Chapter 30
How to Hurt Someone
Covering myself more completely with my blankets, I smiled in the stillness of the dark. She chose me. She was mine.
I had a girlfriend.
I’d never had a real one before…I liked how it felt. I reached over to give her a hug, but the other side of the bed was empty. I sat up with a frown, then looked over at the clock. It was morning…Kiera had slipped out sometime last night and was probably with Denny. Bile started filling my mouth. We needed to tell him it was over.
I fell back to my pillows with a thud. Fuck. He was going to be devastated.
With a sigh, I got out of bed and started my morning exercises. Kiera and I would come up with a way to let him know things had changed. I’d even let him continue to stay here, if he wanted, although…I didn’t see how he’d be able to stomach that.
When I got downstairs, I started the coffee and waited for Kiera. She joined me before the pot was completely done brewing. She was incredibly alluring in her pajamas, and the smile on her lips was breathtaking. “Morn—”
Her mouth was on mine before I could even finish greeting her. I loved how eager she was. “I missed you,” she muttered.
“I missed you too. I hated waking up with you gone,” I whispered back.
We spent several moments kissing. There was so much passion and intensity between us, you would think we hadn’t seen each other in weeks. She brought that out of me though. Desire and love, as bottomless as a black hole and as tangled as untamed vines. I tried to ignore the fact that both of those comparisons were potentially disastrous.
Recalling that Kiera and I had something important to discuss, I gently pushed her away from me. Needing space to resist the draw of her lips, I took a step toward the table. “We should talk about Denny, Kiera…”
Just then, Denny stepped into the kitchen. “What about me?” he asked in a gruff voice.
Jesus fucking-H Christ. My heart leaped into my throat, but years of schooling my expression let me hold on to my composure. If he’d walked in ten seconds earlier…
Racking my brain for a reasonable response, I popped out the first lie that sounded like it could be the truth. “I was just asking Kiera if you would be interested in hangin’ with me and the guys today. There’s this thing at EMP—”
Denny cut me off. “No, we’ll stay here.” I risked a glance at Kiera. She was staring at me like I’d just told Denny I’d grown wings last night and flown around the city.
I didn’t miss the way Denny had stressed “we’ll.” Kiera’s not going anywhere with you. Got it? “Okay…come by if you change your mind. We’ll be there all day.”
Tension built up in the room, and I considered telling the truth. But Kiera and I hadn’t had a chance to talk about the best way to do it yet. We were a team now; we should come at this with a united front. Not that that would matter much to Denny. In fact, maybe I should let Kiera handle this on her own. He might take it better from her. If I was there, he would just get angry. Yes, Kiera should tell him first, and then I would talk to him.
When the awkwardness got to be too much, I told them both, “I’d better go…pick up the guys.” I gave Kiera a meaningful glance when Denny’s back was to me: Please talk to him. Her face was forlorn, and I knew she wasn’t looking forward to this. Me either.
The house was silent as I gathered my things and left. Too silent. I wished Kiera well, kicked myself for not having the guts to make a stand with her, then headed to Evan’s.
He wasn’t surprised when he cracked open his door, but he did seem irritated. “I should just give you a key. Then I wouldn’t have to get up every time you need to run away from something.”
I was pretty sure I knew why he was mad. “I’m sorry I was a dick last night.”
Evan leaned on his door frame, not letting me in. “Dick doesn’t really cover it. I was thinking more along the lines of…self-absorbed diva.”
That brought a small smile to my lips. “Yeah…maybe…but I really am sorry. I was out of line, and I shouldn’t have said what I did. It’s not my band. It’s our band. You and I formed it together, and we wouldn’t be where we are now without you.”
Evan lifted an eyebrow, clearly waiting for more.
“And I’m a self-absorbed diva, an asshole, a dog of a human being, and unworthy of any sort of praise, kudos, acclaim, or love.” I shut my mouth with a snap. I hadn’t meant to go that far with my apology. I was just freaking out about what was going on at home without me. I should be there. I should turn around and go home…
Frowning, Evan shoved his door open. “That shit’s not true, Kell. Well, yeah, you’re an asshole sometimes, but you’re not…unworthy of anything.” At the moment, I wasn’t sure if I agreed.
It was after dinnertime when I finally went home. Denny’s car was there, and I didn’t know what that meant. My stomach lurched as I walked into the house. I understood Kiera’s anxiety over telling him about us. Denny meant a lot to me; I didn’t want to hurt him either.
The light was on in the kitchen. Fortifying my stomach, I headed that way. Denny and Kiera were at the table, finishing up dinner. I thought that was odd. It didn’t seem to me that Denny would want to sit down and have a meal with Kiera if she’d told him about us…which meant she hadn’t told him a thing. I looked over to Kiera for confirmation, and she shook her head no. She hadn’t said a damn word. We were still at square one.
From the look on her face, I could tell Kiera was wrestling with demons just as torturous as mine; she was probably beating herself up over her lack of courage. Knowing I was just as cowardly as her, I sympathized with her inability to break his heart. We’d have to do it together. By the dark look in Denny’s eyes as he watched Kiera’s every move, he had to know anyway. Needing a minute to gather my thoughts and go over my options, I opened the fridge and grabbed a beer.
I’d just popped it open when Denny disturbed the eerie quiet. “Hey, mate. I think we should all go out. How about the Shack? We could go dancing again.”
The way he said “dancing” was odd. Did he know what Kiera and I had done at the Shack? Or more accurately, in the espresso stand in the parking lot. He couldn’t possibly know specifics about that night, but he knew something wasn’t right between us. Maybe we should go out though. One last hurrah before everything tumbled to the ground.
“Yeah…sure,” I told him.
Denny was still staring at Kiera, who was studying her food like her life depended on it. I wished I could comfort her, but I couldn’t go near her right now. All I could do was go upstairs with my beer and wait for everyone else to be ready for our last roommates’ night out.
Denny and Kiera left the house while I was still in my bedroom. With a heavy sigh, I stood up to leave. I glanced back at my mattress, remembering that Kiera’s necklace was under it. Not sure why I was grabbing it, I walked around to the other side of the bed and pulled it free. It felt cool in my palm as I curled my fingers around it. I supposed I didn’t need the necklace as a parting gift anymore, but something inside me, some lingering doubt or insecurity, was whispering at me to take it. So I did.
Denny’s car was in the parking lot when I arrived at the Shack, and I parked next to him. I couldn’t help but glance at the espresso stand as I walked past it. That was where everything had changed, where Kiera’s and my relationship had truly begun. A part of me wanted to break in one more time, and a part of me never wanted to see it again.
It was warm in the busy bar, but a quick sweep of the area showed me Denny and Kiera weren’t in there. Frowning, I wondered if they were out back. Why would Denny want to sit out there? It was frigid outside.
A half dozen outdoor heaters were spaced around the beer garden, taking the edge off the air, so it was actually kind of pleasant. I spotted Denny and Kiera over by the gate in the fence. Oddly, it was the exact same place that we’d sat the first time we came here. Did Denny do that on purpose too? Was he trying to fluster us into confessing? No need. When the time was right, we would tell him everything. God, I wasn’t ready to lose him, but I supposed I already had.
Keeping a casual, carefree smile on my face, I sauntered over to the table and sat down where an untouched beer was waiting for me at an open seat next to Kiera. I smiled at Denny as I sat down, and then did my best to ignore Kiera. Now wasn’t the time, even I knew that.
Hidden speakers pumped music into the garden, and drunk people were up on the dance floor, warming their bodies with almost-rhythmic movements. Kiera shivered while she quietly sat beside me. I wanted to throw my arm around her, warm her up some, since she wasn’t handling the nip in the air as well as me, but Denny had his eyes glued on her, so I left her alone.
We sat in awkward silence for an eternity, and I began to wonder what the point of this was. It was clear we couldn’t hang out as a group together anymore, not like we used to. Honestly, we hadn’t been able to for a while now. As I was running through appropriate ways to irrevocably shatter the bond between the three of us, Denny’s work phone rang. Just like last time.
Kiera and I both turned to look over at Denny. Nonchalant, he answered it and brought it to his ear. After speaking a few words to the person on the other line, he put the phone away. Letting out a regretful sigh, he looked over at Kiera. “I’m sorry. They need me to come in.” His gaze switched to me. “Can you take her home? I have to go.”
I was so surprised, all I could do was nod. Kiera looked shocked too. Out of all the possible events that could have gone down tonight, Denny getting called away to work wasn’t one either of us had anticipated.