CARPE DIEM
“Of all the worst things I could do,
why, oh why, did I choose to be happy?”
Melody Manful
Abigail sat beside me on the floor of my room. Tristan had snapped his fingers and brought us all to my house. Abigail and I had been talking about places and things, and for once, I was happy, even though she wanted answers to a waterfall of questions.
“So you understand and speak every language, and you don’t sleep?” Abigail asked.
I nodded, “Angels are only able to sleep when they’re little, after you turn six, you are no longer able to sleep.”
“How is that?”
“I don’t know. I’ve never asked.” And I wasn’t going to.
“You should,” Abigail said with a teasing smile. “So Tristan is a prince. I didn’t see that one coming.”
“That’s not a question, Abby. It’s a fact.” An annoying one.
“All right, how about your sister, Valoel? Can she read minds?”
I laughed. “Why do you ask?”
“Because she answers my every thought, and she seems to know exactly what I’m about to do. I am pretty sure she can foresee the future and read minds.”
“I think she’s just a lucky guesser.”
“Okay, I’ve covered the basics. How about your parents—would they like me?” Abigail’s voice sounded timid when she asked this.
“My parents…” I had no idea what my parents would think, given the fact that I never really talked to them, and I did whatever I wanted. “They will love you.”
Abigail laughed. “You’re just saying that. Maybe they won’t like me.”
I found Abigail more and more adorable as I watched her struggle to keep a straight face. “Trust me. They would like you. I think.” This made both of us laugh, “Now, my turn for questions.”
“Fire away,” she said.
“How many ex-boyfriends are there?” I asked in a serious tone. “I’d like to pay them a visit.”
Abigail started laughing again. “A lot. There are at least fifteen, eighteen…” She stopped when she saw that my expression didn’t lighten up. “I was only joking. I…I’ve never had a boyfriend.”
This made me really happy, because I was thinking of killing her exes, if she had any. “I’m glad to hear that.”
“How about you—how many?”
“Thousands. I lost count.” Abigail’s mouth fell open. “Kidding, none before you.” And then suddenly her face lit up, and we stared at each other in silence.
After awhile of musing about the times I had spent with her, I remembered something and asked, “How were you able to save your friends that night during the accident?”
“I panicked, and the next thing I knew, we were safe.”
She panicked? Didn’t humans usually get married when they panicked? “You are unbelievable,” I whispered to myself.
“Did you think I was weird? That first day at school?” Abigail asked. “You know, when I bumped into you.”
“Mom says if I can’t say something nice, I shouldn’t say anything at all,” I said, and both Abigail and I laughed.
“Well, I thought you were rude, annoying, and…” she looked away. “Really hot, and Sarah wouldn’t stop texting me about how hot you were, so it was kind of hard for me to forget about it.”
“I didn’t know you thought I was hot. I always thought you wanted to scream at me to go away because you looked like you didn’t like me.”
“Well I didn’t,” she answered, almost too quickly.
“Ouch.” I put one hand on my heart, keeping the other firmly clasped to hers.
“The day before I met you, I had a nightmare that someone named Gideon killed me, and then your name turned out to be Gideon. Forgive me if I didn’t welcome you with open arms like my friends did.”
“That’s what’s-his-face’s fault. He gave you that nightmare,” I said, “Though I did have fun annoying you.”
“What’s-his-face’s name is Tristan, and I want to ask why you don’t like him, but I’m afraid I won’t like the answer.”
“I hate him,” I said honestly. “Frankly, I wish he would disappear.” Or maybe die a horrible death, preferably by my hands.
“That’s mean. If you hate him that much, why haven’t you told him to leave your house?”
The obvious answer to that was simple. “He’s your guardian angel, and he goes wherever you go.” My answer wasn’t as simple. “And if he’s around, I can be sure that nothing will happen to you. If I decide to—” I cut myself off and looked away.
“You’re scared you might hurt me?” Abigail asked.
I didn’t want to tell her why I was upset, but when I turned and saw her sad face, I knew I had to tell her my reason. I nodded. “Sometimes, I do things without thinking. It’s like this darkness takes over me, and I hurt everything around me. I’m afraid that without meaning to, I’ll hurt you, but if Tristan is around, then I can be sure he’d save you from me.” I didn’t like admitting that I needed Tristan around, but Abigail was more important to me than my pride.
Abigail sounded hopeful. “We can get through this though.”
“At the moment, it’s taking every part of my body not to feed off you because I’m feeling weak and hungry. I want to leave and feed, but I’m sure you’d protest.”
When Abigail spoke, her voice was filled with sadness. “You can’t go out there and hurt people because you refuse to hurt me. Those people are innocent,” she said, squeezing my hand. “I’m the one who is supposed to be hurt. Isn’t that how it works? If you want to hurt anyone, hurt me because—”
I cut her off. “Abigail, stop saying that. I’m not going to hurt you.”
“I can’t stand the thought of you hurting innocent people. If you need to satisfy whatever darkness possesses you or feed, just feed off me,” Abigail said. “Please, it’s better than hurting someone else.”
“I’m not feeding off you!” I stood and moved away from her.
She stood, too. “Then how are you going to gain your strength?” she asked. “Are you going to kill more innocent angels or half my species?” She sounded disgusted. “You can’t just hurt them because you feel like it. There has to be another way for you to gain strength without killing everything in your sight.”
“Abigail, I’m trying to… Hurting creatures and feeding off them is all I know how to do,” I didn’t know of another way to feed. All my life, I’d only known how to hurt people.
“Then find another way,” she walked over to me, taking my hands. “We can find another way, I’m sure of it.” She was full of hope, but I lost all my hope long ago because I knew there was no other way.
I couldn’t bear to see how optimistic she was, looking at me as if there was more to me than being a monster. I couldn’t tell her that I was always going to be the evil Gideon. I didn’t want to take her hope away.
But, there was one thing I could do: leave now and make her decide, knowing what she now knew, if she still wanted to be with me.
I pulled my hand away from hers. “I have to go,” I whispered, and with a snap of my fingers, I made myself disappear.