“No.”
I laugh, “Go to the gym?”
“No,” Josh growls.
I look at him and the expression in his eyes makes my heart stutter. “Save money? Travel?”
He slowly shakes his head.
I can’t think of any other resolutions from last year’s reading. In fact, the only thing I really remember is Josh lifting his glass to me, toasting me as if we’d just made a deal. My dad had read my resolution last and Josh had watched me and…
He watches my expression intently. “You want to know?”
“I do.”
He smiles when I say those words.
“What was it?”
He leans close, presses his lips against my ear and says, “Convince the woman I love to marry me.”
He made a resolution.
My heart gives a happy, joyful beat, then I turn my face to him and catch his mouth with mine. I clasp my hands around his neck and kiss him.
“Wow, that’s some resolution,” Hannah says.
I laugh against Josh’s mouth.
Finally, he pulls away.
“Last year?” I ask, “You made that resolution last year?”
He gives me a laughing look and then says, “I had high hopes.” Then he drops to his knee in front of me and takes my hands in his. Around us, all of our friends and family realize that Josh is about to propose. The room grows quiet, and even the puppy stops misbehaving.
My vision goes blurry and I blink back tears.
He made a resolution to marry me last year?
“Gemma, I love you,” he begins and he squeezes my hands. “We’ve known each other a long time.” He grins and lifts an eyebrow.
A laugh bubbles up. “Twenty-five years.”
He nods. “I think you can say that I’m a decent guy.”
“Mhmm.” I can’t speak. I can’t…he’s so wonderful, so Josh.
“We grew up in the same town. Went to the same school. Your brother’s my best friend. I come to your holiday parties, birthdays. I’m always around.”
I start to laugh, I can’t help it. But I’m also starting to cry. I love him so much.
“I have straight teeth, a nice chin. Healthy genes. I’m smart. Athletic.”
“All true.” My lips wobble as I try to smile.
A happy light fills Josh’s eyes as he gazes up at me. “I thought…maybe you’d want to know me for another twenty-five years? And then, twenty-five after that. And then, many years more, for as long as we both live?”
My heart fills with so much joy, so much love.
“Marry me, Gemma. I love you. I’ll keep on loving you. You’re the star that guides my heart. Marry me?”
I try to hold back my tears but I can’t. “Yes. Yes, of course, yes.”
I drop to my knees and wrap my arms around him. He pulls me to him and presses his mouth to mine. I can taste tears of happiness, and love and joy. The baby gives a kick. Josh grunts in surprise and then pulls me closer.
“He approves,” I say.
“She,” Josh says.
I laugh, and then Josh is kissing me again, and my family is cheering, and my friends are laughing, and the puppy is barking, and our baby is kicking, and everything, everything is perfect.
Suddenly, I pull away from Josh. I’ve just thought of something. “What’s your resolution for this year?”
He looks at me, then gives me that private smile, the one just for me, and he says, “I don’t have one. I have everything I want.”
“Everything?”
He nods and says with complete certainty, “Everything.”
Then he pulls me back in his arms, and whispers in my ear, “Gemma, if you don’t let me take you upstairs and strip you down...”
I laugh and then Josh has scooped me up and is hurrying up the stairs.
“But what about the resolution writing?” my mom calls.
“And the champagne?” says Leah.
“Carly, can they borrow your island for their honeymoon?” Brook says.
“Darling, I told you, I didn’t ask for an island.”
“Do you think they’ll want a summer wedding?” my mom asks.
Josh grins down at me and I start to laugh. Then, I can’t hear my family and friends anymore because Josh has made it up the stairs and he’s looking at me like there isn’t anyone or anything in the whole world except me.
And I know exactly how he feels.
“I love you.”
He kicks open the door to my bedroom and gently drops me onto my childhood bed. “Kinky,” I say.
He lifts an eyebrow, “I figured the garage would be too cold.”
Hmm. “Maybe this summer? After the baby comes.”
His eyes light up and he grins. “Deal.”
I laugh, and he covers my mouth with his. He strips me down, and then he loves me and loves me and loves me some more. And me, I love him right back.
After all, everybody knows, love is the best gift, the best gift in the whole wide world.
* * *
*Illustrations by Josh Lewenthal
A note from the author
Infertility effects one in eight couples, and each of us or someone we know – a family member, a friend, a neighbor, the person behind us in line at the grocery store – is impacted by infertility. Even though it’s so common, we rarely talk about it or share the effect it has on our lives. The struggle, the hope, the yearning.
Every infertility diagnosis is unique and every person addresses it with their own feelings, their own views, and their own hopes.
I wanted to write a book that opened up an experience so many women, men, and couples have, but that is so rarely shared. The diagnosis, the IVF, the miscarriages, and the will to keep trying, even though.
In this book, Gemma faces infertility in her own way. It won’t be anyone else’s way or anyone else’s journey, it’s hers. I believe that hard times are always best when faced with a smile. I hope Gemma’s humor and courage brought a smile to you.
* * *
Sincerely, Sarah Ready
Acknowledgments
In case you missed the dedication, this book is for you. Yes. You. Thank you.