- TWENTY-ONE -
RAEGAN -
The hotel where Jace and Audrey had made reservations for us was a really interesting place. The rooms were set up as if they were downtown New York City lofts, complete with exposed brick walls and modern furnishings. The walls that weren’t covered in light red brick were industrial concrete. The bedroom area held a giant king-size, all-white bed, and there were deep purple curtains adorning the windows. The living room had a modern couch, which pulled out into a full-size bed that faced a huge flat-screen television.
It was almost one in the morning, and I was still lounging on the pullout bed with Braden, because the king-size only reminded me of strong arms that should have been holding me from behind. Braden had passed out a few hours earlier. Once I knew he was out for the night, I finally let the tears fall.
I always understood that I might have not known Adam as well as I thought I had, but never would I have expected this from him. I mean, I never pressured him to tell me where he was heading off to or even how he got the money he seemed to always have. I just never thought to ask, honestly. Money had never been a big player in my life. My aunt made enough to keep the apartment and buy food. We never had cable and she tried to use the electricity as little as possible. So I never cared whether or not Adam had money.
How could I have misjudged him so poorly though? He bet our child in a game with Flores. He bet our child, knowing he would lose… hoping he would lose. All so he could have me to himself. My only consolation in all of this was that Flores’ wife was greedy and took me too. Not only would I have been lost without Braden, but she did me a favor by getting me away from Adam. This terrible kidnapping didn't seem so terrible for me and Braden anymore, but I couldn’t help but to think about Lane and the fact that he should have never lost his daughter and then ultimately… his wife.
But if the kidnapping hadn’t happened I would have never been thrown into a situation that allowed Lane and I to fall in love with one another. I was shown just how wonderful a man could truly be. How deeply a man could love his children—and his woman. But now I was going to have to look him in the eyes, knowing I was the reason for the years he had to endure without his daughter.
A fresh round of silent sobs rattled through me and I tried to mop up the tears with the sleeves of Lane’s shirt. When Jace took us by the house to grab some clothes, I couldn't help myself when I saw the shirt that Lane had worn yesterday tossed across our bed. It still smelled like him, and I was almost able to imagine his big arms wrapped around me and his soft whispers in my ear telling me all the ways he loved me.
I hated giving him this moment to himself. It went against everything inside of me to step back and let him come to terms with what he had leaned. But maybe Jace, Jaxon, and Audrey were right. I just needed to give him time.
A soft tapping sound jolted me upright, and I paused to see if I was actually hearing something or if it had been noises from the city outside. Right around the time I had convinced myself the sound was coming from the streets, I heard it again. Tap, Tap, Tap. With a speed I didn't know I possessed, I raced for the door and gazed through the peephole. The most gorgeous sight stood there with his eyes glaring at the door between us.
I swiped my fingers underneath my eyes and tried to scrub any running mascara away. I flipped the deadbolt and quickly pulled the chain free. As I was pulling the door open, Lane pushed his way in. He took a long, hard look at me and I gulped at his intense gaze. His hair was wet and he was breathing heavily, and I couldn’t help but notice that he didn’t look too happy to see me.
With a cold politeness, he moved me to the side and scrutinized the little living room. He tapped Braden’s terrarium on the dining table as he passed it. Braden had insisted that he wouldn’t be able to sleep without it tonight. I watched as Lane quickly made his way across the living area and then lowered his body softly onto the pullout next to Braden.
I knew that Kate and Braden hadn’t really understood the reason for us spending time away from each other tonight, but they took it in stride when we were saying good-bye. I had tried to explain it away as a fun night of one-on-one time, and with Braden it had worked for about the first hour. While I made a true effort to have a good time with him at the hotel, he still asked about Kate and Lane until the moment he fell asleep. Even worse, I missed Kate something terrible. I didn't know how I would ever be able to not live with her.
Lane pulled Braden’s sleeping body out from under the covers and into his embrace. His massive arms surrounded my little boy’s body like a giant, warm cocoon. He pressed Braden’s head to his chest and there was a deep sadness written across his face as he hugged my son tightly. I watched from the doorway as he rocked Braden back and forth in his arms.
Braden’s hand materialized from its entrapment in Lane’s arms and patted his scruffy face.
“Daddy?” Braden croaked with a sleepy voice. I gasped at the word and Lane’s eyes shot wide. He squeezed him tighter and buried his face into Braden’s shoulder.
I could barely hear Lane’s voice, but I was able to make out that he responded, “I’m here.” He looked as if he were breathing Braden in. “I’m here, I’m here,” he repeated.
Braden had never—not ever—called anyone daddy. We had never spoken of a father for him, and for him to say that word all on his own, broke me—especially in light of this evening. I had to hold a hand out to brace myself against the wall as my whole body shook from my heaving breaths.
I must have stood there for at least a good ten minutes before Lane finally lowered Braden’s sleeping form back underneath the covers and meticulously tucked him back in. He tried to quietly remove himself from the bed without any of the springs squeaking. When he was free, he strode purposefully back toward me.
“Lane…”
“Don’t.”
My legs were in the air in one swift movement and my arms shot out to grab a hold of his neck to balance myself. Without a word or even much emotion on his face, he carried me to the bedroom, closing and locking the door behind us. I shoved my face into the crook of his neck and eventually my legs made their way around his waist. I was only wearing his t-shirt and my panties, so I shivered when his warm hands cupped my ass in support.
The bed dipped as he climbed on top with me securely wrapped around him. He pulled back the sheets and then laid us down on our sides, facing one another.
“Did you hear what he called me?” His hoarse whisper brushed across my cheeks. I nodded against his chest and held my arms tightly around him. I could hear the awe in his voice, as if he didn't believe what he had actually heard. “Don’t ever do that again. Don’t ever leave me. Don’t ever take him from me. He’s mine just as much as you are mine.” His hand clutched the back of my head like he didn’t want to let me go. It wasn’t necessary though, because I never wanted to be anywhere else. “Please, just don’t ever do that again.”
“I wasn’t leaving. I was just giving you time to process everything.”
“You never give me time to process. It’s one of the things about you that I love so much,” he whispered. “Just don’t do that. I don’t ever want to come back and find you guys gone. I can’t handle that.”
“Oh, Lane,” I sighed.
“His terrarium was gone. That’s how I knew.”
I squeezed in as close as I possibly could, still trying to let my haywire nerves get the memo that he was here and in my arms.
“You told me to leave Kate… I just thought… you didn’t want to see me when you got back.”
He groaned painfully and said, “Babe, I’m sorry. I was speaking nonsense. All I could think about was that a*shole causing my daughter to be taken from me. I just wanted to hold her and never let anyone touch her again. I didn’t know if you would go back home, and I knew I needed to go by Audrey’s. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that. But I would never—and I mean never—not want to see you.”
I kissed his lips and let his words filter in, erasing any doubts I had been having about us.
“I’m sorry I scared you tonight. I was furious at him for everything, and his mouth just kept spewing more and more shit and I snapped. I never snap, I swear.” His eyes were pained, and I couldn’t believe he felt any ounce of remorse for what he had done to Adam.
“Adam deserved worse, Lane.”
“Yeah, but you shouldn't have had to witness it. I don’t like that side of me,” he mumbled.
“The side that is fiercely protective of his family? The side that would risk jail time in order to right a wrong? I love all your sides, Lane. All of them. But please, don’t ever risk getting locked up again. I’d rather Adam go to jail all in one piece than you guys becoming cellmates. We need you here.” I ran my hands through his now-drying strands.
“I promise I won’t take that risk ever again. I want to be wherever you guys are.”
“Lane, I need to apologize. I was the reason—”
“Don’t you dare.”
“Lane, if I hadn’t been in your life, you would have seen Kate grow up. You would have seen her laugh, her first words, her first tooth…” I sighed heavily as I let the information finally sink in for myself. “Ash would still be alive.”
“Look babe, we can sit here and ‘shoulda,’ ‘woulda,’ ‘coulda' all night, but that’s not going to change anything. Don’t let that sick bastard let you believe for one second that any of this was because of you.”
“I’m not saying it’s my fault…” I whispered.
“Not in so many words. But you are placing some blame on yourself. This is how life worked out for us. It sucked really bad for awhile. It was awful. I’m sure you and I both have cried ourselves to sleep more nights than most people cry in their whole lives. But now… now it’s incredible. Can you honestly tell me you had one day while you were with Adam that was better than any of the days we’ve shared together so far?” He pushed me back only a few inches so we could look one another in the eyes.
“Today was better than any day I ever had with him.”
“Damn…” he laughed. “I’ll admit, I was a cocky bastard and knew you would tell me that you hadn’t, but man… I wasn’t expecting that.” His grin melted me.
“It’s the truth,” I offered.
“I know our friends try and help, but please promise me in the future you’ll go with your gut. The girl I love so much wouldn't have run off to this place.”
“I didn’t want to.”
“And I knew that. I panicked for a little bit before realizing you would never do that to me.” He moved in closer and gently kissed my lips.
“Thank you for coming after us though. How did you find our room anyway? Jace didn't stick around for check-in.”
“There’s a girl working the front desk.” He shrugged as if seducing a receptionist was an everyday occurrence for him. “Oh, here.” He reached in between us and dug deep into his pocket. He pulled out a slip of paper and handed it to me. “I don’t actually need this.”
I glanced at the little yellow page and snapped my eyes back up to him. “Oh God, what did you do to the poor girl? She even kissed it with bright red lipstick and everything.” My hands wadded up the page with her number and lips.
“I didn't do anything,” he chuckled. “I merely asked for your room number. I thought she was writing it down for me, but then she handed me that. Do you really think I was going to argue with her? I would use all of my charms if it meant finding you.”
“Hmm… that sounds pretty possessive of you. And it sounds like something Jaxon and Jace would do.”
“Well, maybe I should start taking some pointers, because they’re in their own beds with their women tonight. I had to chase mine down.” He began to run his lips up the side of my neck and I tilted my head to give him more room to work. “Don’t be mistaken, Rae. Just because I let some douches at a bar have their fun flirting with you, that doesn't mean I won’t come out swinging when I think things have gone too far. You’re mine. You sleeping in a bed that I’m not in, it’s just not happening, baby.”
“I love you,” I breathed out.
“I have a son.” His awed tone made me smile.
“I’m glad someone understands the significance of having him in their life.” For as long as I live, I would never be able to understand why a father would not want his child.
“I do, baby. Trust me, I will treasure him every day. I would never let anything happen to him. I promise that I will always love and protect you guys. No more holding back because I’m afraid of someone forcing me to break my word. I promise the three of you that you have me forever.”
“I believe you, Lane. And I promise we’ll do the same for you.”
“You’ve already done everything for me,” he responded, while placing more of those delicious little nips across my collarbone. His eyes met mine again and he said, “I love you. I love you so much that sometimes I feel as if it’s never enough. I’ll always want more of you. Every day I wish I had found you sooner so I could love you longer.”
My mouth moved against his, trying to show him the words I could not articulate. His warm hands caused a fire to spread across my skin, and I thanked all the powers in the universe for aligning our paths.
“I like you in my shirt, babe,” he said, as he began pulling it over my head.
“It smelled like you.” My hands found the hem of his and I brought it up over his head.
The second we were both topless, we stared at one another, just drinking each other in. I looked at his hard, chiseled chest that he worked so meticulously on every day. Each curve was finely tuned, and I still couldn’t believe he was all mine.
He was the first to move and his warm hands cupped my breasts roughly. I moaned in complete satisfaction. His body moved down mine, slowly kissing a lazy trail down my chest.
“This is gonna have to be quick, babe, if we’re gonna get any sleep tonight,” he murmured against my stomach. His hands moved down my sides until he hooked his fingers under my panties and pulled them down my legs.
“Why?” I whimpered.
“Because I’m waking you guys up at the ass-crack of dawn. I want to get back before Kate wakes up.”
That sobered me a fraction. “Oh… we could leave now.” A part of me wanted to, while another part of me was screaming at me to keep my mouth shut.
“We already paid for this huge bed. I had to hunt you down after this god-awful night. We aren’t leaving until I’ve made sure you understand how much I love you—how much I never want you to run from me again, and that I’d do anything to keep the three of you safe and happy.” His body moved down mine until he looked up at me from between my legs.
I let my head fall back and enjoyed whatever this man had to give. And God, did I enjoy it. With his mouth, his hands, and his heart, he helped ease the pain caused by the horrible events of our past. Together, we had come to terms with the hand we’d been dealt and maybe even become thankful for fate—as twisted as that bitch could be. But we had both finally been given a hand worth fighting to possess, and how could anyone not be grateful for that?