Sunday, April 26, 2009
I SLAMMED THE DOOR on her, again, when I should have stayed and fought. I should have fought harder for her, for me, for us. But she wasn't on our side.
She wasn't on our side.
There was no use.
That winter seemed to take forever and I stayed gone a lot. I was working, building our brand, and I was doing well professionally.
Personally, I was sucking big-time.
It was easy to avoid people when you were out of town five days out of seven. I talked to my family on the phone regularly, but I hadn't seen them much since the holidays.
But it was finally April, and I was hoping that with spring shit would start clicking again, because for the last two months it seemed like nothing had.
I didn't go around Micah or Cory much, they were laying kind a low too, but they had a much cooler reason. They were preparing for parenthood. My mom had told me that she went with them to get strollers and baby things a few weeks back and that Cory was a nervous wreck. She made fun of him and said that our dad had been the same way.
“You'll make a good daddy, too, one of these days. I hope I get to see it, baby-boy.” She laughed on the other end of the line, again poking fun at me for not having a steady girlfriend. Even though, I knew she knew something, because after Micah's baby shower—an event I made sure to be out of the state for—she told me that Micah's best friend had chatted her ear off and that she was a pretty girl. Then, she’d said, “Oh, Casey,” which was mom-speak for what did you do?
I didn't tell her. Not then. I didn't talk to anyone about it. No one would say what I wanted to hear and no one would want to hear what I had to say. So I saved us all a big f*cking headache and kept my mouth shut.
That April morning, I'd picked my suitcase up off the luggage carousel and started for the front of the airport. I'd been gone for days and all I really wanted was a hot shower and my bed. That was the last time I was taking a red-eye on a Saturday night.
I hadn't slept well on the plane. I thought about Blake and wondered where she had been traveling. Or if she had at all. I wasn't allowing myself to check up on her through their website anymore. It wasn't a sane thing to do. Even I could see that.
How did she get me so worked up? And why in the hell did I keep chasing her? She'd told me—I don't know how many times and in about twice as many ways—that she wouldn’t leave him. I'd only wished I f*cking knew why.
I powered up my phone and the damn thing went crazy. It was nine thirty on a Sunday morning. All of the missed calls were from Micah. All of the texts were from her, too.
Terror rose in me. That many calls from Micah was wrong, and the fact that my family hadn't tried to reach me led me to believe it was something to do with Blake.
Before I could let my imagination wander too far, my phone rang in my hand. It was Micah.
I answered like there was nothing wrong, I thought that maybe if I believed it hard enough it would be true, “Good morning, Micah.”
“Like hell it is! Oooo... Can you find your brother for me? Where are you? Are you in town? Oooo... Hold on.” She pulled the phone away from her mouth and swore like I'd never heard her before. She had a mouth on her.
“Hey, Mic. Are you all right? I don't know where Cory is. I just got off a plane. What's going on?”
As I stepped up to the curb, a cab pulled right up in front of me. I didn't bother with putting my things in the trunk, tossing them inside and shutting the door.
“Um... I think I'm fine. Oooo...” She was sort of panting and moaning. I wasn't a fool.
She was in labor.
“Hey, where are you. Where's Cory?” My mind tried to figure out why she'd be calling me.
“I don't know where the hell he is. That's why I'm... Oooo... calling you. Oooo... Oooo... Can you find him for me? Ahhh... please, Casey.” She started to cry, I could tell she was panicking and in a lot of pain.
“Hey, I’m not far. I'm going to pick you up and we'll go to the hospital. I'll find him.”
“Oooo... okay. Hurry.” She huffed and hung up.
“Hey, can you get me to 595 Holley Avenue, just South of San Bruno? Fast?” I told him and pulled a few twenties out of my wallet. It was very likely that he'd be driving us to the hospital and he was in for a hell of a trip. I wanted him to know I had money.
He had us there in no time, taking side streets to avoid the busier ones.
When I went inside I found Micah squatting in her kitchen.
“Oooo...” she breathed when she saw me. “Did you find him? Oooo... should I wait here for him?” Her cheeks were streaked with tears.
Where in the f*ck was my brother?
“No I haven't found him yet, Momma. I called Dad and Troy. They're going to find him for us. Do you know where he was going?”
“A bike ride. He was going riding. Oooo... he's been acting funny. I think he was going to clear his... OOOOoooo... Oooo... head.”
I helped her up and started us for the doors. She was waddling from side to side uncomfortably, moaning and wincing with every step.
“Wait. Casey, get my bag. It's on my bed.”
“Okay, just stay right here.” I moved her hands to the doorframe and said, “Hold onto this. I'll be right back.”
I shot into their bedroom and on the way I saw all of their new furniture and it really hit me. My brother was about to be a dad.
I bet he was freaking out.
When I got back to her she had her head hung and her hips swayed back and forth, like she was rocking herself.
“Are you okay? Shit. You're not okay. You're in f*cking labor! Let's get you to the hospital. Cory will meet us there,” I said, waiting for her to go.
“Just a second,” she said on a rather windy exhale. “Oooo... just a second.” I stood there, anxiously. We needed to go that very second.
I didn't know much about childbirth, but if watching the Discovery Channel taught me anything thing, it was when a woman was ready to go, she was ready to go. And Micah was looking like she was already halfway there.
In the cab, I text my dad and Troy about him going for a bike ride and I held her hand. She almost broke every one of my fingers.
“I left my phone on the counter. Shit. Oooo... I need you to call Blake. She wants to fly here.”
If this wasn't a rock and a hard place. Here this poor woman was about to pass something the size of a small Thanksgiving turkey and she wanted me to call the one person who I'd been trying to not call every second of every minute of every hour of every day.
So I created a diversion, I hoped that by the time the contraction that hit her right after she'd requested for me to call Blake she'd have forgotten. Cory could call her when he showed up.
“Let's wait until Cory gets here, you probably have a whole list of people to call. I don't want to spoil his good news.”
“Oooo... Where is he?!” she wailed.
That driver deserved a gold medal in cab driving. He had us to the hospital in a blink. He pulled us right up to the emergency door and even helped by grabbing our bags out as I ran inside to get Micah a wheel chair.
“Um, hey. I need some help out there. My brother's girlfriend is having a baby. Like soon,” I said, as I walked to the ER desk. The middle-aged woman, who I’d spoken to, wasted no time. She sprang into action, moving around the counter grabbing a chair on her way.
We ran back out to the curbside, where the cabby was counting out loud with Micah.
“Four. Three. Two. One. Oooo,” they said in unison. It might have actually been funny, if I weren’t close to having a f*cking heart attack.
“Hello, there. Looks like we'll be having a baby today,” said the nurse. “I'm Nancy, now let’s get you inside.” She had Micah put her hands around her neck and she pivoted her around so that she could sit in the chair.
As we walked inside she shouted, “Marie! Call OB and tell them I'm bringing them one.” She kept talking to Micah as she pushed her down the hall. “Honey, what's your name and who is your doctor?”
“I'm Micah Cruuuuuuuse. Ahhh. Oooo. And my OB/GYN is Dr. Wolfe. Oooo...,” Micah said through gritted teeth. She was sweating and her short hair was all over the place. I felt so bad, yet I didn't know what the hell I should do.
“And this is your boyfriend's brother, right?” she asked. I didn't think that was so much for her to aid in her check-in process as much as it was to take her mind off what was happening.
“Mm-hmm,” Micah answered.
“Well, brother, where is this baby’s daddy?” Nancy asked me.
“He'll be here shortly,” I said, taking my phone out of my pocket to see if I had missed something in all the commotion.
The nurse wheeled her on and on, but as we turned down the last hall and went through the last set of doors, I could tell we're were in the right place. I heard screaming from both women and infants. We walked down the pink hallway and another nurse thanked Nancy and they switched off.
“Good luck, honey. And congratulations,” the sweet ER nurse told her as she walked away from her and back toward me and the way out.
She grabbed my arm and whisper-yelled in my ear, “You better find that dad. Fast.”
“Yes, ma'am,” I said and smiled at her.
By the time I was walking to the room they'd wheeled a miserable Micah into, my phone went off.
It was Troy.
“Hey, you find him?” I asked, before I knocked on the door.
“Yeah, he's on Angel Island riding with Joey. I got a hold of him. They're going to try to see if they can get a ride back somehow. Cory is freaking out. They’re going to take the 12:25 ferry.” But even if they could catch the ferry back, to the city from Angel Island, it would still be some time before he would get there.
“Does Joey have a phone on him?” I asked.
“Yeah, I just talked to them.”
“Okay, I'll talk to you later.”
I dialed Joey's phone and Cory answered it on the first ring, “Hey, are you with her?”
My brother was frantic, I could tell by how loud he was. Cory wasn't a guy who yelled a lot, but neither was I normally.
Only when it came to her.
“Yeah, I'm with her. We're at Seton. She's okay. They've got her in a room.”
“Okay, good. God. I'm freaking out. How's she doing?” His panic turned into concern.
“She’s fine. She's breathing funny, just like she's supposed to. Do you want to talk to her?” I asked as I gently rapped on the door. I heard the nurse tell me I could come in and so I let myself inside.
The room was nicer than I'd ever expected. It sure as f*ck was nicer than any I'd been in. Micah was changed into a gown already and they were getting her information and setting her up in their system.
I walked over to the bed, where she looked pretty much the same. Sweaty. In a lot of pain. And terrified.
“Cory is on the phone do you want to talk to him?” I asked.
“Oooo... Yes! Oooo...,” she panted.
I gave her the phone and relief washed over her face. I don't know what he was telling her but she closed her eyes. Tears falling down her flushed cheeks.
“Just get here as fast as you can. Please. I need you,” she told him. “I will. I love you, too,” she added before she handed the phone back to me.
“Hello?” I said into it not knowing if he'd hung up on not.
“Hey, you take care of her until I get there. Whatever she wants. You got me? You take care of her. We're getting the 12:25 ferry. I'll be there in an hour,” he instructed.
“I've got this. She'll be fine. I swear.”
After I ended the call with Cory I made sure that she didn't need anything. She didn't need anything except Cory.
The nurses had attached all sorts of gadgets to her and had monitors gauging all kinds of things. After she was checked and they told her that she was already dilated to five centimeters and something else—something about a face—another doctor came in and gave her an epidural.
They said that she still had a little time to go and that she should try to relax. That epidural thing was magic. Almost instantly she looked better.
I thought about how glad I was that Cory didn’t have to see her the other way. It wasn't that great.
“So, now will you call Blake?” she asked. I couldn't distract her and her contractions were at bay, so I was kind of f*cked.
“Really, Micah. I'll do anything for you right now. Just, please, don't ask me to call her. You can use my phone.” I handed it to her, but she didn't reach for it.
“Nope, I need you to call her. Tell her I'm here and that I'm fine. Tell her that the baby is coming and that she needs to get her ass on a plane.” Then the bitch smiled. “Please.”
I shook my head at her, knowing what she was up to. “You're evil. Seriously though, I don't think she wants to hear from me.”
“I think she does.” Micah said.
“What the hell? On New Year’s you basically said to leave her alone. Now, I'm leaving her alone and you’re telling me to call her. I don't get it,” I confessed.
“I don't know. She hasn't been the same lately. Maybe we were wrong,” she said as she situated herself a little better on the bed pushing her body up with her arms, her legs no longer cooperative.
She added, “I guess I thought that you two were just having a fling. But now you’re both so…so meh. You know. I saw how happy you were and I could hear it in her voice, too. Maybe I should have told you to fight for her.”
I looked at her eyes, and they were focused on mine. Her short pixy hair was still in disarray, but since she wasn't in as much agony, she sort of looked cute. Big belly, silly gown. I'd really grown to love this girl and I was happy she was the one my brother had found. She was perfect for him.
That's what a relationship was supposed to look like. Not like what Blake and I were.
“She's still getting married, Mic. I don't think I can change that.”
“Try,” she said.
Try.
I looked at the face of my cell phone, knowing I hadn't deleted her number. It was right there in my hand. Every time I picked up the phone to give in and apologize, but mostly to hear her voice again, I'd remember it was there and I'd have to fight myself not to call.
I looked back up into earnest blue eyes and she said, “Call her.”
It sounded so simple. I pressed the button the on the side of my phone and it lit up. I tapped in the passcode that I still couldn't stand to change.
2-2-4-8.
B-A-I-T.
I found Honeybee's number, which was arbitrary, because I knew it like the back of my dick.
I gave Micah one last look. She rubbed her belly and looked hopefully at me.
“Here goes nothing,” I said.
As soon as I hit the green button, excitement exploded inside me, but I had to be cool. I was all f*cking lit up inside with the thought of hearing her voice. Even if I didn't know if she’d be as happy to hear mine.
I'd missed her so much more than I realized.