WHITE SATIN
“Before love grew claws and horns,
it used to have to have a halo.”
Melody Manful
I woke up the next morning in Gideon’s arms. When I left for the bathroom and came back, he was gone. Gideon hadn’t left, though, he had just gone and knocked on the front door instead, and when Ben let him in, he asked if he could drive me to school. I almost asked him where he got a car, but I didn’t because I already knew the answer—he made one appear.
After school that day, Gideon and I left for Grands.
An hour later, Gideon left with Valoel and Tristan. Once again, Gideon told me nothing was wrong when I asked why they were all acting so strange.
I sat on a sofa inside Gideon’s room with a book I brought along from Earth, waiting for him. I was reading it, but I kept glancing up at the door, waiting for him to arrive.
I didn’t see Tristan appear behind me, and he surprised me when he collapsed beside me on the sofa and asked, “What’s cooking, beautiful?” This made us both roar with laughter. “I should leave the cheesy lines to Jake,” he admitted.
“I didn’t know you were funny,” I told Tristan. “I’ve always seen you as the do and say the right words kind of guy.”
“I’m funny, Abigail. I tell jokes all the time.”
“You didn’t crack a joke or two when I was sad and throwing stuff.”
Tristan laughed. “You mean the time you were declaring your undying love? That reminds me—you never did tell me if you fell in love with me,” he teased. “Did you or didn’t you?”
All of a sudden, I felt like I was under a spotlight, the kind that was too bright for anything living. I went for clueless. “Don’t know what you’re talking about,” I murmured. And then I did the worst thing imaginable—I looked up, and my eyes met his.
The situation would have been much easier if Tristan wasn’t sitting right beside me, and it would have been a hell of a lot better if we weren’t so close. Suddenly, we started leaning into each other.
My heart raced faster the closer I got toward him. I could taste Tristan’s breath, the way the air gently blew across my lips. His eyes gazed into mine, making me feel exposed. I wanted to pull myself away, but I couldn’t.
The air that passed between us turned into electricity. I felt the energy traveling between his body and mine, and from the way I was feeling, I knew nothing good was going to come.
I couldn’t pull away—no, that was a lie. I could have pulled away. I just didn’t want to.
No. No. No. No. No! My head was thinking straight, but my stupid heart wasn’t.
My voice wasn’t mine. “I…I…” I tried breathing. “I love…” And then, as if we’d both planned it, we moved closer.
Our lips touched, and before I even realized what was going on, Tristan was at the other end of the room.
“Gideon loves you,” Tristan said.
Gideon? Gideon. Oh, my God, Gideon! What just happened? Did I just…? Did we almost…? But I–
Tristan was back beside me in a flash. “I am…” His eyes were filled with pain and... regret?
I tried to speak, but he was so close to me again that I couldn’t get a word out. So we sat there in silence. I didn’t know for how long. It could have been seconds, minutes, hours...with my luck, a century could have passed, and I wouldn’t have noticed.
I wanted to run away. I almost cheated on Gideon, inside his own room.
“I’m an awful person.” It was now that I realized one of my hands was touching my lips. Somehow half of my brain was worried about Gideon, and the other half was still on Tristan and how much I had wanted to kiss him.
Tristan is just a friend. Tristan is just a friend. I thought that if I said it enough, it would be true, and the feelings I had for Tristan would turn into something appropriate.
“I shouldn’t have asked you that question. And you’re not an awful person.”
The guilt finally started rushing in. I wanted to find Gideon and confess that I had—well, almost— cheated.
“If I’d asked you the same question, what would you have said?” I asked. This time Tristan became immobile. He just sat there beside me, staring at me with those eyes. I pretended I couldn’t feel it, but the air between us turned into electricity again as my gaze fell on his.
“Can I lie?” He placed his hands on my cheeks. I shivered. Not because I was cold, but because his touch somehow amplified the current between us.
I shook my head. “No, I want the truth.” I knew how I felt about him, so I wanted to know how he felt about me.
He stood and said, “I can’t tell you the truth, Abigail.” He dropped down to a whisper. “Because I can’t allow myself to fall in love.” Suddenly he sounded sad. “I have to put everyone else first. And because of that, I’m afraid that if I allow myself to fall in love, I wouldn’t care anymore.” He sounded like he had a huge weight on his shoulders. “And I can’t have that because I have to care, for the sake of everyone.” He sat back down and took my hand. “So if you’re asking if I fell in love with you,” he looked me straight in the eyes, “the answer is no. I didn’t fall for you.”
The moment the words came out of his mouth, I wanted to cry. “Your first lie,” I said.
“I didn’t lie,” he whispered. “I’m practicing being selfish.” And then he let go of me.
I sat still. “Tristan, I—” I cut myself off because I realized we weren’t alone.
I whipped around and met Valoel’s gaze.
“I should have brought some popcorn,” Valoel said, looking at Tristan. They exchanged some silent words. Valoel looked from me to Tristan, and then said, “Well, try harder.” This only made me wish I could hear whatever was being said between them.
Would Valoel tell her brother? “Valoel, I…”
I almost forgot she could read my thoughts. “Nothing happened, remember?” I knew that under no circumstance was I to tell Gideon what had almost happened. Could I do it? Of course, if it meant protecting Tristan from Gideon’s wrath.
“Well, I’ll leave you two to solve this,” Valoel said and disappeared.
“I didn’t mean to put you—” I stopped because Tristan shook his head.
He took my hands with a smile, and I knew he didn’t want to talk anymore about what almost happened. Knowing Tristan, he was going to blame himself forever.
“I have to go,” Tristan told me. “I need some answers, and someone named D says she has them, so I’m going to pay her a little visit.”
I nodded, “All right, I’ll see you later.”
“Later,” he whispered. My eyes met his once more, and all I saw was sadness. He didn’t say a word, and then just like that, he was gone.
I sat back down on the sofa, drowning in guilt. The aftermath of what had happened seemed to worsen with every passing second. As I sat there caught between my heart and my brain, I couldn’t help hearing a voice at the back of my head that kept saying, “Oh. My. God. Abigail. Cells. You. Are. In. So. Much. Trouble!”