“Gee, if you were going to have a pillow fight, you could have at least called me,” Wyn said, the smile in her voice lighting up her face. I tried to return her smile, but the guilt that had been raging through me grew, and instead, I stared at her, frozen in place.
Wyn just looked at me as she leaned against the door, her body still weak as she relied on the slab of wood for support.
She looked different, and it was more than the odd, old-fashioned nightgown she wore, although the absence of bangles and a band shirt did make her look like a different person. The marks that had once lined her face and arm were now a shadow, like a marker that someone had attempted to wash away, though it didn’t quite come all the way off. Even through the weakened sag in her spine, she stood taller, looked more confident, older.
I stared at her, trying to decide if I was imagining the changes or if they were really there. She had been through as much, if not more than me, and I was certain that I looked different to her as well. It had been so long since I had seen her; twice as long for me thanks to Cail’s nightmare. Right then, however, I didn’t care if there were changes or not.
“Wyn,” I sighed as I bolted off the floor, my feet taking me to her in three giant strides before I fell into her arms, both of us falling into the wall behind her.
The feel of her arm wrapped around my back was all it took for those desperate emotions that I had been trying to ignore to come through. Regret, pain, anger. I was so emotionally drained from the last day that I couldn’t stop them.
Wyn was here. It didn’t make it all better—it didn’t take away the desperation and the fear—but somehow, it made it all seem a little more manageable.
“W-w-w-yn,” I stuttered out, my voice distorted by the staccato breathing that had taken over me.
“Geeze, girl, you under attack by Reavers or something?” Wyn asked with a laugh as I cried against her. I was aware that there was a joke there that I hadn’t gotten, but I didn’t care. I just clung to her as the ugly emotions spilled from me.
“Jos?” she asked, the light laugh dropping from her voice almost immediately. “You okay?”
Everything stopped in expectation of an answer, one that I knew I wouldn’t be able to give. So I just clung, my fingers tangling around her nightgown as I internally pleaded with her to drop it, not to make me expand on something I was almost sure would end in a panic attack.
“Jos?” she asked again as she shut the door behind her, the heavy wood slab closing with a loud bang that echoed in my ears and flared the alarm that my weak emotions had let take over.
I jerked at the noise, my arms flying away from her as they moved to cover my ears. Wyn’s eyes widened again at my reaction, which only made me shy away from her all the more. I didn’t like being looked at like that, least of all by Wyn.
“Calm down, Jos. It’s okay. It’s okay,” she soothed, her hand rubbing over my back. I tried to settle down—I really did—but I couldn’t seem to get my body to cooperate.
“If you want, I can sing you a stupid Styx song,” she offered, a wide, cheesy grin on her face. The absurdity of her suggestion wound through me in sweet familiarity, the joyful light in her eyes breaking through my anxiety enough that I could return the smile. Albeit, it was more chagrined than wide and cheesy.
“That’s better. Let me get you some water.”
I sank down to the ground as Wyn weakly walked away from me toward the bathroom, her hand clinging to different pieces of furniture in an attempt to keep herself steady.
I needed to pull myself together. It was only Wyn. My friend. She had been there from the beginning, and I didn’t see that changing anytime soon.
My lungs ached as I breathed, my body protesting the surge of anxiety and emotion I was still trying to calm.
“You are lucky I was able to come,” she said from the bathroom, her voice carrying to me as I kept my focus on the floor. “It’s my first time out of bed since yesterday… since… well, you know…” Her voice trailed off as she rambled, the sounds so familiar I couldn’t help smiling.
“Everyone wanted to keep me there, but I couldn’t, not after today. So I kinda snuck out; hence the 1970s gown. I’m just glad it’s not brown,” she jabbered on as she came out of the bathroom, another large earthen mug in her hands. My fingers twitched as I wrapped them around the mug she extended toward me, my body seeming to relax from the magic that seeped from it.
“Th-thank-k… y-you,” I said, my voice shaky as I brought the mug closer.
“Yeah, I really am sorry. I didn’t think you were that bonkers… I mean, I didn’t know how scared you would be… I mean, Thom told me, but I guess I just assumed he was full of it…”