Well, obviously.
Our own insecurities on any subject either spark our curiosity or they feed our judgment. We either see the opportunity to grow and so allow ourselves to wonder, ask questions, and do research, or we become fearful and close down the idea immediately. Only an idiot would consider that. Only frivolous people try something new when they’re already on a path. Your insecurity makes it so that anyone who is doing it differently than you is an indictment on all the ways you’re not measuring up.
Making sweeping judgments about others or—more upsetting—about yourself isn’t helping you. Maybe you’ll try getting a blowout or try skinny jeans or try open-toe booties with a stacked heel, and maybe you’ll hate them. But you are never going to know if you aren’t open to considering it. If your self-confidence is through the roof, then keep doing whatever it is you’re doing now, but if you don’t feel good about the way you look, what are you waiting for?
Have you decided this is just what life is like? Stop buying into that! Life is whatever you believe it is. So what if you never knew how to dress in high school or how to style your hair? That was a long time ago, and you’re not that girl anymore. I know I sound like a broken record, but every single thing you want to know how to do is in a YouTube video right now for free. Curling my hair, putting on makeup, selecting the best outfits for short girls, how to wear white jeans—literally all things I’ve learned in the last five years. Don’t believe me? Go look on my Instagram and scroll on back. It won’t take you long until you’re like, Holy crap, what was she wearing? What was going on with that hair and those eyebrows?
Go ahead. I give you full permission to creep on my old photos. Just because you used to be a certain way doesn’t mean you have to stay that way. Just because you feel insecure doesn’t mean you can’t make a change. If you don’t like the way you look, if you don’t love your personal style, then figure it out! Make an investment! And don’t let anyone make you feel guilty about it.
HOW YOU ACT
About ten years ago I was a successful event planner in Los Angeles, and I’d built up a name for myself in the luxury wedding space. I loved the work, but after years of bridezillas and working through every weekend of the year, I longed to grow into the corporate space, which didn’t have any of the emotional baggage that wedding planning did.
As I mentioned earlier, I’ve always been in the habit of calling my shot, figuring out my finish line, and then creating a road map from there. In this instance, my dream client/event was the Sundance Film Festival. It was super glamorous and filled with celebrities and also took place in a really difficult setting. Producing the luxury of a Los Angeles event in a tiny mountain town in Utah that’s only accessible by a canyon likely to be covered with snow this time of year? I knew if I could pull that off it would launch my company into a new stratosphere.
Sundance became my goal.
So then I backed up from there. If I wanted to get some attention for producing a great event at Sundance, then it needed to be an event that would get notice. I did some research and learned that Entertainment Weekly was the major player at the festival. They threw the biggest parties, had the most celebrity attendees, and therefore got the most press coverage. They were the best, and I wanted to work with the best.
I was in no way qualified to do it. Not all events are created equal, and a film festival in Utah is something else entirely. Still, there was no way I would ever actually learn how to produce the type of event I wanted to create if I didn’t ever throw my hat in the ring. I went for it. I asked a friend of a friend of a friend to make an introduction, and I finally got a phone call with the events team.
I pitched my heart out.
They weren’t interested. They were very kind about it, but they knew I was out of my league. Like a dog that suddenly decides to walk upright on two legs, just because you might be able to do something doesn’t mean it’s the right choice. They weren’t even interested in having me bid for the job.
I was discouraged, but discouragement won’t get you anywhere. Every other week—for the next eighteen months—I followed up with my contact at Entertainment Weekly. I sent her party inspiration and details on new drinks. I told her the best DJs to hire and cute outfits the staff could wear. I intentionally added value wherever I could and never one time asked if they’d consider me for a job.
One day, the EW events person called out of the blue. “We need a caterer for Sundance. You do that, right?”
I absolutely did not own a catering company, but I had worked so hard to get this opportunity to partner with them that I jumped at the chance. “Of course! What do you need?”
This moment bidding my first Sundance job is always the best example I have to give when someone asks me about the idea of “fake it ’til you make it.” I hate that phrase, because it implies you’ve got nothing else to back it up. There’s a big difference between faking something that you have no idea how to do and having the confidence to step into a role that you don’t have full training for yet.
There’s a study that shows that when a man is considering a new job, he will apply for a position he feels he’s at least 60 percent qualified for. His confidence tells him that he’ll make up the other 40 percent by learning as he goes. By contrast, that same study shows that the average woman feels that she must be 100 percent qualified to apply for anything.1 Okay, think about this for a second. How on earth can you be qualified for something you’ve never done? It’s a catch-22. You won’t put yourself out there. You never try for fear of failure, so you never grow to the next level.
When it came to the Sundance opportunity, I absolutely wasn’t a caterer, but I had worked with and managed caterers as vendors for years, and I knew what would be involved. I had connections and resources and enough skill with research and planning to get myself the rest of the way there. I wasn’t faking it, because it never occurred to me that I wouldn’t be able to figure it out if I needed to. I had years of practice to back me up—certainly nothing at that level, but I was confident that I hadn’t ever let a client down and I certainly wasn’t about to start. I would never take money from someone for a service I didn’t have the ability to provide. But I also would never have been able to grow my skill set if I hadn’t continuously pushed myself to the very edge of it.
That single Sundance event launched my business into an entirely new level, just as I had believed it might. I turned that first year as a caterer into the next year as an event planner. Soon we were producing lounges and events for every studio and brand that wanted to celebrate in Park City. Sundance became my most profitable contract. In fact, it’s what paid for the start of The Chic Site and hiring staff when I finally decided to transition into this space.
So many good things came out of a willingness to act confident even when I didn’t always feel confident. It’s like anything else. You can make yourself feel anything you set your mind to as long as you back it up with action. I acted confident in what I could do as an event planner, and then I backed it up with research and hard work to arm myself with the skills necessary to pull it off.
WHO YOU HANG OUT WITH