“And what good would that do? He’ll just keep coming back like he always has.”
“I can’t believe you’ve done this, that you’ve betrayed me this way. Zenas will have you killed when he finds out.”
“There’s only one way he’d find out.”
“I can’t keep something like this from him, Amaia. He’ll know.”
“Am I really nothing to you? My love and loyalty mean nothing?”
“You know that’s not true.”
“You had me believe I was a monster. You stripped me of all my choices. You kept me from happiness. I was na?ve and stupid and let you talk me into this life when, all along, you knew you were going to take him from me. You told me if he loved me, he would join me in eternal life, but you never intended to give him the choice.”
“No. I won’t apologize for it, Amaia. It was for your own good. Parents often have to do things that may seem cruel for the benefit of their children.”
“This has nothing to do with my wellbeing, Lawrence. Don’t pretend it does. I was just another cog in your plan.”
“If it’s any consolation, my plan failed. I had hoped to control you through your guilt, but you felt none.”
A cold chill grasped Amaia’s heart. Her mouth hung open, though it didn’t draw in air. He was right. Of course he was right. She had never given any weight to guilt.
“You know I’m right. How much could you have loved him, Amaia, if you killed him and didn’t even feel guilt over it? You took it in stride, as if killing was second nature to you. I suppose after the battle, it’s become apparent that it is. I had no idea of that when I changed you.”
“Stop, Lawrence. Just stop.” Amaia went for the door. She needed to get out.
“Where are you going?”
“Anywhere but here. Don’t even try to stop me, or I swear I’ll kill you.” She didn’t wait to hear his reply or see what he would do. She was out the door and making her way through the Paris crowds with no thought of the future.
Chapter 40
Paris, February 1799
Her feet kept moving, one foot in front of the other. She followed something, even though her mind couldn’t land on what it was. Something guided her. She would know when she arrived.
She couldn’t run. That was too freeing. She could only wander at a human pace. She was so lost in her own thinking that she almost, quite literally, ran into Meg.
“Amaia?” Meg’s voice pierced her thoughts. Amaia couldn’t even remember what she had been thinking about. “Amaia, what’s wrong?”
“Oh, Meg. You’re who I was looking for.” Amaia heard her voice betray her surprise.
“Amaia, you’re worrying me.” Meg cupped Amaia’s face in her hand, steadying her.
“Yes, I’m worrying myself.”
“Let’s go talk somewhere. Liam, why don’t you carry her?”
Amaia’s feet lifted off the ground. Liam carried her like a bride. Amaia had wanted to be a bride once. She hadn’t thought she ever would be, but then that nice man had proposed to her. Michael. Michael loved her. He wanted to marry her, to carry her like a bride.
Liam set her down on a sofa in a room that Meg and Liam must have rented at a hotel. “Didn’t expect you to be so close.”
“We’ve been staying near Lawrence in case you came back.”
“Hmm. That’s nice of you. You’ve always been good friends. Better than I deserve.”
Liam grunted, but Meg took Amaia’s hand in her own. “Nonsense. You know we’re always here for you. Now what’s going on?”
“I told him everything.”
“Who? Lawrence?”
“Yes, Lawrence. Then he told me a story, a very sad story. Would you like to hear it?”
“Sure.”
“See, Meg, that’s why you’re such a good friend. I don’t have to make sense around you.” Amaia proceeded to relate the story of Lawrence and Abigail.
“That old windbag was in love once?” The skepticism in Liam’s voice struck Amaia as funny, and she laughed.
“Yes, I know. I could hardly believe it myself. You should have seen him as he told me about it. It was real. I could see it in his eyes. His aura was all warm and soft. That is, until the part where she broke his heart and he had to kill her. That part was sad. His aura got all dark and nasty.”
Liam knelt down next to Amaia, squinting as he peered into her face. “Is she drunk or something?”
“No, vampires can’t get drunk, silly Liam. Stupid efficient bodies. Lawrence explained it to me once. I miss being able to get drunk. But we can kill. Why don’t you find us some nice big humans, Liam? Lots of blood?”
“No, I don’t think that’s very wise right now, Amaia.” Meg always looked out for her. Always a good friend. “You’ve got to snap out of this. If Lawrence tells Zenas, you’re not going to be able to stay here.”
“He’ll tell him. He doesn’t want me back. He can’t control me, so he has no use for me.”
“What are you going to do?” Meg spoke with urgent concern.
Amaia shrugged. “I have no idea.”