“Why didn’t you ever say anything? Why didn’t you fight him?” I ask. I shiver when he places a kiss between my neck and my collarbone.
Then Josh pulls back and says, “Why would I? He took something I made and shared it with the world. He made people’s lives better. What more could I want? Money? Power? Recognition? If I wanted those things, it would stop being about making the world a better place and start being about me. That’s not who I am.”
He’s right. It’s not. He truly does just care about making the world better.
“But why didn’t you tell me?” I ask. “Why didn’t you tell me Ian was a thieving liar and that you loved me?”
His hand stills on my back. “Would you have believed me?”
Oh.
“No.” I had a lot to learn.
He starts stroking my back again.
After a moment of quiet I say, “You don’t have to cancel your tour, you know. It’s a big deal.” It bothers me that he’d give up such a huge opportunity.
He makes a low sound against the back of my neck. “Maybe you could come with me. It’s three months. Paris, Prague, Budapest. Imagine the trouble we could get up to together.”
I hide my face in the pillow and grin. Finally, when I’m able, I turn and look at him. “I like getting into trouble with you.”
After a moment he says, “Gemma?” His fingers play with my hair.
“Hmmm?”
“You love me.” His voice is low and raw and happy.
I nod. “I do. I really, really do.”
He makes a sound and then flips over and pulls me on top of him.
“Do you know how long I’ve been waiting for you to say that?”
I shake my head no, then squirm a little until I’m settled comfortably on top of his chest. “How long?”
His eyes drift to my mouth and he smiles.
“Two years ago, exactly two weeks before New Year’s, I heard your laugh. I’d heard it a thousand times before, practically my whole life. But for some reason, that day it hit me. Right here.” He puts his hand to his heart. “That was it. I was a goner. I knew that I loved you, and it wasn’t something that would go away. It was for good. Then your mom asked if she could set us up for the New Year’s Party and I thought, yes. Say yes. But you— I bury my face in his chest. “Don’t say it.”
“You told the truth.”
I look at him. He shrugs. “So, I started working on becoming the man you’d want to spend the rest of your life with.”
My eyes widen. “The two-year sex drought.”
His lips lift into a half-smile. “It was worth it.”
I squirm on top of him and he runs his hands over my back.
“So, you didn’t love me as a teenager? Those drawings in your journal?”
He shakes his head and looks chagrinned. “No. I was just a horny teen. Sorry.”
I grin at him. “Don’t be sorry. I liked the Jell-O bit.”
He gives me a considering look. “Think we could recreate it?”
“Maybe.” But then I search his expression. “I need you to know. When all this started, I thought it was just about making a baby, that I didn’t need or want you, but…that’s not what it’s about. Even if it doesn’t work out, that’s okay. I’m just glad, I’m so grateful that I found you. That you’re here with me. That we could do this together. I wouldn’t want to do it with anyone else.”
Josh nods. “I know.”
“You do?”
He gives me his life-is-my-playground smile and says, “You love me Gemma. You can’t help it.”
I laugh and shake my head. I’m about to give him one of his quotes about loving and living, but he flips me over to my back and slips inside me and I forget everything that I was about to say.
Except, “I love you. I love you.”
31
My mom’s annual Fourth of July Punch and Pies party is this evening. But first, Josh and I have to finish up at Dr. Ingraham’s. I look around the waiting room. There are four other couples here waiting to be called back by the nurse. Joy is behind the front desk, ignoring everyone. I stare at the new wall décor, an abstract landscape painting. I can’t tell whether it’s a skyscraper, or…no, it’s definitely a skyscraper.
I just had my egg retrieval. Dr. Ingraham said that my eggs looked to be of “superb quality.” Apparently three months in Europe with Josh was good for me. Or it’s my new job, freelance social media marketing consultant. I have to admit, I love being my own boss.
I tap my foot against the low-pile carpet. What could be taking Josh so long?
My phone buzzes and I look down at the display.
I smile when I read the message.
Josh: It’s not working…
Then he sends through a picture. It’s a shot of The Production Room. The room is just as bare and depressing as the last time he was in there. This time Josh is in the shot too and he’s sending me sad, puppy eyes.
I can’t help it. I grin.
Gemma: Look up some porn.
Josh: Gemma…
I stand and hurry to Joy’s desk. I clear my throat. She looks up and raises an eyebrow. “What?”
“I need to use the bathroom,” I say.
She shakes her head and drops the bathroom key into my hand.
My phone buzzes again.
Josh: Inspiration?
I step into the bathroom and lock the door behind me.
Gemma: How about an ankle pic?
Josh: …
Gemma: I could send you a pic of my stomach.
Josh: Gemma…they’re knocking on the door. Little help here?
I grin at myself in the mirror. Then I prop my phone on the sink and hit the video call button.
Josh answers on the first ring.
“Gemma?”
His voice echoes in the tile bathroom. I put my finger to my lip and smile.
Then I whisper, “How’s this?” I pull my T-shirt over my head. My hair comes out of my ponytail and falls around my shoulders. I stand in front of the camera in my bra and shorts.
Josh’s eyes go wide, and he gets that look I recognize. The one where I have about five seconds to choose between the bedroom or the floor.
“Not a breast man,” he says with a low growl.
I smile at him, then turn my back to the camera. I unhook my bra and let it fall away.
I hear his sharp intake of breath. But I don’t stop. I unbutton my shorts and then slowly side them down my legs.