“Zenas knew what was going on, and he ordered Abigail’s death. She couldn’t continue to live knowing the truth about us. He was lenient with me. Even then, he favored me. I think he actually felt sadness over my situation. He was so in love with Sabine, and I think my circumstances reminded him how lucky he was to have her. I’m grateful for his mercy. He should have killed me as soon as he learned I had let her live after she refused to be turned with me. Instead, he let me resolve it. He even offered to do it for me, but he told me that if he did, then I would forever lose ownership of the deed. I needed to do it myself. If I didn’t, it would always hold me back. I had an eternity to begin living, I couldn’t continually cling to the past, and I didn’t want to learn to resent the man who had given me the chance to have everything.
“I crept into her room while she slept. I watched her throughout the night, memorizing the way she looked to my new vision. She was more beautiful than I had remembered. She had aged gracefully, and I couldn’t help loving that face, no matter how much she had hurt me. I hated myself in that moment, Amaia. I hated myself for letting her have that power over me, for making me weak, for making me vulnerable to her. I learned to hate her too, for taking that vulnerable part of me and irreparably damaging it. I trusted her, and she stomped on my heart. By the time the sun rose, I knew I would kill her, and I knew I would enjoy it. Or at least I would convince myself that I enjoyed it until it became the truth. I can still hear her screams, Amaia. I remember every second of that morning in perfect detail. She begged for mercy. She pled for her life. She was terrified. But not once did she ask to join me. Not once did she apologize for the great injury she did me. That is what love is, Amaia. That is what fickle human hearts are capable of. There is no love. Having you kill Michael as your transformation kill was the best thing I could have ever done for you. I spared you the pain of being rejected by him.”
Amaia’s world crumbled around her. This was lunacy. In Lawrence’s eyes, she saw the cold frenzy of a madman. Through it all, her heart went out to him. What great pain he must have suffered.
“You knew I loved him, but you had me kill him anyway?”
“Yes. Your love is the reason you had to kill him. It had to be your transformation kill. I wasn’t sure I could get you to kill him otherwise, and I wasn’t going to have him take you from me. He would have never accepted you as a vampire. I knew that when I turned you. I wanted you, Amaia, and I wasn’t going to let him have you.”
“You let me live this entire time believing that I wasn’t capable of mating, of being in love. But Meg was right, wasn’t she? They were all right. The transformation kill can’t be controlled.”
“No, it can’t. That’s why it had to be then. But really, Amaia, how powerful can the emotion of love be if it is so easily overcome?”
“I don’t know, Lawrence, but clearly love is strong enough for you to base your life on it in your crazy need for revenge. That’s why you’re obsessed with creating a better race, isn’t it? You were so hurt that you want to create a race that is more powerful, impervious to the pain, as if that’s even possible. I can’t believe you intended for me to live through eternity alone. You wanted me to end up just like you. I could have been happy, but you never gave me the chance.” Amaia stormed to her feet, looking down at Lawrence until she could no longer bear the sight of him and turned away.
“You were happy, Amaia. Until you saw him in that tavern, you were happy. I didn’t realize that he would haunt you this way. It makes sense. We all think about our transformation kill. It holds a special place in all of our hearts. But I never imagined this would happen.”
“I always thought you didn’t mate because you didn’t want to, but that’s not true. You’ve never mated because you already have. With her.” Amaia kept her back to him.
“I’d hardly call it mating. She’s not here now. She’s long dead, and I didn’t follow her to the grave.”
Amaia spun around to face him. “No, but look at you, Lawrence. Look at this bitter man you’ve become. You want that for me?”
“Of course not, Amaia.” Lawrence stood and took a step toward her. Amaia backed away. “I want you to be happy and strong and powerful. You have it in you to be the greatest vampire in the history of our kind. I’ve always wanted you standing at the head of my great race with me. As a father and daughter, we could be strong together, neither one of us entangled with a mate, our loyalty absolute.”
Amaia shook her head, trying to dislodge the image of her life that he painted. “I don’t want that Lawrence. All I’ve ever wanted is Michael. I gave him up because of you. You convinced me that I couldn’t have loved him since I killed him.”
“He’s going to turn you away.” Lawrence grasped her shoulders, as if he could force her to believe his words.
“No, he won’t, Lawrence.”
“I’ve been there, Amaia. I know the way humans are. Their love is faithless. He will deny you when he knows the truth.”
There was only one way to prove she was right. “He already knows the truth. He knows what I am, that I killed him, and he still loves me.”
“What?” It was a whisper. Lawrence’s hands tightened on her shoulders until she feared her bones might snap.
“Just because it didn’t work for you, doesn’t mean it can’t work for me.”
“What do you mean he knows, Amaia?” His voice was thick with dangerous accusation.
“Exactly what I said.”
Lawrence threw her back as he released her. “It must end. You must kill him.”