We laughed again. He had nearly collapsed the entire thing trying to get out of it.
“One year when we were kids,” Trevor started. “He wanted to build the biggest snowman on the block. He was always like that, always building things, always wanting them to be bigger and better than everyone else’s. So he enlisted me and the help of two of the guys we used to run with, Johnny Gillette and Bryan Fall. We spent all day working on that thing, building the base and then the middle part. It was huge. I mean…” Trevor held out his arms wide, “huge. But by the time we got to the head, we were all too tired and cold to put much effort into it. So the head ended up about the size of a baseball, sitting up on top of this monstrous body. It didn’t even look like a snowman. It was just this big old blob of snow.”
On and on the memories went. We couldn’t seem to stop. Everyone had a great memory of Grady, even my parents.
By the time we opened presents, we all had to dry our eyes, but there were smiles on our faces.
I hadn’t remembered Grady like this yet. Whenever I thought about him over the last several months, I had been too racked with grief to let my thoughts be good ones. And I couldn’t remember a time when any of us had spoken so openly about him, remembering the great man that he was instead of the man we all wished was still alive.
My kids smiled and laughed and screamed for joy while they opened presents. Most of the gifts were still hidden away in my closet, bought online and shipped straight to my house. All of the years before, Grady and I had made special shopping dates to pick out presents for the kids.
This year I had nearly given up before I even started. I was too overwhelmed with the responsibility of making this holiday happy for my kids. I hadn’t felt the desire to celebrate anything.
But just like all the years before, it was never me that made this holiday special. It was Grady. It was always Grady. Even in death he put smiles on our faces and love in our hearts.
This holiday was especially hard because he wasn’t here to celebrate with us and yet, we could make it through today and tomorrow and all the days after because of the memories he had given us that would stay with us forever.
I closed my eyes, completely overcome with devotion for a man I would love forever and beyond. Thinking about Ben in this same context seemed silly. How could any man compare to the husband I’d loved and lost? How could I even entertain those ridiculous feelings? They were so incomparable to what I felt for Grady.
After presents and more cheesecake, my parents took my kids upstairs to help them get ready for bed and I walked Katherine and Trevor to the door. Trevor threw his arms around me and squeezed me in a tight hug before hurrying to the car to warm it up for his mom.
“That was really a lovely evening,” Katherine told me as she put her coat and gloves on. “I have been dreading today for so long, I just… I never expected to enjoy it so much.”
“I know exactly what you mean. What are your plans for tomorrow?”
She hesitated with her hand on the frosted screen door. “Trevor is going to come over in the morning and then we’ll go to my brother’s house. Clay has five children of his own and sixteen grandchildren. It should be busy enough to keep us entertained.”
“Thank you for spending tonight with us, Katherine. I know things have been strained lately… I just wanted to apologize for my behavior on Thanksgiving. I should never have said those things to Trevor. And I feel terrible for ruining your meal and-”
“Liz, please don’t bother apologizing to me.” Her gloved hand landed on my shoulder. I lifted my eyes to meet hers wet with new tears. “I know how hard it is now that Grady is gone and I know how frustrated you must be with my son’s behavior. But do you know what I saw on Thanksgiving?”
I shook my head; I couldn’t even imagine what she saw. A woman crazed with grief? A hot mess that should seriously consider therapy? I wasn’t sure I wanted to know the answer.
“I saw you treat Trevor like family. And even though you were furious with him, I saw that you still love him. He doesn’t have Grady anymore, but he still has you.”
“Katherine, of course. You are my family still, even if Grady isn’t here to legally tie us together.”
She smiled warmly at me. “When my husband died… well, I didn’t see much of his family after that. We all got too busy or moved on or I don’t know what, but it hurt me that his parents didn’t reach out more or spend time with their grandchildren. Now, I can see that they were probably too torn apart by their own grief. Besides, my boys had been much older. They were teenagers and difficult to connect with. I suppose I’ve been waiting for you to pull back too.” She cupped my face affectionately. “I couldn’t bear it, Liz. The idea of not just losing Grady, but you and the kids is too much for me. So, yes, please yell at Trevor as often as you’d like. Ruin as many holidays as you want to. Just don’t shut us out of your lives, please.”
I threw my arms around her and hugged her tightly. “I won’t,” I promised. “You are my family. Grady brought us together, but I’m going to keep us together.”
We hugged each other for a couple long minutes and then separated ways. It was easier tonight than it had been in the past. We were both hurting, but she was right, we were family too. And we would help each other get through this together.
Chapter Sixteen
By lunchtime the next day, I had thrown away at least three thousand feet of wrapping paper, dealt with approximately six hundred batteries and cried too many times to count. But we survived Christmas morning.
It helped that my parents and Emma had come to share the holiday. I didn’t think I could do this without them.