I returned to camp, but Jess was gone. He had packed up and left after our fight. The rage inside me grew. How dare he just leave! Our problem wasn’t settled. He just drove off in the middle of the night, after showing up unannounced, spouting off hurtful and hateful words.
I should call Sadie. I snuffed the rational thought the moment it hit my brain. Instead, a switch flipped in my mind as I mulled through his terrible words over and over again, like a broken record player. I stomped through the camp, looking for my target. Dutch sat on a bench just out of sight from the mess hall. I watched him exhale a faint cloud into the hair. He had a bag of Funyuns in his hand.
“Hey.”
“Hey Lexie. You ok? Your face is…”
“I'm fine.” I cut his words off with a snip. I took the joint from his fingers and stared down at the faint glow on the tip. Fumbling with it a moment, I looked back into his confused face. "I just wanted to know if you’re busy. Give me twenty minutes and I’ll meet you at the Hatchet House."
“Sure?” Surprise flicker across his cheeks then a smile formed on his lips. “Um…that sounds good."
“Ok then.” I lifted the end to my lips and pulled in a long drag, only to succumb to a fit of coughing.
“You shouldn’t take in so much at once. That’s some pure grade shit I don’t share with those losers. Here let me show you how…”
“I’m fine,” I sputtered. Taking a step back, I recovered enough to try again. My lips clamped down, and I inhaled a small drag that bubbled out with just a small throat clear. I sucked in another puff. It was easier now, so I pulled in three or four more before I handed the joint back to Dutch.
“See you in a minute.”
“Lexie?”
I heard Dutch, but I walked off toward the bunks. Damn him! Double damn him for leaving! I was so angry, I couldn’t even think straight. I went to Darcy’s closest to find a dress. I wanted to feel sexy for my meeting with Dutch. I yanked dresses off the hangers, looking for the perfect one. I felt the prickly sense of someone watching and turned to see a swirly image evaporate into the darkness. I was going crazy.
Turning back around, I continued to paw through Darcy’s inappropriate attire until I found a red, slinky one with spaghetti straps. I took off all my clothes and pulled the spandex fabric over my body. The sensation returned, and I spun around faster this time, catching the full image in my peripheral vision.
Against the hazy darkness, Alex appeared with a concerned look etched on her freckled face. She watched; she disapproved. I didn’t care. In a blink, she disappeared again as I left the bunk wearing the scarlet colored fabric.
Stumbling over a few rocks, I followed the trail toward the small shed located a half mile away from camp. My gray tennis shoes made the dress a little less sexy, but the walk needed the rubber soles. The frogs seemed incredibly loud tonight, like a song of echoes through the trees. Was it a large frog, bigger than all the others?
I turned around a few times, searching for the croaking noise and watching the moonlight shine like a spotlight on the trees. An iridescent glow bounced off the leaves, reflecting back as a sparkle into the dark woods. How did I miss the intensity of the moon before tonight?
The handle of the Hatchet House required a body-pulling tug. The small room had tools lining the walls and a large mower in the corner. It was dirty and gross and smelled like gasoline. So this was the glorious building the staff used as a hook-up lounge. Dutch stood by a little worktable in the center of the room. He leaned over with a small straw as I shut the door.
“What are you doing?” The question came as he inhaled white power off the dirty table. I heard music playing somewhere in the room. I looked up to see his phone perched on a shelf, setting the mood for our little meeting. Dutch wiped the power off the tip of his nose.
“Just a little pick-me-up before I have to spend the night with the little shitters at the campfire.” He smiled and his teeth seemed to glow beneath the single bulb hanging from the ceiling.
“Is that coke?”
“Darcy keeps a stash. I thought you knew that?”
“No.” I shook my head.
“You want some more of this? It’s some pretty strong shit, but you seem to handle it like a champ.” He reached out with the remaining butt from his joint. I took the small piece, inhaling the last few drags from the tip. My fingers dropped it to the floor, and I twisted out the remains.
“So Lexie, I don’t know what finally changed your mind, but I’m glad you did. We’re going to have some fun.” His fingers rested lightly around my waist, pulling me close. “You look hotter than shit tonight in that dress.”
Dutch leaned in to kiss me. Over the summer, we had exchanged passionate and desperate moments, but tonight it was none of those intense feelings. Dutch exhaled, filling my nose with the scent of Funyuns. He pressed my back against the table and then lifted me in the air to sit where he just snorted the powder. The music grew louder and his breath seemed sweaty on my neck as his mouth trailed down the front of the dress.
Dutch pulled the straps off my shoulders. He kept pulling until the top of the dress was around my waist, exposing my naked skin. I should feel vulnerable, but my sense of shame got masked by the drugs floating in my head. The longer I was here, the less I seemed to care.
Dutch inched the dress up over my hips, leaving my ass exposed. I had left my cotton panties back in the bunk. He stepped back and dropped his jeans, then reached for his boxers. I focused on his brown eyes. I searched the dilated pupils for something real, but only found an empty heaviness.
I saw her again. Alex watched from across the room. I closed my eyes to block her out. I really was going crazy. Dutch pulled me to the edge of the table. He had no idea what this night meant for me. Maybe he was too high or just didn’t care. Either way, it was too late to change the actions set in motion in the heat of anger. In this life-defining moment, I felt nothing; an empty void of raw emotions from what I tried to forget.
Dutch released my body, and it was over just like a shot at the doctor’s office; just like a needle causing a quick stab of pain, followed by a nurse throwing the capped syringe away in the plastic red trash. It was impersonal yet invasive, shooting through the living cells of one’s body.
“That made the night just about damn perfect.” He kissed my cheek as the music echoed in a loud crescendo, bouncing off the walls, creating an aggravating volume that pounded inside my head.
I shifted on the work bench, trying to pull down my dress. The prickly wood stabbed my bare butt cheek impaling a splinter. I laughed at the ironic stupidity of getting a splinter impaled in my ass.
“What’s so funny?” Dutch asked. I noticed he was already dressed.
How did he get dressed so fast? Time was speeding by while I sat here with a splinter in my ass. Time? How much time has passed since Jess left? He left me and I had sex with Dutch. It really happened. Jess accused me of being an unfaithful, drug-abusing whore, and just left. Now I was exactly that person; the terrible one he accused me of becoming this summer.