I woke again just as the sun was preparing to set, the whole day having passed without me. The bedroom was bathed in the glow of the last of the day’s sun, the light so bright that it almost seemed unwanted. The room was unwanted. It felt empty and cold without him here.
I splashed water over my face and unwound what was left of the careful braid Ilyan had placed in my hair, my fingers aching as they pulled the long strands out from their bindings. My heart tensed as I removed something so precious—something that had such a good memory attached—but I didn’t feel worthy to wear it anymore.
Not after what I had done to him.
My fingers froze at the thought. My mind almost expected the abbey to shake in Ilyan’s anger, however nothing came. Only the silence of evening, the gentle sound of a few crickets who had beat the others to the night.
I stretched my magic away from me as I stood before the mirror, pulsing it over the abbey as I searched for him. I scanned through hallways, through rooms I had yet to see, and right to the very edge of the gardens, but he was nowhere.
I knew that couldn’t be right. I didn’t want to believe that he could just be gone, that he could have left us all alone.
I clenched my teeth and pulled out the last of the braid, leaving my hair to hang around my face as it had done for so many years.
I looked at myself in the mirror—the silver eyes, the dark sheet of hair. I should have looked the same as I had only months before, yet I wasn't the same, not anymore. My eyes seemed darker somehow, more grey than silver, and my hair didn't hang quite so heavily.
I ran my fingers over my face, my hands shaking as I tried to find the girl that I had been, but she wasn't there, not anymore. The girl I had been would never have said those things to someone she loved. She would never have tried to kill Ryland, even though he had tried to kill me.
Without thinking, I reached up and pulled the collar of my shirt down, letting the line of my scar shine through the mirror, the scar where Ryland had stabbed me. It had been months—almost a year—since that night, but the line was still white, a painful reminder of what we had become.
I pushed the thought away and grabbed the earthen mug by the sink and filled it, my magic heating and dancing through me as I took a drink of the Black Water. I exited the bathroom, only to come face to face with the destroyed bed. I hadn’t looked at it last night; I hadn’t wanted to see what I had driven Ilyan to do. I could see it now, however, and it wrung through me. The destroyed remains wound uncomfortably through my stomach. Everything had been sheared in two—comforter, feather mattress, and frame—right down the middle.
Just as we had been. Broken.
Ilyan had done this in his pain with only one thought. It made me worry for what he had done to the rest of the abbey, for why the building felt as if it were falling apart. I cringed and moved away from it, not really wanting to see what he had done.
Not wanting to see his pain.
I didn't know what to do. Should I track him down? Write him a formal apology letter? Hang a white flag from the balcony? I had never been in a situation like this before. One thing was clear; I needed to find him. I needed to apologize.
I took another drink and moved toward the balcony, hoping that I could perhaps see him from the stone outcropping, like Romeo and Juliet. I almost laughed at the thought, the ridiculousness of it catching me off guard.
I took two steps before I jumped back, Black Water splashing over my arms as my bare foot hit against something hard and cold that cut into the soft tissue of my heel.
"Ow!" I groaned as I rubbed the tender spot on my foot, my magic pushing aside feathers until I found the red ruby glinting at me from within the blanket of white that covered the floor.
No, not a ruby, I reminded myself.
My heart seemed to beat faster, my hands clenched around the mug of Black Water as I glared at the necklace. My brow furrowed as if it had somehow offended me. I guess in a way it had. I could still vividly recall Ilyan throwing it to the ground in his anger. I could see the pain on his face when I told him I thought he was lying, that I didn't need him.
My shoulders knit together at the thought, my stomach twisting uncomfortably as the guilt bubbled up aggressively.
I drained my mug and tossed it on the massacred bed as I stared at the necklace, my fingers twitching as I moved the feathers out from around it to get a better look. Even the idea of touching it made me feel a bit uncomfortable. I didn't think it was the whole “heart enclosed in a piece of diamond” thing. It was just that it had come from Ryland.
The feathers flew through the air around me as I dropped to my knees just as the door opened. I jumped at the movement, my gaze flying toward it as my heart rate picked up. My hope at seeing Ilyan mixed with the fear of being attacked until someone who I wanted to see just as much walked into the feather-covered room.