All we’ve done for three days is fuck. And I get it, he’s feeling cooped up and wants to get out of the house. But I’m not. I’m feeling safe and comfortable. I’m not going anywhere.
“Blue. You have to leave the house at some point.”
“Not today.”
“Don’t you want to go shopping? Get real clothes? Stop wearing JD’s t-shirts and boxers?”
“No,” I say in a defiant, child voice. “I like these clothes. They smell like him. I’d rather go naked than leave.”
Ark laughs and drags his fingertips up and down my spine. “I want to take you out to dinner. Today is the last day we work for Ray. It’s a big deal.”
I let out a long sigh. I don’t want to tell him no. I want to go to dinner with him. See him in a proper suit for once, with a jacket and trousers. I bet he’s hot as fuck in a real suit. My clothes are still hanging in his office, unused. Hell, unopened. I never even peeked to see what they look like. I know they are fancy, so not appropriate for wearing around the house.
“I want to make you happy, Ark. I do. But I get a sick feeling in my stomach whenever I think about going out. I won’t be any fun at all. I won’t. And I’ll be sick the whole time.” I lift up from his chest and look him in the eyes. “I’ll be too sick to enjoy it.”
He groans. Long and hard. “Fine.” And then he lifts me off his chest and gets out of bed. JD is already up, eating or making breakfast or something. He gets up early. In fact, JD gets up at very strange times. Three AM one morning, five the next. Sometimes he sleeps until noon. “But I gotta get out of here. I’m not used to staying home so much.” Ark walks over to his dresser and pulls out a black t-shirt and a pair of socks.
“I’m sorry.” I use a pouty voice for that.
“You’ve got nothing to be sorry for, Blue. I get it.” Ark says it with his back to me, so I can’t see his face. I just stare at those fighting dragons on his back and wonder why they’d get matching tattoos that pitted them against each other. It looks to me like they are fighting over that round thing between them. It’s blue, so it might be the world. Or maybe they are conquering the world? The dragon bodies wrap around it like they own that little blue ball.
“Besides,” he continues, pulling his shirt over his head and obstructing my view of his back art, “we can celebrate at home just fine.” He turns to face me and now he’s smiling. God, I love when Ark smiles. He doesn’t do it that often. JD is a compulsive smiler. Ark is always deep in thought. Making secret decisions in his head. He’s definitely not impulsive. “I’ll bring home a bottle of something special.”
“I can make us dinner,” I offer. “If JD goes shopping for me.”
Ark pulls his boots on standing up, hopping from one foot to the next. And then he walks back over, leans down, and gives me a kiss. “I’ll see you tonight, OK?”
I just stare at him. His beautiful face. I didn’t think it was kind when I first met him, but I was so wrong. Everything about Ark is kind. He does everything with purpose. And I can’t ever picture him hurting someone.
“What?” he asks, with a laugh.
“I want to love you.”
That smile again. I die.
“I think I could marry you and live happily ever after.”
He chuckles and leans down for one more kiss. We linger this time, our tongues twisting together, smiles on our faces, laughs in our breath. “I’d marry you right now if JD wasn’t here. But it’s kinda hard to marry two people at once.”
“I want to love him too,” I say when Ark pulls away.
Ark is walking out the bedroom door when he looks back over his shoulder and calls out, “Ditto.” A few moments later I hear him talking to JD and then the front door opens and closes.
And I think Ark really does love him, too. I’m not sure it’s the kind that most people imagine when they think of two men being together. But it’s definitely love. Why else would he be so protective of JD?
That’s something I’d really like to talk about, but any time I bring up JD when Ark and I are alone, he changes the subject. I don’t get it.
“Hey,” the devil is calling from the living area. “Baby Blue?”
“What?” I call back.
“Get your mopey ass out of bed.” JD peeks his head into the bedroom. Shirtless.
I grin at that. “Why should I?”
His grin goes flat and his eyes narrow. “Because you’ve got our collar on, bitch. And I said so.” He points to the ground in front of him.
I knew this was coming. The domination stuff. He’s mentioned what we might do together once Ark leaves the house. Not because we’re hiding it from Ark, we have to film it all. But because Ark isn’t into that stuff so much.
“You better move, slut.”
I slide out of bed and get on my hands and knees, crawling over to JD and stopping at his feet. I sit back and look up, opening my legs so he can see my *.
“Goddammit,” he whispers as he crouches down to take my face in his hands. “You like this shit? For real?”
I nod, blushing from embarrassment.
“Hey,” he says, kissing me on the lips. “Don’t be ashamed. OK?”
“It’s weird, isn’t it? I don’t understand it.”
He studies my face for a moment. “It’s not weird, Blue. It’s just a fantasy.”
“But I like it…” I can’t even say it.
“How?” he asks. “Tell me, so I can give you what you want.”
“I like to feel…” I look up, then down quickly. Jesus Christ. I can’t believe I’m going to admit this out loud. “Forced.”
He kisses me, his lips gentle and his mouth soft. “Lots of girls want to feel like that, Blue. I’ve done a lot of porn, and some of them like it so rough, it scares me.”
“They do? What do they want you to do to them?”
“Slap them. They all like to be slapped. Twist their nipples so hard, they cry. Spank their pussies. Spank their asses. Come on their faces. One girl, I shit you not, wanted me to piss all over her.”
I recoil. “What?”
“Now that is a weird fetish, right? Or the ones who play with shit. Or the men who wear diapers and act like babies.”