CHAPTER TWELVE
“He hugged me very tightly, Gem. I know he’s gone back into hiding, but he couldn’t fool me. His heart was beating so loudly I swear I heard it,” Brenna said with conviction.
Gemma sighed. “Yes, he’s gone back to his old coping techniques—swallowing his hurt and pretending everything’s okay.”
“But that can’t be good for him!” Brenna exclaimed.
“And it’s not good for you either,” Gemma said pointedly.
Brenna slumped back in her seat. “He broke up with me so I wouldn’t feel so torn. He didn’t want me to feel guilty and stressed from worrying about his reactions when I’m with Darren. But this is worse! This hurts so bad!”
“Then tell him that.”
“But what about him, Gem?” she asked in a softer voice. “He said it would be easier for him to handle his jealousy if we’re not in a relationship. If I force us to get back together, wouldn’t I also be forcing him to suffer more? And I can totally see why his jealousy is quite irrational when it comes to Darren. He watched me with Darren for years. Multiple times he’s seen us kiss and be lovey-dovey. He must have been wounded enough from that, so I can understand why he couldn’t bear to see me and Darren together now.” She sighed in frustration. “I love him so much but I don’t know what to do!”
Gemma slammed her drink on the table. “This is ridiculous. You guys love each other yet you’re not together. You’re both protecting each other from further hurt and you’re both suffering from it. It’s not fair!”
“Hey, what’s going on?” Rebecca asked as she, Sarah and Amanda joined them.
Gemma repeated her mini-tirade against the unfairness of the situation Brenna and Ash found themselves in.
“You know, Bren,” Amanda said. “If only Ash could get over his jealousy, this wouldn’t be a problem. If only he could trust that you won’t fall in love with Darren again, then he wouldn’t get too jealous. And then you wouldn’t feel like you’re hurting him whenever you and Darren have to pretend in front of Patty.”
Brenna stared at Amanda, a lightbulb going on in her head. “Amanda, thank you,” she said with awe.
Amanda exhaled loudly. “Don’t thank me yet, Bren. I’ll do what I can to help Ash wake up, but his scars are deep.”
“What I mean is I can work on making him trust that I won’t fall for Darren again,” she answered, a smile spreading on her face. “Magda’s right. She told me earlier she believes love can conquer all. What I have to do is show Ash I love him fully and unconditionally, and that I’m his girl whether we’re together or not. That I’ll keep turning up even if he tries to push me away. Then hopefully, he’ll see that he really has nothing to worry about.”
*****
Brenna went back to the buffet table to get more food. To her disappointment, the olives in some of the dishes had run out. She loved olives like some people loved chocolates.
She settled for some Caesar salad and returned to the dining table where everyone was seated. Deliberately passing behind Ash, she peeked at his plate. Just as she’d suspected, he had five olives pushed to the side of his dish. Usually, he’d have given them to her by now, but she guessed he didn’t want to look like he cared too much. Silly man. Wasn’t he supposed to act like they were good friends again?
She bent down and spoke in his ear. “Thanks for my olives, hon,” she said, startling him. Then she reached out to transfer the olives to her plate.
“I don’t remember saying you can take them,” he said, his voice laced with amusement.
“You know you were going to give them to me anyway,” she said sweetly, then straightened to go back to her seat.
“Hey, do you mind if we switch seats, Bren?” Greg asked. “I want to talk to Gemma.”
“Sure,” she said readily, glad to take the seat next to Ash. What a happy coincidence.
“Are you being bothered by reporters and photographers, Gemma?” Magda asked with concern.
“Uh, not really... except for a couple of times,” she admitted.
“That’s what I want to talk to you about,” Greg said.
“I’m miffed,” Brenna whispered to Ash. “No one has written about us yet.”
Ash simply chuckled.
“The next time I know there are paparazzi around, I’m going to drag you in front of the nearest Carmichael brother and I’ll pash you.”
“Brenna...” Ash said with warning.
“What?” she asked innocently.
Ash shook his head and smiled. “Nothing, I guess. Glad to see you’re okay. It’s good that we can joke around like we used to before we got together.”
Her jaw dropped. If it weren’t for the people around them, she’d have given him a shake for being so obtuse. Honestly!
*****
“He is driving me crazy!” Brenna complained to Gemma over the phone. “I deliberately bumped into him outside his gym this morning, and again he pretended everything was like it used to be when we were just friends. Every time I flirt with him, he laughs it off. Why does he do that?”
“Now you’re seeing what we used to see in the past, Bren,” Gemma answered. “That’s how Ash used to react every time you joked around with him. He’d laugh it off, then when you weren’t looking he’d watch you with a sad look on his face, not knowing we were watching him. He must think you’re back to your pre-relationship days.”
Gemma’s words sobered her. “I guess he’s put up with a lot from me, hey?” she said.
“I think you need to be patient with him, Bren. Remember what you said? That you’ll show him unconditional love, and that you’ll keep turning up when he pushes you away?”
“Yeah.”
“And you know what? I seriously doubt words would mean much to Ash. It’s your actions that would prove to him you love him.”
“I know. That’s another thing that frustrates me. When we were at Amanda and Connor’s, I told him I missed him. I said I miss you, Ash. And you know what he did?”
“He said he missed you too, patted you on the shoulder, then said see you later. Amanda told me,” Gemma said.
“I think he’s being deliberately thick,” she said sadly. “I don’t think he has any intentions of getting back with me again.”
“I think Darren being around you again is digging up all his past hurts and insecurities,” Gemma said quietly. “I think he’s acting like that not because he doesn’t want to be with you again, but because he’s shielding himself from the pain that he thinks is headed his way. Remember how Ash was there to comfort you over your multiple breakups with Darren? Ash took you to dinners and movies and beaches and parks. Do you remember what you used to say to us about him? You said Ash was so sweet, and that it was nice having a male friend who was as close to you as a brother.”
Tears immediately filled Brenna’s eyes, emotions choking her at the memory.
“Bren?”
“Gosh, I’ve been so hurtful to him,” she said through her tears.
“Bren, are you sure that what you’re feeling for Ash now is not brotherly love? Or maybe even pity?” Gemma asked tentatively.
“I’m one hundred percent sure it’s not brotherly love, or friendly love, or pity,” she said with conviction. “I’m in love with him, Gem. And I’m dying to sleep with him again. I want him so much.”
“Then show him that.”
“Yes. I will,” she said.
“How?” Gemma asked curiously.
“I’m tempted to turn up at his place and strip naked,” she said with a little giggle.
“Why don’t you?” Gemma challenged.
She paused. “Yes, why don’t I?”
“Great! I’m sure it’s only a matter of time before Ash realises the truth of your feelings for him. Then your problems will be over.”
She exhaled gustily. “Not all my problems. I’m having some issues with Darren lately.”
“What?”
“He seems to get agitated every time I mention Ash. He comes up with ridiculous statements about how Ash’s feelings for me couldn’t be strong because Ash never pursued me back when he and I were dating.”
Gemma snorted. “He obviously has no idea. But do you think Darren wants you back?”
“No. I think he’s scared I might pull out of our arrangement to please Ash. He’s worried for his mum.”
“Ah.”
“Darren also wants me to go with him every time he visits his mother, which could be more than once a week.”
“That’s not fair on you, Bren. He doesn’t have the right to expect that of you.”
“I know. I do put my foot down, but I try to say it nicely. He is under a heck of a lot of pressure, including financially. He let it slip the other night that money was becoming a problem.”
“I can sympathise with that. But Bren, please don’t make their problem your problem. You have your own life to live. You’re way too nice sometimes.”
“I know,” she said, Ash filling her mind.
“Getting back to stripping for Ash, when are you gonna do it?” Gemma teased.
She took a deep breath. “Tonight. After I hang up the phone.”
*****
Brenna rang Ash’s doorbell, her hands cold and shaking from nervous anticipation. A couple of minutes passed and there was no sign of movement inside. She pressed the button again, wondering if she should have called first. Maybe he wasn’t home? But where could he be at ten o’clock on a Tuesday night?
After another long moment, she turned around to go back to her car, her spirits low. Was he out on a date? No. From what she’d gathered when they were going out, Ash didn’t do romantic dates with other women. He had sex nights.
Ugh! Shut up, Bren, she ordered herself.
“Brenna!”
Oh, thank God.
She swivelled and saw Ash standing by the door, wearing sweatpants and a white t-shirt. Her breath caught in her throat, her body already preparing itself for what she had in mind.
“Hi,” she said, walking towards him.
“Were you waiting long? I was in the shower.”
She smiled. “Only for a few minutes. I thought you weren’t home.”
Ash stepped aside to give her room to enter. “What’s up?” he asked as he closed the door.
She turned to face him. “I wanted to see you.”
“Oh, okay. You want a drink?” Ash asked, heading towards the kitchen.
Oh no, Ashton. You are not gonna do the we’re-only-friends act again. “No, I don’t want a drink,” she answered.
“Right. Do you need something else?”
“Yes.”
He raised his brows in query.
Holding his gaze and taking a deep breath, she started to unbutton her dress. Fortunately, she had one which fully opened at the front. It was the perfect dress for stripping in front of a man.
Ash’s Adam’s apple bobbed, then his chest heaved, his lips parting to take in more air.
His reaction gave her a boost of confidence. Licking her lips seductively, she slowly walked up to him as she undid her last buttons.
“I need you,” she breathed, stopping right in front of him and sliding the dress off her shoulders, revealing one of her sexiest pairs of lacy underwear.
Ash’s eyes roamed her body, his pupils already dilated. His hands remained at his sides, but when she glanced at them, he was rubbing the tips of his fingers together. The bulge that formed in his pants also didn’t escape her attention.
“I’m dying for you to touch me, Ash.”
Ash looked into her eyes, his expression transforming from stunned to carnal. “Where?”
“Everywhere,” she mouthed.
“Show me,” he said, his sensual tone making her shiver in delight.
She took his hand and placed it on the valley between her peaks, pressing it there. Her heart was thudding hard and fast, and she wanted him to feel it. Then she moved his hand so it was cupping her breast.
Ash’s thumb moved to circle her nipple, shooting off bolts of pleasure within her, and creating a fresh rush of moisture between her legs. His eyes didn’t leave hers when he unclasped her bra. Taking it off her, he discarded it somewhere on his living room floor.
“Where else, Brenna?” he asked, his eyes hooded with lust.
Panting softly, she took his hand again. This time, she let it slide down her belly, before resting it on her panties.
“Do you want me to take this off?” he asked, playing with the band.
She nodded, unable to break his gaze.
He lightly ran his fingers on her mound, teasing, before hooking her undies and rolling them down her thighs. Ash knelt in front of her to completely undress her. But instead of getting up afterwards, he ran his hands up her legs and positioned them at the apex. She almost stopped breathing.
“You want me to touch you here?” he asked, his voice hoarse and heavy with desire.
“Yes, please,” she breathed.
He smiled, his gaze hot and smoking. He parted her folds, uncovering her nub, then he dipped his finger into her wetness before rubbing her needy c-lit with it.
“Ash,” she cried, bracing herself with a hand on his shoulder as desire weakened her stance.
“I missed this,” he murmured, before leaning in and replacing his finger with his tongue.
Oh, God. She didn’t how long she could stand still with him doing that. She wanted to raise a leg to give him more access, but she was scared she might topple over.
“Ash, I want you,” she moaned.
“You have me, baby,” he said against her pu-ssy.
“I want more,” she whispered.
He looked up and gave her a salacious smile. “Tell me.”
“I want to spread my legs for you,” she said, blushing. “In bed. So we can have lots of room.”
Ash chuckled and rose to his feet. Tenderly, he cupped her face. He gave her a thorough kiss before taking her hand and leading her up the stairs.
*
“Now can I continue what I was doing before you interrupted me?” Ash said teasingly, kneeling on the bed to join her after discarding his clothes.
Her gaze went to his erection... hard and heavy... calling to her. She sat up and moved closer to him. “I want to say hello to this first,” she said, wrapping her fingers around it and running her tongue on the tip.
“Brenna,” Ash groaned, raking his fingers through her hair. “I missed you, baby.”
“Hmm,” she responded, closing her mouth around the head and pumping.
“You can’t have all the fun,” he said abruptly, gently pushing her away.
He encouraged her to kneel and spread her legs. Then he lay down, positioning his head between her thighs. “Go down on me, sweetheart,” he rasped as he grabbed her hips and brought her pu-ssy down to his mouth.
She let out a lusty moan before leaning down on top of his body and capturing his cock again. Panting and gasping from the rapture he was giving her, she licked and sucked his length, stroking his balls as she did so.
Ash’s sexy noises turned her on even more. Before long, she was almost at the crest. Her moans got louder and her tugs got faster.