Minnesota flourished in the warmth of the summer sun. Layla did, too, and she glowed with the kind of happiness that came from knowing exactly who you are and what you want. She and Josh had also found their rhythm, and while they hadn’t picked up exactly where they’d left off, they’d discovered that what they had now was better because there was nothing standing in their way.
Liam had dropped his attempt to take Layla back to court, and her attorney said she could be reasonably certain she wouldn’t hear from him again. “I hope you’re right,” she said, and then she told Josh she fired him.
A friend of Kimmy’s had set her up with someone and they’d hit it off. Josh was happy for her, and Sasha seemed to like him. Sometimes it was hard for him to wrap his brain around his daughter spending time with a man who was not her father and who was not Josh. Maybe in time it wouldn’t be so hard.
He’d decided to wait a bit longer before telling Sasha that he was dating her music teacher. He wanted to, but he liked to think he had learned a thing or two about jumping in too soon. When he’d talked to Layla about it, she said that she understood and wasn’t quite ready for that, anyway. “I like the way things are right now.”
“So do I,” he said.
By then, there were no secrets between them. Josh knew everything that had gone wrong in Layla’s marriage to Liam, the part she had played in its demise, and her regrets.
Layla knew everything about Josh’s relationship with Kimmy, and some of the things he told her didn’t paint him in the best light, either.
But that was real life and real life was messy.
Layla told Josh that she’d done a lot of thinking during their time apart and what she’d decided was that she didn’t need to be his wife or have his child or live with him or any of the other things she’d done the first time around. “I’m not getting any younger, but I don’t want to make those decisions right now because I don’t know for sure,” she said. But she’d told him she wanted the option and the freedom to explore those things in the future if she so desired, and so, Josh had explained, did he.
“You know that ‘if you choose not to decide you still have made a choice,’” he said.
She placed her hand on her heart. “Did you just quote Rush lyrics to me? Because you’re speaking my love language.”
Those lines were from a song called “Freewill,” and they had always stuck with Josh because they were so simplistically yet profoundly true. “I did, and we have my brother James to thank for the fact that I know every word to every song on that album. He played it on a continuous loop for six months until my mom begged him to play something else. Backfired because we all had to listen to Appetite for Destruction by Guns N’ Roses for a solid year.”
“Man, that’s a good album,” Layla said.
Norton died peacefully in his sleep one night near the end of June. Sasha had been devastated, as he’d known she would be, and when she’d asked if they could get another dog, he’d found it impossible to say no. They went to the shelter and Sasha picked out a rambunctious two-year-old goldendoodle named Kevin who started stealing their shoes two seconds after they brought him into the house.
When Sasha wasn’t with him, Josh spent almost all those summer evenings with Layla. They sat on her deck, Kevin on the floorboards by their feet. Layla always had her journal and her guitar and iced tea or wine, depending on what she was in the mood for.
One night, as Layla strummed her guitar, Josh said, “What is that song?” It was the same song she’d been strumming for a couple of weeks.
They’d swapped out the individual chairs on her deck for a loveseat, and Layla’s hip was pressed against his as much as it could be while she was playing. She strummed a few notes and then reached for her journal and scribbled something inside. Then she reached for the guitar again. Maybe she hadn’t heard him, because now she was staring out at the backyard as if she was lost in thought.
“Layla? The song. I can’t place it.”
She turned to him. “That’s because no one’s ever heard it before.”
chapter 53
Layla
That fall, when the leaves began to change and the air grew colder, Layla and Brian started playing together regularly. The bar they’d been playing at the night Josh came back had decided to go in a different direction, one that didn’t include live music. But they’d lucked out, because Brian’s friend had decided that having a free Saturday night a couple of times a month sounded pretty good, and they happily accepted the offer to stand in for him. Layla wouldn’t have minded playing more than that, but it would do for now.
They were playing for a full house tonight. Tonya and Annie and their husbands were there. Josh’s brothers and their wives were there, too. Layla’s whole family had come, saying there was no way they’d miss it.
During the second break, Josh brought her a glass of water. “Next set?” he asked.
“Yep.”
“Are you nervous?”
“Nope. I never get nervous. Not about music. Not even about this.”
“Atta girl.”
That made her smile.
“I love you,” he said.
“I love you too.”
He’d said it for the first time on the Fourth of July, right after they decided to go ahead and tell Sasha that her dad and Miss Layla were going to be spending some time together outside of school because they liked each other. Sasha had looked at them and said, “Okay. Can we go to the parade now?” So, they’d taken her to the parade and the carnival, and they watched fireworks and went back to Josh’s.
“I guess that went okay,” Josh said after he tucked Sasha into bed.
“I guess it did.”
Later that night, when Josh said, “I love you,” it felt right, and it felt good because she loved him, too, and she told him so.
Now, he gave her a little pat on the butt. “I think Brian’s waiting for you.”
Brian was already onstage, fiddling with his microphone. Searching the crowd for Layla. He caught her eye and smiled. “I think he is,” she said, so she walked up onstage and joined him.
Right before they ended the set, Layla looked out into the crowd at the people she held most dear and said, “This is a song I wrote.” She strummed the opening notes. “It’s called ‘Free.’ I hope you like it.”
It started so smoothly but ended so rough Shined as bright as I could, but it wasn’t enough Gave you my youth, gave you my heart But we were doomed from the start Don’t know why I cut you all that slack ’Cause those are the years I’m not ever getting back Did I think I’d be a rock star Well, I sure wanted to try It wasn’t meant to be
But back then I couldn’t see It was really about choice And having a voice
I’m coming into my power Gonna bloom like a flower For a future that’s brighter You must be a fighter
Know exactly what you want No room for nonchalance
You tried to break me, couldn’t make me, From the ashes, I will rise Voiceless no longer
Because what doesn’t kill you sure as hell makes you stronger Now I’m free to lead
Free to choose
Free to dance
With the muse
Anytime
Anywhere
With all my heart
I’ll be there