Leah turned the corner and popped her head into the main office, saying good night to the secretaries before she made her way out to the parking lot. As soon as she was sheltered in the refuge of her car, she dropped her head back on the seat and exhaled heavily.
It had been over a week since Danny came to her apartment and told her everything, and with the exception of two “good night” texts, she hadn’t spoken to him at all. She missed him more than she was prepared to deal with, but she knew it would be unfair to continue calling him if she hadn’t yet figured out what she wanted.
But she thought of him all the time.
Work was the only thing that provided her with a reprieve; she’d gotten much better at putting on a happy face during the day, but as soon as she left school, her mind and her body began functioning as separate entities. Her body would be occupied with driving, or cooking, or cleaning, or getting ready for bed, operating entirely on autopilot as her mind surrendered to the thoughts of Danny she’d avoided all day.
She would imagine what it would feel like to be with him, reveling in the way he made her feel, the way he made her laugh, the way he touched her, the way they seemed to connect on every level, and she’d find herself swaying toward that decision. And then she’d imagine standing in a courtroom, watching Danny being led away through a set of doors she wasn’t allowed beyond, and her throat would instantly close up as she found herself retreating.
Leah opened her eyes and stared at her reflection in the rearview mirror. She didn’t want to go home, because she knew what was waiting there for her—another night of restless sleep after an endless battle of logic and emotion.
She sat up and started the car, pulling out onto the road and going in the opposite direction of her apartment.
She had no idea how much she would tell him, or if she would tell him anything at all, but at that moment, she just wanted to be with her father.
Leah stopped at a grocery store first, picking up a few things so she could make dinner. As soon as she pulled into his driveway, she saw the curtains in the living room pull back before they fell closed again, and seconds later he was outside in his bare feet, helping her carry in the bags.
“Daddy! There’s snow on the ground!” she scolded. “Go back inside, I got it.”
He ignored her, meeting her halfway down the driveway and kissing the top of her head as he took the bags out of her hands.
“Is everything okay?” he asked.
“Yeah, everything’s fine. I just felt like coming for a visit.”
He stared at her for a second, and Leah could tell by his expression that he didn’t buy it, but he smiled before turning to walk back up the driveway toward the house.
“So,” he said as he put the bags on the counter in the kitchen, “do you need my help in here?”
Leah smirked. “You look like a racer on the block right now.”
“What is that supposed to mean?” he laughed.
“Go,” she said through a chuckle as she began unpacking the bags. “I know the game is on. I’ll call you when it’s ready.”
“You sure?”
“I’m sure. I don’t know how I’ll ever manage to put a meal together without your culinary expertise, but I’ll try.”
He laughed to himself as he turned to walk out of the kitchen. “Just like your mother with that smart mouth,” he said, and Leah smiled.
She focused all her attention on preparing dinner; she breaded the chicken, she washed and steamed the vegetables, she mixed the lemon herb sauce she used to season them, and because it was her father’s favorite, she made a package of Stove Top stuffing.
“Dad?” she called, removing two plates from the cabinet.
“Yeah?”
“Do you want to eat in there?”
“No, the Lakers are playing like shit. I can’t watch this while I’m eating.”
Leah laughed as she loaded two plates with food and brought them to the table before she grabbed two bottles of beer from the fridge.
“Alright, it’s ready,” she called as she popped the caps off the bottles and brought them to the table.
“This smells great, princess. Thank you.” He walked past her and took his seat at the table, and she smiled before picking up her silverware.
“So what’s going on with you, Leah?”
She stilled with the knife and fork in her hand before she forced a smile and resumed cutting her chicken.
“What do you mean?”
“If you don’t want to talk about it, that’s fine, but something’s up,” he said, pointing at her with his fork. “You think I don’t know my own daughter?”
She kept her eyes on her plate as she continued to cut, but she sighed softly. On some subconscious level, she realized this was why she had come. If anyone would give it to her straight, it would be her father. But she couldn’t bring herself to disclose everything. He hadn’t even met Danny, and she didn’t want the first thing he learned about him to be the fact that he was facing jail time. Her father was a fair and honest man, but he was still a father, and he’d never want that for her.
“I met somebody,” she said, her eyes on her plate.
“I had a feeling,” he said, and she looked up to see his eyes on her as he took a sip of his beer.
“Why do you say that?”
He shrugged. “You’ve been different.”
“Different how?”
He placed his beer back on the table. “It’s subtle. But lately, when you smile, it reaches your eyes again. I haven’t seen that in a long time.”
She looked away from him, trying to swallow the lump in her throat brought on by his words.
“You’ve been guarded for a long time now, so if someone finally got through to you, he must be pretty special.”
She nodded, still looking down. “He is.”
When her father didn’t respond, she glanced up at him. He was watching her intently as he said, “So what’s the problem?”
“It’s just…it’s not gonna be easy,” she said, taking a small bite of her chicken and chewing slowly.
Her dad chuckled. “Anyone who says a relationship should be easy has never been in one.” The corner of Leah’s mouth lifted as he added, “So what makes you think this one will be so hard?”
Leah twisted the fork between her fingers. “He’s probably going to be leaving soon.”
“For good?”
“No, not for good. But for a while probably.”
“Ah,” her father said, taking another sip of beer. “And you’re worried about having a long-distance relationship?”
She smiled softly. “Something like that.”
“People do it all the time, Leah.”
“I know people do it. I just don’t know if I can do it. You know that I’ve had a really hard time opening up since Scott.” Her father scowled at the mention of his name as Leah said, “And when I think about allowing myself to get attached to this guy, and then having him leave…” She trailed off, shaking her head. “I don’t know if I’m strong enough for that. It’ll be too hard.”
He didn’t respond, and for the next few minutes, they ate in silence. Leah kept stealing quick glances at her father, but his expression was even as he continued eating.
“Your mother had a terrible pregnancy with Christopher,” he said suddenly, and Leah pulled her brow together as she looked up at him.
“I mean really awful,” he said. “For the first five months, she was sick all day. And I mean all day. I thought it was called morning sickness because it happened in the morning. What the hell did I know,” he added with a chuckle. “I made the mistake of mentioning that to her one time. I never said it again.”
Leah smiled, and he said, “About halfway through the pregnancy, she started keeping food down, but that’s when the heartburn started. Everything she ate would give her heartburn. A glass of water would cause the woman to belch fire.”
Leah laughed, picking at the label on her beer.
“And then about six weeks before Chris was due, she started having contractions, so her doctor put her on bed rest. She was only allowed to be on her feet for ten minutes a day. I brought her every magazine, every book, every movie I could think of to try and keep her occupied, but the poor thing was just crawling out of her skin.” He smiled softly and looked down. “And then came the labor. Thirty-seven hours. And these were the days before they were so ready to stick that thing in your back. That…that…epicenter.”
“Epidural,” Leah corrected with a laugh.
He waved his hand in the air. “Whatever that thing is called. They weren’t so willing to give those things out. So your mom did it natural.” He shook his head. “Thirty-seven hours. I’ll never forget it. To this day I don’t know how she did it.”
Her father smiled before he dropped his eyes, and Leah reached across the table, giving his hand a squeeze.
“And then when Christopher was around nine months old, she said she wanted to have another one. I couldn’t believe it. I figured after everything she’d gone through, we wouldn’t be having any more children. I mean, I was thrilled she wanted more. I just couldn’t believe she did.”
He looked up at Leah. “So I asked her, ‘Dee, are you sure you wanna go through all that again?’ And you know what she said to me?”
“What?”
He looked her in the eyes. “She said the reward more than made up for the suffering.”
Leah swallowed hard as she felt the sting of tears pricking her eyes, and he placed his hand on hers. “So if something seems too hard, princess, before you throw in the towel, you should always ask yourself, ‘Will the reward be worth the suffering?’”
He gave her hand a quick squeeze before he picked up his fork and resumed eating.
Leah sat there, unmoving, allowing the weight of her father’s words to sink in. After what seemed like forever, she glanced up to see him watching her, and a slow smile curved her lips.
“Whenever I get to meet this guy, you have to remind me to thank him.”
“For what?” she asked.
He gestured toward her with his beer bottle. “For giving me back that smile.”