family.”

* * *

AS’AD TURNED THE corner to walk to his rooms and saw all three girls huddled by his door. They wore riding clothes and boots. When they saw him they ran to him.

You have to help!” Dana told him.

It’s terrible. Please!” Nadine begged.

Pepper simply cried.

He stared at the three of them. “What happened?”

We went riding,” Dana told him, her blue eyes wide and filled with fear and guilt. “We might have been gone longer than we were supposed to, but we were fine. We were only a little late. But Kayleen got worried and came after us, even though we had a groom with us. She went out by herself and she’s not back yet.”

Pepper brushed her hand across her face as she tugged on the bottom of his suit jacket. “She’s not a very good rider. She gets thrown a lot. What if she’s hurt and it’s all our fault?”

As’ad’s first thought was that he regretted that whoever had let Kayleen go out by herself could not be flogged. Sometimes he missed the old ways. His second was the low-grade worry at the thought of a defenseless young woman alone in the desert. It was not a place to be traveled lightly.

The girls crowded close, as if seeking comfort from him. Although he had no time for this, he resisted the urge to push them away and instead awkwardly patted them on their shoulders.

All will be well,” he told them. “I will find Kayleen and return her to you.”

Promise?” Pepper asked, her lashes spiky from her tears.

He crouched down until he could look her in the eye. “I am Prince As’ad of El Deharia. My word is law.”

Pepper sniffed. “Promise?”

He gave her a slight smile. “I promise.”

Ten minutes later the girls were settled with Lina and he was in the garage, sliding into an open Jeep. The desert was a vast space and in theory, Kayleen could be anywhere. But in truth, an inexperienced rider would stick to trails and not get far. Unless she had been thrown.

He did not allow himself to consider that option. He would find her and if she were hurt, he would deal with the situation as it arose.

He found the riding trail easily. He had been taking it all his life. As it bent to the left, he considered how far Kayleen might have traveled, then accelerated. A mere ten miles into the desert was the permanent outpost of a local tribe. If Kayleen kept to the trail, she would end up there.

He drove slowly, checking the area for signs of any accident, or a woman walking without a horse, but found nothing. At the outskirts of the outpost he saw a cluster of people gathered around a petite woman with flaming red hair. She was holding on to a horse and gesturing wildly.

As’ad eased the Jeep to a stop and picked up the satellite phone. When he was connected with his aunt, he informed her he had found Kayleen and that she appeared fine.

Will you be coming right back?” Lina asked.

As’ad considered. “I believe we’ll stay for dinner.”

That’s fine. I’ll put the girls to bed. Thanks for letting me know. They were worried.”

He disconnected the call and parked, then walked toward the crowd.

Kayleen saw him and excused herself from the group, then raced toward him. When she was close enough, she launched herself at him.

He caught her and held her against him as she trembled in his embrace.

You came,” she breathed. “It’s the girls. They’re gone. They were late and we had no way to get in touch with them and I was so worried, so I took a horse out myself. I found this village, but no one speaks English and I can’t tell if they’ve seen the girls. What if something happened to them? I’ll never forgive myself.”

She was distraught and panicked and surprisingly beautiful. Her hazel eyes darkened with emotion and her cheeks were flushed. Impulsively, he bent down and lightly brushed her mouth with his.

They’re fine,” he told her. “All three of them returned unharmed. You are the one who is missing.”

What?” She drew in a breath. “They’re all right?”

Perfectly fine, although suffering from guilt for causing you distress. Kayleen, the girls are good riders. The head groom took them out himself to confirm that. They also had someone with them. Why did you feel it necessary to go rescue them yourself?”

I don’t know. I was worried and I acted.”

Impulsively.”

She glanced down. “Yes, well, that’s an ongoing problem.”

So it seems.”

She looked around and noticed the villagers gathered close. “Oh.” She pulled back.

As’ad let her go, but only reluctantly. She had felt good in his arms. He wanted to kiss her again—but thoroughly and without an audience. He wanted to push aside her unattractive clothing and touch the soft skin beneath. Instead he stepped back and turned to greet Sharif, the village chieftain.

She is your woman?” Sharif asked.

Kayleen spun toward the old man. “You speak English? You stood there, pretending not to understand and you speak English?”

They don’t know you,” As’ad told her. “They were being cautious.”

What about desert hospitality? What about claiming sanctuary or asylum or something?”

Did you?” he asked.

Kayleen pressed her lips together. “No. I was asking if they’d seen the girls. They wouldn’t answer and they weren’t speaking English.”

As’ad glanced at Sharif. “She is mine.”

Then you are both welcome. You will stay and eat with us?”

It is an honor.”

Arrangements will be made.”

Arrangements?” Kayleen asked. “What arrangements? And what’s all this about being your woman? I’m your nanny. There’s a really big difference.”

He took her by the elbow and led her to the Jeep. “It makes things easier if they think you belong to me. Otherwise you would be fair game for every man here. You’re very exotic. They would find that tempting.”

Kayleen didn’t know what to say to that. She was so far from exotic that if they put her picture on that page in the dictionary, it would have a circle with a line drawn through it over her face. She couldn’t imagine a man ever being tempted by her.

It was the hair, she thought with a sigh. Bright red hair tended to call attention to itself.

Fear not,” As’ad told her. “I have claimed you. You are safe.”

She shivered slightly, but not in fear. It was more from the memory of the brief kiss he’d given her when he’d first arrived. An unexpected and warm touch of his lips on hers. She’d been shocked by the contact, but not in a scary way. More surprised, but pleased.

We’re staying for dinner,” he said.

I got that.”

It’s the polite thing to do.”

She looked around at the tidy camp. “I don’t mind. I like it here, out in the desert. Although it would be nice if they didn’t pretend not to understand me.”

They are private people. You rode in from nowhere, babbling about missing children. They were cautious.”

She narrowed her gaze. “I do not babble.”

He raised an eyebrow.

Not often,” she amended. “I was scared. I thought the girls were lost.”

You were not equipped to find them, yet you went after them.”

Someone had to.”

Perhaps one of the grooms. Or you could have called me.”

Oh. Right. “I didn’t think of that. I’m not used to having resources.”

Perhaps next time you will consider that you do.”

It would take some getting used to. “You came after me yourself,” she said. “You could have sent one of the grooms.”

The girls were most distressed to think they were the cause of your being gone. Coming after you myself seemed the quickest way to allay their fears.”

It was a little impulsive. You have resources, too.”

You mock me?”

Maybe.”

A dangerous path.”

I’m not afraid.”

Something flashed in his eyes. Something dark and primitive that made her heart flutter. She didn’t know if she should throw herself at him or run into the desert, so she stood her ground.

So what do you think is for dinner?”

* * *

THE WOMEN OF the village prepared a rich stew with lots of vegetables and a flat bread that smelled so good it made Kayleen’s mouth water. She did her best to be friendly and polite, helping with the cooking as much as the women in the camp would let her.

Zarina, Sharif’s oldest daughter, was the only one who would speak to her in English.

Am I really that scary?” Kayleen asked quietly as she stirred the stew.

You are different. From the city and from another country. You do not know our ways.”

I could learn.”

Zarina, a dark-haired beauty with a flashing smile, laughed. “Give up your comforts to roam the desert? I do not think so.”

Comforts don’t matter to me,” Kayleen told her. She would give up many things to belong somewhere.

Yet you live in the palace with the prince.”

It’s a long story and I don’t live with him. I take care of...” She shook her head. “It’s a really long story.”

Zarina glanced at As’ad where he sat with the leaders of the tribe. “The prince is handsome. If I were not happily married, I might try to steal him from you.”

Kayleen started to say he wasn’t hers to steal, but figured there was no point. “He’s nice.”

Zarina laughed. “Not nice. No man worth having is nice. As’ad is a desert warrior. He takes what he wants, but then he protects those he claims. He is a strong man. A powerful husband. You have chosen well.”

A lion of the desert? As’ad? He was strong and powerful and he did seem to take care of those around him. His presence here was proof of that. But a dangerous animal? She didn’t believe that. As for her choosing him...as if.

He looked up and met her gaze, then rose and approached. “What troubles you, Kayleen?”

Nothing. I was just thinking. Zarina says it’s good she’s happily married, otherwise she would steal you from me.”

He laughed. “She is a beautiful woman.”

Kayleen didn’t like that answer. “You and I don’t have that kind of relationship.”

So you would not mind if she and I...”

No,” Kayleen said carefully, even as a knot formed in her stomach. It was hard and hot and made her feel uncomfortable. “You have a family now. You should be with someone.”

You suggest Zarina?”

She’s already married.”

I am Prince As’ad of El Deharia. I can have whomever I choose.”

How annoyingly arrogant. “I don’t think so. You’re just a man. There are women who would say no to you.”

He moved closer. “Who would that be?”

She stood at straight as she could, tilted her head back and glared at him. “Me, for one. I’m not interested.”

His smile was slow, sexy and confident beyond measure. “You think so.”

Absolutely.”

I see.”

He reached toward her. Before she knew what he intended, he pulled her close and kissed her.