Almost.
Ilyan pulled away enough to look at me, the gold specks in his eyes reflecting the morning light right back at me. His soft hands moved my hair away from my face, his finger grazing against my mark. The jolt of magic shot down my spine and I knew it was now only Ilyan that could cause it. I fought the panic that tried to break free at the shock, my eyes glued to his as he smiled. His face was a mixture of pride, worry, and most of all, love.
I buried my head into his chest. His arms stayed strong around me as he moved his head down to whisper in my ear.
“I’m going to go get you some Black Water. I’ll be right back.” The heavy wooden door opened and closed as he left, but I stayed still in the bed, hiding underneath the covers. I stretched my hand out over the cotton sheet, laying it flat on the warm part where his body had just been, my heart rate stayed steady even though he had gone, the warmth almost a promise of his return.
But I wasn’t sure, and that worried me.
I didn’t even have time to think about it before the door opened again, this time closing with a thunk before heavy footsteps moved toward me. I jumped at the noise, my body instantly rolling into a tight little ball. I tried to convince myself that it was just Ilyan coming back, but I knew better. I knew that gait. My brain had memorized that breathing. I peeked out from behind the cover, not wanting to see.
Ryland stood before the bed, his hands calmly at his sides, his dark curls falling over his bright blue eyes as they had always done. But my mind didn’t see that.
My mind replaced the happy smile with a wicked grimace, dark curls with greasy strands, and even the wall behind him began to turn red in my panic.
My breathing picked up in a matter of seconds, my body moving away from him as I panicked and stuttered, his eyes growing wide at my reaction.
“Jos? Sweetheart? What’s wrong?” His voice was kind and gentle, but I didn’t trust it. He had played this game on me before, only to end up hurting me.
“G-go a...a...away.” I tried to make my voice strong, knowing from the start that it wouldn’t work.
“Jos? I’m not going to hurt you, honey.” His voice was pleading, but I couldn’t stop moving away from him. Ryland was now leaning against the foot of the bed, his body posed as he prepared to crawl towards me over the bed.
I howled as he moved onto the bed, my voice making noises that had no recognition in any language in an attempt to get him away from me.
“It’s okay, sweetheart. It’s okay. I had to see you. I had to know you were all right. After everything that Cail did…”
“Go Away!” I was surprised at my own voice, but tried hard not to let it show.
I balled my fingers into fists, grateful my fear kept me from attacking him, but not knowing if it was the right choice. I wanted to attack him.
“Jos! I’m not going to hurt you!” he yelled in frustration. He was practically on top of me now, my heart felt like it was going to beat right through me with how hard it was thumping in my chest.
We both stayed silent at his outburst, my breathing ragged, his heavy. He didn’t remove his eyes from mine as I watched him calculate what to do with me. I tried to find the power to fight back, but my fear kept me restricted. Then we both heard it, yelling voices in the hall.
I recognized them both immediately. I had heard them enough. Ilyan and Ovailia. My eyes widened as Ryland looked at me, a million different puzzle pieces clicking into place. But the picture still didn’t make any sense.
“Ovi…Ovailia b-brought y-you hee...here?” I tried to speak beyond the panic, but I wasn’t quite sure it was working. Ryland’s eyes softened, as if he himself had made some great breakthrough.
“Yes. Ilyan wouldn’t let me see you. I needed to see you, Jos. You are all I think about. One of the only memories I have left.” I could see the heartbreak in his face. And for one moment, I almost pitied him. I almost understood him. But even if I had wanted to, I still couldn’t trust him. I still waited for him to hurt me. I still fought the desire to hurt him.
“Ilyan p—protec-cts me.” I had wanted to explain to Ryland how safe Ilyan made me, that he was doing what I needed, but Ryland’s face changed.
His eyes grew dark, and I watched his body shake. In turn, mine went into a further panic. What little calm I had been able to find was washed away.
“Ilyan hides you from me!” He rose up above me, his shoulders squaring dangerously.
“N-no!” I tried to move further away from him, but his legs had pinned me down. I was trapped.
“Yes! He wants you all to himself as he feeds you lies about how dangerous I am – how mean I am! Even though I would never hurt you. Ilyan made you break our Z?lství!” Ryland’s yell rose as I continued to panic.