Chapter Five
“You know, this is ridiculous,” Lily hissed out into the cold night air.
Severine adjusted her bag and hurried across the parking lot. “You said you needed to study, right?” Her friend barely nodded her head. Severine gestured behind her with both hands. “Well, look no further!”
“I don’t think anyone had the library in mind.”
Severine sighed. It wasn’t a pretty sigh. “I’m with you, like you asked me.”
Lily adjusted her winter hat. She was pissed, but she’d get over it. “What’s the problem with going over to the Sloans’ apartment?”
Because one of them would be there. Because it’s too much. Because I’m terrified.
She was still trying to recharge her emotions from her conversation with Macsen. Seeing both Sloan brothers at the same time just seemed like a giant disaster waiting to explode around her. Severine took her time answering, toying with the straw of her frappe, and trying to form the right words—anything to portray how perfectly in control she was. “Lily, going over to their apartment? Really?”
Lily scrutinized Severine and finally gave up the fight before she sighed loudly. “Ben suggested it.”
Severine wrapped her arm around Lily and squeezed her tightly. “I know that. But stick with me, there’s no reason why we should go there.”
“Why does it bother you?”
“Uh...it just spells trouble.” She was a much better liar than this. A part of her wanted Lily to call her out on her bullshit.
“You realize it’s a get-together, not an orgy, right?”
Severine kept silent and held the door open. Lily stayed rooted on the sidewalk and pinned a sneaky smile in Severine’s direction. “Are you scared to go over there?”
“Yes,” Severine admitted slowly before she let go of the door and moved closer to the warmth inside. “I’m also scared of the dark, snakes, and the movie, The Ring. All for good reasons.”
“Well, the freaky girl in that movie is creepy,” Lily pointed out as they entered the library. “Snakes freak anyone out, and the dark thing...well, that explains why you slept with a nightlight in high school.” Lily tried to laugh lightly, but instead it came out with a gust of energy. She was done being mad.
Severine unraveled her scarf from her neck as she quickly scanned the inside of the campus library. It was quiet, minus the silent beep of librarians scanning books being checked. The first floor mostly held fiction reads. It was a place people could voluntarily read. Upstairs, where they were heading, that’s where noise was completely unacceptable. A pen dropping was liable to have someone kicked out. For tonight, it was the perfect place.
They bypassed the elevator, and the two of them walked up the brick steps toward the second floor. Lily finally spoke again in a hushed voice. “I can’t figure out why they freak you out so much. Tell me, what’s your good reason?”
Severine swung her head toward Lily. “Ah! I thought we were done talking about this!”
“When you’re freaked about something, it’s not just something. The two individuals you fear are only guys. You could stomp across them with a beautiful pair of Manolo Blahniks and walk away like it was nothing.”
Severine wanted to, but somehow she knew if she made that attempt, she’d be the one with the marks. It was her conscience that whispered they’d walk away scrape-free.
“It just doesn’t feel right around them,” her answer was vague. But it was all Severine could say.
“Wow,” Lily commented dryly as they walked in between the rows of books. Save the elderly lady standing at the reference section, not a soul was upstairs. “It’s a rager,” Lily said sarcastically.
Rows of books were scattered throughout the area around them. Lined in perfect order, in the middle of the room were six tables. All of them were empty.
“I love it up here,” Severine said in a hushed voice. “You look out the window, and it’s perfect in the fall. The color of the leaves relaxes me.”
Lily’s eyebrows rose. “Yeah, sure thing, Thomas Kinkade. Where’s your easel?”
Severine snapped her finger and pointed at the chair across from her. “Zip it, and sit down.”
“You’re a buzz-kill, you know that?”
She made a sound through her nose and dug out her books. “I’ve been called some unique things, but buzz-kill has never been one of them.” Severine settled into her seat and looked down at her phone. “What time are they supposed to get here? Remember, my time is precious.”
“Relax, re-runs of Roseanne will still be on when we get back to the dorms.”
Severine draped the strap of her bag on the back of her chair and looked around the room. “Well, while they’re taking their sweet time, I’m gonna go pee.”
Lily shrugged out of her jacket and stared at the screen of her phone. She barely nodded her head.
Severine stalled in the bathroom. She took the world’s longest pee and stared at the writings around her. It turns out you can learn a lot from a bathroom stall. A girl named Tiffany was a whore. Severine scrunched up her nose. If you’re going to write the information out, at least have the consideration to carry enough nail polish to finish the message. Selfishness was what it was.
She took extra time to wash her hands. They were cleansed so well, they could pass any inspection. When Severine glanced at herself in the mirror, inches from her face, her cheeks were flushed bright red from the outdoors. With the cold weather came pale skin. Her freckles along the bridge of her nose and upper cheeks had faded. If anyone was to really look, they’d notice they were still there, still peppered across her face.
Severine didn’t want to look too long at her reflection, because if she stared any longer, she’d notice the change of emotions in her eyes. She stepped away from the mirror, straightened out her shirt and left.
Who would want to waste their time sitting around at a library? Unless you wanted to read or study, there was no way you’d willingly volunteer to tag along. She was hoping that was Thayer and Macsen’s mindset.
When she saw Lily and Ben sitting around the table, Severine almost broke out in the Irish jig. The down funk she was in earlier instantly lifted.
“Hey,” Severine breathed out. “I’m back. Not that you care or anything.”
“Did you fall into the toilet? You were gone a long time,” Lily stated.
Severine’s eyes sparkled as she grabbed a notebook. “Yep, I totally fell in. That’s exactly what happened.” She ignored Lily’s eye roll and turned towards Ben. “So Ben, no one came with you? That’s too bad.”
Ben opened his mouth and quickly shut it.
“At a distance, I thought you were talking about me.” The voice came to her right, and a scent of shampoo and soap cloaked itself all around her. Severine almost broke the pen in her hand as more words were spoken close to her ear. “Now I know you were.”
So freaking close.
Severine leaned her elbow on the table and circled her face around to stare up at Thayer. His hands were hidden in the pockets of his hoodie and a pair of track pants hung on his hips. The dirty blonde hair that almost bordered on brown was messed around in complete chaos. It was ruthless to see him look so good without making an effort. Yet, there was nothing better than a guy that didn’t try. Any male that just was made her nerves tingle in appreciation.
“Sorry I’m late.” Thayer sat down next to Severine. He glanced at her briefly. “Practice went over.”
Great. Severine rubbed the bridge of her nose. Now all she could picture was that he just came from the shower, from practice. He probably wore one of those practice jerseys that were created to show amazing biceps and make a girl’s jaw unhinge all the way to the ground.
His gray eyes gleamed brightly, like he knew exactly what she was imagining. “I can tell you were waiting anxiously for me,” Thayer said, his tone hushed.
Severine mashed her teeth together and wrote firmly on the paper in front of her. Maybe if she pressed down hard enough, she could get the picture of Thayer sweating out of her head. It wasn’t a bad scene to envision.
Justifying the thought only showed Severine that she needed some serious help.
“I didn’t think you’d show,” Severine blurted out.
Normally, she could say what she wanted, whenever. It was controlled. She knew exactly what was coming out of her mouth. Around Thayer, there was no filter. Everything just burst through the nonexistent dam.
His lips quirked up, “I know.”
“Now that we’re all here, we can study.”
“You know Macsen’s coming.” He shifted close enough for her to smell his clean scent; close enough that Severine could count the flecks of black in his eyes. But she didn’t do that...
Five. There were five little flecks.
Severine nodded her head like an obedient bobble head and gave a one-word answer. “Cool.”
Tonight was going to hell. It wasn’t as if she walked into the library convinced they wouldn’t be here, but before she heard Thayer, she was well on her way to that feeling.
Right now, she felt a f*cked up mixture of excitement and panic. The dynamic between the two brothers was strained. Sometimes, like right now, she didn’t care. Later on, she would, later was when the panic would set in.
He grunted. “I’m sure that doesn’t bother you at all.”
Severine laid her pencil down. All her attention was on him. It was easy now that she wasn’t fighting the urge. “Enlighten me. Tell me why you think that.”
“Are you searching for ways to be pissed at me?” Thayer asked.
It was her fault for being piqued into the conversation. Severine couldn’t blame anyone but herself. “When you make a statement like that, I’m curious.”
He leaned back in his chair—to the point that it was dangling on two legs. She wanted to kick it out from underneath his feet. “It’s just obvious which Sloan brother you prefer to be around.”
“I prefer talking to him,” Severine mumbled. They both knew which brother. No need to elaborate.
Thayer didn’t buy anything she was saying. “That’s it?”
“What else would there be?” Her thoughts and feelings felt uncovered and completely bare. It made Severine move back slightly.
Thayer’s seat dropped firmly on the floor, and he shifted his body toward her. He was thinking something bad. It shone in his eyes. And his smile...it was almost artful. He skillfully perfected the devious grin: a slow smirk of the lips that never touched his eyes. “I think you prefer me more in a lot of different ways.”
Show no reaction. Keep your expression neutral.
Severine opened her mouth to retort. He beat her to the finish line.
“This might be sweeter than I thought. You can’t think of anything to say back.”
Sparks were seconds away from shooting out of Severine’s ears. She gave him a hard look. “I’ve thought about many things to say, unfortunately, all of them start with F*ck. And end with you.”
Nothing. Not a look of surprise, not a look of amusement. He stared at her a second longer than she was comfortable with and folded his fingers atop his stomach. “So your dark side is out to play?”
They both stared at each other. Neither one retreated first. It was Lily’s voice that finally made Severine look away.
“Oh look!” Lily said with forced enthusiasm. “Macsen’s here.”
Thayer pulled away, and Severine took a deep breath. It didn’t help her much; she was still breathing him in.
“Macsen. Come sit. So great to see you!” Lily hopped out of her chair and quickly grabbed a chair from an available table.
Severine smirked at Lily’s attempt to keep everything calm and evenhanded. She glanced over at Macsen as he caught her eye. From his expression, she knew he was curious about what he had interrupted.
If she tried hard enough, she could create her perfect Eden. It’d be far away from here—maybe on a beach. Her paradise didn’t include being caged in between the Sloan brothers. Severine wanted out of this room. If she could sprout wings, she’d have taken flight.
“Sit down, brother,” Thayer said, his tone completely flat.
Macsen barely acknowledged Thayer and set his book bag on the floor. “How are you, Severine?”
“Much, much better.” She pointedly looked at Thayer at her last word. Her smile was genuine when she directed her attention back to Macsen.
Flicking his green eyes in Thayer’s direction, Macsen leaned closer to Severine. “What did I miss?”
“Nothing,” Ben muttered. “Just the world’s most incredibly awkward conversation. Ever.”
Macsen nodded his head in understanding. “If you were talking to Thayer, that sounds about right.”
Severine grinned and went back to studying. At the rate she was going, she’d be on this page for the next hour. Her mind was a sphere that never seemed to stop spinning. After a while, she gave up and shut her book. Slowly, she traced the words on the exterior of the book.
Everyone was quiet. It wasn’t the silence that was accompanied by calm energy. All five of them sat with their backs straight. They were runners at the starting line. One of them was going to bolt.
Macsen shifted loudly in his seat. Severine looked up on instinct. He gave her a pointed look and nudged his head toward the shelves of books on the right side of the floor. Severine gave him a brief nod.
He wanted to talk to her. She got up to follow him, and she swore that with each step her legs were calling out, don’t talk about it, don’t talk about it.
When they were settled in the back, Macsen turned around and sighed loudly.
“I think I offended you earlier.”
“Hmm?” Severine couldn’t materialize indifference. She could at least try.
“Let me rephrase. Earlier, in class, I upset you.” Severine’s face remained neutral, and he narrowed his eyes. “I’m sorry if I did,” he said sincerely.
“You didn’t, though.” To her ears, it sounded good enough. “There’s no reason to apologize for something you didn’t do, right?”
He looked doubtful. It seemed he wanted to say more, but finally, he nodded. “You sure?”
“Positive.”
“If you’re positive, then let’s go back.” He swept his hand in front of himself for her to go first.
“You felt the tension. Do you really wanna go back to that?”
He dug his hands into his pockets and leaned against the shelf behind him. “What did I interrupt earlier?”
“You interrupted nothing.”
“Really? It looked like something.” Macsen’s lips quirked, “Is my brother getting to you?”
“He’s been giving me a headache since the minute I met him,” Severine admitted.
Macsen laughed. He didn’t keep it restrained like everyone else would. It was carefree and easy. The soothing reverberations subdued all the anxiety that came from talking to Thayer.
“Most of the time, he’s not such a douchelord.”
Severine laughed dryly. “So I bring out the worst in him?”
He mulled over her question and reluctantly nodded his head. “For reasons you won’t ever understand, yeah, you do.”
“Perfect.”
He pressed his shoulder against her, and she moved closer. All she needed was a barrier to lean against, and his was impenetrable.
They stood in a congenial silence. Severine was afraid to break the moment. It was the most at ease she had been around the Sloan brothers. God, this was a requisite for her emotions.
“Is this why you lured me here? So you could talk about Thayer?”
“I’m not blind. I could see how tense you were.”
Severine was rigid because she was trying to keep hold of herself. She was close to yielding, which was almost ridiculous. How could she disinherit feelings that were never there?
“Let’s not talk about your brother.”
“After tonight, are you ever gonna voluntarily see me again?”
Severine walked forward and looked over her shoulder to smirk at him. “Outside of class?”
“Yeah.”
“You guys are strange,” Severine noted.
Macsen nodded instantly. “It comes with the last name.”
“There’s a lot of weird tension between you guys.”
“There always will be.”
“So I probably shouldn’t,” Severine said finally.
“Are you wanting me to beg to see you?”
Severine wagged her finger in his direction. He reached out to grab it. “I think you’re begging to beg.”
“Do I need to ask you?” Macsen asked with a playful grin. His light-green eyes were bright. They were going to raze her until there was nothing left. Severine was okay with that. He could get as close to her as he wanted. There was no need to run from him.
“Yes,” Severine said in a hushed tone.
“See me outside of class, apart from all this bullshit. I want to see just you.”
Her smile slightly dimmed over his words. Macsen grinned, grabbed her fingers, and held them loosely within his grasp. His words took her off guard. Something furled around in her belly. It spread and reached for her heart, each time never quite grabbing on.
“Yeah,” she said slowly. “I’d like that.”
Something was languidly forming between them. They were starting to fit together. She was going to remember this moment. It was going to stay with her.
The two of them walked back to their table. Thayer’s eyes seemed to be waiting for her before she had rounded the corner. They always seemed selected in her direction.
Call it vicious, but she held his eyes. Right now, she was involved in the world’s longest staring contest. She was going to win. All of her attention was on Thayer. When Macsen’s palm touched her lower back, she barely registered the contact.
What was worse than being around two Sloan brothers? Having one physically touch her skin, and the other’s gaze sear her to her very origin. He was too far to know or realize, but his gaze felt more real than skin-to-skin contact.
Thayer’s eyes flicked away from her body and back to his computer screen. He repeated the process five times. Each time she felt it rattle her body.
By the time she and Macsen reached the table, her legs were wobbling worse than an infant learning how to take their first steps. She sat and re-opened the textbook she had given up on minutes—or maybe it was hours—ago.
Macsen’s knee brushed against her. Severine’s neck snapped up.
“So you asked me, but I never got the chance to ask, what’s your ambition?”
Her eyelids moved quickly as she tried to focus on his question. “Uh. To spotlight at all major strip clubs.”
Thayer coughed loudly. Macsen’s laughter was abrupt as he glanced at her with round eyes. “Come on, be serious.”
“Ah, well, seriously?” Severine paused and looked over at him. “I want to be a dermatologist.”
“Really?” he asked with wide eyes.
It wasn’t the most typical major. She knew that. People’s reactions would never get old. “What? Did you think I was majoring in, like, beerology?”
“No,” Macsen grumbled. “I just didn’t expect that answer.”
Severine held her hands in the air. “I take it back! I really wanna major in nursing. So when Halloween comes around, I’ll save money on my costume.”
“Now that is f*cking genius,” Thayer commented.
Everyone turned his way. It was hard to tell what exactly was running through his head as he stared fixedly at his laptop.
All he wanted was to get under her skin. It would irritate her, and it would drive him only further to provoke.
“Anyway,” Macsen drew out slowly. “I have to know. What makes you wanna be a dermatologist?”
This was okay territory. She could talk about her goals all day long. “The question should be, why wouldn’t I want to be a dermatologist?” Both Thayer and Macsen stared at her like a third eye had grown between her eyebrows. “Stop looking at me like that! It’s fascinating to me, the body’s hormones, how our bodies deal with stress, lifestyles. I really want to specialize in Dermatopathology. It’s more along the lines of acne, or any skin diseases, but cosmetic dermatology is something I’ve thought about for a while.” She stopped talking to finally realize that she was rambling. More than rambling, she was telling them her dreams. It was more than she really wanted to relay to anyone.
Thayer whistled loudly. “Wow.”
Severine shrugged self-consciously. “My major could still change, so you never know.”
“Sounds likes you have it all planned out, though,” Thayer commented.
When she looked at him, she saw understanding in his expression. Admiration was written clearly in his gray eyes. “I do.”
Thayer paused to look at her a little longer before his head turned to Macsen. His expression showed he knew a secret that no one else knew. “So how was Haley’s?”
Lily made eye contact with Severine and quickly looked away.
“I didn’t go to Haley’s, dumbass.”
“Seriously though, you better watch the f*ck out. She’ll make a voodoo doll of you,” Thayer warned. “If you wake up screaming tonight, I’ll know why.”
“Dick,” Macsen responded back instantly. How many times did they bite each other’s heads off like this?
“Oh, this is sweet,” Severine said with false happiness. “Have you guys always been this close?” The words poured out of her mouth. She couldn’t really help it. Things were starting to get awkward. Quick.
“So, Severine,” Thayer said her name sharply, and she flinched.
Her expression was cautious while his was harsh. She felt like a child caught doing something wrong.
“Yeah?”
“Have you and Mac known each other long?”
Severine quickly glanced at Ben. He shrugged his shoulder. She leaned close. “I’ve known him the same amount of time as I’ve known you.”
“So you don’t know him.” He turned away. A muscle along his jaw ticked. Severine was starting to see that it was an action he did when he was pissed. His mouth opened and snapped shut tightly. Thayer wanted to say something. Severine didn’t know if she was grateful or so curious she was pissed.
“Well, I’m done studying,” Lily pronounced slowly.
Thank God. Severine gave Lily a grateful smile from across the table. They couldn’t leave at a better time.
Everyone moved out of their seats, gathering their books. Severine hefted her bag up and over her shoulder and made a dramatic groan.
“Give it here.” Thayer reached out and plucked her bag from her shoulder. “It looks like a lot of pressure.”
It was a simple statement, a statement that anyone could have said. That was the difference between Thayer and everyone else. Nothing that came out of his mouth was simple, and it sure as hell wasn’t innocent. He said it to provoke.
Severine took it seriously. Every space in between his words scared the shit out of her.
There would never be a truce between them. The two of them had too much pride.
He walked ahead of everyone else, leaving Severine to stare at his retreating form. No one heard the exchange. She lost that round.
* * * * *
“What was that?” Lily asked the minute Severine shut the car door.
Severine messed with the radio station. “What you just witnessed was me being a total idiot. And why I was right.”
Lily pulled away from the library, a smirk firmly planted on her lips. If anything good came out of tonight, it was Lily opening up to Ben. “So did you have fun with Ben?”
“Nuh-uh.” Lily shook her head back and forth. “You better tell me what that was back there!”
Severine’s fingers combed through her dark strands. She gripped the strands tightly before letting loose. “That was an epic disaster.”
“Maybe for you; Ben and I were entertained.”
“He wasn’t even supposed to show up,” Severine muttered. They didn’t have much further to go until they reached their dorm. She didn’t care and uncoiled her legs to rest on the dashboard. Her mind felt worn. It had just been down the most twisted, warped hole. All it wanted was a break.
Lily drummed her fingers loudly on her steering wheel. “Okay. You wanna know something?”
“If it goes along the lines of ‘Thayer’s transferring schools,’ then sure!”
When Lily bit her lip, Severine knew it wasn’t good. That was Lily’s sign that she was going to admit something she didn’t want to share.
“IknewThayerwascoming.” Her words came out as one word. Severine still heard it loud and clear.
“Ahh!” Severine groaned. “Why?”
“I know you don’t like the dude!” Lily held her hands briefly in the air to show her innocence. “But he asked Ben if he could come. Besides, weren’t you the one that said nothing bad can happen in a library?”
That was when she was certain he and Macsen wouldn’t show up. Leave it to the Sloan brothers to tarnish the one place Severine never thought they could. Everything was up for grabs now. Was she next? “Well, I’m a compulsive liar. You should never listen to me.”
Lily rolled her eyes but grinned at the same time. “If you really wanna know, I-”
“I don’t,” Severine chimed in dryly.
“Watching you guys is kind of...” Lily appeared out of words.
“Hellish, wrong. Something a friend shouldn’t do?” Severine provided.
They parked near their dorm. The engine shut off, and Lily finally looked at Severine. “It’s fun to watch.”
“Lily! My pain is fun to watch?”
“I can’t help it!” Lily said delightfully. “I like that he dares you with practically everything.”
Of course Lily could like that he dared Severine; she wasn’t the one being challenged.
“People that are too much alike? Yeah, they usually blow up around each other,” Severine finally admitted. They were the same. Severine was sure he knew the truth too.
“Where did you and Macsen flounce off to?” She moved her eyebrows up and down.
Severine was beginning to loosen up over the change of subject. “We just talked in some corner.”
“Sounds so romantic.” Lily fluttered her eyes repeatedly. Severine whacked her shoulder and opened her door.
“It was better than sitting at the table of torture.”
Lily slammed her door and hopped up onto the sidewalk. “If you call that torture, then I’m game.”