I clutched the phone to my chest for a moment. “Well, aren’t we just perfect together?”
That night, I slept more soundly than I had in a long time.
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
* * *
NOAH
I kept meaning to pay Olivia a visit, to congratulate her and her husband on the birth of their daughter. But I never quite knew if Kirk appreciated my presence. No man is going to be completely comfortable around his wife’s ex-husband. So I figured I would give it time, give them a little space before going over there.
One morning, though, Olivia called to tell me she was in the neighborhood for a pediatrician visit. She wanted to know if I was around to meet the baby. I told her to stop by.
It took my breath away for a moment to see her standing in the doorway with a little human strapped to her chest.
“This is Sam.” She smiled.
Sam had thick dark hair and looked just like her mother. Olivia and I had been through so much together—seeing this lifelong dream of hers come to fruition made me a little emotional.
“Hey, cutie pie.” Sam looked up at me and immediately started crying.
“Uh-oh. I swear, I’m none of the things your mom said about me on the way over here.”
Olivia chuckled. “She’s just cranky because she got some shots.”
“Ah.” Peeking in at her some more, I rubbed the back of my finger along her head. “She’s really precious, Liv.”
“Thank you.”
After the baby calmed down, she asked, “Would you like to hold her?”
“Sure. Yeah,” I said, rolling up my sleeves. The only babies I’d ever held were my niece and nephews. It had been a while.
My heart felt full as she placed the infant in my arms. It was surreal to be holding Liv’s child. I really was so damn happy for her. She’d always wanted to be a mother. A sort of relief came over me—that I hadn’t wasted any more of her time, that she was able to build a new life after our marriage and have a child before it was too late. What I wasn’t expecting to feel, though, was a bit of envy—not because I wished to be the father of this baby, but because I longed for one of my own. I’d never wanted a child while I was married to Olivia. In fact, that lack of desire was one of the factors that ultimately led to our divorce.
But right now, as I held this precious, red-faced little angel, I realized maybe I did want to be a parent. And I knew the reason for my change of heart had everything to do with meeting the person I wanted to share that with.
It wouldn’t be anytime soon—not even close. Heather wasn’t ready. But maybe someday.
Holy shit.
Listen to yourself, Noah.
“You’re a natural,” Olivia said. “I never thought I’d think that, but you totally are.”
“She’s making it easy for me. And she’s beautiful like her mother.”
“Thank you.” Olivia rubbed her hands together and looked around my living room. “So, how are you? I haven’t had a chance to talk to you much with everything that’s been going on since Sam was born.”
After I returned from New Hampshire, I’d been reluctant to tell Olivia about Heather and me; I didn’t think she’d understand. I hadn’t felt like listening to her judgmental comments. She had advised me against going to New Hampshire in the first place, so to admit I’d gotten involved with Opal’s sister romantically? Olivia would shit a brick. I didn’t want to lie to her, though, so I’d ended up admitting what happened soon after I’d returned. She remained very skeptical.
“Things have been really good, actually,” I told her.
Little Sam had fallen asleep in my arms.
Olivia walked to the corner of the room and lifted a frame off my desk. “This is her?”
I’d framed one of the shots I’d taken of Heather the night she’d worn the red dress—the night I’d first lost my shit and kissed her.
“Yes. That’s Heather,” I said, continuing to rock the baby as I walked over to Olivia.
She held the frame in her hands. “She’s gorgeous.”
I cringed, because I knew exactly what Olivia was thinking—that I’d become smitten because of Heather’s looks and there wasn’t any substance to our relationship. I could never make her understand the connection we had, and any effort to convince her she was wrong would likely be futile. Plain and simple, she didn’t know Heather.
Olivia placed the photo back on the desk. “I hope you know what you’re doing. I just don’t want to see you get hurt.”
“You don’t need to worry about that,” I said.
“I just think back to myself at twenty. I didn’t know my ass from my elbow.”
“She’s twenty-one—twenty-two in a few months.” I laughed under my breath because I knew that didn’t make a lick of difference in her eyes.
“Oh, excuse me,” she mocked. “Well, you know what I mean.”
“Look, I might have agreed with you before I got to know her. In fact, I believed for a very long time that there was no chance for us because of her age. But people—they’re not one size fits all.”
Olivia nodded. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to offend you. I just wonder if you might be better off with someone closer to our age at this point in your—”
“I’m not in love with someone closer to our age. I’m in love with her. So…”
“Love?” Olivia repeated.
Shit. I was shocked that it had come out so easily, but it had.
“Yes. I didn’t plan on this. It just happened.”
I could have gone on and on, but I didn’t want to insult Olivia by admitting I hadn’t ever experienced what I felt for Heather before.
I needed to nip this conversation in the bud.
“I was a shitty husband to you,” I told her. “I still live with a lot of guilt over that. I really did think there wasn’t any hope for me. But Heather awakened something. The future seems brighter. She could kick my ass to the curb tomorrow, and I’d still be a changed man—not that I want that to happen. I want to be with her, and I want to be the type of man she deserves. I feel like I can admit this to you now, because you’ve found the person you were meant to be with. I hope we can both be happy, Liv.”
She searched my eyes. “Just because I’m happy with Kirk doesn’t mean it’s easy for me to see you in love with someone else, you know. I’ve never seen you like this—certainly not with me—and that stings a little. But I’ll have to get over that, because ultimately, Noah, I want you to be happy, too. I mean that. I hope this isn’t infatuation on her part, because you deserve the real thing.”
“Thank you.”
She looked down at the baby, still asleep in my arms. “Well, we’d better get going. I’m gonna need to feed her soon.”
I carefully handed Sam back to her mother. “Thank you for coming by.”
“I’m glad you got to meet her. I’ll call you soon.”
She’d started to walk away when I called after her. “You’re doing a great job, Liv. Sam is really lucky you’re her mom. I’m proud of you.”
Olivia turned and gave me a wobbly smile. “Thanks.”
“You’re welcome.”
After she left, I thought about what she’d said. A part of me had expected things to change when Heather went away to school. In fact, I’d been bracing for it. But after nearly eight months apart, we’d grown closer. The best part of every day was our nightly phone call. I had tried to give her space, but the more I pulled back, the more she sought me out. Physical absence had somehow made our relationship even more solid. Our conversations were deeper, more intimate. I wanted her more each day and was bursting at the thought of seeing her again. I knew it had to be soon, or I was going to lose my mind. During Christmas, I’d gone to visit my mother and brother in Minnesota. Then, during her spring break, she’d gone home to visit Alice, and I’d stayed here. She’d been begging me to come to Vermont. I could have gone to visit her but had specifically stopped myself in an effort to give her the space I’d thought she needed. But I had started to think my efforts were in vain. I missed the hell out of her. It was time.