“I’ll gladly get rid of it—burn that shit if I have to.” I lifted her up and kissed her again.
I still woke up many days wondering if it might be my last on Earth. The chance of another aneurysm would always loom over me. I’d tried not to pressure Heather, but there’s nothing I’ve wanted more than to experience having a child with this woman. As each year passed, the desire felt more urgent. But I thought it was too soon for her.
She wouldn’t even be done with school when our baby arrived. But for me? The day I looked our baby in the eyes couldn’t come soon enough.
“Are you happy?” I asked her.
“I’m growing a part of you inside of me. How could I not be? I’m shocked—but yes, so happy. Truly.”
“Good, because this could be the happiest day of my life, and I would hate it if you didn’t feel happy, too.”
“The happiest day of my life was also the scariest—the day you woke up after your surgery and said my name, then told me you loved me. I’m not sure anything can top that.”
“I love you even more today.” I rubbed her stomach. “How about the three of us take a swim in the lake, for old time’s sake? I was thinking we could spend tonight here before we go back home. Maybe I’ll even go to the market and buy a big old loaf of garlic bread. I know you have class on Tuesday. We’ll get you back in time.”
After we changed into our swimsuits, we walked back down to the lake.
As we stood knee deep in the water, I said, “Originally my plan was to have a cigar out on the porch tonight. You know I haven’t smoked one in years. But there’s no way I’m smoking anywhere near my baby.”
I knelt down, ignoring the rocks scraping my knees, until my face was eye-level with her stomach. “Hello in there. It’s your daddy. I can’t wait to meet you.” I looked up at Heather, who seemed amused. “This is so wild,” I whispered, then continued talking into her stomach. “I want you to know I love you already. And even though you’re the size of a little seed, you’re the best thing to ever happen to your mother and me. I can’t wait to bring you here and show you where your mommy grew up and show you where Daddy robbed the cradle and started the process of you coming to be. Best thing I ever did, if you ask me.”
Heather’s stomach moved against my mouth as she laughed. She spoke down to it. “You have the best daddy in the whole world, little one.”
“And you have the best mom, even though you’re gonna come out with a warped sense of what good music is. We’ll fix that soon enough.”
“Hey! He might like my music.”
“Or she might come out blocking her ears.” I spoke against her belly again. “Some day I’ll tell you the story of how I almost saved your mother’s life on this lake. You’re gonna laugh.”
“Your daddy never did succeed in his botched attempts to save my life.”
“It wasn’t meant to work that way. I was never meant to save your life.” I stood up and cradled her face. “In the end, you saved mine.”