“Please,” I said, getting a little desperate. “What’s going on? Why are you all here?”
“Jimmy invited us over for dinner,” said Ev.
“He did?”
And through the open door marched what I could only guess was a small army of butlers and one chef. So many black suits with one tall white puffy hat standing head and shoulders above the rest.
“We’ll get set up,” said the eldest of the butlers entering.
“Right,” I murmured, turning back to Anne and Ev. “He’s outplayed me.”
“Sometimes,” said Ev, throwing an arm around my neck. “You just have to follow Jimmy’s lead.”
“Are you insane? He’ll lead me straight to hell.”
“Perhaps. But he likes you, so I’m guessing he’ll bring you back out safe and sound.”
I narrowed my eyes on the insane woman. “We’re interviewing my replacement. Right now.”
Her face fell, yet again.
“We need to get in there,” said Anne.
“So, Tom. Tom was your name, wasn’t it?” Mal projected his voice so well. It positively rang through the marble halls of Jimmy’s mini-palace.
All three of us females bolted for the living room.
The drummer sat beside the poor innocent Tom. His muscular arms were stretched out along the back of the two-seater sofa.
“Yes, Mr. Ericson. It is.” Tom’s rather pronounced Adams apple bobbed.
Oh god help him, they were going to eat him alive. I leveled a death glare at Jimmy, a futile, wasted effort since he failed to notice.
“Tom, would you consider yourself, a rock ’n’ roll man?” Mal asked.
My heart stopped when Tom visibly paused. “Ah, actually, I prefer classical music.”
Ben huffed out a laugh. He was so off my Christmas card list. “Ah yeah, he’ll fit in just great. Good call, Lena.”
“He’s here to discuss becoming Jimmy’s sobriety companion,” I said. “What music he listens to is irrelevant.”
“Of course, of course,” said Mal, soothingly. “Just curious.”
Ev had perched on the arm of David’s chair while Anne sat sandwiched between Ben and Jimmy on the couch opposite Tom and Mal. We had a full house. With all the seats taken, I chose to stand.
“Now, Jimmy likes to spend his free time working out,” said Mal. “How do you feel about jogging and free lifting, Tom?”
By the look of him, I highly doubted Tom lifted anything heavier than a book.
“Mal, that’s enough.” I interceded, someone had to.
“You now go jogging with him, Lena. He’s used to having company. Would you deny him that? We all just want what’s best for Jim, don’t we?”
The man in question had a hand covering his mouth, his face half turned away from me. So fucking glad he was amused.
“He still jogs on his own as well.” I stood, hands on hips.
“Perhaps. Tom, Lena also spends all of her free time with Jim, watching TV or just generally hanging out with him. Will that be a problem?”
The man gave me a worried look. “Being a sobriety companion is a major commitment, of course. But … she doesn’t have a life of her own at all?”
“Of course I have my own life,” I said in a slightly shouty voice.
“Jimmy is her life, Tom. That man is everything to her.” Mal crossed his legs and lazed back against the couch. “Are you willing to do as much?”
Tom blanched.
“Lena has also been working with Jim on breaking down his boundaries regarding physical touch. A sort of hug therapy shall we say. I believe her next step in this delicate process will be sleeping with him nightly with advanced cuddling practices. Will that be a problem for you?”
Tom looked around in confusion.
“Right.” I clapped my hands together, summoning the room’s attention. “Jimmy, we’re talking in the kitchen. Now.”
He rose slowly from his chair, face calm as could be.
I turned to the drummer. “Mal, you say another word and I shoot you.”
He drew back, aghast. “Threats of violence are not necessary. Tom, quick, counsel her, she’s going over the edge!”
At which point, thank god, Anne stepped in and saved the day. She did this by sitting with her legs further apart. It was amazing really, almost as if Mal had some sort of extrasensory perception when it came to the girl and her sex. His gaze shot to the widening gap between her knees and all else fell away. The shadow beneath her skirt seemed to call to him on some mystical higher level. Or around the groin level, hard to say which exactly.
“What was I saying?” Mal muttered, leaning over, trying to get a better view up Anne’s skirt.
“Nothing important,” said Ben, playing on his phone.
“Something about how Tom seemed great for the job.” Ev wound an arm around David’s neck. “Not that we’d ever want to lose Lena.”
“Right, right.” Mal leaned a little further.
There were no ends on the two-seater Tom and Mal sat upon. And so, when Mal finally tipped over far enough in his attempt to see between Anne’s thighs, he toppled straight off the end of the couch. David chuckled while Ev smiled. Big Ben didn’t even notice, so taken was he with his texting. These people, I loved them as much as they drove me out of my god damn mind.
Anne just smiled. “Oops! You okay, babe?”
“All good.” The man set himself to rights, still seated upon the ground. “But I need to tell you something in the bathroom.”
“Do you?”
“Yep. Right now.”
“Something good?” she asked, a certain lustful twinkle in her eyes.
“Yes, something good. It’s a show-and-tell type thing, I think you’ll really like it.”
“Okay.”
Mal sprung to his feet, hands in the air. “Hooray! Quick, let’s go. Hurry, woman, no time to waste.”
With much giggling, Mal carried Anne from the room. Ah, young love, all the feelings.
“After you,” said Jimmy, standing beside me being all calm. It instantly brought my rage back to the forefront.
“Actually, let’s make it the office,” I said. “I forgot your dinner crew are busy in the kitchen.”
“Sure, Lena.”
I should have known he had something planned. For someone so resistant to the idea of my replacement, he’d gone all out dressing for the appointment. A black long-sleeved button-up shirt, black trousers, and shiny shoes adorned his fine self. His hair was carefully slicked back. Usually hanging around home warranted just jeans and T-shirts. The signs had all been there. But I could still salvage this situation damn it, right after I ripped Jimmy a new one.
Except it was too late. Tom got to his feet, his movements jerky. “I think I better go. You obviously have guests to entertain.”
I stepped forward. “What? No. Tom—”
“That’s a pity,” Jimmy replied. “Nice to meet you Tom. See you around.”
“Quiet.” I turned to the counselor, hands outstretched. “Please, Tom. Just … if you could just give me a minute to talk to my employer. They’re not usually like this.”
“Don’t lie to the man,” said Jimmy. “This is exactly what me and my friends are like all the damn time.”