Chapter 32
Permanent
When Denny returned the next morning, he was smiling. I thought that was kind of strange, considering the circumstances. “You seem…chipper,” I told him, keeping my eyes on Kiera.
Denny sighed as he stood by Kiera’s head. “I’m not. Not really. I just…I took the job. I’m starting in a couple weeks.”
“Oh…congratulations.” Peeking up at him, I asked, “Did Sam take you in?”
Denny glanced at me from the corner of his eye. “Yeah. I didn’t go into a lot of detail, just said Kiera and I broke up.”
After he said that, Kiera moved, and her eyelids fluttered open. We both leaned forward. “Kiera?” I said, grabbing her hand.
“Kellan?” she whispered, then her eyes drifted shut again.
Denny’s gaze shifted between the two of us. “I’m gonna…get something to eat. Want anything?” I shook my head. All I wanted was for Kiera to open her eyes, look at me, and smile in a way that would let me know everything was okay.
The doctors came in, removed her bandages, and said the swelling was down and she should wake up anytime, but it wasn’t until the following morning that she finally did.
I was talking to a nurse in the hallway when Denny approached. He’d spent the night at Sam’s again last night, while I’d stayed at the hospital. I thanked the nurse for all her helpful information, which really wasn’t that much. All they kept telling me was Wait and see. Time will tell. It’s up to Kiera now. I was really sick of those kinds of answers. I wanted to know the exact minute she was going to wake up and be herself again. It was beyond frustrating that no one could tell me that.
The nurse flushed as she touched my elbow. “No problem, Kellan. Anything I can do to help. If you have any more questions, you just come and find me, okay?” She winked as she left.
Denny shook his head. “Even looking like that, women still hit on you.” His eyes clouded and his smile faltered, like he suddenly remembered why he hated me. “How is she?” he asked.
“Same.”
We walked back into her room and Denny’s expression shifted again as he took in the slight form of Kiera’s still body. Now he looked like he was remembering why he hated himself. “I talked to Anna last night. She’s going to tell Kiera’s parents for me. She sounded pretty worried…and mad…” His voice trailed off as he stared at his comatose girlfriend. Well, ex-girlfriend.
Watching him closely, I asked, “When are you going to tell Kiera about…?”
He looked over at me. “About the job, or about the breakup?”
“Both.” I shrugged and looked back at Kiera on the bed. When was I going to tell her?
“I don’t know. Sooner is probably better than later. If I tell her now, then leave…yeah, she’ll be hurt, but I think she’ll get through it.” He gave me a meaningful glance, and I understood right away. I would help her through the pain, just like before…
As he studied me, his face changed again. “I am sorry, Kellan…for what I did to you. To her.”
Looking down, I shook my head. It wasn’t your fault…
He didn’t give me a chance to shift the blame though. Turning to face me, he said, “I want you to take care of her when I’m gone. And…if you hurt her…I’ll kill you. You know that, right?”
I laughed at the humor in his voice; it had been a while since I’d heard it. I considered telling him that I wasn’t going to date her…that I was breaking up with her too, but right at that moment, Kiera sat up straight on the bed and screamed, “No!” She immediately clutched her head and fell back to the pillows, gasping in pain.
Denny was closest to the bed. He stroked her face to calm her down, then twisted to me behind him. “Go get a nurse.”
She’s awake. Relief washed through me, and I didn’t even hesitate. “I’ll be right back.”
Spinning on my heel, I darted out the door. Spotting Kiera’s nurse, I sprinted over to her. “She’s awake! And she’s hurting. She needs you to do…something.”
Grabbing her arm, I tried pulling her to Kiera’s door, but she swatted me away. “Calm down. Let me finish up what I’m doing, then I’ll be right there.”
I inhaled a deep breath as excitement and anxiety coursed through me. She’s awake.
After the nurse was finished jotting down notes, she made her way to Kiera’s room. I waited in the open doorway while she stepped inside. “Good…she’s awake. Probably in a good dose of pain too.” Kiera tried to smile, but it was clearly forced. “My name is Susie and I’ll be taking good care of you today.”
She made Denny get off the bed, then added something to Kiera’s IV. Kiera looked a little nauseous when she noticed she was attached to one. After checking her vitals, Susie asked, “Do you need anything, sweetie?”
“Water…” she whispered.
“Of course. I’ll be right back.”
When Susie turned to leave, Kiera’s eyes drifted over to me. Her lips parted and her breath picked up. The machine tracking her heartbeat even started beeping faster. It warmed me that I still affected her. It also broke my heart a little. She made her choice, now I need to let her go…
Denny had moved around to sit on the other side of the bed. He looked my way when he noticed Kiera staring. He raised his eyebrows at me, then shifted his gaze to the hallway. I understood his silent message. Could you give us some privacy? Because I’m about to break her heart. A part of me wondered if maybe he should wait until she’d been awake for longer than twenty minutes, but I suppose it didn’t matter.
I moved into the hallway and found a spot by the door to lean against the wall and wait. It was time.
Denny and Kiera were talking softly, but I could hear a phrase every now and again. “Yes…I’m angry.” “I wish you’d just told me…” “I should have talked to you…” “I never thought you’d hurt me…” “Where do we go from here?”
That last one had been Kiera’s voice. Knowing what Denny’s answer was going to be made me slump against the wall. I almost walked farther away so I couldn’t hear his answer, but my heart stubbornly wouldn’t let me leave. “We go nowhere.” “But I was leaving him. I love you…”
Kiera’s response to Denny’s decree stung, and I forced myself to step away. She was leaving me, she had chosen him.
As I walked down the hall, I contemplated Kiera’s options. Where would she go when she was released? Denny had moved out, so it would be the two of us alone in the house, and I already knew that wouldn’t work. I wouldn’t be able to stay away from her in that situation. And I needed to stay away. I was stopping the cycle we were stuck in, which meant…I had to ask her to leave. But where would she go? Kiera’s words spoken an eon ago echoed through my brain—I managed just fine without you. Yeah…she had, and she would again. She would be fine without me. Just fine.
When I returned to Kiera’s door, I heard the light sounds of two people crying. Respectfully, I stayed away until I finally heard Denny say, “I’ll be back to check on you tomorrow, okay?”
Denny came out of the room a few moments later. He stopped just on the other side of the doorway; his eyes were red and still a little watery. “You okay?” I asked him. Regardless of what Kiera had done to him, I knew what he’d just done hadn’t been easy.
“Yeah…I’m gonna take off. I’m really tired. That was…” He looked back at Kiera on her bed, then back to me, next to the wall. “…More difficult than I thought it would be.”
I stared at the ground for a moment, hating what I was about to do. “Yeah…”
Denny’s hand came into my field of vision. “Good luck, with everything…and again…I’m really sorry about what I did to you.”
I clasped his hand and shook it. “Not half as sorry as I am, for what I did to you.”
Denny gave me a brief smile, looked back at Kiera, then left. I watched him go for a moment, gathering my courage with each step he took, and then I made myself walk into Kiera’s room. I needed to do this now.
Kiera was lying on the bed with her eyes closed, looking like she was trying to keep it together. Even with the bruise on her face, she was so beautiful against the crisp white linens.
Quietly stepping up to her bed, I stroked her cheek with my finger. Her eyes flashed open, and she seemed surprised to see me. Maybe she hadn’t expected me to come back.
I sat down on the bed beside her, my smile warm and comforting. I wanted to savor our last few moments together. “Are you okay?”
“I guess. The pain meds kicked in, and I feel like I weigh a thousand pounds, but I guess I’m going to be fine.”
Her eyes were still wet and her cheeks had drying trails of shiny tears on them. Her head might be fine, but her heart was a mess. “That’s not what I meant. Believe me, I’ve talked to about every nurse in here, I know your situation…but are you okay?” I glanced at the door so she’d know I knew about the breakup.
A fresh tear rolled down her cheek as she stared up at me. “Ask me again in a couple days.”
Nodding, I bent down to kiss her. How could I not? The heartbeat monitor started beeping faster as our lips moved together. I looked over at it with a laugh. “I suppose I shouldn’t do that.” I still made her heart race; she made mine pound too. I was going to miss her.
When I pulled away, Kiera grabbed my cheek and ran a finger along my bruise. “Are you okay?”
No. I don’t think I’ll ever be okay again.
I pulled her hand away from my face. “I’ll be fine, Kiera. Don’t worry about that right now. I’m just so glad that you’re…that you’re not…” I stopped myself from saying my biggest fear out loud.
Distracting myself from that thought, I held her hand in both of mine. Her fingers stroked my wrist, and I loved every single second of the contact. Would touching anyone else ever feel this good?
“You and Denny were both here?” she asked, surprised.
“Of course. We both care about you, Kiera.”
She gently shook her head. “No, I mean, you were both here in the same room, talking calmly when I woke up. You weren’t trying to kill each other?”
“Once was enough,” I said with a wry smile. “You’ve been out of it for a couple days. Denny and I…have had several talks.” I paused as I remembered our spats. “Those first few talks weren’t so…calm.” Reaching up, I pushed some hair out of her face. “Our concern for you eventually tempered those conversations, and we talked about what to do, instead of what was done.”
Kiera opened her mouth to speak, but I confessed what I knew she must be wondering about. “He told me he took the job in Australia, and when I asked if he’d take you with him…he told me no.”
More tears flowed down her cheeks, and I carefully stroked them away. She looked like she might lose it at any second. I hated that we were piling this on her now, when she was still weak and recovering, but it had to happen, and sooner was better than later. “You knew he was going to break up with me today?” she asked.
I nodded. “I knew he was going to do it soon. When you woke up and he looked at me…I figured he wanted to do it as soon as possible.” The weight of what needed to be done crushed me, and I looked away. “Rip off the Band-Aid…” I murmured. Do it now. Then walk away. It will only sting for a second.
No. It won’t. This sting will last for the rest of my life.
I stared at the ground as I willed myself to let her go. Denny was right. It was harder than I imagined. I had to though. This limbo wasn’t good for us. When I noticed Kiera’s hand reaching out for me, I forced the words from my lips. “What are your plans now, Kiera?”
Her hand dropped as she stuttered for an answer. “My plans? I don’t…I don’t know. School…work…” You.
She didn’t say that last option out loud, but I heard it plain as day. He left me, so I guess I’ll stay with you. Since you’ll always be here waiting for me.
Not this time, Kiera.
Heat was in my eyes when I returned my gaze to hers. If I could hold in the anger, I could hold back the pain. “And me? Do we just pick up where we left off? Before you left me…again…for him?”
Kiera’s eyes fluttered closed. “Kellan…”