I was moved to a stretcher, shoved into an ambulance, hooked up to complicated equipment, and driven away. My mind faded into oblivion at some point, and only bits and pieces of my “rescue” broke through my awareness. I recalled arriving at the hospital, remembered the jarring sensation of being removed from the van, heard some person tell a nurse all the things they’d found wrong with me so far, and heard myself asking about Kiera. My questions weren’t answered, and my consciousness slipped away.
When I woke up, I was in a hospital bed, wearing a hospital gown. My arm was in a cast, my ribs were wrapped, and I had bandages on my face. A dull ache permeated my senses, and my head felt slow, like I was waking from delirium. Looking over to my good arm, I saw where an IV was attached to me, dripping clear liquid into my body. I wasn’t sure what it was, but I knew it was probably the reason I wasn’t in overwhelming pain right now.
I heard whispering across the room, and I looked over to see three nurses in the doorway, talking to one another. Two of them were giggling. “Excuse me.” They all looked my way. One of them turned beet red in a way that reminded me of Kiera. How long had I been out? Was she okay? “I was brought in with a girl. Is she all right?”
A bubbly blonde walked my way. “The head injury? She’s still in recovery. Her fiancé is with her now.”
My words caught in my throat. Fiancé? I knew she meant Denny. He must have cleaned up and driven out here. Of course he would. I would have too. Nodding, I removed the sheet covering me. Just doing that was a challenge; I was so weak. All three nurses immediately headed my way, palms raised like they were going to restrain me. “No, no, no. You need to rest.”
“I need to see her.”
The blonde put a hand on my shoulder, while the other two tucked me back into bed. “She’s not going anywhere. And she’s not awake yet. You can see her in the morning, and she won’t know the difference.”
I’ll know the difference.
They all had jobs to do, and wouldn’t be able to watch me twenty-four/seven, so I lay back and prepared myself to wait. I was getting out of this bed. I was going to see Kiera. I wouldn’t be able to rest until I saw with my own eyes that she was okay. If the nurses knew anything about me, then they would have realized that my recovery depended on hers.
Once they did finally leave, I struggled to my feet. My arm burned, my chest ached, and every movement made something hurt, but I kept going. It took me an achingly long time, but I managed to dress myself. Once I looked semi-normal again, I made my way to the door and peered into the hallway. Feeling like I was sneaking out of prison, I waited until the coast was clear, then walked as quickly as my shuffling feet would take me.
When I was away from my area, I found a nurses’ station and asked for Kiera. The guy on duty looked at me funny, but told me what room to find her in. The lights were off and her door was ajar when I found the room where she was recovering. I felt like I had run a marathon just getting this far, but anxious to see her, I hurried inside. When I saw her lying on the bed, her body softly lit by a nightlight across the room, I almost wished I hadn’t come. She looked like a little girl in the massive bed, but with her head wrapped in thick bandages, and a sickly black-and-blue bruise along the right side of her face from her eyebrow to her cheekbone, she seemed like a very, very sick little girl.
While tears clouded my vision, a soft voice said, “What are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be lying down somewhere?”
Steadying myself on a rolling tray near the foot of Kiera’s bed, I looked over at Denny, sitting in a chair near the window. “I had to know she was okay. Is she?” My throat closed up. If she wasn’t…I didn’t know what I would do.
Denny frowned. “I don’t…I don’t know. They’ve got her on drugs to reduce the swelling, but if that doesn’t work, they’ll have to…operate.”
I felt my legs start to give out, and Denny shot to his feet. With quick steps, he hurried over to me and helped me stay on my feet. His dark eyes took in all of my injuries. Well, the ones he could see, anyway. “Are you…okay?” he asked.
Staring at Kiera, her fate still unknown, and feeling the pins and needles of pain racing around my body, I shrugged him off me. He did this to us. “No…I’m not. My arm’s broken, my ribs are broken, my insides are black and blue, and I feel like living shit.”
Denny frowned as he backed away. “I’m sorry. I never meant…” His fists clenched and he closed his eyes. “You slept with my girlfriend, Kellan.” His eyes reopened and heat crept into his voice. “You slept with her.”
Scared that Kiera wouldn’t make it, I unintentionally bit out, “No, actually, we didn’t do much sleeping.”
Denny pulled his arm back, like he was going to slug me again, then he glanced over at Kiera and let it drop. “You should go. I’m with her now. I’ll let you know if anything changes.”
Walking over to Kiera’s bed, I gingerly sat down near her feet. “I’m not going anywhere until she wakes up.”
“Kellan…”
I snapped my gaze to him; it made my head hurt, but I ignored it. “If you hate me, fine, I understand, but I’m not leaving…so deal with it.”
“Fine, but sit in the chair, not by her.” He pointed over to the seat he’d been sitting in. I wanted to tell him to go to hell, that I’d sit wherever I damn well pleased, but I really did feel like shit, and relaxing back in the chair sounded a hell of a lot better than sitting at the end of a stiff bed. Although there was a certain appeal to the thought of being as close to Kiera as possible…
Pushing that thought from my mind, I stood up and moved to the chair. Kiera and I were many things, but still together wasn’t one of them. If she woke up…when she woke up…I’d have to tell her we were over. Regardless of what Denny’s plans with her were now, I was done. I couldn’t do this anymore.
I sat in the plush chair while Denny sat on the bed. I think I fell asleep, because the next thing I knew, bands of sunlight were blinding my eyes. Blinking, I looked over at Kiera. She was stone-still on the bed, asleep or unconscious. The bruise on her face looked atrocious in the sunlight. Nurses were in the room checking on her, but Denny was nowhere to be found. “How is she?” I croaked.
A nurse looked over at me and was about to answer when a trio of nurses burst through the door. I frowned as I recognized them as my nurses. The blond one wasn’t so bubbly anymore. “There you are. You can’t just leave like that. You need to come back to your room so the doctor can check on you, and so we can check your bandages…”
Very carefully, I crossed my arms over my chest. “You can do whatever you want to me, but unless you plan on knocking me out and dragging me back to my room, I’m staying here.”
The girl behind the blonde frowned; she looked extremely disappointed that I wouldn’t be returning with them. “Well, you at least need to fill out the paperwork…”
I lifted my good hand. “Gladly. You know where to find me.”
The nurse taking Kiera’s vitals gave me an amused smile while the other nurses left in a huff. “And I thought I was stubborn,” Kiera’s nurse said. Standing straight, she gave me appraising eyes. “How is your pain? Do you need anything?”
I shook my head. The only pain I had was from the uncertainty revolving around Kiera. “How is she?” I asked again.
The nurse frowned. “Better than before, but not out of the woods. I’m sorry. I wish I had better news.”
Swallowing, I nodded. It wasn’t her fault. Denny reentered the room with a steaming cup of something that I had to assume was tea. My gaze swung his way. It was his fault…and my fault. We’d both done this.
Denny asked the nurse the same thing I had, and she gave him the same answer. After she left, Denny sat back down on Kiera’s bed with a sigh. He glanced over at me with irritation in his eyes. “You should go home and change…”
I looked down at the shirt streaked in red. I probably should, but I couldn’t leave Kiera. “I’ll change later.”
Denny’s eyes narrowed. “Do you think she’s going to want to see you like that? Covered in her blood? Do you think that will help her recover?”
I leaned forward in my chair. “Do you think it matters what the fuck my shirt looks like when my face looks like this?” I pointed at the eye that was so swollen I could barely see out of it.
Denny sighed and dropped his eyes back to Kiera. A tense silence built up in the room and I gritted my jaw and closed my eyes. Denny and I snapping at each other wasn’t going to solve anything. “I’m sorry. You’re right. Evan knows where my house keys are hidden. I’ll call him and have him bring some clothes over.” I opened my eyes to see Denny staring at me. “But I’m not leaving, so stop trying to get rid of me.”
“I know,” he quipped. “You just can’t leave her alone, can you?”
Holding his gaze, I calmly said, “No. I can’t. And I’m sorry.”
“You’re sorry? Well, that makes everything okay, doesn’t it?” He lifted his free hand in the air and spoke to the room like it was full of people. “No need to worry, everyone, Kellan’s sorry, so everything is fucking perfect again.”
I lifted my arm to show him the cast covering me from wrist to elbow. “Sometimes you screw up so badly that apologizing is the only thing left that you can do, Denny. I figured you, of all people, would understand that.” Denny sighed and looked away from me. I sighed too. I was so tired of this. “Look, I know you’re mad. I know I fucked up, okay? But all I’m worried about right now is Kiera…and whether or not she’s going to be okay. So maybe we could…hold off on trying to kill each other until she’s better?”
Denny’s eyes returned to mine. The anger had faded, and all I saw was sadness. “I don’t want to kill you. I just…don’t want to ever see you again.”
His words stung, but I deserved them. Nodding, I whispered, “I know. And as soon as she’s okay, you won’t have to. But until then, maybe we could…sort of get along?”
Denny gave me a curt nod. “Yeah. All right. For her sake, we’ll play nice.”
Closing my eyes again, I laid my head back on the chair. Good. Now let’s just hope she wakes up soon.
My nurses came back a little while later with paperwork and steri-strips. I let them do whatever they wanted while I signed myself out of the hospital’s care. Denny excused himself to make some phone calls once my nurses were gone, so I picked up the phone and called Evan. He was naturally quite concerned when I told him where I was and what I needed.
“The hospital? Why are you at the hospital? Are you okay?” With a sigh, I told him the highlights of my night from hell. When I was finished, he was silent for a really long time. “You were leaving? Without saying goodbye? What about the band? Were you going to tell us, or would we just be wondering where the hell you were next rehearsal?”
I could hear the anger and hurt in his voice. “I was…I would have called when I got wherever…I’m sorry, Evan.” My band hadn’t entered my mind, just escaping Kiera. God, I was a selfish bastard.
“I’ll be there as soon as I can.” Evan hung up before I could apologize again, and I stared at the receiver. So I’d messed up in more than one way. My assholishness knew no bounds.
About an hour or so later, Evan walked into Kiera’s room. He looked at her still body on the bed, then over at me. His eyes widened as his mouth opened in shock. “Jesus,” he whispered.
His eyes flashed to Denny then, and I stood up. “Let’s go in the hallway,” I told him, “so Kiera can rest.” And so he wouldn’t start something with Denny.
Evan clenched his jaw and his fists started curling. One of them was holding a plastic bag full of fresh clothes for me. With my good hand, I pushed on his shoulder to get him out the door. I closed it once we were in the hallway.
Evan eyed me again in the bright fluorescents. “Denny did all this?” he whispered.
I shook my head. “No, Kiera and I were mugged. The robbers did all this.” My voice was slow and deliberate. This is our lie, and we need you to follow it. Please. Let this go. This was as much my fault as his.
Evan looked away, muttering, “Yeah…robbers.” With a sigh, he returned his gaze to me. Sticking out his hand, he passed me the grocery bag. “Here. Clean clothes. And I’ll go get your car too, if you give me your keys.”
“Thank you,” I replied, digging into my jeans for my car keys.
When I handed them over, Evan frowned. “Don’t thank me yet. You haven’t heard what I’m about to say.”
I tensed my muscles in anticipation. This was probably going to hurt. “Okay, hit me.” I cringed at my own comment. Bad choice of words.
Evan crossed his arms. “You’re a selfish son of a bitch, you know that?”
Yes, I’m aware. My eyes drifted back to Kiera’s door. “Evan…”
“No.” His finger dug into my shoulder. “You seem to think you’re all alone in this world, but you keep forgetting the fact that the three of us followed your ass up here when you ran back to Seattle.” Eyes boring into me, he shrugged. “Do you think we did that because we were bored?” I opened my mouth to speak, and he shoved me in the shoulder again. “No, you stupid asshole. We did that because we love you, and we believe in you. Your real parents may have been shit, but the three of us, we’re your family now. Get that through your damn skull!” His voice was low but intense, and his words sliced me open like razors. I felt raw all over.
“I’m sorry…I didn’t think…”
He recrossed his arms. “No, you didn’t. How could you ditch us like that? How could you abandon us? What the fuck were we supposed to do without you?” He lifted a hand into the air, like he was dumbfounded by my actions.
I felt like the biggest jackass on the planet. I’d been so stupid, so selfish. I needed to stop that. I needed to grow up. “I don’t know. I didn’t think of it that way. I just…I guess I thought you’d replace me and move on. I didn’t think it would be a big deal…”
Evan’s mouth dropped wide open. “Are you high? It is a big deal. We can’t just replace you. You’re not something that we can run down to the store and get another one of on a whim. There are no D-Bags without you.” Careful not to hurt me, he placed his hand on my shoulder. “You say this is our band, but I’m not an idiot. It’s not ours. This is your band, because you’re the only one of us who truly is irreplaceable. And we will follow you to the ends of the earth, Kellan, because we believe in you. Don’t you get that?”
With a disgruntled noise, he shoved my shoulder away from him. I took a step back as his words sank in. Irreplaceable? Me? That didn’t sound right. I felt extremely…replaceable. My bandmates had never been anything but honest, patient, accepting, and incredibly loyal though. We’re your family now. Get that through your damn skull! I was an idiot. Evan was right. We were family.
Thinking about my new family brought to mind a startling statement that Evan had made about my old one. Your real parents may have been shit…Shoving aside my lingering insecurities, I asked, “How do you know about my parents?”
Evan’s expression softened as he answered me. “You told me, Kellan.” I tilted my head in confusion. I never talked about them to anyone. Denny only knew because he’d witnessed the abuse. Evan understood my bewilderment and explained. “You were completely shit-faced at the time, so you probably don’t remember. It was after you saw the house they left you…after you saw that all your stuff was gone. You told me that they’d moved and hadn’t let you know. I was pretty surprised by that, but…then you told me what they used to do to you.”
By the horrified look on his face, I was guessing I’d been pretty graphic. Shit. I’d told him. He knew. Did that mean…everyone else did too? “Did you…Did you tell…?”
He shook his head. “No, I didn’t tell anybody else. It’s not my story to tell,” he said with a shrug.
I closed my eyes as relief washed over me. I didn’t want to be looked at like a victim. I didn’t want to see the sympathy on people’s faces. I didn’t want to answer questions. I didn’t want to think about it. I thought about it enough. “Thank you. I don’t…I don’t talk about it…”
“Maybe you should?” Evan quietly asked.
I peeked up at him. His brown eyes were soft with compassion. “Maybe…” I whispered. Someday. When it doesn’t hurt so much. Although, it had been easier than I’d thought it would be to talk to Kiera. That was different though. She was different.
After Evan left to get my car, I stepped into the bathroom and changed. I examined my face in the mirror when I was dressed again. Damn, Denny did a number on me. Dad had usually stayed away from my face; he preferred bruising me in places that weren’t so obvious. Denny hadn’t cared about being discreet, and my face was a detailed map of his fury.
A gash in my lip split it in two, which made smiling, talking, doing just about anything with my mouth painful. My cheek was cut, bruising, and being held together by surgical tape. One eye was near swollen shut, and would be completely black and blue in a few days. The other had a cut above it that was also taped together. Add that to my broken arm, broken ribs, and more bruises and scrapes than I could count, and I was a complete and total mess.
Shoving my dirty clothes into the bag, I stepped back into the room. Denny looked over at me; he seemed a little relieved that I wasn’t covered in blood anymore. “Evan left?” he asked.
I nodded as I sat back down in my chair. “Yeah. He’s bringing my car back here.”
Denny looked thoughtful for a moment, then said, “I should have gone with him. I could have driven him out there…”
“No offense, but I don’t think he wants to be around you right now.” I tried to put that as politely as possible, but I was pretty sure Evan was still shocked by my appearance. And Kiera’s.
Denny sighed and studied his hands. After a moment of silence, I said, “I know I don’t have the right to ask, but…what are your plans now?”
He kept his eyes on his hands, and several seconds passed before he answered me. “I’m going to take the job in Australia. I’m going to go home.”
I swallowed the lump in my throat, the pain in my chest. Even after everything, I would miss him when he left. I knew I couldn’t ask him to reconsider though. “Oh…And Kiera? Are you going to take her with you? Once she’s…better.” It hurt even worse to ask him that, but I couldn’t stop the words from exiting my mouth. I needed to know what her future held.
Denny looked up at Kiera, then looked over at me. “No. I’m going home alone.”
My eyes drifted over to Kiera; her bandaged skull did nothing to diminish her beauty. This would shatter her, when she woke up. She has to wake up. “You’re going to break up with her?”
Denny scoffed. “I don’t think we ever truly got back together after she broke up with me when I was in Tucson, but…yes, I’m going to end it. She’s all yours,” he muttered under his breath.
I wasn’t sure if he’d meant for me to hear that, but I had, and it brought up some conflicting emotions. With Denny out of the way, I probably could have her…but did I want her? Yes, I did. But not like this. I wanted her to choose me because I was the one she wanted. That wasn’t going to happen though. We were over too.
Time ticked on. Kiera occasionally moved, occasionally groaned, but she never opened her eyes. Late that night, she finally spoke though. Eyelids flickering like she was having a nightmare, she muttered, “No…” followed by “Kellan…don’t go…”
My eyes were wide as I stared at her in shock. I was thrilled she’d spoken, and amazed that she was thinking about me in her medicated daze. Feeling hopeful that she really was getting better, I looked over at Denny. I was about to ask him if he’d heard her, but his expression made it clear he had. He didn’t look as happy as me.
Meeting my eyes, he stood from the bed. “Why don’t you come over here and sit by her?”
I started to bunch my brows together, but it hurt, so I stopped. “Are you sure?”
Denny nodded, then looked out the window. “It’s getting late. She seems to be getting better, so I think I’m…yeah, I’m gonna go home. Maybe pack up some stuff.”
That got me out of the chair. “Where are you gonna go?”
From the sudden glint in his eye, I thought he might tell me it was none of my business, and really, it wasn’t, but he let out a sigh and told me anyway. “I think I’ll see if I can crash with Sam for a while.”
Not knowing what to say to that, I simply nodded. In the silence, Denny gathered his jacket, gave Kiera a soft kiss on her forehead, and started to leave. Before he was all the way out the door, I called out, “Denny…I’m sorry.”
He stopped in the doorway, then nodded. His back still turned to me, he said, “I’ll be back in the morning. Call me…if anything changes.” He left without waiting for an answer.
Once he was gone, I sat beside Kiera on the bed. Grabbing her hand, I whispered, “I’m here, baby. I’m not going anywhere.”