Chapter Six
Every day had a theme song, each one different from the last. Lily swore upon it. Most times, Severine thought it was crap, but today she was starting to think that her friend might be right.
Sometimes, the shit that came out of Lily’s mouth made sense. Severine trudged up the stairs humming, “Bad Day.” Although, her day was far past bad; it sucked.
“Annneeee,” Severine dragged out. She was too lazy to even talk right.
“Yes?”
“You look like you could be a really fast typist...” Severine trailed off and wiggled her eyebrows.
“I’m not typing your paper.”
“I’ll pay you a thousand dollars,” Severine said as she dug for her keys.
Anne smiled and walked over to Severine. “Bad day?”
“Yeah. I have decided that I truly am going to drop out and become one of those crazy coupon ladies. I could make a killing off that.”
“But you’d also be the world’s most organized hoarder...”
“Thanks for the encouragement. I saw a three-legged cat outdoors, maybe you can steal its cat food later.”
Anne barely smirked at Severine’s barb. “Change. We’re going to the gym.”
“Why would I start going now? I don’t even know where the campus gym is located.”
“Get rid of some steam.” Anne made herself at home and dug through Severine’s closet. “I’m not saying that you have to run five miles, but I promise you’ll feel so much better.”
“I’m not going.” With that statement, Severine dropped onto her bed, and rolled into a comfortable position.
“Yes.” Anne stood up and threw a pair of workout clothes at Severine. “You are. How many times have I gone to some lame-ass party with you?”
Severine lifted her head to lazily look at Anne. She had a point.
Anne knew she was close to talking Severine into it and quickly went in for the kill. “Besides, there is a crap-load of tasteful dudes to stare at.”
Her eyes busted wide. Anne smiled. Severine wasn’t thinking about any tasteful dudes, except Thayer. There was a slight chance he’d be there.
Last night materialized back into her mind. It had driven her nuts all day and was somehow making another appearance. Severine wasn’t going to pretend she didn’t want to see him. She did. That’s what disgusted her.
“It’s our personal Hunk du Jour,” Anne offered with an artful smile.
* * * * *
Sweat dripped down her neck. Severine wiped the perspiration away and focused on the dummy in front of her. All her frustration went into the next kick. Her legs backed away, and she repeated the process.
Anne was right. This was a great way to blow off steam. Before she had started harassing the blameless dummy, she was liable to snap on an innocent bystander. And so far, she hadn’t seen Thayer. She lifted her leg and kicked as hard as she could.
“Uhh, you okay there? I think Bill’s head is ready to fall off.” Anne looked at the dummy they had lovingly named Bill.
Severine took a deep breath and stepped away. Her legs burned, and her muscles felt like jelly. “Your turn.”
Anne gave the dummy a skeptical look. “Uh, I don’t think there’s much left for me kick.”
“Okay, well let’s use the treadmill next.”
“We’ve already done that,” Anne pointed out, as she silently offered Severine a bottled water.“Besides, we’ve been here for almost two hours. I think I’m gonna have to use a wheelchair tomorrow to get to class. Can we please go back to the dorms? Please?”
Severine wasn’t in control of her feelings. Her breath came out in pants, and she concentrated on poor Bill in front of her. She didn’t want to talk about it, but what other choice did she have?
“I think I like someone I shouldn’t.”
It was hard to shock or surprise Anne. She spun the cap of her bottle quickly and practically ran to Severine’s side. “Who? Details!”
“Macsen Sloan,” Severine stated quietly. It was a lie. She meant the other Sloan brother. Thayer.
Anne looked at her, confused. “Mac? You like Mac?” She rested her hands on her hips and peered at the people around them before glancing back at Severine. “That’s a good thing, right?”
Severine nodded before going back to kicking the dummy repeatedly.
“Then why shouldn’t you like him? Macsen’s not off-limits. He’s a great guy.”
“I know that,” wheezed out Severine. Her heart wasn’t pounding from the exertion that was pouring out of her body. It came from an internal struggle. The truth was hard to keep in when it was begging to be set free.
“You should go for it,” Anne winked.
There was nothing else to do but nod. Severine knew he was the safer route. He made her laugh. Being around Macsen gave her a calmness that normally never stuck. It made sense. For once, Severine needed to follow her logic and gut.
“I can’t take it,” Anne declared with fatigue shading her words. “I’m going to walk to the locker room, while I still can.”
A short burst of laughter escaped Severine. “Go. I’ll be there soon.” She picked up her water and took a long gulp.
“I feel like I’m gonna see you on Cops in a few years.”
At the sound of the voice, Severine bit into the plastic rim of the bottle. Thayer was behind her, watching her with a mixture of respect and interest. This wasn’t Severine’s top place to hang out. Ever.
For him, it evidently was.
Severine pulled the bottle away from her lips. Thayer followed the motion almost eagerly. This wasn’t good for the stress that Severine had just chased out of her body. “It’s my self-defense practice. You know, from all the douchebags out there.”
Thayer grinned. It didn’t crook on one side. There was nothing half-hearted with him. When he smiled, it was all consuming. “Well, I’m a guy, and I’ll officially be standing two feet away from you.”
Severine panted out a laugh, still trying to get the remainder of her breath back. With him here, it officially became ten times harder. He leaned against the wall, dressed in a cut off and basketball shorts. One thing could be checked off her giant list of never-ending questions. He looked just as she imagined after working out.
Maybe she was wrong about the whole sports being the devil’s playground theory. If everyone looked this good after a workout, she’d buy front row tickets to their male basketball team. Clearly, she was missing out.
“If you stay two feet away at all times, then we might end up being B.F.F.”
“How would I enjoy that?” Optimism glinted off of him. Severine had never seen him this way. She whacked her almost empty water bottle over and over against her thigh. Mischief danced in his eyes. It would cause catastrophic damage for anyone.
“Two feet away? I think that’s two feet too f*cking far.”
“God, are you kidding me? You just wasted a really good line on me.”
He stepped away from the wall. “Severine, I have no ‘good lines,’” he said with air quotes. “That would mean I was using someone else’s words. Whatever I say is all mine.”
Her hand stilled, and the bottle paused in mid-swing. If he was kidding, he had the world’s best poker face. She hated not knowing what he was really thinking. It made it impossible to keep up with him.
“So, are you coming over tonight?”
Severine quirked an eyebrow, “Uh. No. If I haven’t gone to your apartment before, why would I be coming over tonight?”
“Macsen was talking about having you over.” He lifted his gym bag over his shoulder and motioned for Severine to follow. She was too curious to tell him that the girl’s locker room was the other way, opposite of where he was walking.
“Well, obviously not tonight,” Severine repeatedly calmly. But internally, her blood rushed from the intense workout. She should feel sated and calm, but she didn’t. She only felt worse—like a Red Bull mixed with sleeping pills. Her body wanted rest, but her mind was too amped up to follow orders.
“Macsen will be crushed,” Thayer said conversationally.
“You sound way too happy about me not coming over. Do I bother you?”
“Do you get under my skin?” They walked down the tight hallway. Thayer scooted closer, to let people walk past them, and his arm pressed firmly against hers. Her heart plunged ahead, and without her consent, she was on the rollercoaster she never wanted to ride. “Yeah, you definitely get under me.”
Strength was embedded in her blood, but Severine was beginning to think that she had little to no self-control around him. Right now, she knew how it felt to be the girls she hated.
It was routine for her to rent sappy movies with Lily, bust out the popcorn and watch the corny plot play out in front of them. “That would never happen,” Severine would always say.
Real life just didn’t play out like that. Her heart thundered loudly, and tingles pricked her skin like sharp needles. All it proved to her was that those feelings could be true.
“What are you really trying to say to me?” Severine finally asked.
“Why does what I think bother you?” Thayer shot back.
“It doesn’t,” Severine said unhurriedly.
“Good,” Thayer repeated back, just as slowly.
“Well, if we’re done, I’m gonna go.” Severine stepped around him and clenched her iPod tightly in her hands.
“How come I always seem to piss you off?” Thayer called out.
Severine turned around. “Huh?”
Thayer grinned and kept the distance between them. “I don’t think I’ve ever gotten someone worked up as much as you.”
He said it loud enough for anyone walking by to hear, and a few idiots that passed by whistled loudly. Severine’s face turned red in anger. Nothing irked her more than when she was given a hard time.
Severine yanked his hand and pushed him toward the stairwell door. “Will you shut up? Everyone’s staring.”
“Is this better?” Thayer whispered.
Severine shifted back from him and groaned. He didn’t know what was bothering her—that she liked him when she really, really shouldn’t. Finally she ground out, “I’m close to having a hemorrhage because of YOU!”
“That’s the sexiest thing I’ve heard all day.”
“Oh f-” Severine veered off. She was completely losing her calm demeanor. Who was she kidding? She never really had a good hold on her patience when he was around. “You’re driving me crazy.”
Thayer laughed and moved to stand in front of her. He was way too close. “At least I’m driving you toward something.”
Severine stared at the dirty ceiling above her as she spoke. “Toward the road of insanity?”
“Why ask me? That’s for you to figure out.” His hands possessed her arms. It was enough to make Severine want to jump out of her skin. He officially had all of her attention. “Tell me, what do you see in my brother?”
Her spirits crashed. Instantly, a picture of Macsen came into her head. Severine quickly ducked her head and moved out of Thayer’s hold. “Why are you bringing him up?”
Thayer’s expression slammed into her gut. His eyes looked divided. Indecision and eagerness showed as he studied her carefully. “Normally, I’m not this gracious, but right now, I’m choosing to give you heads-up on Mac and me.” Severine said nothing. Maybe finally someone would shed some light into the dark room where these brothers kept their secrets. “Things appear simple with us, and they’re not. You wanna date my brother? That’s fine.” He came to a standstill and stared distractedly at the stairs behind Severine. “You just need to know, things in our family have never been manageable. It’s all a giant clusterf*ck of mistakes and let downs.”
Severine swallowed. “I didn’t ask for a background story of your family. Macsen’s just a friend.”
His eyebrow cocked skeptically. “That’s it?”
“Yeah, it is,” Severine said. An edge outlined her words.
“Know what you’re getting into,” Thayer warned as he backed away near the exit. Somehow it sounded more like a plea. “Everyone has baggage, Blake, even the good ones.”
“And yours?” Severine asked to his retreating back.
Thayer’s back tensed. He turned around. With his arms still crossed, he leaned down close to her body and spoke to her profile. “What do I have to reserve? Everything is in front of you, Severine.”
His words snatched her interest, and she couldn’t look away. His cloudy gray eyes were intense and alert as he gauged her reaction.
She couldn’t give him one. How could she? Severine finally understood the truth.
Thayer didn’t find her snarky, strong backbone as a put off. He found those qualities a challenge.
When she glanced back at Thayer, his face was still solemn. His countenance was one of victory.
She knew the truth. And now, there was an unspoken agreement between them. The two of them no longer had to perceive what was true and what was complete bullshit.
Silently, he left the stairwell. Severine moved back to the wall and pressed her head against the wall in front of her. Her eyes were clenched tightly as she lightly banged her forehead on the wall.
“Oh shit,” she finally muttered.
* * * * *
Fresh air seemed like the best idea.
Anne left after Severine promised that she was okay walking. Honestly, she needed to be alone. How many times was Severine ever really by herself to reflect over her thoughts? Answer: Never.
But instead, she called her mom. Talking over her issues with her mom was something that would never get old, no matter what age she was. It always took off the weight of life that reality consistently seemed to press onto her shoulders.
It took a few rings before her mom, Clacy, answered. Severine may have some heavy conversations with the only stable parent in her life, but she always had to be the one to call first.
Clacy had some secret aversion to the phone. It was up to everyone else in the family to keep in touch with her. She avoided the phone like the plague. She was a telemarketer’s nightmare. After a few rings, Clacy answered. For her mom, that was considerably fast. “How are you sweetie?”
Severine breathed out deeply, “Ehh, pretty good. I’m walking home from the gym.”
“What? Are you nuts? Tell me you have your pepper spray with you.”
Not only was her mom a top-notch phone tease, she always believed everyone in the world was being stalked by a predator. Clacy had watched way too many Lifetime movies.
“Yes, Mom,” Severine responded patiently. “I also have my brass knucks on. And if that doesn’t work, then I braided my hair and shoved knives in between each braid. I’ll swing my hair around like a plane blade. While I’m defending myself, I’ll make sure that the song, “Whip My Hair” is playing. Trust me. I’m safe.”
“Severine,” Clacy warned, “you’re too much of a smart ass. You need to be prepared for all the creep rotters in the world.”
“Stop watching reruns of Oprah. I’m good, okay?”
“Moving on,” her mom grumbled. “How are your classes going?”
“Dragging along at a snail’s pace.”
“Sounds promising.”
“Oh I know, right?” Severine laughed.
“So, how’s Lily doing?”
The subject of Lily immediately opened Severine up. “Right now she’s floating on clouds, because of a guy.”
“Well, she’s happy, good for her.”
“His name is Ben, and he’s a great guy.”
“Good, good,” her mom said distractedly. “She needs a good guy. And how have you been?”
“Okay I guess...” Severine’s words trailed off. The point of calling her mom was to open up to someone about what was really bothering her. She cut to the chase. “I met two brothers.”
“Brothers, Severine?”
Severine groaned, “I’m not dating them together, at the same time.”
Over the phone, a crinkly noise was heard. Her mom was moving around. “Clearly, you like one of them.”
“Yeah...”
“So tell me about these boys.”
Severine sighed and took a big breath of air. “They couldn’t be more opposite of each other. Macsen, he’s really funny, talkative and even a little nerdy.”
“Interesting.”
“I have a few classes with him, and I swear he reads a different book each time.”
“The other brother?” Clacy asked.
Here it was, the part Severine wanted to avoid, but couldn’t wait to talk about. “The other one is sarcastic, a little quiet. I guess Lily said he’s here on a basketball scholarship.”
“And the quiet brother?”
“Thayer,” Severine provided.
“Yes, this Thayer guy. Is he bad news?”
Yes, he’s bad for me and terrible for my heart. “No, not really.”
“And you like which one?”
“I have no idea,” Severine answered quickly.
“Good luck. Honestly, they both sound intriguing. I think it would be interesting to see you with the ‘nerdy’ brother,” her mom paused, “although, the other brother is a lot like you. It’d be funny to see you get a taste of your own medicine.”
“Thanks a lot.”
Clacy laughed over Severine’s irritated voice. “I’m sorry, sweetie. But it’s just a known fact that every girl, no matter what she says, is drawn by the idea of transforming the unattainable guy. It’s addicting.”
“Yesss,” Severine drew out. “But we both know how that works out.”
Clacy scoffed, “Nonsense. I have you, don’t I?”
Severine’s dad had been in her life shorter than a carton of milk sitting in a fridge. There wasn’t a reason to be bitter about it. She couldn’t miss something she’d never had. “Touching, Madre, you should put that in a Hallmark card.”
“I’m serious, Severine! But it’ll be fine. You’re a smart girl.”
“How’s Grandma doing?” Severine finally asked. Not that she wanted to. Every week it seemed her strong, efficient grandma, who had always been a constant in her life, was fading away. Grandma was more forgetful, would lose sight of what was going on around her and even dressing “down.” For someone who was always so put together, it was shocking to see.
Clacy took a deep breath. When was that ever a good thing? “She’s Grandma, honey. I’ll talk to her on the phone and sometimes she’s her normal self, but the next minute she forgets your cousin’s newest baby.”
“You mean Kadyn...who is now two?”
“That’s the very one.”
“And...has she gone to the doctor?”
“Of course she goes!” Her mom’s voice rose. Severine held the phone away from her ear. “But it’s never for the reasons she really needs to go.”
They all knew it was Alzheimer's. Maybe her grandma knew it too, but she refused to acknowledge it. Instead, she focused on the pains in her feet, or how her tomatoes were growing. It was frustrating. How could you help someone who refused any help?
“I’m meeting her tomorrow to go shopping with her.”
“One of her favorite pastimes—she’ll enjoy that,” Severine joked lightly.
“Alrighty, honey, I need to get off here. I have to pick her up early.”
“Lemme guess, Hardee’s for breakfast?”
“That’s the first thing she wanted to do, like always.”
“Love ya, Mom.”
“Love you, too.”
Instead of feeling at peace, Severine felt even more stressed. She should probably call her grandma, but she didn’t want to. You couldn’t deal with something if it didn’t exist, right?
She needed that mantra for everything happening in her life right now.