“Oh, yes, that I heard. In fact, I think everyone heard. You went at it like a newlywed couple battling over toothpaste squeezing positions,” Wyn said lightly. The comment was innocent enough, however I could hear the implications behind it, and I blushed.
We had fought like newlyweds, like lovers, like a couple. I guess in a way that was right. In oh so many ways it was what we had become; it was what we had always been meant to be. Maybe that’s why it was only my anger, not my heart, that had said those things. That’s why it hurt so much now that he was gone.
“Everyone heard?” I asked, my voice soft.
“Oh, yes,” she said with a smile. “I wouldn’t be too worried, though. You should have heard some of the fights Talon and I had after…” The perky tone of her voice left as her voice faded to nothing, the mention of his name setting my own heart into an overactive hyperdrive.
She didn't need to explain her pain, her loss; I could feel it. I could feel it in the way her magic sagged as she spoke his name. I could sense it in the heat of his magic that lived inside of her, deep down in her belly. I desperately wanted to tell her that Talon's magic was still with her, tell her how much I hurt for her, but I didn’t know if I should.
“I'm sorry,” I whispered, not knowing if it was the right thing to say or even if she wanted to hear it.
“I felt so lost after my mother was murdered…” I began, regretting the words almost instantly. I shouldn’t have even said anything. I still didn’t really want to talk about my loss, and I was sure Wyn felt the same.
I brought my knees into my chest, wrapping my arms around them as I tried to fight the pain of the loss, the memories still a blistering branding iron against my heart. We sat still, side by side, lost in our own misery as the feathers settled while the last of daylight left.
“Edmund kept us in the old prison in Prague,” Wyn said suddenly, her words soft as she spoke toward her toes, her voice distanced as she became lost in thought. “Talon got sick… He just didn't make it out… It's okay, though. I killed my father for what he did to him. I will make Edmund pay for what he did to Talon, to Cail…”
I jumped at the sound of his name, my hands winding through my long strands of hair as the insanity battled for control.
“I'm sorry he did that to you, Jos. I wish I could have stopped it. I tried…” Her voice trailed off again as I turned to look at her. Her dark eyes widened as I looked into her pain, sure she could see the madness in mine.
Our eyes met in silence, neither knowing what to say before she broke the stare, her hands writhing in her lap, her thumb continually rubbing over a scar on her hand that I hadn't seen before.
“He hurt us, too, Jos,” she whispered, as if that made it all better, yet it didn’t. It only confused me more.
I thought I had understood all about turning the other cheek and being understanding and forgiving, though I had never assumed I could feel so much bitter hatred as I did for Cail.
“Then why do you want to avenge him? Because he was your brother?”
“It’s complicated.”
“I don’t see what’s complicated about it,” I said, my voice hard and angry as I stared her down. “He trapped me in his mind, tried to kill me. I c-can’t-t cl-lose my eyes w-with… without… without-t—”
I stopped abruptly, my nerves tingling at the memories as the insanity tried to take over. I pushed it away only to have my vision sway, the familiar swimming in my head rushing through me. My hands flew to my head as I pressed against my scalp, trying to block out the sight, my chest heaving as I tried to will some of the sweet-smelling fumes from the bathroom into my lungs.
I am bigger than it.
I breathed deep as Wyn placed her hand against my back, the warmth shocking as the heat of her magic warmed my skin. I gasped at the feeling, the difference from the icy cold I had felt before alarming.
“It’s okay, Jos,” Wyn soothed as she rubbed my back. I focused on the touch—on the memories of before—and felt the anxiety seep away into nothing. “I know. I know what he can do. I’ve known my whole life. He beat Talon and tortured Ryland until he broke while the only thing that kept Ryland together was Sain. I think Sain is the only thing that is still keeping him together.”
I knew I shouldn’t be surprised. I had seen the way my dad had comforted Ryland, the look of pity on his face as Ilyan dragged me away. I guess now I understood it. I had tried to kill his precious prince.
I gritted my teeth and looked away from Wyn, my eyes falling on the small sliver of glinting red that shone through the feathers. I wanted to take it and throw it against the wall, shatter it into a million pieces. I didn’t need a piece of Ryland’s heart anyway.
“Well, then maybe he can be Ryland’s dad,” I hissed the words out, the anger that I thought had left me coming back so fast I wasn’t sure where it had been hiding.