Leah sat at her desk, spinning a paper clip between her fingers.
She just wanted this day to be over.
Every Tuesday she ran the After-School Help program, or ASH, as the students called it. From two to four thirty, students could come to receive extra help in whatever classes they were struggling with, although most often it was overrun with athletes just looking for a quiet place to do their homework before practice began.
By the time the bell rang after Leah’s last class, it had already felt like the longest day she’d ever experienced, so the two and a half hours she still had to endure before she could go home seemed insurmountable.
She thought work would provide her with a much needed distraction, but no matter what she did, she couldn’t focus on anything except what had happened the day before. She could see everything so vividly—the scene he described, his face as he told her—and she’d spent most of the day on the verge of tears because of it.
The images of Bryan trying to defend himself against three guys—the vicious kick to the head—were burnt into her consciousness, and she hadn’t even been there. She couldn’t imagine what it must be like for Danny.
She knew if it were her, she would never get over it—watching something that disturbing happen to her best friend.
But Bryan had been more like Danny’s brother.
For a split second, she imagined what it would feel like to watch Christopher suffer that way, and the thought alone was enough to incapacitate her.
And when it wasn’t those images torturing her, it was the memory of that look on his face as he explained everything to her; even worse than the guilt and sadness in his eyes was the defeat, as if he were waiting for her to condemn him, or dismiss him, or recoil from him.
It was absolutely heartbreaking.
He had told her he’d understand if her feelings for him changed, but the truth was, it only reinforced them. Because when he spoke, all she could hear was how he had tried to defend his brother—how he had attempted to protect someone he loved, and he had failed.
He was a good person who made an impulse decision with disastrous results, and Leah just couldn’t get past the unfairness of it all—that Bryan was gone over something so senseless, that Danny would be paying such a heavy price for something that was clearly an accident.
That she was about to lose another person she cared about.
He was the first person she had allowed past her defenses in years, and he was going away. How many times could that happen to one person? How many times would she be forced to endure it?
She didn’t know if she could survive it again.
It made her want to grab two handfuls of her hair and scream, because all she wanted to do was wrap her arms around him and protect him from what was coming his way. But if she did that, who would protect her?
She already cared about him so much, and it frightened her to think of how much she might feel for him if she continued down this path. Could she withstand that? Letting herself fall for him completely and then losing him? For years?
She couldn’t imagine cutting him out of her life, but at the same time, it would be incredibly foolish and careless to keep going like this. There was no right answer, and thinking of it made her feel disoriented and irritable and completely exhausted.
By the time ASH ended, Leah felt weak, like she might be coming down with the sickness she’d been lying about all day whenever people asked her what was wrong with her. She got in her car, desperate to get home and crawl into bed, but as soon as she started it up, she heard Holly’s ring tone playing from somewhere inside her purse.
Leah threw the car into reverse before she pulled the phone from her bag.
“What’s up?” she said, holding the phone between her shoulder and her ear as she craned her neck to back out of the space.
“Ughhh! I’m about to lose it. Are you done with that extra-help thing?”
“Yeah, I’m on my way home right now. What’s wrong?”
“I need your help. Can you come to Evan’s apartment?”
“Right now?” Leah asked.
“Right now.”
“Why? Is everything okay?”
“Yeah, I’m fine, I’m just under a time crunch and I really need your help. Please? I’ll explain when you get here.”
Leah’s shoulders dropped in defeat as she exhaled softly. This day was never going to end.
“Alright. I’ll be there in like fifteen minutes.”
“Oh thank God,” Holly said as she exhaled. “Okay, see you then.”
Leah ended the call and tossed her phone into her bag. She pulled off the road and made a U-turn, hoping Holly would be a better distraction than work had been.
About twenty minutes later, Leah walked up to Evan’s front door, stopping as she heard a muted thud followed by Holly’s chorus of “goddamn stupid-ass motherf*cking piece of shit!”
Leah smiled her first genuine smile of the day before she knocked softly.
“Holly?”
“Come in!” she called, and Leah opened the door and froze.
Holly was sitting in the middle of Evan’s living room, surrounded by pieces of black lacquered wood, a bunch of crumpled papers, several panes of glass, a sea of screws and bolts, and multiple screwdrivers. She looked up, her expression pathetic as she blew her bangs out of her eyes with a huff.
“Hey,” she said weakly.
“What the hell is all this?” Leah asked, and Holly dropped her face into her hands and whimpered.
“Evan’s anniversary present.”
“You got him debris?” she asked, dropping her purse on the dining room table before she tiptoed through the living room, trying not to step on anything.
“Our three-year anniversary is tomorrow, and he’s been wanting this entertainment center forever, but since we’re trying to save up to buy a place, he won’t spend the money on himself, so I wanted to surprise him, and I bought it, but I didn’t realize I’d have to put it together, and he’s gonna be home in like two hours, and I’m so totally f*cked,” she ranted, swatting at one of the crumpled pieces of paper and sending it flying across the room.
“Okay, relax,” Leah said with a laugh as she sat down next to her. “We’re two college-educated women; we should be able to put this thing together in a couple of hours. I mean, there are instructions, right? We’ll just follow them. How hard can it be?”
Holly looked at her incredulously as she gestured to the disaster on the floor in front of them, and Leah smiled. “Alright, go in the kitchen. Take a break. Get us something to snack on and let me reorganize everything in here.”
“Okay,” Holly said as she stood, stretching her arms over her head before she hopped over the mess in front of her and made her way to the kitchen.
Leah started by flattening out all the crumpled pieces of paper and figuring out which ones were the instructions, and then she organized all the planks, screws, bolts, and panes of glass in the order in which they’d be needing them. By the time Holly came back with chips and salsa and a beer for each of them, she had worked out a fairly straightforward system. She explained it to Holly, and for the first ten minutes or so, the only words spoken between them were either asking for parts or reading instructions.
Holly was working on securing one of the shelves to the backboard while Leah attached the hinges to the glass doors, when suddenly—without even fully deciding to do it—Leah spoke.
“Danny told me his secret.”
“Really?” Holly said, sifting through the pile of screws. “When?”
“Yesterday,” she said, this time with a bit of trepidation as she realized she’d just opened the door to a conversation she wasn’t exactly sure she wanted to have.
“Well, that didn’t take long,” Holly said, awkwardly twisting the screwdriver with both hands. “So…what is it?”
Leah chewed on the inside of her lip as she finished securing the hinge. She had never been as conflicted over something as she was about this—in fact, as the day wore on, the warnings were getting louder while the pull she felt toward him intensified. And as uneasy as she was to discuss this with Holly—or with anyone for that matter—maybe doing so would help her start to make sense of what she was feeling.
“Okay, well, remember how I told you his friend died a year ago?”
“Yeah,” she said, shaking out her hand before she continued twisting the screwdriver.
“Well, turns out he’s been on life support this whole time. Danny says he’s gone. No brain activity or anything. But his family is still hoping for him to turn around.”
Holly grimaced. “Ugh, that’s so sad. Did he finally tell you how it happened?”
“Yeah,” she said, her stomach turning. “He, um…it was a bar fight.”
Holly’s hand stopped twisting as she glanced up. “A bar fight?”
Leah nodded.
“So like, he was killed?”
“Technically, yeah.”
“Oh my God. That’s horrible.”
“I know,” Leah replied softly, looking back down as she started working on the next hinge.
Holly sat there unmoving for a second before she shook her head, turning her attention back to the screwdriver. “As awful as that is, I don’t understand why he was so afraid to tell you that.”
Here we go.
“Well, that’s not the secret. I mean, that’s part of it, but…that wasn’t the part he was nervous to tell me.”
“Okay…” Holly trailed off, leaving the floor open for her to continue.
Leah cleared her throat softly before she said, “Danny was there the night it happened. He got involved. Went after the guy who did it.”
“That’s not surprising,” Holly said.
“Well, he’s probably looking at jail time now,” she said, her hands working furiously on the task before her. She could see Holly out of the corner of her eye, her brow pulled together as she shook her head.
“Why the hell would he go to jail? Why wouldn’t they put away the animal who assaulted his friend?”
Leah smiled sadly; Holly was mirroring her exact line of thinking from yesterday.
She took a small breath to steady herself. “Because he’s dead.”
Holly finally looked up. “Wait…who’s dead? The guy who beat up his friend?”
Leah nodded.
Holly stared at her for what seemed like forever before understanding finally swept over her face, followed immediately by horror.
“It wasn’t intentional,” Leah said quickly, suddenly feeling extremely protective over him. “He was just trying to get him away from Bryan, but they went through a window, and the glass ended up cutting the guy’s neck. Danny doesn’t even fully remember what happened. It was an accident.”
Holly wet her lips before she looked down.
“He’s a good person, Holly. Probably one of the best people I know.”
Holly kept her eyes on her lap, rolling the screwdriver between her fingers. After a minute of silence, she said, “So, what did you tell him?”
“I told him I needed to think.”
She nodded slowly. “Do you know how long he’d be going away for?”
“He’s not sure. It’s manslaughter, not murder, but still...probably a couple of years.”
Holly winced before she picked up another screw and began working it into the shelf. “Shit, Leah. I mean, how can you…is there even anything to think about?”
“Of course there’s something to think about!” Leah snapped. “I care about him, Holly. He was only protecting his friend. You even said yourself it was understandable. It was a freak accident. It doesn’t change who he is, and it doesn’t change how I feel about him!”
Holly kept her head down as she said, “I’m not questioning his character, Leah. I get that he’s a good guy. That’s not what my issue is here.”
Leah exhaled, running the back of her hand over her eyes. “I know. I don’t mean to snap at you. I’m just so confused. I don’t know if I can walk away from him. He doesn’t deserve that.”
“Okay, but you have to stop putting other people’s needs before your own.”
“But he is what I need,” she said, freezing as soon as the words left her mouth. She hadn’t realized how true that was until she had said it out loud.
“Leah,” Holly said softly.
“I don’t know what to do. I’m not sure I can do it again.”
“Do what again?”
“Lose someone,” she said, and Holly’s shoulders dropped as her expression softened. “I mean, I lost my mom. I lost Scott…or at least, I lost the person I thought Scott was.” She shook her head. “But both of those situations were out of my control, you know? I didn’t see them coming, so I had no choice but to deal with the aftermath. And I just keep thinking that here, I have a choice. I know what the future holds, and I can walk away this time. I can save myself the heartache.”
Holly sighed softly before she dropped her eyes and picked up the screwdriver, and Leah went back to securing the hinge. For a few minutes, they worked on the entertainment center in silence, the air heavy with unspoken words.
“This thing with you and Danny,” Holly finally said, “I think your paths crossed for a reason. Maybe it was meant to be fleeting. Maybe you were just supposed to help each other move on from certain things in your past. Or maybe you’re supposed to be together forever.”
She looked up at Leah as she said, “I wish I could help you, but I don’t know what the right choice is, Leah. The only person who can figure that out is you. And you’re capable of doing it. I know you don’t think you are, but you need to stop doubting yourself. What happened with Scott wasn’t your fault. He was an opportunist. That doesn’t make you incompetent; it makes him an a*shole.”
The corner of Leah’s mouth lifted in a smile as Holly said, “So you take some time to think about it, and you figure out what’s going to make you happiest, and then you do it.”
Leah kept her eyes on the floor as she nodded.
“And you know that whatever you choose, I’ll support you. No matter what happens.”
Leah smiled as she lifted her eyes. “I know. And thank you.”
“Of course,” Holly said. “You’re my girl, and I love you.”
“I know that too.”
Holly smiled before she looked down and tightened the last screw, and then she held up the board with the shelf she had just attached. She grinned triumphantly just as one side of the shelf disconnected, the plank of wood slipping until it was hanging awkwardly by one screw.
Leah pressed her lips together, fighting the laugh she felt bubbling up in her throat, and Holly closed her eyes before she took a deep breath, putting the board back on the floor.
“The things we put ourselves through for love,” she sighed as she picked up the screwdriver, and Leah nodded, wondering if it was really the entertainment center she was referring to.