The Holders

11



Less than a minute after leaving Alex and Min in the Inner Chamber, I was weaving through clusters of green and white school uniforms, dodging backpacks, and on my way to Ryland’s dorm.

That bastard! I trusted him!

Why was I so surprised? What did I expect? Wasn’t this the way it always was? Wasn’t there always some ulterior motive? Oh well, it didn’t matter. We were leaving, that much I knew. No way in hell was Ryland staying here even one more night if I had anything to say about it.

I ran up the steps to Ryland’s dorm, burst through the door, and stormed down the hall toward his room. This would be easy: I would tell Ryland to pack his things, we’d go back to Lorcan together – I was not letting him out of my sight – where I’d pack mine, I’d call us a cab, and we’d be at the airport by 1.00. As far as I was concerned, the sooner we were out of Ireland the better.

“Ryland,” I yelled, pounding on his door. “It’s me, let me in!”

No answer.

My heart started to race. “Ryland, I swear to God, if you’re screwing with me–”

“He’s got a class,” a small voice said out of nowhere, making me literally jump up and yelp.

“Sorry,” the boy said, shrinking back a step. “H-he’s in class.”

I took a deep breath, pressing my hand to my thumping chest. Damn it, class. I’d completely forgotten.

The boy looked up sheepishly. “You’re his sister, right?”

“Yes, Becca,” I nodded with a sigh.

“Can I leave this for him?” he asked, pulling an envelope from his pocket.

“Yeah, sure,” I said, taking a step away from the door.

The boy wedged the envelope in the crack between the door and the frame, poking it a few times to make sure it wouldn’t fall.

“Thanks,” he said, turning back one more time to look at me before taking off down the hall.

Once the boy was out of sight, I gave into my nosier instincts and grabbed the envelope out of the door. Written in pencil on the front was:

Ryland

I printed you a better one.

- Con

I opened the – thankfully unsealed – envelope, and pulled out a photograph of Ryland standing arm-in-arm with three other boys about his age. One of them I recognized from my visit to his room yesterday morning, the other two I’d never seen, but it didn’t matter as none of them were the person I was focused on. My eyes were glued to the little redhead in the center, who had the biggest smile I’d ever seen on his freckled face. A smile that went all the way to his eyes, lighting him up from the inside out. I stood there for a long moment, feeling all my anger and pent-up aggression trickle out of me as I stared down at the photo – its message ringing in my head, loud and clear.

Ryland was happy here. For the first time in his life, he was happy.

With something between a sigh and a huff, I slowly walked back toward the front doors of the dorm, not realizing I still held the picture until I stepped outside and felt the first drops of the coming storm on my face. Not thinking to return it, I slid the photo into my pocket to keep it safe, and sauntered back across campus, barely noticing the rain. By the time I climbed the steps to Lorcan, hair stuck to my face and wet strands dripping down my back, I felt more like a zombie than a person. All I wanted was to crawl into bed and never get out, yet as I stepped up to the door of the hall I couldn’t bring myself to go in. I followed the covered porch around the side of the building, and found a stone bench against the far-east wall.

I sat, looking out over the dark and wet landscape, deeply resenting the fact that my anger had dissipated. Anger was good. It was familiar. I knew what to do with it. Moreover, I knew how to make it work to my advantage. Screaming, shouting, fuming – that was what I knew. But now that my anger had dissolved like sidewalk chalk would in the current downpour, the only feelings I was left with were hurt and confusion – two things that I’d never done well with.

I pulled the picture back out of my pocket, looking again at Ryland’s smiling face. What the hell was I supposed to do now? How could I take Ryland away from the first place he’d ever enjoyed being in? How could I let him stay knowing there was a crazy Holder out there just waiting for the chance to kill him? If I took him away, he’d hate me, but wasn’t hating me and being alive better than loving me and being dead? I rubbed my hands up and down my arms with a shiver, more torn than I’d ever been, and hating it.

I’m not sure how long I sat there looking blankly into the rain, but it felt like a while. It was long enough for the two o’clock bells to chime from across campus, and long enough for my soaked hair and shirt to dry of their own volition.

I had no idea where she’d come from or how long she’d been watching me, but suddenly Min’s voice asked me softly from a few feet away, “May I sit?”

“Shouldn’t you be teaching somewhere?” I said weakly.

“I have only two classes this semester, both are held on Tuesdays and Thursdays,” she informed me. “May I sit?”

I nodded and she sat, folding her hands in her lap. After a quiet moment she looked down at the bench where I had set the picture of Ryland and his friends and slid it over to face her.

“Do you know the other boys?” she asked.

“No,” I answered, glancing down at the picture again.

“Brian and Connor Jones,” she said, pointing to the two boys on the right. “Brothers from London. And that’s Wally Couit from the south of France. Brian and Wally were in my literature class last semester, Connor the year before. Good boys.” She slid the photo back over beside me and looked out over the grounds. “Ryland is happy.”

I wasn’t sure if she was asking, or simply making an observation based on the picture, but either way, I wasn’t about to be caught in a trap. “Yes, he is. And how happy will he be when he finds out that there is a man out there who has been waiting hundreds of years to kill him? How happy will he be when he finds out that the only reason he was brought here is so that a bunch of people he doesn’t know can use him for an ability he’s not aware he has.”

“That is not true,” she said, calmly turning to face me.

“That’s certainly what it sounded like.”

“I know you will find this hard to believe, but the best thing for Ryland is to be here, where he is protected.”

With a flare in my chest, my anger was back. I stood and rounded to face her, while she sat calmly looking up at me. “Why all of a sudden, does everyone else get to decide what’s best for him? Who do you people think you are? I have always looked out for him! Always taken care of him! And now I’m supposed to just hand his welfare over to a bunch of people I hardly know, including his ‘father’ who ran out on him less than two weeks after he was born? I have always known what is best for him! People like you have been trying to take him away almost his entire life, and I have always been there to save him, and I’m sure as hell not going to stop now, just because Ryland’s feelings might get hurt!”

“Shush, shush, shush,” Min hushed soothingly, sliding over on the bench, taking my trembling hand in hers and pulling me back into the seat.

“I can’t let him get hurt,” I said weakly, slumping down next to her, exhausted.

“And you think that taking him away is the best way to do that?” She patted my hand, which she still held, and lifted my chin with her free hand, forcing me to look at her. “Ryland is safer here than anywhere else in the world, that is why we brought him here. Darragh can get to him anywhere else – anywhere but St Brigid’s. Neither Darragh, nor any of his accomplices, can enter the school grounds. The guards I cast have made sure of that.

I was immediately reminded of my conversation with Chloe the night before. “Yeah, from what I hear, someone has been trying to find a way through your guards.”

Min sighed. “Yes, that is true.”

“Is it one of them?” I demanded, already fairly certain I knew the answer. “Is it someone after Ry?”

To her credit, she did not bother denying it. “We believe so, yes.”

“And you still expect me to believe he’s safe here? This only proves he’s not safe!”

“On the contrary,” Min countered calmly, “it only proves how safe he is. Yes, someone has tried to breach my guards, and yes, we suspect that person’s intention was to get hold of Ryland, but the most important thing is that they were unsuccessful. My guards not only held, but also served to alert us to the threat, allowing extra precautions to be made. I have not only strengthened the charms protecting the school, but I have also added one to Ryland’s dormitory. No one can remove him from it, or from the campus itself against his will – not even you,” she smiled, chucking me under the chin. “He needs to be here, where we can protect him properly. Taking him away will only add to the danger. Moreover, we have no solid proof that the attempted breach had anything to do with Ryland at all. Of course we must act on the side of caution, but there is yet a strong chance that it was only a harmless accident.”

I wanted to believe her, but fought it. “What about the Iris, you only want him…”

“Yes, we have been waiting for the one who can use the Iris, but the fact that we have him does not mean we expect him to use it now. He is not ready for any of it yet, we know that. The only thing we wish to do right now is test the prophecies we have been counting on so heavily. We want to give him the Iris, so that we can confirm that all is as we have so long believed it to be. Ryland will not find out about his ability, or the Holders, or the prophecies, or any of it.”

“What, like he’s not going to ask what’s going on?”

“We will speak to him briefly beforehand, and tell him what he needs to know. Holders have been hiding from people for centuries. Believe me when I say we are prepared for his questions. Then, when the test is over, he will go back to life as usual.”

“He has to find out about everything, eventually.”

“Precisely – eventually. He will learn slowly, along with the other Holders his age. Then, in a few years, after Ryland is fully awakened, he will join us when and if he is ready and willing. He is young and has time; he will not have to find out everything in a matter of days as you did. I am surprised that you are taking everything as well as you are. Alex was right,” she said. “You do have a little of the Holder in you, how else could you have absorbed so much in so short a time?”

“Yeah, well I may have reached my limit,” I said.

“Don’t worry, there is no more to tell. A few details here and there perhaps, but aside from that, you know all that we know at this point. The rest is all yet to be seen.”

“But what about Darragh? You said that you thought he was planning something, and that he had to be stopped. It doesn’t sound like you have a lot of time to just sit around waiting.”

“We are prepared to wait as long as we have to. Forcing Ryland into something he is not ready for doesn’t do anyone any good. We have been waiting hundreds of years for this. You can rest assured that the entire situation will be handled with the upmost care. You just need to trust us. Ryland is safe here.”

The desire to believe her was getting the better of me, but I beat it back once again. “Why didn’t Alex tell me? He promised to tell me everything. He promised that…” my voice died off as I looked away, well aware that my remaining hurt at Alex’s betrayal – or at least what I had at first assumed was a betrayal, but now seemed more like an irrational leap on my part – was clear in my voice.

“He did tell you everything. He may have saved the most troubling information for last, but he couldn’t possibly tell you everything at once. And would you have come here at all if he had? Alex handled everything as best as he could, and he truly does care about what happens to your brother. He kept us all up very late last night proving that.”

“What do you mean?”

“Most of the Order wanted Ryland tested with the Iris right away, but Alex insisted that he be given at least two uninterrupted weeks to adjust to his classes and his new life here, before we hold the teSt He was adamant that that’s what you would want, and he wouldn’t take no for an answer.”

“He did that?” I whispered, feeling like a total ass for yelling at him the way I did.

“Without him, Ryland may have very well been tested today.”

“Oh, God I was so horrible.” I hung my face in my hands.

“Don’t worry, he’ll understand,” she assured me, patting my knee. “You believe this is truly what is best for Ryland.”

Again, I couldn’t tell if she was asking or making an observation, but I nodded. She smiled, patted my hand once more, and stood.

“One more thing,” she said as she turned to go. “Try to take it easy on Alex. He has had a much harder time these last few days than he lets on.”

I wanted to ask what she meant, but the look on her face told me she wasn’t planning on saying anymore about it, so I simply said, “I will.”

She smiled and walked off, leaving me on the bench alone.

“Trust us,” she’d said.

Could I really do that? Could I really trust a bunch of people I barely knew with Ryland’s safety? Did I really have a choice? Honestly, I knew the answer was no. If I wasn’t willing to give these people a chance, then Ry’s safety would be all up to me, and how could I protect him from something I didn’t understand?

I couldn’t.

Surprisingly, the moment I made that small realization, the smothering pressure on my chest lifted slightly, and deep down I got the renewed sense that this really was what Ryland needed. I still had a mountain of reservations, but it was clear now that running wasn’t going to be the answer. I promised to always do what was best for Ryland, and – much as I was uncomfortable with it – it seemed that at the moment, that meant doing nothing at all.

I stood and stretched, feeling much better, at least when it came to Ry. However, I was feeling increasingly awful for the way I’d treated Alex this morning, especially knowing what he’d done for Ryland last night. I stood and stretched before making my way back indoors, happy to get out of the damp chill. When I arrived at my room I found a brown postal box waiting for me at the foot of my door. I took it in with me and tossed it on the bed, before removing my musty shirt and jeans that still smelled like rainwater in favor of a cozy pink sweatshirt and black yoga pants. I washed my face, brushed and braided my hair, then turned my attention to the mysterious box.

The postal code told me it was from Mom – she must have posted it almost as soon as we left – and I opened it to find goodies galore. Three of my favorite magazines, a box of Oreos, a five pound bag of peanut butter M&Ms, a new tube of lip gloss, my fuzzy slippers that I hadn’t had room in my suitcase to pack, and a card with instructions to share the loot with my brother, even though I was sure he’d gotten his own box. Last but not least, way down at the bottom, I found one of my favorites – three boxes of Kraft Velveeta macaroni and cheese – which gave me an idea.

I slid off the bed, pulled on my slippers, and went up to Alex’s room, praying both that he would be there and that he wouldn’t turn me away, though I couldn’t say I’d blame him if he did. I knocked timidly three times then stepped back, wringing my hands together in front of me. I counted ten-Mississippi’s before I heard footsteps, then five more Mississippi’s before the door opened and I saw Alex – who looked horrible. Pale, drawn, and so tired it was almost hard to believe he was standing.

“Becca?” I don’t know if he could have sounded more shocked. It was as if he’d never expected to see me again. Though I suppose that was my fault. Immediately he was beseeching, “Becca, please believe me, I never–”

“No.” I stopped him, guilt scratching at my stomach. “You don’t have to explain. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have yelled at you. I know you weren’t trying to… I just…” I didn’t know what to say.

Fumbled words or not, they seemed to have done the trick as he smiled. “You don’t have to apologize, I understand.”

“Maybe you haven’t noticed, but I can be a little over-emotional at times,” I smirked.

“No. I don’t believe that for a minute,” he laughed.

“Have you eaten yet?” I asked, hoping to have the chance to make up for my horrible behavior.

“No.” He narrowed his eyebrows in a silent question.

“Good!” I said, perking up. “Give me twenty minutes, then come down to my room… that is… if you want to,” I added in a milder tone, not wanting to force him.

“I’ll be there,” he said.