SUNDAY, MARCH 23
OMG! You will never believe what happened here yesterday! It was UNREAL!!
I had less than fifteen minutes to come up with a plan to get rid of the TV crew. I crept downstairs and snuck up on Brianna, who was watching cartoons in the living room.
“Pssst!” I whispered. “Pssst! Brianna!”
“Miss Penelope, would you PLEASE stop bugging me!” she said, rolling her eyes at her hand. “You can watch the news after this cartoon is over!”
“No! It’s ME!” I snapped. “Look behind you, dummy! I mean . . . dear!”
“Oh! Hi, Nikki! Why are you whispering?” Brianna asked. “Are you playing a game? CAN I PLAY?!”
“Shhhhh!” I covered her mouth. “Yes! But you have to be superquiet. It’s a secret game, okay?”
She nodded.
“Let’s sneak upstairs and I’ll explain,” I whispered. “I don’t want Mom and Dad to hear. Okay?”
She nodded again, and I slowly removed my hand from her mouth.
“NIKKI, I CAN’T WAIT TO SNEAK UPSTAIRS TO PLAY OUR SECRET GAME!” she screamed excitedly. “I PROMISE I WON’T TELL MOM AND DAD A THING! AND, MUH, MUH, MUH, MUH . . .”
I didn’t have a choice but to slap my hand back over her mouth to shut her up. The last thing I needed was for Brianna to ruin my plan by blabbing everything to Mom and Dad. With my hand still over her mouth, I picked her up like a human football and ran up the stairs like I was trying to score a touchdown or something! After we’d made it safely to my room, I sat her on my bed and scolded her.
“Brianna! The first rule about the secret game is, WE DON’T TALK ABOUT THE SECRET GAME!”
“My bad!” she giggled. “Sugar makes me chatty.”
“Anyway, I have fab news! I’ve got a plan for how YOU and Miss Penelope can get your own TV show!”
“REALLY?!!!” she shouted. “I’M SOOO HAPPY!”
I shushed her and continued. “Talent shows are so . . . yesterday. You need to impress the director with something she’s never seen before.”
“Okay!” Brianna said excitedly. “So, um . . . what exactly has she never seen before?”
“Well, you could wear your cute red heart pj’s! And paint cute red polka dots on your face. We’ll call your style . . . um . . . cute clown couture!”
“What?! Pj’s and polka dots?!” she said, scrunching up her nose. “Hmm! I think that’s . . . AWESOME! I love clowns! Well, except for the creepy, sad ones. Those guys are scary! I’m not going to be a creepy, sad, scary clown, am I, Nikki?!”
“Of course not!” I assured her. “I have a strict no-creepy-sad-scary-clowns-allowed policy.”
Brianna changed into her pj’s and I got busy with the polka dots. . . .
ME, HELPING BRIANNA GET HER VERY OWN TV SHOW (KIND OF)
“There! All done! See how cute you look?!”
“Hey! Wait a second!” Brianna said, examining her face in the mirror and frowning. “Are you kidding me? How am I supposed to get a TV show looking like this?!”
Oh, crud! She wasn’t drinking the Kool-Aid! Brianna pointed at her cheek. “Nikki, you missed a spot! Right there! See?”
“Oh. Sorry about that!” I replied sarcastically. I added one last red polka dot to her cheek.
“There! Now it’s perfect!” She smiled. “I’m going to be a famous reality TV star. Just like Honey Boo Boo!”
I breathed a sigh of relief.
“Oh! I almost forgot! I need a funny name, too,” Brianna said.
I had the PERFECT name for her!
I whispered it into her ear and she couldn’t stop giggling.
Suddenly the doorbell rang. Yikes! The TV crew had finally arrived.
I said a prayer that my plan would work.
“Okay, let’s go! And remember, Brianna, you’re a STAR! Now sparkle . . . !”
I rushed downstairs and opened the door.
“Good morning, everyone! Come right in!” I said, and plastered a fake smile on my face.
That’s when my director noticed Brianna. “Hello, sweetheart! What’s your name?”
“It’s CHICKEN POX!” Brianna yelled. “Isn’t CHICKEN POX a silly name?! I got these cute red polka dots this morning. Aren’t they booty-ful?”
That’s when the entire TV crew gasped. . . .
As my director slowly backed away from Brianna, she accidentally tripped over the camera guy. He lost his balance, fell down the steps, and knocked over the lights guy.
“OMG! She’s contagious!” my director shrieked. “Filming is canceled! Everybody back to the van!”
“Hey, do you guys wanna hear me sing?! I’m a pretty good dancer, too!” Brianna chirped.
“Um, is something wrong?” I asked innocently.
“Sorry! But we can’t film here today. This child is obviously very sick! Good-bye!”
“Wait a minute!” Brianna yelled, grabbing her mic. She turned her music on and screeched, “ROW, ROW, ROW YOUR BOAT, BABY! GOTTA ROW TO THAT FUNKY BEAT, BABY!”
The entire TV crew took off running down the sidewalk, back to their van, dropping equipment along the way. Brianna ran after them, singing, “DANCING DOWN THE STREEEEEEEAM!”
OMG! It was a scene straight out of a comedy movie. If only I’d had a camera to film it all.
If I hadn’t intervened, I’m sure each of my family members would have gotten their own TV show, including Miss Penelope.
My life has been a wreck these past few weeks due to my superbusy schedule. And I’m not about to stand by and let this happen to my family. Sure, they’re a little cray-cray! But they’re mine! And I LOVE them!
I’m really sorry to disappoint my director and all of those TV viewers. BUT . . .
What HAPPENS in the Maxwell residence STAYS in the Maxwell residence!!! !!
Anyway, thank goodness my fake Chicken Pox Apocalypse worked like a charm! That TV crew won’t be coming back to my house anytime soon.