“Pax did that?” I finally manage to croak. Maddy nods.
“But I was sworn to secrecy. He doesn’t want you to know what he did. He was very adamant that when you finally give him another chance, it will be because he earned it on his own merit, not because of this.”
“Do you know how he’s doing?” I whisper. “Is he okay?”
Madison nods. “I went to his house to meet with his business advisor. He and I chatted for a while. His main concern was you. He wanted to make sure that you’re okay. He feels like such an ass for hurting you and he’s afraid he’s never going to redeem himself for that. But otherwise, he’s okay. He looks healthy and he’s been seeing Dr. Tyler two times a week. He even said that he and his dad are working things out. I think those are huge strides, Mi.”
And they are. She really has no idea. She wasn’t there to see the look on Pax’s face when he found out that his dad had hidden everything for years. The gut-wrenching betrayal that lived in his eyes. I really wasn’t sure that he’d ever be able to forgive his father.
“I don’t know what I’m supposed to do,” I finally admit to her in a whisper, collapsing onto the chair with my sister. She wraps a slender arm around me.
“Do you love him?” she asks, staring into my eyes. Without hesitation, I nod.
“Is he worth the heartache and the effort?”
Her face is grave and somber as she brushes the hair out of my eyes.
I nod again.
“Pax is worth anything.”
Madison smiles. “I thought you would say that. My advice to you then, little sister, is that you go talk to him. He’s trying very hard. I admire that. I have to respect it. And I know he loves you.”
I am frozen. Utterly frozen. I can practically feel my heart beating in my ears.
“What are you waiting for?” Maddy asks me gently, pushing at my shoulder. “Go.”
So I do.
********
The drive to Pax’s house has never taken so long before. But even still, I sit in my car for a couple of minutes after I pull into his drive. Danger is parked in front of me, so I know he is home. I am filled with both breathless anticipation and utter anxiety as I slosh through the muddy snow to his door.
What if he doesn’t want me anymore? What if I took too long to get to this point? What if it’s too late?
I take a few deep breaths as I stand on Pax’s front porch.
Deep breath in, deep breath out.
Repeat.
I ring the doorbell, then knock. I am suddenly overwhelmed by the need to see his face, to see him healthy and strong. I want to see his eyes without pain in them. My stomach clenches again and again as I wait. It seems to take forever and when the door finally opens, I am breathless.
For the first time in a month, Pax is standing in front of me, filling up the doorframe.
He is so beautiful in jeans and a black shirt. No one can carry off casual like he can.
My knees feel weak.
His eyes widen when he sees me, but then he smoothes his expression out. He’s casual now, friendly. But cautious. Clearly cautious.
“Hi, Red,” he says quietly, watching my face. Waiting for me to say something. I am the one who came to see him, after all. I swallow. I have to restrain myself from vaulting into his arms.
“Hi.”
Oh my god. I want to say a thousand things and all I say is hi? I’m a lunatic.
“Can I come in?” I quickly add. Pax smiles and gestures with his arm.
“Of course. Anytime. You know that. Can I get you something to drink? A water, maybe?”
Why is he being so formal? My heart twinges a bit. Did I wait too long? Has he moved on?
The thought practically paralyzes me, but I still manage to decline the water and follow him into his living room. I glance around as I sit. He hasn’t changed his house any. It is still light and airy, a modern loft, perfectly neat and clean. A part of me deep down is relieved. If he hasn’t changed his house, maybe he hasn’t changed his feelings for me.
Even I know that thought is irrational as hell. But I think I’m grasping at straws.
“How are you?” I ask, staring at him. “Are you okay?”
He thrums his long fingers against his denim-clad thigh. He’s still working out. That much is apparent. I can see the hard muscle through the fabric. I gulp.
He smiles. “I’m doing really well. I won’t lie, though. It’s been hard as hell to wrap my mind around everything. But it’s given me perspective. And this past month, I’ve sort of isolated myself and just focused on things I need to change. I wanted to make sure that I gave you a reason to want to be with me.”
He pauses.
And my heart pauses as he looks at me. His golden eyes are so warm and vibrant. How had I ever thought they were cold?