THURSDAY, MARCH 20
Today was a complete and utter DISASTER !!
Thanks to MacKenzie, I was up until 2:00 a.m. last night watching her STUPID dance videos.
In one of them, she was dressed like a bumblebee and just danced around onstage for thirty minutes pretending to pollinate some fake plastic flowers.
Her dad must have hired someone to shoot those videos. Because no real audience would have sat there and watched that GARBAGE! I’m just sayin’!
And all day I was so tired I could barely keep my eyes open during class. This new schedule of mine is beyond exhausting.
Anyway, when the last bell rang, I rushed right over to the library to wait for Brandon. I actually got there a few minutes early. But I sort of accidentally fell asleep in a study cubicle. Well, that’s what the librarian told me. . . .
BRANDON AND ME, PATIENTLY WAITING FOR EACH OTHER IN THE LIBRARY SO I CAN HELP HIM WITH HIS PROJECT
BRANDON, LEAVING THE LIBRARY AFTER WAITING FOR ME FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR (WHILE I SNOOZED IN A NEARBY CUBICLE)
That’s what the librarian told me when she woke me up to tell me I had to go home because the library was closing in five minutes.
I can’t believe I let Brandon down AGAIN ! His scholarship project is SUPERimportant!
If he UNFRIENDS me on Facebook, I’d TOTALLY deserve it!
Did I mention that I also slept right through my voice lesson? And my first dance practice with MacKenzie. It gets WORSE! My recording session starts in LESS than thirty minutes.
Which means I’ve been asleep in that stupid study cubicle for four hours!!
AAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!
(That was me screaming in frustration.)
!!
NIKKI MAXWELL: THE MAKING OF A POP PRINCESS! EPISODE #5
FRIDAY, MARCH 21
I HATE, HATE, HATE my martial arts class !! I’m not very good at it. And my karate instructor is CRAY-CRAY! He’s always ranting about how he’s the “greatest” this and the “strongest” that. But seriously, the only chops he knows about are PORK chops!
In gym, Sensei Hawkins made us line up military style with our hands at our sides. Then he paced the floor, mean mugging random kids.
“So . . . you little pip-squeaks have returned for more of the Hawk’s infinite knowledge,” he said mockingly. “Wise decision. It’s a cruel, merciless world out there! The ‘eye of the tiger’ philosophy will only get you so far. But the ‘claw of the Hawk’ conquers all! It’s sharp, powerful, and hangnail free—groomed with the nail clipper of RIGHTEOUSNESS! AIIEEYAAA!!!”
He hollered, did a side kick, and tried to finish with the splits. However, he only got about halfway down before he stopped abruptly. Then he pursed his lips and tried NOT to scream in PAIN. . . .
THE HAWK DOES THE SPLITS?!
“Students . . . ,” he announced, “what I’m REALLY demonstrating here is my signature Hawk’s Wing Stance! I used this move to defeat a gang of eleven bank robbers, armed only with my bus pass, a bottle of prune juice, and an empty Doritos bag!”
Chloe, Zoey, and I exchanged looks and then rolled our eyes in complete disgust.
“Perhaps one day, the Hawk will teach you this deadly stance. IF you prove yourselves worthy!”
When he jumped out of his “stance,” his back went CRAACK!! He winced and did a cocky laugh.
“Now prepare yourselves, pip-squeaks! It’s time to demonstrate what you’ve learned from the last class. Any volunteers?”
I tried to avoid eye contact. I was praying that if I was still enough, I’d blend in with the deflated basketball behind me. I heard Sensei Hawkins sniff the air and walk toward me.
“The Hawk’s keen nose is picking up the scent of a COWARD! Right . . . about . . . HERE!” he snarled, and pointed at ME!
“All right, puny coward, throw a good punch or you dishonor this dojo!!” he screamed right in my face.
THE HAWK, YELLING AT ME TO PUNCH!!
That guy really needed to back off! I’m seriously allergic to big ugly JERKS.
The odor he was smelling was probably the liverwurst and tuna fish sandwich I smelled on HIS breath.
Then he pulled a pink cupcake out of his shirt, stuffed it into his mouth, and chomped angrily at me. The merciless chewing and smacking had me sweating bullets!
Then came the meanest, most threatening belch I’d ever heard! Even though it smelled like strawberries, he REALLY meant business!!
“Start punching!” he ordered.
I was so nervous, I actually forgot HOW to punch. I just stared at him blankly and tried really hard not to lose my breakfast.
“Did the Hawk give you permission to EYEBALL him?! NO! Just PUNCH!” he roared.
His face was really red. It made me think he was going to turn into the Hulk or something! But I guess his anger just made him want to eat more.
Before I could say “all-you-can-eat,” he was holding a chocolate shake with whipped cream and a cherry on top. How is he storing that stuff?!
He must be some kind of magical FOOD WIZARD!
I FINALLY remembered how to punch and made a feeble attempt at an uppercut.
“NO!” He scowled with chocolate dripping from the corners of his mouth. “You call that powerful?! Roar when you punch, pip-squeak! Like this—HIIIYAAAAAH!”
“Oh, okay! Um . . . hi-ya!” I threw a weak jab and smiled nervously.
“NO! NO! NO!” he screamed, and stomped. “WHAT’S WRONG WITH YOU?! DO IT AGAIN!”
The other kids looked almost as scared as I was.
Chloe covered her eyes. “This is too much for me! I can’t watch!” she whimpered.
Zoey bit her nails. “Be strong! You can do it!” she mouthed to me.
MacKenzie had this smirk on her face and was enjoying every minute of my public humiliation.
I closed my eyes, balled up my fist, and gave myself a pep talk. “Get it together, Maxwell! Throw a good punch or this guy is going to FAIL you! Think claw of the Hawk . . . claw of the Hawk . . .”
“Oh, look! The puny coward is tired!” he heckled me. “Anyone who takes a nappy-wappy in front of the Hawk gets nightmares! You hear that, pip—”
“HIIIIIYAAAAAAAH!” I screamed, and swung my fist as hard as I could.
CRUNCH!!!!!!!!
There was a collective gasp from the class. That’s when I opened my eyes to see what had happened. Sensei Hawkins was lying on the floor, covered in his chocolate shake!!