The Fate of the Muse

chapter TWENTYSIX

DOUBT





I came awake slowly, eyes darting around in confusion until I realized where I was. I was alone, wrapped in blankets, with bright daylight streaming through the slats of the window blinds. I checked the alarm-clock on Ethan’s bedside table, surprised to see it was well past noon. Was he already at the farmer’s market? I bolted upright, and was immediately knocked back down by a powerful wave of dizziness. I could hear someone moving around in the kitchen, and smelled coffee brewing and food cooking. My stomach screamed that it was empty.

I stretched my sore arms above my head, and the sight of my bandaged wrist sent flashbacks of the whole terrible experience ricocheting around in my mind. Barbara, her guards and even poor Yuri had all died yesterday because of me, and yet I was still standing. It had to mean something… I had to be alive for a reason.

I thought about my words to Barbara… “I’ll kill you” I’d said, and I had definitely meant it. I’d threatened to kill Peter as well, and somehow it ended up being his fate. At least the congressman wasn’t dead because I was angry with him, and that was some small comfort. I suppose that meant that nothing terrible would happen to Amber simply because I disliked her.

I rolled to my side, and when I stirred, the blankets smelled like Ethan, soothing me a little. I sat up slowly, hugging his pillow to my body. I drew a few deep breaths and waited for the dizziness to pass, taking a good look around. I’d peeked in his room before, but I’d never really spent any time in it.

The walls were white, and mostly bare, with the exception of one of my wave paintings and a couple of surfing posters tacked up across from the window. I dropped my chin to the pillow, too weak to even be tempted by them. A pair of surfboards leaned against the far wall, and a bookcase crammed with surfing magazines and schoolbooks sat within reach of the bed. Sloppy piles of books on plants and landscaping lay on their sides, interspersed with a few spy novels and thrillers. When I reached out for one, a picture frame tucked in with the books caught my eye.

I pulled it out, finding a photo of Ethan as a very small boy, wearing a big camera smile and pair of pajamas printed with little teddy bears. He was adorably cute, sitting on a couch next to a beautiful blonde woman who had her arm draped around him. There was a tinsel covered Christmas tree in the background, and the woman held a wrapped present on her lap. Until now, she had only existed as a sort of ghost to me. It was Ethan’s mother.

I studied her closely, surprised to finally see the face of the woman who had done so much to hurt Ethan. She was heavily made-up, sporting long red fingernails and a lacy outfit topped off with gaudy costume jewelry. She seemed completely artificial, the diametric opposite of Abby; I had a hard time imagining Dutch being married to a woman like that.

I was somewhat taken aback that she resembled Amber more than just a little bit, and I could only imagine what Evie would have to say about that. Always the amateur psychologist, she loved to search for hidden meanings in everyone’s behavior. Boy, I thought, did she miss the boat with Olivia!

I heard footsteps coming down the hall and I slipped the picture back amongst the books. The door creaked open and Ethan peeked his head in. He flashed me a wide smile when our eyes met.

“Good morning.”

“Hi,” I said, suddenly feeling awkward.

He came in and sat on the bed, “I was wondering when you were gonna wake up. How do you feel?”

“Fine.”

He reached up to brush a stray hair from my face, “Are you hungry?”

I nodded, looking down shyly, “I should really get home though.”

“Don’t go,” he said, “I’m making breakfast.”

I smiled, “Isn’t it kinda late?”

“It’s never too late for breakfast.”

“Don’t you have to work?”

“I took the day off.”

“Abby might be worried.”

“I already called. I told her that you fell asleep and stayed over.”

I cocked an eyebrow at him, “Really? I guess I could use some coffee… but…” I wrinkled my nose, “I need to go brush my teeth and change clothes.”

He got up and left the room, returning a minute later to hand me a new toothbrush.

“You’re certainly prepared,” I teased him.

“That’s the Boy Scout motto,” he replied.

“And you were a scout?” I asked.

“Of course I was,” he smiled, grabbing me and kissing my cheek. I squirmed away, giggling when he snared me around the waist and pulled me closer.

“I like seeing you in my bed,” he whispered in my ear, making me shiver.

He held me close, finally taking my face between his hands and looking me in the eyes with an intensity that made me forget to breathe.

“I love you,” he said.

My heart swelled with emotion, and just as I reached out to pull him down into the tangle of blankets my stomach growled angrily, making us both laugh.

“Let’s go eat,” he said, kissing my forehead before getting up to go, pausing again at the door to look back at me with a goofy grin.

By the time I slipped into the kitchen, barefoot and swimming in Ethan’s oversized clothes. I was too hungry to care about how I looked.

“Smells good in here,” I said meekly.

“Sit down,” he gestured, and I took a chair, feeling strangely like we were playing house. He set a plate of scrambled eggs and fried potatoes in front of me that made my mouth water. I dove in and started scarfing it down as if I hadn’t eaten in a week. Every bite I took reminded me that I was still alive.

I looked up to see Ethan watching me with amusement, “Thanks,” I said between bites, “It’s delicious.”

He smiled in reply, asking, “What do you want on your toast?”

After we ate I started to feel much better, and we sat sipping coffee and pretending to look at the newspaper. Every time I raised my head I met his ocean blue eyes, watching me expectantly.

“What?” I asked.

“Aren’t you going to tell me about it?”

I pressed my lips together, groping for the words. He really wasn’t going to like hearing the details, but I knew he deserved to know everything. I sighed and launched into the story. He listened quietly, his rapid breathing and tight jaw betraying his increasing agitation.

“I thought Evie got rid of that guy!” he blurted out in frustration when I told him about Yuri.

“Apparently he’s been stalking me too, but he ended up saving me from the Edwards,” I shook my head, “But he’s gone now… They’re all gone.”

“Except for Brad’s father… And Evie’s friend.”

I sighed, for he was right, I still had two powerful enemies out there, and there was no way of knowing what they would try next. I did know that they were a huge threat to Nixie, and the thought made me angry. She was an innocent baby, happily swimming in the sea, completely oblivious to the evil that stalked her.

“Now I know what they’re really after,” I said bitterly, clenching my teeth.

“What?” he asked with alarm, and it occurred to me that I’d done it again. Ethan didn’t even know Nixie existed. I’d really meant to tell him someday, but the timing just never seemed right. There it was, I thought, my true nature rearing its ugly head. I suppose a leopard can’t change its spots.

“They wanted me to help them catch another mermaid. They’re planning to… do experiments.” I shuddered involuntarily.

“What kind of experiments?”

“There’s something I haven’t told you about… I just, well…” I looked at him guiltily.

“What?” he asked apprehensively. He moved his chair close to mine and took both of my hands.

“Remember how I told you that Nerissa was completely back to normal?”

He nodded, his eyes intense.

“She is now, but she had a baby… a baby mermaid.”

His eyes flew open, “What? How? I mean… so soon? Why didn’t you tell me?”

I answered his questions haltingly, dancing around the parts I thought might upset him. I explained how the mermaids didn’t seem to know where babies came from, and described Nixie. I told him how shocking it was to see that she’d grown so rapidly, and my theory about the accelerating effect of being in the sea. I even told him what I’d learned about my mother coming to swim with them while she was pregnant with me.

“Do you think that’s why you’re, uhm, different from all the others?” he asked.

I nodded, relieved to see him grasp it immediately. When I got to the part about how I’d just learned that Nixie was really Edward’s child, he fell silent.

“So,” I explained grimly, “They want to use her like a lab rat. Edwards thinks her genes will provide him with a chance at immortality… I doubt Peter even knew about that part of the plan.”

“Whoa,” he looked angry, “But what do they want from you?”

“First, they used me to help Barbara get elected, but they’ve also been watching me, knowing I’d lead them to more mermaids,” I said sadly. “And now they’re after Nixie. … They want me to help them with her. They only even know about her because they recorded me talking to Evie in Paris.”

His face clouded over, “Why would you tell Evie,” he asked, “And not me?”

I looked down, “I’m sorry… I was planning to… It’s just that you don’t like to hear about me being around them.”

He looked disappointed, sighing with resignation as he asked, “What makes them think that you’d go along with any of it?”

“Abby… Evie… and you. They were going to make an example of Cruz, and then threaten to hurt my family…” I met his eyes, “But I’d rather die than help them.”

“Don’t talk like that!” Ethan growled in a low voice, snaking his arms around me, pulling me onto his lap and holding me close.

I wanted to cry, “I have to warn the mermaids– try to make them get away from here– but I don’t know if they’ll understand… It’s so frustrating! They never take my advice.”

“I know exactly how you feel,” he said, resting his chin on my shoulder. I laid my head on his and sighed, feeling guilty. He didn’t deserve this. Why did everything have to be so difficult for us?

“I’ve been thinking,” he said, leaning back in his chair, “You know how dad’s planning on moving in with Abby pretty soon, right?”

“Yeah.”

“I want you to come live here with me…now. I want to keep renting this place for the two of us.”

I shook my head reproachfully, ticking off all the reasons that it wasn’t a good idea, “You shouldn’t give up the free dorm room. What about saving up for our house? My dad gets back soon…”

He shook his head, “I don’t care about the money– I can go to school and work. I want you here with me. We can be together all the time… every day. We can drive to school together every morning.”

It sounded like he’d been giving it some thought. Once again, he’d been planning, mapping out his vision of a perfect future that might not be entirely realistic. I sighed.

“You can have my dad’s old room for your art studio…” he said enticingly.

“I have a studio,” I said defensively.

“I don’t like the idea of you being there alone… If you’re here with me I can watch out for you.” He leaned over to kiss my ear, “Anyone who’s after you is going to have to go through me.”

“Abby will never go for it,” I said. “Neither will my dad.”

“We don’t have to tell them. You can keep your room at her house and sneak over. You could say that you’re staying at Evie’s…”

I was surprised at him, for lying was going completely against his nature. I felt a little guilty for tempting him to compromise his principles, wondering if it was the whole muse thing at play again.

“We only have to wait a few more months,” I said soothingly, “By January things will–”

“NO!” he cried harshly, pressing his face onto my shoulder, “Don’t you understand? I really thought you were gone this time! I can’t wait anymore. I wanna be with you… For however long we have! I don’t care what anyone else thinks!”

“We’ll see,” I said to placate him. I patted his back soothingly, standing up. “I’ll do the dishes, and then you can take me to go get changed.”

His shoulders slumped in defeat, and he sat watching me with a strange look on his face. I busied myself at the sink, lost in thought, jumping when he came up behind me suddenly. He wrapped his arms around my waist and dropped his head to my shoulder.

“Please Marina… Promise me you’ll think about it. I only want to keep you fr–” he stopped himself.

“I’m not going anywhere,” I said for the millionth time, shrugging him off and washing the dishes a little too aggressively.





“Can you take me to my studio first?” I asked him after we climbed into the trunk.

“What for?” he frowned.

“I have some clothes there,” I gestured to myself, “And I don’t really want to try and explain this outfit to Abby.”

He drove out towards the studio, stopping at a hardware store on the way.

“I’ll be right back,” he said, locking the doors before he jumped out. He returned in a few minutes with a bag, and I looked at him quizzically.

“I might as well fix the door while we’re there,” he said.

We parked in the little alley behind the coffee shop, and Ethan reached behind the seat to pull out a toolbox. He started working on the broken lock while I changed clothes and swept the rest of the shattered lamp from the floor. I perched on the edge of the couch, watching as he finished replacing the lock with an impressive looking deadbolt. He came over and handed me a set of keys.

“It won’t be so easy to kick in,” he said, “Until you can get your stuff out of here.”

“Thanks,” I said uneasily. I had no intention of giving up my studio, but I didn’t want to argue the point. I had other things on my mind.

He leaned on the couch next to me, “What do you want to do today?” he asked.

“Could you take me home… to Abby’s?”

He put his arm around me, “We still have plenty of daylight,” he said with a smile, “How about we go surfing?”

I sighed, “I just want to go home.”

He looked surprised, and tried again, “Do you want to go for a hike or something?”

I shook my head, “No thanks.”

I could feel him eyes darting over to me the whole drive home. We pulled up at Abby’s and I thanked him, giving him a quick kiss on the cheek and telling him I’d call him soon. He waited, expecting me to invite him in, but I didn’t. I needed to be alone, and I knew he wouldn’t understand if I said it out loud. I jumped out and hurried into the house.

It felt strange, like the tables were being turned, for Ethan had always been the one who wanted to follow the rules, and now I was pulling back, unwilling to change our plans. I needed some time to adjust to everything that had happened so far, and I felt a little like I was being pushed.

I knew that I loved him, and I knew that I wanted– no, I desperately needed– to be with him. Unfortunately, living with Ethan would make it impossible for me to keep any secrets. As much as I would love to be with him every day and every night, I knew that it would force me to either give up my trips out to see Lorelei, or constantly defend them. I wasn’t ready to do either.

I supposed I was guilty of the same kind of wishful thinking as Ethan. I hoped everything would work out magically once I turned eighteen, and we could finally be together. I was beginning to realize that my troubles were going to follow me wherever I went.

“Hi sweetie!” I walked in to find Abby sitting on the couch, sorting through a stack of baby clothes. She held up a tiny pink jumper with a warm smile, “I remember you in this one.”

I sat down by her side, looking through the clothes and listening to the stories that each garment had to tell. Abby got increasingly emotional, every little outfit bringing back memories of me and Cruz as infants. The tiny clothes reminded me of Nixie, and I wondered what she would have been like had she been born on land.

Abby sniffed and wiped her eyes, “It’s lucky that I saved all this stuff, huh?”

I nodded my agreement, but I knew that luck had nothing to do with it. Abby was sentimental about her friends and family, always giving over her entire heart– even when it might not be the best idea. The baby she carried was one lucky kid; already loved unconditionally and without reservation.

I remembered Barbara’s threat to do Abby harm with a spasm of anger. Hurting someone as good and kind as Abby would be doubly evil, like killing a unicorn. I was glad Barbara was dead, and then I felt bad for not feeling bad.

I patted Abby’s hand, “Do you want a cup of tea?” I asked as I got up.

We sat and talked awhile, sipping mint tea, folding baby clothes and catching up with each other. She was excited about Shayla and Megan’s success, and I told her a little bit about my trip to Hawaii. Abby beamed when she talked about Cruz, delighted that he had finally found his place in the world and seemed increasingly happy. She told me how much she liked Brad, and I changed the subject abruptly, not quite ready to think about having my enemy’s son in such close proximity to my family.

“Wow!” she said, looking at my hand, “Is that ring new?”

Dutch came bursting through the door, sparing me from that conversation. He had a bag of groceries in one arm, with a bouquet of flowers sticking out of the top. Abby loved flowers more than anyone I knew, and I smiled. Dutch certainly had her number.

Abby’s face lit up when she laid eyes on him, and she stood to receive a one armed hug and a kiss. I was touched by the way they greeted each other with such tenderness, and when Dutch looked at Abby it reminded me of the expression on Ethan’s face in the morning. I hastily excused myself and retreated to my room, leaving them to their intimacy.

I flopped down on the bed, thinking about Ethan. I looked at my ring, and sighed. As much as I loved him, I was starting to wonder if we were the ideal match. He was insecure and sensitive, and I was secretive, always trying to avoid conflict. He wanted to control everything, but I prized my independence. We were about to enter into a marriage at an age where most people were only thinking about their plans for the next weekend.

I was starting to fear we might be headed for a monumental train wreck.

My relationship troubles were the least of my worries. I had to find Lorelei, Nerissa, and Nixie. I had to warn them about the mermaid hunters that were certain to come for them, but I wasn’t sure that they’d even understand why they were in danger. I could only hope that Nerissa would remember enough of her past experience to believe me.

My phone rang, and I reached for it, seeing it was Evie. I bit my lip and answered.

“Oh Marina, my darling! Are you alright? I’m so sorry!” she sounded like she was on the verge of tears.

“You heard,” I said, wondering how much she knew.

“Yes! Cruz and Boris are right here with me… I had no idea! My God– how did you know about Olivia? Wh-why couldn’t I see it?” her breath caught a little in her throat, and I felt terrible for her. Betrayal was one of the most painful things I could imagine.

“What happened? Where is she?” I asked in alarm.

“She got a phone call yesterday and had to leave suddenly… I was so disappointed that you wouldn’t get a chance to visit with her…” her voice trailed off.

“Where did she go?”

“She appears to be in hiding,” she said grimly, “But I have people looking for her.”

“Do you know who Brad is?” I asked.

“Yes, dear, he’s right here with Cruz. The boys told me everything… I’m still having a hard time believing it.”

“They were going to kill Cruz,” I said, “If it hadn’t been for that crazy Estonian, who knows what might have happened!”

“Ahh yesss… Yuri. Marina, we need to discuss this whole situation in person. Can you come to me right away?”

“No. There’s something I need to do right now. How about tomorrow?”

“Alright, come early and we’ll have a little meeting. We can do lunch afterwards– there’s a fabulous new restaurant I’ve been wanting to try out.”

I almost laughed out loud, for even massive trauma couldn’t stop Evie from enjoying life. She was probably planning her wardrobe in her mind as we spoke, and it was like comic relief to me. Despite the shock she’d just experienced, Evie was already a few miles down the road to recovery.

I hung up the phone, freshly reminded of the importance of my mission. I needed to see Nixie, and to warn Nerissa and Lorelei about the danger in no uncertain terms. I only hoped that they’d listen to me.

I gathered my things, checking my wetsuit carefully for any kind of electronic devices before putting it into my bag, and hurried past Dutch and Abby, telling them I was going to meet a friend. I raced outside into the late afternoon sun with a sense of urgency, completely focused on my mission. I had to do it now, had to warn them to move, to get as far away as possible before Edwards and Olivia had time to re-formulate their plans.

I sprinted down the street, ponytail flying behind me. With dogged determination, I hustled down the steps as fast as I could manage with my surfboard tucked under my arm. If I hadn’t looked up when I did, I would have run smack into him.

“Ethan!” I gasped, looking down to see he had his bag and board with him.

He stood there in silence for a moment, finally speaking in a voice thick with emotion, “Marina… Please… Take me with you.”