It took me all afternoon to recover from the events of last night and this morning. After taking a nice long nap, eating a little something, and getting dressed I started feeling like my old average self again. I needed to talk with Noah. I needed to get us back on the friendship track. I had just gotten him back. I wasn’t willing to give him up again.
I knocked on the Stewart’s back door instead of just walking in as I usually did. I stood beside the door, so when he opened it the only thing he saw was my hand holding a plate with a big piece of chocolate cake on it. I could feel the smile he had across his face.
Grabbing the cake, he said, “Thanks. I wanted something sweet.” Then he shut the door. He was playing with me, which was a good sign.
As I entered the house, I saw Noah was in the kitchen, leaning against the counter, eating cake. I walked towards him. He looked at me, with a mouthful of cake, and asked, “Did you want some?”
I narrowed my eyes. “Not if it’s going to make you cry.”
He held the fork out to me. Grabbing it, I plunged into the side of the cake that had the most frosting. Noah always left me that part because he knew how much I loved frosting. I handed the fork back to him and lifted myself up to sit on the counter next to where he was leaning. We continued to pass the fork between us until the cake was gone. Noah sat the empty plate behind him on the counter.
He dragged his hands up his face and through his hair. He blew out a breath, then asked, “What are we going to do, Tweet?”
“I need you in my life.”
“I need you in mine, too.”
“Be my friend,” I said.
“Always.”
I knew it was up to me to fix this. If we were going to remain in each other’s lives, I had to be honest with him.
Clearing my throat, I struggled to find the right words. “Noah, next to my dad, you are the finest man I know. I can’t bear the thought of you not being in my life.”
“Tweet...”
He started to turn to face me, but I stopped him. This was going to be hard enough not looking at him. He shifted back in place against the counter, looking down. I heard him sigh deeply.
“You deserve better than me. If we were together, eventually I would screw it up. Then I wouldn’t have you, any part of you.” I felt tears forming and my throat tightening up. “I’m scared to death of losing you. Those four months that we were apart was the loneliest time of my life.”
Noah had crossed his arms over his chest. I could see the muscles in his arms tense up. I had to get this all out. I had to make him understand.
“I’m surprised I haven’t screwed our friendship up yet. Of course, I might be doing that now. I just want the best for you and I’m not the best. I wish I were. You have no idea how I wish I could let you pull me across that line, but there’s something that’s got such a hold on me and I don’t know how to let it go. It’s nobody’s fault. It’s just the way I am. I’ve tried to think better of myself, I really have. Please stay my friend. Things are safer if we keep our relationship as friends. You’re the only one I have and the only one I need. We have to move past this.”
His voice was shaky and deep in his throat. “I don’t know how or where you ever got it in your head that you’re not good enough. You’re beautiful, smart, funny, and kind. You’re perfect for me and always have been. I wish you believed it.”
“Me, too,” I whispered.
He tried to make his voice steady and strong before he asked, “What does Brad mean to you?”
“Nothing.” My answer came out quick. “He asked me to the party and we had fun, until you punched him in the stomach, of course.”
Both of us chuckled, breaking the solemn atmosphere a little.
Noah turned to me. The look of concern and sadness on his face overwhelmed me. “He’s not close to being good enough for you.” He raised one hand to my face and cupped my jaw, running his thumb across my cheek. “If he does anything to hurt you, I swear to god, I’ll kill him.”
“Thank you for caring about me,” I said quietly.
Noah and I leaned forward slightly, resting our foreheads against each other.
“I don’t just care about you, Tweet.”
A sob escaped me as the tears trickled down my face. I wrapped my arms around Noah’s neck as his arms made their way around my waist. We held on to each other, neither of us making any attempt to pull away. We both knew once we let go things would change. It would no longer be just the two of us. Life was going to start taking us in different directions, bringing with it new experiences, challenges, and people. While we continued to hold each other, I silently prayed that maybe one day I would be good enough, that I would find my way back into his arms and they would still be empty and waiting for me to fill them perfectly.
A person should always listen to what their gut tells them. You may not have any substantial reasons why you feel a certain way about something or someone, but that feeling you get in the pit of your stomach that causes you to hesitate has a purpose. Unfortunately, we tend to think either with our heads or our hearts, and simply ignore our gut. Ignore it one too many times and you end up paying the consequences.
Several months had passed since Noah and I had our talk about staying in the friend zone. We had managed to keep the friendship intact for the most part. We both made sure we had our time together, even though it was limited with our senior year coming to an end and getting ready for college.
He had met and started dating Brooke. They’d been together for about two months. She was tall, pretty, lean, with blonde hair, and blue eyes. She was also smart and seemingly understanding about Noah’s relationship with me. She didn’t act threatened or jealous in any way. This kind of pissed me off, though. I interpreted it as an underhanded way of communicating to me and the world that she knew I wasn’t good enough for Noah. It wasn’t that I disliked her. I just had a weird feeling that I couldn’t identify. I was suspicious that Brooke wasn’t as shiny and bright on the inside as she appeared on the outside.
Fortunately, I didn’t come in contact very often with Brooke. She didn’t go to our school. She was the cousin of one of Noah’s teammates. They had met after one of the games. She had quickly glommed on to Noah. After he and I went back into the friend zone, he obviously felt a need to move on, and he moved on with Brooke. It killed me to see them together. Brooke apparently had some sort of disorder which prevented her from standing on her own whenever she was around Noah. Every time I saw them together, she was hanging off of him. Noah never flaunted his relationship with Brooke in my face. He didn’t talk to me about her very much.
Brad and I continued to hang out. Technically, we weren’t dating, but I have fond feelings for him. You can’t spend as much time as we did together, doing the things we did together, and not develop some affection for the other person. He was simply a distraction, though, an extremely hot distraction, but a distraction nonetheless. He was fun and helped me get my mind off of Noah and Brooke, kind of. Even though I cared a lot for him, I knew I would never feel for Brad what I felt for Noah. I don’t think I’ll ever feel that way about another guy.
Brad and I were at his house one afternoon studying. He never talked much about his family, but I always got the impression that he was pretty much on his own. He and his mom were the only two living in this huge house. His parents had gotten a divorce when he was 10 years old and his older brother, Peyton, was off attending law school.
Brad’s parents were both lawyers. The few times I had been over at his house, his mom was never there. There always seemed to be a big case she was working on. It appeared his dad was the same way. There were several times when Brad called me to hang out on the weekend because plans with his dad had suddenly been canceled. I got the feeling neither of his parents were interested in giving him any of their time.
I tried to talk to him about serious subjects a few times, but he always made a joke of it and changed the topic. Our relationship was fun and breezy, nothing serious.
We had been studying for about an hour when Brad leaned over to me on the sofa and started nuzzling my neck, trailing soft kisses up and down. It made me shudder.
Against my neck he said, “I’ve exercised my brain enough today. It’s time to exercise the rest of me.”
He pulled the book I had resting on my lap away and tossed it on the coffee table. My eyes closed as I tilted my head to the side. Even though Brad and I didn’t have a very deep relationship, my body always responded to his touch.
Breathlessly I said, “We really should be studying. We have that big exam we need to get ready for.”
Grabbing my waist he pulled me over on to his lap. “I got something big you need to get ready for.”
I burst out laughing as he showered my neck with quick little bites as his arm snaked around my waist.
“You have got to be the cheesiest high school senior ever.” Removing his lips from my neck, he looked at me with a suggestive smirk. Leaning in, he nipped at my bottom lip between each clipped sentence. “Admit it. You crave it. Ache for it. Lust after it. Have a thirst for it that can’t be quenched.”
“Alright, already, I do find you charming, but only a smidge,” I said, my laughter dying down as a warm sensation took over my body.
Sapphire eyes pierced mine, holding a different more intense look. Brad’s gaze went from my eyes to my lips, and then back. The air in the room shifted. Passion and desire emanated from him.
Sliding his hand behind my neck, he pulled me to him. Our lips touched and slowly began moving against each other. His tongue thrust into my mouth and caressed mine. I got lost in the all-consuming feeling of his movements.
Suddenly, the front door flew open and Brad’s mom came barreling through the room.
Mrs. Johnson was a striking looking woman with the same dirty-blond hair and piercing sapphire eyes as Brad. I had only been around her briefly a few times, but she had this incredible presence that demanded you pay attention when she entered a room.
I quickly scooted off of Brad’s lap, smoothed my hair, and adjusted my clothes before his mom had a chance to figure out what we were doing.
Brad looked annoyed. He ran his hand through his hair. “Mom, what are you doing here?”
Never looking up, she sorted through the mail while talking a mile a minute. “I was bombarded with calls at the office. I have a huge case coming up and couldn’t get anything done with the constant interruptions. You two go ahead and finish whatever you were doing. I’m going to lock myself in my office.”
Tossing the mail on the small entryway table, she started walking away, throwing her words over her shoulder. “Bradley, remember I’m not to be disturbed for any reason. Pretend I’m not here,” she said as she exited the room.
“That’ll be easy,” Brad muttered.
He stood, extending his hand to me. “Come on.”
“Where are we going?” I asked.
“My room,” he said as he flashed his megawatt smile. “I want to be alone with you.”
I was a little hesitant because of how intense things seemed to get earlier. It wasn’t that I didn’t trust Brad. I didn’t trust myself. I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t thought about having sex with him. Plus, he had a way of getting me to do things I didn’t normally do. I had done more physically with him than anyone else. He made me smile and laugh a lot. He was always sweet to me and I loved making out with him. I had a strange uneasy feeling in my gut because his mom was here.
Brad held my hand, pulling me behind him as we climbed the stairs. When we got to his room he opened the door and stepped aside to allow me to enter first. It was a typical high school baseball player’s room. Trophies lined a big bookshelf and baseball pendants lined the wall. On his desk sat his laptop. He had a huge TV, a dresser, and bed.
He came up behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist, giving me a gentle kiss on my cheek. “You know what?” he asked playfully.
“What?”
“I gotta girl in my room.” I felt his smile against my cheek.
“Somehow I don’t think that’s a rare occurrence.”
“I’ve never had a girl in my room, unless you count my mom and Miss Sally, and trust me, neither one of them have seen girl-dom in a long, long time.”
Turning round in his arms to face him, I asked, “Who’s Miss Sally?”
“The maid, she comes a few times a week. But today is her day off,” he said winking at me.
Narrowing my eyes, I asked suspiciously, “So, I’m really the first girl you’ve ever had in your room?”
“The one and only.”
“Why have I been granted this honor?”
“Because, you’re special to me,” he said as he gave me a sweet smile.
There was sincerity and warmth in his eyes. I could tell he meant what he said. In that moment, he wasn’t the smooth talking high school Casanova. He wasn’t the spoiled brat everyone at school thought he was. He was a sweet boy who made me happy and thought I was special.
“Make yourself comfortable. I’m going to check my email real quick.”
Kicking off my flats, I scooted up the bed and leaned against the headboard. My gaze roamed around the room taking everything in before it landed on Brad sitting at his desk. He was even hot checking email. When he finished, he turned his chair around to face me.
“So, what do you want to do now?” I asked.
He slid off the chair on to his knees, crawling on all fours across the floor and up the bed to me. “Oh, there are several things I want to do now.” He waggled his eyebrows. And just like that, the Casanova was back.
I started laughing. “I left myself wide open for that one.”
“Oh Beautiful, I have about ten responses to that running through my head. All dirty. You’re killing me.” I slapped his arm and laughed. “Let’s listen to some music,” he said, kissing the tip of my nose before jumping off the bed and walking over to his impressive sound system. To my surprise, the awesome voice of Tracy Chapman filled the air. I always pegged Brad as a pop music kind of guy. That’s usually what was playing in his car. I was impressed with his choice today.
“I love this CD,” I said.
“Yeah, she’s awesome.”
Shaking my head, I looked up at him. “You surprise me.”
He smirked as he walked back to his desk and sat. He playfully said, “Why, because I like music with soul and meaning? I’m not just a pretty face with an amazing body, Beautiful.”
“I know that,” I said, smiling slightly.
We listened to the music in silence for a while. I had decided to try and talk to Brad about something important. I didn’t know if it was because I wanted to finally get to know another side of him or because I wanted to keep us busy talking, so things wouldn’t get as hot and heavy as they were getting downstairs.
“What are you going to be when you grow up?”
Brad tilted the chair back, looking up like he was contemplating this question with great thought. “A fireman and a clown. No, wait a minute. I don’t want to be a clown. They’re scary as hell. Maybe a…”
“I’m serious. Why do you always do that?”
“Do what?” he asked while twisting his chair from side to side.
“Whenever I’ve tried to talk to you about anything serious, you always make a joke, and we drop it.”
“I have my entire adult life to be serious. Why start now?”
We stared at each other. I couldn’t pinpoint what was different about today, but when I looked at Brad I wanted more than a physical connection with him. Maybe this is what ‘moving on’ felt like.
The air changed in the room, just like it had before while we were downstairs. I was extremely aware of the increasing pace of my heartbeat as I saw Brad’s eyes run up and down my body. Just his look made the butterflies in my stomach wake up. I took in a big gulp of air when the tip of his tongue slid across his bottom lip. Clearing my throat, I broke the silence, and returned to my questioning.
“Answer the question.”
“I guess a lawyer.” He sounded very dispassionate.
“You don’t sound very happy about it.”
“Both my parents are lawyers. My granddad on my father’s side was a lawyer. My brother will be a lawyer. I’ve always been told I was going to be a lawyer too.” A sense of hopelessness clouded his words and tone of his voice. It was as if he had no say-so in his future, whatsoever. He turned his attention back to his laptop, ending our conversation.
I closed my eyes and laid my head against the headboard, concentrating on the music. I could feel his gaze on me. My eyes shot open when I heard the creek of the chair as Brad got up. He walked over to the dresser and began to empty his pockets, placing the items on top.
I felt bad about the questions I asked earlier. When I saw the sadness in Brad’s eyes I should have been a friend and asked him if he wanted to talk about it. Instead, I just let it go. I looked up at him still standing at the dresser, his back was to me.
“So you don’t sound like you really want to be a lawyer. What do you want to be?” There was some trepidation in my voice.
Spinning around, he held his hands up, palms facing out, and said, “A dancer!” In the blink of an eye fun Brad was back.
I did a full blown belly laugh. “You’re crazy.”
“Damn straight, Beautiful. Crazy for the dance.” He began gyrating his hips as he walked toward me. “I got the music in me and its gotsta get out!”
He grabbed the hem of his shirt and slowly peeled it off, tossing it to the side, a la striptease. Wow, his body was insane. His chest was smooth and toned. His abs and V were not as prominent as Noah’s, but they were there, and they were very nice.
I was laughing so hard my sides started hurting. I couldn’t think straight. He continued to gyrate all the way to the foot of the bed. Leaning over, he grabbed my ankles, pulling me down towards him. Crawling up the bed and over my body, Brad hovered just above me, his hands on either side of my head. He leaned towards me slightly, as if he were doing a pushup, and asked in all seriousness, “Why are you laughing at my dream?”
“I’m not laughing at your dream. It’s a very nice dream. I just never pictured you as Lord of the Dance,” I said, trying hard to contain my laughter. His sapphire stare causing me to heat up.
“Oh yeah. The sequins, the jazz hands, the tights. It’s what I live for.”
“I apologize for mocking your dream,” I said, a smile playing across my lips.
“I am very hurt and offended. But, I can think of twenty-five ways you can make it up to me,” he looked up as if something had just dawned on him. “Wait, twenty-five and a half ways.” He shot me a wink.
I rolled my eyes and continued to smile up at him. He really was fun, besides being terribly cute, sexy, and half naked.
He lowered his body a little closer and began running his nose along mine. Teasing me, he dipped his lips close to mine, but didn’t touch them. He wanted me to come to him. I raised my head up capturing his lips with mine. We broke contact for a split second as he adjusted his position, laying beside me, using his elbow to prop himself up.
As our lips reconnected, I ran my hands over his ripped abdomen and up his chest, until they found their way into his hair. He let out several moans while they made their way up his body. Pressing on the back of his head, I pushed him closer to me as our tongues took turns going in and out of each other’s mouths. It was like we couldn’t taste each other fast enough. My actions were completely my body responding to his. This was one reason why I didn’t think it was a good idea for us to be in his bedroom. Whenever Brad touched me, my brain shut off and I just felt him. This scared me because I felt overwhelmed with sensations and out of control.
The music had stopped, replaced by heavy breathing and moans.
“I really like you, Amanda,” he said between kisses.
“I really like you too,” I said between moans.
We both gasped between kisses, drawing in as much oxygen as we could, trying to catch our breath. Brad brought his left hand up and cupped the side of my face. He pulled his lips from mine, tugging my bottom lip as he broke away.
He looked down at me and whispered, “You’re special to me.” Sincerity spilled from his eyes.
I could feel the warmth cross over every part of my body. Returning his gaze, I trailed my hand down the side of his face to his strong jaw. “There’s more to you than what you let people see,” I whispered.
He leaned down and brushed my lips with his. His gaze was smoldering and hot. “God, I want you so bad,” he whispered against my lips.
“You have me. I think of us as close friends.”
Chuckling, he said, “You’re so damn adorable,” he paused for a moment. “I want to be with you.”
He started placing light kisses along my jaw, stating in between, “Amanda, you’re so beautiful and sweet.” His lips headed toward my neck. “…and hot.” He moved to below my ear. “I’m going to explode if I don’t get inside of you soon.” He nipped at my earlobe, and then returned to my lips, keeping me from saying anything. I couldn’t think straight or talk. All I could do was feel and react. Every part of my body was throbbing.
His hand slid down to my breast. As he massaged it, his thumb ran over my hard covered nipple. My nipples were standing at attention. He started nibbling across my jaw, again. Now was my chance to say something. This was getting out of hand fast and I needed to stop it from going farther. But no words came out of my mouth, only moans. I didn’t want him to stop.
Using a low gravelly voice, he said, “Take your shirt and bra off. I need to get my mouth on your gorgeous tits.”
It was as if my body had been taken over by aliens. I didn’t seem to have any control over what I was doing. I continued to struggle with my thoughts and my gut feeling, but my body ignored them and succumbed to the sensations. It felt amazing. He felt amazing. He watched as I began to unbutton my shirt, his eyes eager and hungry.
Once my torso was exposed, he ran his hand up the middle of it. As I lifted up slightly he slip the shirt over my shoulders and down my arms, tossing it to the floor. His hands ran over my breasts, then my shoulders, finally landing on my back, and unclasped my bra. I had never been completely naked in front of a boy before. Even with the heavy make out sessions we had done, I always had enough control to keep my clothes on.
Brad slid the straps down my arm and threw my bra to the side. He looked down at me as if he wanted to devour every inch of my body. His chest heaved up and down as his breaths were coming out shallow and quick. “F*ck, you’re gorgeous,” he panted, just before his mouth descended on my nipple.
I laced my fingers through his soft hair as he wrapped his lips securely around my nipple, sucking on it hard at the same time he ran his tongue over it roughly. Waves of electricity ran through my body. I arched my back and put pressure on the back of his head, pushing myself farther into his mouth. I was so wet at this point, I was afraid it was going to seep through my jeans.
I felt Brad’s hand begin to trail down my stomach, landing on the button of my jeans. I wanted him to take them off and keep going. I cared for him a lot and was incredibly attracted to him. He freed the button and slowly pulled the zipper down. Involuntarily, my hand flew to the top of his. He stopped and looked at me with smoldering eyes. I gave him a slight smile and moved my hand away from his.
He began to nibble, suck, and lick his way down my body. I closed my eyes, my body absorbing every sensation caused by his hands and mouth. Just as I was about to get completely lost in the feel of Brad’s body and touch, the fact that his mother was downstairs flashed across my mind.
“Maybe we should stop. I mean your… um…we’re not alone,” I said, my voice raspy.
“It’s okay. No one will bother us.” A shiver ran through me, giving him all the permission he needed to continue.
I couldn’t believe this was happening. I still had thoughts of stopping it from going farther, but the words wouldn’t come out of my mouth. My eyes began to flutter shut when I felt tears running down my temples. Noah invaded my mind. I was thinking how much I wanted this to be him. How it should be him. But it’s not and won’t ever be. I felt cool air hit my legs as my jeans slid down and off. I was completely naked except for my panties.
Brad was sitting between my legs, resting back on his heels. His fingers slip under the top of my panties and then pulled them off. He performed one continuous lick the entire way up my body. His tongue stopped at one of my nipples, circling it before his lips sucked it into his mouth, all while pinching my other nipple. He pulled away slightly before plunging toward me, devouring my lips while he began to grind between my legs. I couldn’t get over how hard he was. My hands found the button of his jeans. I struggled to undo it. Brad pulled away from me and stood up.
He quickly removed his jeans and boxers. I rose up on my elbows and looked at him. I had never seen a completely naked guy before. It was mesmerizing. A huge smile crossed his face when he saw how large my eyes had gotten at the sight of him. He opened the drawer of his bedside table and grabbed a condom, put it on, and was back on top of me in a flash.
He buried his head in the crook of my neck and slowly pushed into me. At first it felt weird, but as he moved in more and more I got used to it. Then with one forceful thrust a stabbing pain ran through my body causing me to cry out. I felt tears run down the sides of my face. Brad didn’t react to my obvious pain and began to move faster and faster. The pain started to disappear and pleasure took its place.
I wrapped my arms around his neck as Brad bounced me up and down on the bed. The area between my hips to the top of my thighs began to heat up. My body tightened and I felt a pressure inside of me build. My body got tighter and tighter as the pressure and heat increased. Then what felt like a giant contraction took over my body. My toes clenched, my nipples got even harder, and I was throbbing and convulsing inside. I was soaking wet. His thrusts got faster as he slid deeper into me. My legs started shaking and wave after wave of contractions went through me as I cried out Brad’s name. I heard one muffled grunt and then his body stiffened before collapsing on top of me. We stayed that way for several minutes, both trying to slow our breaths down. Brad lifted his head to look at me, but never said a word. He smiled just before climbing off, causing me to wince a little as he slid out of me. I watched as he removed the condom and threw it into the trashcan.
I was startled by a noise I heard out in the hall. I looked up at Brad and asked in a low voice, “You locked the door, didn’t you?”
“I’m pretty sure I did.” He threw on his jeans and slipped his shirt over his head as he walked to the door. I saw him place his hand on the doorknob jiggling it to make sure it was locked. I leaning over the side of the bed looking for where my clothes and underwear had landed when the door suddenly swung open.
My head shot up and it felt as if all the blood had drained from my vital organs. Standing in front of me were Brad’s two friends, Jeremy and Spencer. I scrambled to grab the comforter and cover myself.
Jeremy took one step toward me then said to Brad, “Shit! I don’t believe it. You won again.” Brad and Spencer burst out laughing.
I was so shocked I wasn’t able to comprehend what was happening. I watched as Spencer reached in his front pocket, pulled out a wad of cash, and slapped it into Brad’s palm.
Looking up at Brad I asked, “What’s going on?” My voice was so shaky and weak, I didn’t recognize it.
Brad stepped forward, trying to stifle a laugh, and answered, “It’s just a little friendly bet between some of us on the team.”
“This is the third time in a row that this son of a bitch has won,” Jeremy said.
Brad shrugged his shoulders. “What can I say? I’m a natural.”
“Yeah, well, we almost didn’t get into see it with our own eyes, so this f*ck was almost disqualified. Your mom had locked the front door. You better be glad we knew where the extra house key was hidden.”
My body started to shake uncontrollably as tears spilled down my cheeks. They were carrying on a conversation like I wasn’t even there, like I was a thing, not a person.
“Sorry about that. I wasn’t expecting her to come home,” Brad said.
“So on the cherry scale, how high does the sweet Amanda rate?” Spencer asked.
All three guys stood there watching me have a nervous breakdown, completely unaffected by what they had done to me.
A huge smile crossed Brad’s face. “Sweet Amanda was f*cktastic. I’d give her a nine point seven five out of ten.”
“Bravo!” Jeremy and Spencer said in unison. All three started to slowly clap their hands.
The look on Brad’s face was disgusting. He looked as if he had done me a favor, like I should be honored that he rated me so high on his sleazy scale.
“We’ll give you some privacy so you can get dressed and leave,” he said.
Jeremy and Spencer left the room followed by Brad. He turned to face me, lingering in the doorway. I was trembling and tears drenched my cheeks, but no sounds of sobs came out of me. This felt like an out of body experience. Physically I knew what had happened to me, but my mind wasn’t ready to process it.
Looking up at Brad, I asked, “Why? I liked you. I thought we were friends.” My voice was weak, almost inaudible.
“It’s just sex, Amanda. It’s no big deal,” his voice was flat.
“It was to me,” I said, my voice gaining strength. “I don’t understand. Where’s the boy I’ve been spending so much time with who was sweet and made me laugh?”
Looking into his eyes I thought I saw a hint of remorse flash through them, but then he said, “Me and the guys want to go grab something to eat, so if you could hurry up, that’d be great.” Then he shut the door, ignoring my question completely.
The only sensation I felt now was the churning of my stomach. I slowly climbed out from under the comforter and looked for my clothes. When I looked down, I saw blood all over my legs and I got lightheaded. I didn’t care about wiping it off. I needed to get out of there. I put my clothes on and slipped into my shoes. I was such an idiot. How could I let something like this happen? I should have known he had ulterior motives. Noah warned me. I had a weird feeling the entire climb up the stairs and while we were in here, but I thought I was just being silly because his mom was home.
My god, his mom is still downstairs.
I never imagined anyone being capable of doing something this cruel. All the time we spent together was nothing more than him setting me up for the big payoff of winning a sick bet.
Thinking how much I needed Noah right now to put his arms around me and protect me, caused my sobs to escape.
I turned to leave and my stomach flipped. I grabbed the trashcan and held it for a minute. Maybe I could hold it together long enough to get home. My stomach started to settle down a bit. As I went to put the trashcan back I glanced down, spotted the used condom, and emptied my stomach all over it.
I crept downstairs as quietly as possible. The guys were in the kitchen talking and laughing. My body felt like it was starting to cave in on itself, ready to collapse at any minute. I grabbed my things and almost made it out the door when Brad’s words stopped me. I didn’t turn around.
“I don’t kiss and tell, so you don’t need to worry. Stewart won’t find out.”
I hugged my backpack tighter to my chest, flew out the door, and into my car.
I don’t know how long I aimlessly drove around town in a daze. I didn’t want to go home. I didn’t want to be around anyone. My first time being with a boy was nothing more than a sick contest, something to be joked about by Brad and his friends. How could I have wasted this first experience of something that should have been with someone who cared about me? Why didn’t I say something to those three douchebags? Why did I just slink out of there without uttering one word? Why didn’t I listen to my gut? I should have stopped things before they got so out of hand. I didn’t even love Brad. If Noah ever found out what happened I wouldn’t be able to look him in the eye again. He’d be completely disappointed and disgusted by me. I felt completely empty. I couldn’t think anymore. I just wanted to disappear.