Thoughtfu

That riled Kiera up. Eyes blazing, she spat out, “You did ask for it, prick! Since we’re sharing, why don’t you tell them what you said to me!” Kiera took a step toward me, and this time, Jenny held her back; her petite body was the only thing standing between our mutual rage.

 

“If you’d given me two seconds, I was going to apologize for that. But you know what…now I don’t! I’m not sorry I said it.” Pointing around Jenny at her, I added, “You were out of line! You just don’t like that I’m dating!”

 

She gave me an incredulous expression. “Dating? Screwing everything that walks isn’t dating, Kellan! You don’t even bother learning their names. That’s not okay!” With narrowed eyes, she shook her head and spat out, “You are a dog!”

 

I was what? Was she kidding me? I was just about to rip her a new one when Evan interrupted again. “She has a point, Kellan.”

 

Kiera and I both twisted to look at him. “What?” I felt like the blow to my head had jostled around some brain cells, and I was misunderstanding every word leaving every person’s mouth. There was no way Evan had just agreed with her. By the stern look on his face though, I knew I hadn’t misinterpreted anything. He thought I was a dog. Well, the truth was coming out left and right, wasn’t it? “You got something else to say to me, Evan?”

 

I backed away from Jenny and her hand fell from my chest. Evan’s expression became even harder as he stared me down. “Maybe I do. Maybe she’s right. And maybe, just maybe, you know it too.” I flinched at the truth in his words, and my own words froze up in my chest. Did Evan know what I was doing with all these random women? That I turned them into Kiera in my head? I didn’t see how he could possibly know that, but just the thought that he might sealed my mouth shut.

 

When I didn’t say anything, he added, “Why don’t you tell her why you’re so…free…with yourself? She might understand.”

 

Anger flashed up my spine. I was tired of people commenting on my life. It was mine. No one had the right to judge me on it but me. And I knew exactly what I was. “What the fuck do you know about it?” I snapped, taking a step toward Evan.

 

Evan’s face softened into sympathy. “More than you think I do, Kellan.”

 

I froze in place, unable to move. He wasn’t talking about Kiera. About my insane little fantasy where I turned every girl I touched into her. No…he was referring to something much deeper, much darker. I saw something in his eyes that I’d seen before…in Denny when he’d taken a blow for me. In Kiera, when I’d confessed how torturous my life had been with my parents. He knew. Fuck me, he knew. I had no idea how he’d found out…but Evan knew I sought comfort in sex because it was the only place I’d ever found it. He was calling me out, right now, but this was not something I wanted to talk about. Ever.

 

“Back off, Evan…I’m not asking. Back the fuck off.” I was about to snap, and if he pushed me right now, I’d take him with me.

 

Jenny reprimanded me on my language again, Kiera wanted to know what was going on, but all of my focus was on Evan. This is the moment, and the band is on the line. Drop it, Evan, before you ruin everything we’ve built.

 

Evan understood everything I wasn’t saying. With a sigh, he shrugged and said, “Whatever, man…your call.”

 

With a sniff, I minutely relaxed. He was dropping it. “Damn right it is.” Pointing my finger over all of them, I got us back to the topic that none of them had the right to chide me on. “How I date is none of your concern. If I want to screw this whole bar, you all—”

 

Kiera cut me off with a nasty screech. “You practically have!”

 

I matched her tone. “No! I screwed you!” In the sudden silence after my statement I heard Jenny sigh and Evan swear. My eyes never left Kiera though. Her cheeks were flushed and she was clenching her jaw so hard I could see the tension in her neck. When the room was quiet again, I told Kiera the truth. “And you feel bad about cheating on Denny.” I leaned over Jenny and she brought her hand to my chest again. “You feel guilty about having an affair, but you—”

 

“We are not having an affair! We made a mistake, twice—that’s it!”

 

My jaw dropped as I let out an exasperated exhale. Did she really believe that? “Oh, come on, Kiera! God, you are na?ve. We may have only had sex twice, but we’ve most definitely been having an affair the entire time!”

 

She tossed her hands in the air like she really didn’t get it. “That makes no sense!”

 

I shook my head in disbelief. “Really? Then why did you so desperately want to hide it from Denny, huh? If it really was all so harmless and innocent, then why weren’t we open about our…relationship…to anyone?” I pointed at the closed door, behind which a hundred people were probably talking about us.

 

Kiera seemed taken aback by that. She didn’t have anything coherent to say, and stuttered on her words. I took her moment of confusion to press my point. “Why can’t we touch anymore? What happens to you when I touch you, Kiera?”

 

Her eyes widened, but she didn’t answer me. I knew I was being suggestive with my words and my tone, but I didn’t care. She needed to understand what had really been going on between us. Lying to herself about it wouldn’t help anything. Knowing it would embarrass the hell out of her, I decided to make it as blatant as I could.

 

Jenny had stepped away from me, and I used the freed space to run my hands over my body. “Your pulse races, your breath quickens.” Biting my lip, I started breathing heavier. “Your body trembles, your lips part, your eyes burn.” I exhaled in a soft groan, then inhaled through my teeth. Straining my voice, like I was about to come, I told her, “Your body aches…everywhere.”

 

Closing my eyes, I let out a low moan while I tangled one hand in my hair and ran the other up my chest. Mimicking Kiera’s face when she was desperate for me to be inside her, I swallowed and let out a carnal noise that was full of ecstasy. “Oh…God…please…” I drew out each word, punctuated each sound with aching desire. Then I ran my hands down to my pants…

 

That’s when Kiera interrupted the show. “Enough!” she spat out.

 

I knew I had her then. There was no way I hadn’t just proved my point. Opening my eyes, I stared her down. “That’s what I thought! Does that sound innocent to you? To any of you?” I looked around the room. Kiera was bright red, Jenny was pale as a ghost, and Evan was shaking his head in disgust. My eyes refocused on Kiera. “You made your choice, remember? Denny. We ended…this. You had no feelings for me. You didn’t want to be with me, but now you don’t want anyone else to be with me, right?” Furious and feeling desolate, I shook my head. “Is that what you want? For me to be completely alone?” My voice broke on the end of my question. I was so tired of being alone.

 

Kiera’s face tightened in anger. I was sure steam would escape from her ears if it could. “I never said that. I said if you were to see someone, I would understand…but God, Kellan, Evan’s right, show some restraint!”

 

Quiet fell over the room after Kiera’s pronouncement. Evan and Jenny were glaring at me, clearly on her side, so I glared right back at them. After a minute of silent staredowns, Kiera shrugged and said, “Are you trying to hurt me? Do you have something to prove?”

 

Irritated at what was actually a good point, I looked Kiera over. “To you…? No…nothing!” Maybe. A little.

 

When I stepped away from Jenny, Kiera plunged into her. Jenny had to use both hands on her shoulders to hold her back from me. “You’re not trying to purposely hurt me?”

 

“No.” Maybe. I don’t know anymore.

 

“Then what about my sister?” she snarled.

 

Groaning, I looked up at the ceiling. “God, not that again.” I did not want a repeat of our fight in the rain, but that seemed to be exactly where we were heading.

 

Kiera was pushing against Jenny so hard that Evan took a step forward to help her. But Jenny glanced his way and shook her head, so Evan backed off and let her handle it. “Yes! That! Again! You promised!” she yelled, pointing at me.

 

Anger filled me to the brim. She had no right to say anything about anyone I’d slept with…even if I hadn’t slept with them. “Obviously, I lied, Kiera! If you haven’t noticed, I do that!” I tossed my hands in the air in frustration. “And what does it matter anyway? She wanted me, you didn’t. What do you care if I—”

 

“Because you’re mine!” she screamed.

 

All the blood drained from my face and collected in my stomach, where it boiled and churned into something dark and furious. When the raging fire swept back up to my mouth, the words exploded from me of their own accord. “No, no I’m not! THAT’S THE WHOLE FUCKING POINT!”

 

Jenny scolded me and I turned my angry eyes on her. I wasn’t in the mood to be reprimanded for swearing. I wasn’t in the mood for any of this shit.

 

Kiera didn’t back down from my fierce words. Instead, she kept irritatingly goading me, prolonging the fight. Maybe she was enjoying this? “Is that why you did it? Is that why you slept with her, you son of a bitch? To prove a point?” She was so pissed off, her voice cracked.

 

I opened my mouth, but Jenny beat me to the punch. “He didn’t, Kiera.”

 

Turning my fury on her, I snapped, “Jenny!”

 

Kiera’s anger started dissipating as disbelief filled her. “What?” she asked Jenny.

 

Seeing Kiera was calmer, Jenny dropped her hands from her shoulders. “Kellan wasn’t the one who slept with her.”

 

I made a move toward Jenny, and Evan made a move too. Knowing how Evan felt about her, I backed off. He was staying out of this for now, but if I started manhandling Jenny, Evan would be all over my ass. And I didn’t feel like getting punched today. Being slapped was enough. “This doesn’t concern you, Jenny, butt out!”

 

Jenny looked back at me, clearly irritated. “Now it does! Why are you lying to her, Kellan? Tell her the truth! For once, tell her the truth.”

 

I knew Jenny knew about Griffin and Anna. Griffin had told the tale often enough that she had to have heard it. Honestly, I was surprised Kiera hadn’t yet. Maybe I should have told Kiera what had happened a long time ago, but, well, it was the only weapon I had left against her, and I was reluctant to part with it. I couldn’t speak; my mouth stayed shut and my jaw stayed clenched.

 

Evan and Jenny didn’t like that. Kiera either. Annoyed, she shouted, “Will someone please tell me…something?”

 

Jenny’s eyes shifted back to Kiera, and before she even spoke, I knew the charade was over. “Don’t you ever listen to Griffin?”

 

Mad that my lie was crumbling, I muttered, “No, she avoids conversations with him, if she can help it.” In a whisper, I added, “I counted on that.”

 

Kiera’s face scrunched in confusion, like she was having trouble connecting the dots. “Wait…Griffin? My sister slept with Griffin?” She said it like she couldn’t believe anyone would sleep with Griffin, let alone her sister.

 

Nodding, Jenny rolled her eyes. “He hasn’t shut up about it, Kiera. He keeps telling everyone, ‘Best “O” of my life!’” She skewed her face and stuck out her tongue, disgusted by the thought.

 

Annoyed by the details, annoyed by being back here, annoyed by my life, I bit out, “That’s enough, Jenny.”

 

Amazed by this news, Kiera shared looks with Evan and Jenny, then all eyes turned to me. “You lied to me?” Kiera whispered.

 

I shrugged, faking nonchalance. “You assumed. I simply…encouraged that thought.”

 

Her expression darkened. “You lied to me!”

 

“I told you, I do that!”

 

“Why?” she demanded.

 

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