It took me six books and five years to finally get a bestseller. It took me eight years to get on the Today Show. It took me four years and thousands of photos on Instagram to get one hundred thousand followers. I could keep listing things out for you one after another of how long it has all taken to get from there to here, but the point is this: it never went as fast as I wanted it to, and if I had given up because I hadn’t achieved my goal by a certain date, I wouldn’t have achieved any of the things you know me for today.
For all my dreamers, for all my hustlers, for all my girls reading this who are building and planning, don’t you dare compare your beginning with someone else’s middle! Don’t you dare listen when someone tells you that you need to have an end date. Your mile markers—remember, those are the things you can control—those should have dates attached so that you’re being productive and efficient. But your guideposts? Those are more nebulous and harder to achieve, and you may have to come at them six ways before you find something that will help you break through.
It’s easy to see someone else’s success and be discouraged by it, because we assume our first efforts won’t measure up. Of course they won’t! None of my success has been a meteoric rise. What you see now is over a decade of hard work and focus and standing back up every time I got knocked down. You don’t have connections? Or money? Or access? I didn’t either! I had work ethic and a dream and the patience and perseverance to see it through.
It’s going to be a journey and you’re going to have to fight to get where you want to go, but it’s also going to be worth it.
One of my favorite signs I ever saw during a half marathon was a poster that read, “If it was easy, everyone would do it!” I love the reminder that achieving a goal is hard, but I’m still here. So are you. The reason that we’re willing to stay on the road, to keep pushing to get to the next level, is that we’re not like everyone else. It’s not easy to achieve a goal. It’s tough—but, girl, so are you!
The reason people give up or fall off or aren’t willing to keep moving forward is because they believe this goal that they’re chasing is temporary. This is something that we have been sold by media for most of our lives. “Try this, now try that, now do this diet, now try this exercise, now do this thing, now keep switching, now keep changing.” This type of behavior isn’t effective in the pursuit of an achievement. This type of behavior is only effective as a means of confusion. Because here’s the deal . . . if brands and media and the news can confuse you, they can sell you more stuff.
Think about it. Fifty years ago, the only way to lose weight was simple: burn off more calories than you consume. It’s a simple solution that works. Is it easy? No way. The waffle fries at Chick-fil-A are delicious and way more fun to eat than broccoli. But the diet industry wouldn’t exist if the answer was simple and straightforward. So, instead, we’ve been bombarded with a million different answers, all of which are confusing. Should you go Paleo or Whole30 or Atkins or South Beach or vegan or gluten-free? Each season there is something new and different to try, and every single one of them is attached to something you can buy: books, powders, frozen meals, plans, programs, pills, etc., all to answer the confusion you feel about diet and weight loss.
This is only one industry, you guys. This attitude of flitting from one possible solution to another like a drunk butterfly shows up in every single kind of consumer good. Is it any wonder that you’re trying to achieve your answer, your goal, by trying something for a little while, then giving up when it doesn’t work and trying something else? Is it any wonder you’re not making the headway you want to make?
No. You believe this goal in your life is temporary. You believe it’s something to be pulled on and off like your favorite hoodie. There when you want it and tucked away in the closet when you don’t.
This goal, this mission of yours, this dream, this place that you’re headed—this is not a temporary thing. This is not something that you’re going to do for this month, or this season, or just this year. Really, truly chasing down a goal changes not just that specific aspect of your life but how you approach life on the whole. Forever.
If you’re saving money to buy a house, that will require a total change in the way you spend and save. If you want to have a strong, outstanding marriage, that means rooting out any misconceptions you have about relationships and intentionally pursuing it every day. No matter what it is you’re chasing down, you’ll only catch it if you go all in.
This is not just a thing you do.
This is who you are now.
Forever and ever, amen.
This is not training just for this month or a season. Think about it, every professional athlete, every Olympian—Tom Brady or Serena Williams or Messi—they’re training just as hard today as they were when they started. In fact, I’d argue that to operate at the level of excellence they’re at today, they’re training harder than ever before. The training never stops.
Because after you achieve this goal you’re going to choose the next and the next and the one after that. You pursuing the best version of you, whatever this looks like, will permeate every area of your life. So stop thinking so small. Stop thinking about this with such a limited perspective, assuming what you’re doing is only about what’s in front of you now. Dig in, work hard, be patient; the time will pass by no matter what. You may as well spend it in pursuit of something more, no matter how long it takes you to get there.
SKILL 4:
EFFECTIVENESS
When I’m on deadline for a book, like right now, I spend huge chunks of my typical workday away from my team so I can work without being disturbed. On this particular day I’m sitting at one of those long communal wooden tables that seem to be required furniture in any respectable hipster eatery. I like sitting at the communal table because I can always find someone to watch my stuff while I go to the bathroom for the eighty-seventh time this hour. The only drawback is the constant stream of people who come and go from the chairs around me, making the energy shift and change with each new addition.
The first girl who sat down today was here to work on homework. I know this because her textbook was open and she had a worksheet in front of her. She tackled it like this. She read a little bit from the book, then she looked at her Instagram for a while, then she took a picture of her coffee and her homework and posted it on Instagram—it took her another half hour to find just the right filter on VSCO. After that she focused in on the work again. She was doodling in the margin a second later. Then it was more scrolling, and some Googling, and a while later she packed up to go. Not one single thing filled out on the worksheet she came to do.
The next person who sat beside me was a bro. He was here with another bro. I actually like these kinds of dudes a lot. They’re in their late twenties, full of energy and enthusiasm, and they quote Gary Vee like it’s gospel. I get it. I’m in. Gary Vaynerchuk is my preacher too. In a nerdy sort of way, I was happy they were beside me. They had fancy laptops and yellow notepads, and they were brainstorming and ready to begin their work. After their initial chat they proceeded to spend two hours—I swear on my unsweetened chai tea—scrolling Instagram as well. The irony that was fully lost on them was that they were scrolling their favorite entrepreneurial feeds, showing each other quotes about perseverance and hustle, all the while oblivious to the time they were wasting.