“I’m sorry you had to go through that,” I said.
“I learned a lot from it.” He threaded his fingers with mine and looked down again at our hands. “Anyway, to answer your question, despite the fact that in her letter she asked me to look after you, I never considered doing it, because it didn’t make any sense—some strange guy you’ve never met showing up at your door, asking if you’re okay? You didn’t even know me. I didn’t see how that would help you. So I decided against it.”
“What changed?”
“As the years went on, I still couldn’t shake what happened. I couldn’t change anything about the past. One day I woke up and realized maybe the only way to rid myself of the guilt was to do what she’d asked. It felt like the least I could do for her. So, I looked you up more than a year ago and found out about this rental situation. I planned carefully so I could book my stay far enough in advance to get a spot this summer. I was pretty shocked when I was able to reserve it for the whole summer, but I decided to go for it.”
I couldn’t make my brain work. “So, you came here on a mission to what? Make sure I wasn’t a mess? To save me?”
“Honestly, Heather, I didn’t know what I was going to do when I got here. I just came because I felt I owed it to Opal. I felt like my lack of action in getting her help had contributed to her death somehow. And I couldn’t live with that. The time was right for me. I had no real commitments anymore. So I bit the bullet.”
Finally, I nodded. “Now it makes sense—all the work around the house, helping me get it on the market, encouraging me to go away to school…”
“Well, that’s the part that makes sense to you, but so much of this doesn’t make sense to me anymore. What I didn’t expect was that almost immediately, I felt very connected to this place—to you. Despite that, I was adamant that I wouldn’t get emotionally involved. That’s why I was so standoffish with you in the beginning. From the second I got here, I felt more invested than I ever imagined, and I’ve tried to fight that. I never meant to interfere with your life, to insert myself into it. My goal was to honor your sister’s wishes, to make sure you were okay, and to set you on the right path before I left. I figured three months was enough time to make that happen. But I never expected to connect with you the way we have, to feel what I’m feeling. And I certainly never planned to tell you the real reason I came.”
My God. I still had so many questions.
“Was this the reason for your divorce?”
“No. All of the mistakes I told you I made happened before Opal. My relationship with Olivia was already in shambles by the time I received the letter. But my depression really kicked in after that. So it certainly didn’t help, but it wasn’t the main reason. We wouldn’t have lasted anyway.”
“Does Olivia know why you’re here?”
“Yeah. That’s partly why we’ve been in touch a lot lately. She’s been checking on me because she knows everything. My father, too. They’re the only ones who know why I came here.”
“Did they encourage it?”
“Olivia thought I was crazy. My father got it, though. He didn’t see the harm in it, if it alleviated some of my guilt.” He searched my eyes. “Tell me what you’re thinking.”
Feeling numb, I told him the truth. “I don’t know how to feel right now. I’m in shock. Total shock.”
“I was so worried you’d be angry at me.”
Anger wasn’t the right word. As much as this floored me, I couldn’t be angry at him when his intentions were good. As bizarre as this story was, I could understand how it happened.
“I can’t be mad at you for this. None of it is your fault. You’ve always told me not to blame myself for anything when it came to Opal’s death. Well, the same goes for you. You couldn’t have known what would happen. I didn’t realize Opal was capable of taking her own life, and I was her sister. I knew her a lot better than you did. We tried to help her, but she wasn’t letting us. I’ll never know if I could have stopped her death if I had tried something different.” I paused to take a breath. “The point is, if her own family couldn’t help her, there’s likely nothing she would have allowed you to do to help her, either.”
He took a moment, seeming to let those words sink in.
“Are you mad that I kept my reason for coming here from you?” he asked.
“Well, what were you supposed to do? Announce it when you got here? I get why you kept it to yourself, why you didn’t come right out and tell me. I probably would’ve wanted to send you packing. It’s better that I got to know you first before you laid this on me.”
He placed his head on my shoulder. “Fuck, Heather. You have no idea how relieved I am to hear you say that. I seriously doubted my decision.”
“I just wish you didn’t see me as a charity case.”
He sat up to look me in the eyes. “Listen, I had my reasons for coming here, but this experience has been nothing like what I expected. You’re not a charity case. You’re strong, confident…amazing. You’ve taught me just as much as I could ever teach you. I’m drawn to you and finding it damn hard not to show it. My actions are scaring the hell out of me…because the last thing I meant to do was complicate your life.”
I sat back on the couch and rested my head. The story he’d told me played through my head from start to finish like a movie as I tried to imagine how everything had gone down.
“Do you have the photos you took of her?”
He pursed his lips for a moment to think about it. “They’re on my laptop, yeah.”
“Can I see them?”
“Of course. Now?”
“If you don’t mind, yes.”
“Just give me a minute to pull them up. I keep everything I’ve ever shot on a special drive.”
I watched as Noah logged in. It took him about three minutes to locate the file containing the photos.
When he placed the computer on my lap, nothing could have prepared me for the emotions I felt looking at image after image of my beautiful, smiling sister. We looked more alike than I remembered. Now that I was getting closer to the age she’d been in these photos, I could really see the resemblance.
Wiping a tear, I asked, “Did she seem off the day you took the photos?”
Noah moved closer to me. “Not at all. That’s why it was so strange when the messages started coming in.”
“That was typical. She was like two different people in many ways, depending on whether she was taking care of herself.”
“Yeah. None of it made sense.”
Not taking my eyes off the images, I said, “I really want to see the letter, too.”
“I have it at home. I know where it is and will have my dad scan it. I should’ve brought it with me. I just really wasn’t anticipating telling you.”
The questions kept coming to me in waves. “Why did you decide to tell me tonight?”
“Because I couldn’t hold it in any more, couldn’t stand the thought of keeping anything from you. A lot has changed between us, and I don’t know how to handle it. I just know I never want to be anything less than completely honest with you. That goes for my feelings about you, too.”
A part of me wanted him to elaborate on that—his feelings for me—but I knew I couldn’t handle anything more tonight. I needed to absorb this.
“Can you download these photos for me?”
“Of course. I’ll buy a thumb drive tomorrow.”
“Thanks.” I continued sifting through the photographs, starting again from the beginning. “I don’t think I’m gonna tell Mom about this. I don’t know how she’d handle it. I don’t want her to view you differently—not that I think there’s any reason to feel differently about you, but I don’t want to upset her.”
“That’s up to you. I get it. I’m okay with anything you decide, but I think that’s a good call. There’s too much going on right now as it is.”
I stared at the screen. “I’m still in shock.”
“It would be strange if you weren’t.”
I needed to be alone to process this.
Getting up off the couch, I wiped my eyes and announced, “I’m gonna go home. I just need to be alone for a while.”