Chapter Twenty-two
Severine was sticking her neck out. There was no Lily to talk to. Her room felt too quiet.
Her hand paused briefly. Its hesitance told her she shouldn’t be here. Severine ignored that warning and knocked loudly.
Thayer answered the door before her hand had even pulled away. Before her was Severine’s problem, the source to Macsen’s insecurities and Severine’s conflict.
“Oh,” he stated, “hey.”
“Hey,” Severine mumbled back. “Is Macsen around?”
His eyes narrowed for a second before leaning against the doorframe. “No. He’s out.”
Severine shifted on her feet. Thayer seemed to enjoy her discomfort. “Well, I just came over to talk to him.”
“You can wait for him if you want to.”
Not with you here, Thayer. You scare the shit out of me. “Sure.” Severine might regret her choice later.
The entire apartment was quiet. The TV played an episode of Shameless. Thayer went back to sitting in the lazy boy. He looked uninterested in whatever she decided to do.
“This is a great show,” Severine announced awkwardly as she sat down on the couch.
Thayer moved his arm above his head in a relaxed position. His arm became more pronounced with muscle. Nothing for Severine was relaxed.
“You’re a complexity, Blake,” Thayer expressed deeply.
“Because my DVR isn’t filled with the Kardashians like the bitches you bring home?”
“What bitches am I bringing home?” Thayer challenged.
Severine ignored his question and asked one of her own. “So, where’s Macsen?”
“I don’t know. I’m not his f*cking nanny,” Thayer paused. “Is there trouble on Lover’s Lane?”
“No trouble,” Severine lied. “I just wanted his help on something.”
“On what?”
“My Mac.”
“Why?”
“Because it broke,” Severine uttered slowly.
“I got that,” Thayer snapped out. “But how?”
Severine casually shrugged a shoulder and took off her winter hat. “I sorta tossed it.”
Thayer sat straight in his chair. Talking about computers was the one thing she never expected to garner his attention. “What?”
Severine flipped her hand through the air. “It kinda got plucked from my hands, and the next thing I know it was sitting next to the wall.”
“So, are you saying that someone took it out of your hands and threw it? Or that you chucked your computer—a Mac, no less—at the wall?”
“You know, I don’t appreciate the word ‘chucked.’ It sounds so hostile.”
Thayer stared at her with bulging eyes, like he couldn’t believe what was coming out of her mouth.
“Quit looking at me like that!”
“I’m sorry. I guess this is a normal thing for you?”
“No, it’s not normal. I just lost my temper. All right?”
“Okay...psychopath.”
“You’re gonna see me go all Linda Blair on your ass if you don’t help!”
“Oh, now I’m convinced,” Thayer responded dryly.
Severine looked at him with a dull expression. “Come on, help me out!”
Thayer leaned back in his chair and flipped the channel. “What if I’m just as lost as you when it comes to computers?”
“Are you?”
He flicked his gaze toward her face. “No.”
“Okay...” Severine grumbled out. “Let me rephrase my question. Can you help me figure out what’s wrong with it?”
“Yup, you threw it.”
“Just check it!” Severine snapped.
He shrugged in a ‘sure, whatever’ way, and Severine quickly unzipped her messenger bag and fished out her precious MacBook. Yes, it wasn’t the wisest thing to do: throwing her Mac. But, to say her patience was frazzled to nonexistence was an understatement. It seemed like her computer had decided to stall and slow down to the point that none of her programs were working. Everything shut down without saving any of her progress on her paper. That’s what led Severine to give a frustrated scream as she picked up her laptop and threw it.
And here she was, watching Thayer, the last person she pictured messing around with her baby. “So...how long have you had this?” Thayer asked with his eyes glued to the screen as he clicked away on different pages and programs.
“I don’t know. I think maybe a year and a half?”
He looked up at her quickly. “And has it always looked like it’s been dragged behind a school bus?”
“Look, today is the only time I’ve caused it physical harm!”
“You’re in complete denial,” Thayer laughed out and turned her laptop toward her. “See here, Blake?” He pointed at the sides of the computer where pieces of white chips were missing. “I’m beginning to think you really live in the wilderness and trek through some majestic mountains to get to campus each day.”
Severine rolled her eyes but smirked at Thayer. “I didn’t know you were such a nerd.”
“You don’t know much about me then.”
Severine was beginning to think she knew nothing about the Sloan brothers. “You’re probably right,” she admitted.
Thayer stared at her sharply for a long moment before turning back to her laptop. His eyebrows practically touched as he focused on whatever he was doing.
Sitting in front of her was a side of Thayer that he never showed anyone. Severine finally noticed his nerdish behavior. There seemed to be so many layers to him. The quiet, content Thayer fit him so much better.
If she stayed around long enough, what else would she discover about the one person she thought she had all figured out?
The silence around them was compliant. As he worked on her laptop, she stole the remote and watched a show on the Style Network.
Silence needed to be filled with noise. She made sure it was never around her long enough, because dead air made someone think. But between Severine and Thayer, the peace pushed away the loneliness that she was starting to feel, the loneliness that Macsen was supposed to never give her.
She kept tabs on Thayer. He seemed to know what he was doing and almost seemed to be enjoying figuring out what was wrong. He looked up and captured her stare. His eyes were questioning. Even when it was something innocent between them, it always crossed a few lines.
The doorknob turned nosily, and Severine whipped her head toward the door. Macsen walked in. He looked the same, with his usual baseball cap on and winter jacket. His cheeks were flushed from the bitter weather. When he saw Severine, he froze. “Hey.”
“Hi.”
“What are you doing here?” He dropped his book bag on the floor, flipped off his hat and tossed it at the kitchen table. His steps were anxious. Maybe he was as starved as she was. Severine wanted everything back to normal between them.
“I wanted to see you. You weren’t here, though.”
He seemed unsure where to sit and finally sat down close to her. The outdoors clung to his clothes. It made Severine want to inhale him. “I was working on a project at the library.” His eyes did a beeline to Thayer. The color slowly seeped away from his cheeks.
“What are you and Thayer doing?”
Thayer raised his eyebrows at his brother but said nothing. This one was on Severine. “He’s helping me fix my laptop.”
Macsen nodded his head, accepting her answer. It wasn’t believable, not when he was still frowning at his brother.
“What’s funnier than you being a serial laptop killer is the fact that you thought Macsen would be able to fix it,” Thayer said dryly.
“Screw you,” Macsen grumbled and leaned into Severine, glaring at his brother. Severine looked at Macsen curiously. “I thought you liked the whole computer thing?”
“Xbox, Blake. He plays Xbox.”
“I can f*cking talk, you know,” Macsen said with a glare, his eyes clouded with anger. He didn’t look like himself.
“Macsen, calm down,” Severine laughed.
“Severine’s right,” Thayer taunted from his seat. Her name sounded favored coming out of Thayer’s mouth. “You should really calm down.”
Macsen hopped up from the couch like it was burning his skin. “Sev-”
Thayer shut her laptop. The noise interrupted Macsen. It was planned perfectly. “It still works.”
“Ahh! Thank you, thank you!” Severine gushed out gratefully. She ignored Macsen’s scowl.
“But...”
“But? Don’t ruin this victory for me, Thayer!” Severine pleaded.
“But,” he continued, “you broke your disc drive.”
“How much is that going to cost?”
“If you get it replaced, a shit load.”
Severine groaned.
“BUT, and this but is good, if you get a portable drive it’s around eighty bucks.”
“I can handle eighty dollars.” Severine grinned as she placed her laptop back in her bag. She couldn’t help her smile. She thought she had destroyed her only laptop. “Thanks so much, Thayer!”
He smiled back. His entire face transformed. Their eyes engaged. And for a few seconds, Severine saw the Thayer before Macsen had walked in. That beautiful smile dimmed out, and he looked at his brother. Everything was washed away as he stood up to his full height. “I need to go to the gym.”
“Thanks again!”
He didn’t respond and walked out of the room. It was stupid, but the blow off made Severine feel cast down.
Macsen raked a hand through his hair before he slowly turned to look at Severine. “Well, that was cozy of you two.”
“Him helping me with my computer? Nothing cozy about it. If you call that cozy then I’ve been cozy with the Geek Squad at Best Buy for the last two years.”
“Sev, you know what I mean.” He wiped a hand over his upper lip, looking stressed.
“I really, really don’t.” Everything between them smelled like rain. A big downpour was coming their way. “I’m not here to fight.”
By the slow nod, Severine knew he saw the merit in her words.
Macsen held out his hand. Severine immediately took it. “Let’s go talk.”
When the door to his bedroom shut, Macsen took a deep breath. Everything seemed different with him. Or maybe all these characteristics were ones that Severine had always skipped over when it came to him.
Macsen moved closer and pulled her to his chest. His face became buried in her hair. He breathed deeply. “I f*cking missed you.”
Severine moved her head. “I missed you too.” Her words were the truth.
When he pulled away, his hands possessed her face. His kiss was eager. It veered on the edge of desperate. His lips licked the seam of her lips. He wanted an entrance. Severine was still catching up to him. She was trying to decipher how she had missed this intensity from Macsen.
Another layer of a Sloan brother was thrown to the ground.
Her mouth opened. Macsen groaned blatantly and guided her to the bed. Severine held her ground. His touch felt like a brand. When she left his room, everyone would see to whom she belonged.
Severine didn’t want to be in this role if she wasn’t seeing Macsen for who he really was.
“God, I need you. You know that, right?”
“I know.” Severine pulled away and walked toward the opposite end of the room. “Are we going to ignore the fact that we haven’t talked this whole break?”
“I thought I was giving you the space you needed.”
“No...” Severine drew out. “We left for break with a lot of issues between us.”
Macsen snorted and flopped onto his bed. “And that’s my fault?”
“No. It’s both of ours for letting it get that bad in the first place!” He sat up and stared at her sharply, and Severine sat next to him on the bed. “A kiss doesn’t make everything okay.”
“This break has been hell, because I thought backing off is what you wanted,” Macsen explained.
“All I want is for us to get along... and for you to not let your brother create distance between us. The fact is that I chose you, and I’m with you. I don’t want everything that we have to be destroyed,” Severine’s voice broke. The weeks of letting everything fester came to the surface.
He did a double take at her expression and quickly wrapped an arm around her. “F*ck,” Macsen muttered. “You wanna know what I did all break?”
Severine stared at the stubble across his chin and nodded. “Tell me.”
“I studied, I sat around, and I thought about you.” He moved closer, into her space. Severine let his arms wrap around her. “I’ve been a f*cking dick. I know that. But I don’t want what I’ve said to push you further from me.”
The urge to kiss him, to seal away all the regrets, took over her mind. Severine sealed her lips firmly over his and hugged him as tight as she could.
Severine believed his words. This was Macsen. The person she thought she might be falling in love with.
“I wanna know how your break went.” Macsen linked his fingers together with Severine’s. “Let’s get out of here and just have some coffee.”
His grin was relaxed and happy, but Severine picked up on the hidden truth even if he couldn’t.
Her chest ached with questions. A secret was wedged in between the two of them.
Macsen angled his body close. He bent his head lower so their faces were inches away. “Maybe me and you together is too much.”
They stared at each other for what seemed like hours, until Macsen swallowed loudly. “But I think that maybe...maybe together, we could blow everything else away.”
Severine did the one thing that really made sense. She grabbed Macsen’s head and kissed him to show that she still needed him. No matter how f*cked up everything was with his brother.
Immediately, her mouth opened up to him. Severine was aware of every action, every touch. She heard her own moan, she felt Macsen’s arms wrap around her waist tightly before he pulled away.
“Severine,” Macsen mumbled her name into her hair. “Are you still doubtful of anything else?”