DESIRE – ERISED
“Each second of my forever I promise to you.
Each breathe. Each moment, it’s yours.
You’re my yesterday, today, tomorrow and lifetime.
All I ask in return is that you love me a second too long.”
Melody Manful
Guilt.
It was eating its way through my brain.
“Abby, are you all right?”
Dammit, Gideon could tell there was something wrong with me. I was standing by the window next to him with my head resting on his shoulder, and I didn’t know how he could possibly tell that something was wrong with me. Maybe it was because my heart was racing.
Tell him. Don’t tell him. Nothing happened. Of course something happened. Tristan is just a friend. Oh, that phrase isn’t helping anymore. Don’t tell him. Tell him. Don’t tell him. My thoughts were at war.
“So, Tristan came back but you didn’t…where did you go?” I asked to distract myself.
“I stopped by your house on the way back to check if your mother was home. She’s not, but there’s a new book on your bed.”
I turned my full attention to him. “A book?”
“Yeah, about a girl who ruined her future when she got pregnant at fifteen.”
“I can’t believe my mother thinks that just because I have a boyfriend, I’m going to lose my virginity and get pregnant.” My mother’s assumptions were really getting on my nerves.
“It’s her job as a mother,” Gideon said, trying to calm me down.
“I’m not going to jump into bed with you, and I don’t know what to tell her to make her believe that!”
“Wow, now hold on just a second.” Gideon pulled my face close to his. “You’re not going to?” he asked, and he actually sounded disappointed. “Never?”
“No…I mean, yes, I’m going to.” I felt so awkward talking about my virginity and sex with Gideon. Embarrassment flushed my cheeks. “Not now, I mean, I want to, someday, but I’m not ready.” I wanted to lose my V-card someday, but not right now.
The disappointed look on his face disappeared. “I understand, but can I get a date and time here?” We both laughed.
“If you don’t want to wait…” I looked down. “I’m not ready, and I know that you might not want to…”
“Hey,” Gideon lifted my head up. “We’ll wait as long as you want,” he whispered. “I mean, since we met each other like two seconds ago. There’s no need to rush, and I’ll wait as long as you want.”
I nodded, glad that he understood. My guilt intensified when Gideon said this, he was so nice to me, and I had almost cheated on him.
“Thanks for understanding,” I whispered, and he planted a kiss on my forehead. Both of us stood quietly for a while. Gideon’s hands tightened around me, and just like that, my guilty conscience resurfaced. I felt uneasy, and my breath started coming out sharply.
“Abby, are you okay?” Gideon asked again.
“I almost kissed Tristan,” I blurted out, and immediately Gideon let go of me and pulled away.
When my eyes met his, I felt horrible. The first thing I noticed in his eyes was something akin to pain, but it vanished too quickly that I thought I imagined it. A second later, his eyes were flashing with anger.
I was a terrible person. I put Tristan in a really bad position, and I was now bringing evil Gideon out to play. I waited for Gideon to start screaming and shouting at me, but other than him standing, growling in anger, and clenching his fists, he didn’t say a word—and the worst part was that he wasn’t even looking at me.
I forced my tears to stay hidden for a moment. “Say something. Please, just say something.”
He turned and took a step closer to the door. Another step, and he was already in front of his door.
Oh no—Tristan.
“Gideon!” I rushed over to him. I took his hand, but he pulled away from me. “I know you’re mad, but it’s not Tristan’s fault. And nothing happened.”
“You…”
I waited for the rest of his words, but they never came. He looked livid. I wanted to take his hand again, but I decided against it. “It wasn’t my intention to make you angry. I’m so, so sorry.”
We stood there for awhile, me trying not to cry and Gideon still clenching his fists. He looked furious, and the fact that he refused to say a word made me feel even guiltier.
“I know I’m an awful person, and you don’t have to forgive me for this, but really, nothing happened.” I continued, “I know it shouldn’t have even almost happened. And I’m sorry it did. Don’t ever forgive me if you don’t want to, but please don’t stop loving me.”
“For crying out loud, Abigail Cells, don’t put words in my mouth. I couldn’t stop loving you, even if I tried.” I rushed toward him and wrapped my arms around his neck when he said this.
“I am truly sorry.” I pulled away from the hug so I could see him. “I promise it won’t happen again, and I love you, too, so much.” I stretched up on my tiptoes and pressed my lips to his.
I thought for sure he was going to pull away, so it came as a surprise when he kissed me back, gripping my hips and pulling them closer to his. My guilt disappeared.
I felt a current run through me when he deepened the kiss, parting my lips. A spin and my back was against the door. A wave of desire rushed through me, swelling my heart to near combustion. I reached up, digging my fingers into his soft hair, pressing tighter against him until there was no space left between us.
His hands moved from my waist and up my body. The thrill was unbelievable. And I wanted more. I pressed harder against him, bringing my hands to his chest and sliding them down his hard stomach as my fingertips traced his muscles. He moved his hands from my back and slid them beneath my top. His hands shifted from my ribcage, moving up and up. A moan escaped my lips. The touch of his hands on my body was sensational.
And then suddenly he was lifting me. I wrapped my legs around his waist, my lips not once leaving his. I kissed him harder. We moved, and my back hit something soft. Gideon’s arms tightened around me, his hands were everywhere on my body. I whispered his name, moving my hips against his. His lips left my mouth, tracing kisses down my jaw, down my throat, and down, down my chest. With a single tug of my top, we broke apart, but only for the second it took for him to pull my shirt over my head. My heart was bursting with excitement. Passion. Need.
Sliding his hands behind my head, he brought his lips back to my mouth, gently laying me back onto something soft once again. With each touch of his hand, I felt like his fingers burned into my skin, sending a rush of heat and yearning through me. With trembling hands, I reached for his shirt, trying to yank it away with our lips still sealed.
My hands pressed against his hard, bare chest when I yanked his shirt off, tossing it away. I stopped thinking and gave myself over to my heart’s desires as it pounded loudly. Gideon’s lips left mine once again, moving down my neck until they found my chest, his lips claiming me. My body was on fire, and each touch left me craving more.
The need was overpowering. I shifted, sliding my hand to the back of his head and sinking my mouth into his. He eagerly kissed me back. His hands trailed down my thighs, moving sensitively under my skirt and up to my waistline. Our pulses matched, racing, humming a tone of pleasure. I moved my hands up and down his chest, feeling the heat of his body underneath my fingers.
I groaned as he tugged the waistband of my panties, my heart thumping in pleasure. I pushed tighter, gliding my hands down his chest. A sound escaped his lips, and without warning he abruptly pulled away from me, leaving me panting.
Gideon was now standing at the far end of the room, his eyes glued to mine. I watched his chest rise and fall as he tried to catch his breath.
It took another second, and he was back beside me on the bed. A bed? Where the heck did that come from? Gideon had absolutely nothing in his room except the manifested couch, but now there was a bed.
“That was…” Gideon’s eyes moved hungrily up and down my body, the kind of hunger I knew ended with him ripping the rest of my clothes off. I was pretty sure the same look was on my face.
“Put this on.” He handed me my top. My eyes flashed on my red bra. I didn’t know if it was because I knew Gideon wanted me or because of me sitting on a bed inside my boyfriend’s room, but I felt shy. I was still trying to find my breath when I slid my arms into my top.
My gaze rested on his chest. “Why did you stop?”
“A second longer and I wouldn’t have been able to control myself. And I know you’re not ready, and I didn’t want to do something you didn’t want to.”
My gaze was still stuck on his chest. I wanted to cross the short space between us and feel the warmth of his body once more. I wanted to…
“I’m distracting you,” he interrupted my daydreaming, and his shirt reappeared on his body.
Please take it off. Gideon smiled as if he heard me. Did I say that out loud?
“You didn’t kiss Tristan like that, did you?” My heart stopped pounding.
I managed a shake. “And we didn’t kiss,” I clarified. I searched his eyes for something other than the hunger in them, but I found nothing.
“You’re not going to kiss him again, are you?” he asked as if he didn’t hear the part where I said we didn’t kiss.
“No! I’m sorry. I put both you and Tristan in a—it won’t happen again.” Perhaps explaining myself wasn’t going to make any difference.
“Good, because I hate the idea of someone else touching you.” The anger was starting to resurface. “I’m a very, very jealous guy who doesn’t like to share. And you’re mine, and mine only.”
“I’m yours?”
“Yes, mine, and don’t you ever forget that.”
I found myself smiling. “Yours.” I liked that. “So, does that make you mine?”
“Well, if you want to put a label on it.”
“You’re a jerk.” I couldn’t stop smiling.
“I really want to hurt Tristan.”
That wasn’t what I wanted to hear. I was shaking my head before I spoke. “I know you’re angry, but please don’t hurt him.”
“Not even a little?”
I shook my head again and smiled because Gideon sounded like a child begging for something he couldn’t have.
“Where did the bed come from?” I asked. If my mother saw me sitting anywhere near it, she would kill me.
“I have no idea,” he said. My eyes met his, and we both laughed. I loved the sound of Gideon’s laughter; it was a sound I knew I would never get tired of. “But, if you keep reminding me of it, I’m not sure I’ll be able to control myself,” he added, and then he leaned into the space between us and pressed his lips to mine once more.