“But you know what Grady would do. Just do that. Until you figure it out for yourself, just do what Grady would do.”
He continued to rub the back of his hand over his mouth but some of the desolation in his somber expression ebbed away. “Okay, yeah. I can do that. I could maybe do that.”
I stood back up and tried to relax. Panic mingled with frustration and heavy doses of heartache swirled through me. I wanted my husband’s business to succeed. I needed it to. I needed something of Grady’s to live on, even while he didn’t. But I was helpless. The business was Trevor’s and I would do an even worse job than he ever could. It wasn’t even an option for me to consider running the business.
Grady had left me with my hands tied behind my back. I couldn’t do anything except watch Trevor crash and burn. I couldn’t even give him worthwhile advice because I didn’t know anything about construction!
If only Grady were here. He could fix this mess.
No, that’s not true. He would never have let us get to this point. He wouldn’t have needed to fix anything.
“It’ll be okay, Liz. I’ll figure it out.”
“Grady left you in charge because he believed in you, Trevor. Of course, you’ll figure it out.” Katherine’s voice cut through the kitchen like a knife. Her words seemed to rally her son, but they had the opposite effect on me.
“Can I get you something to drink, Katherine?” I forced the conversation to move on. I didn’t want to talk about the failing business anymore. I wanted to pretend it wasn’t a problem or I had a feeling I would not make it through a pleasant visit with my in-laws.
“No, thank you.” She stood up from the kid table and walked over to the island. “The kids look good, Liz. Healthy.”
She made it sound like there was a possibility they might not look good or healthy. “Thanks.”
“Have the… how are they… are they still adjusting?”
I took a step back, surprised by her question. It was just so… so uncalled for. I glanced around at the kids to see if they understood what she meant. By the way Blake refused to look at me and his cheeks heated to a rosy red, I knew he got her meaning.
I swallowed down resentment and frustration and managed to clip out a response. “They’re doing okay, Katherine. Thank you for asking.”
“I know how hard it is for them, Liz. I had two young men when Thomas passed. They don’t always know how to manage grief when they’re this young. They can lash out or misbehave while they try to come to grips with their world changing.”
My thoughts immediately flashed to Abby and her behavior lately. I knew that was why she misbehaved and acted out, but I didn’t feel like sharing that with Katherine. This was just one more thing we should have managed to bond over, but couldn’t seem to move past our personality differences.
Trevor saved me from trying to come up with a response, “Aw, Mom, we weren’t so bad!”
She gave him an indulgent smile. “You, Trevor William, were the worst. And your niece is turning out just like you. I’m worried for her mother.” She set her hand on Abby’s head affectionately and every one of her features softened.
“Who, me?” Abby asked with a sly smile.
“Yes, you. Your Uncle Trevor is nothing but trouble. I’d stay away from him if I were you.”
“No way!” Abby squealed and then attacked her uncle. The little kids followed suit and soon Trevor had all four kids hanging off his arms and legs. He made monster sounds and dragged them into the living room where they could wrestle.
There was a lot about Trevor that frustrated me, but I couldn’t deny that he was a good uncle. The kids loved him. And he managed to wear out some of their constant energy.
“He misses Grady so much,” Katherine said softly after they’d disappeared from our sight.
I kept my eyes focused on the doorway when I said, “Me too.”
A cold hand landed on my bare forearm. “It will get easier.”
I tried to give her a confident smile, but it wobbled. The truth was I didn’t want it to get better. I didn’t want to stop missing Grady. I didn’t want this pain to recede because that would mean I would be over this. Over him.
And I never wanted to be.
He was the great love of my life and I was terrified to forget one small detail about him. Even now the touch of his rough hands and the sweet scent of his skin were only sensory memories. I couldn’t capture those intangible things in pictures or on video.
And that terrified me.
Noticing my struggle not to lose it, Katherine lowered her voice. “It will, Liz. You’ll learn to breathe again. You’ll learn to live again.”
The tears started falling, but she didn’t offer a hug or more encouraging words. She’d said enough. And I was still trying to decide if she’d helped or hurt me more. I wiped them away again, thankful that I hadn’t bothered with makeup this morning.
“I’d like to have the kids for a sleepover next weekend if that works for you? I was thinking I could pick up Jace and Lucy from your house before school gets out and then we’d swing over and grab the older kids before we went back to my house. Trevor is going to stay with me to help manage them.”
“They would love that, Katherine.”
She smiled at me. “Good. You can have a bit of a break and I get to spoil them rotten.”
I found myself smiling too. This was the easiest it had been between us in as long as I could remember. The sounds of squealing children and roaring filled the house.
“Would you like help with lunch?”
I listened to the kids for another moment and thought of Ben’s accusing words. Maybe he was right. Maybe I did have a hard time accepting help.
“I’d love some. Thank you.”
Chapter Seven