chapter 12
I can’t believe I’m even considering letting you do this.”
Nikki sensed Mace’s apprehension. He wiped a hand over his forehead, where tiny beads of sweat broke out.
Raven had left for the nearest town to get more food. But there was something in his eyes that Nikki couldn’t place, couldn’t understand. He was usually so easy for her to read, but a wall had closed him off, and for the briefest of moments she’d wondered if he’d return.
She examined the contents of the backpack, focusing on the monumental task at hand. “I have to kill it. Alone.” Her hand went to her wound on her throat, fingertips running along the bumpy flesh.
“It’s still healing.” Mace took her hand and drew it away from the scar.
Would she forever carry the mark of the seeker? Probably. Just below her throat, visible to the whole world. If she had to live with it, she’d do it with pride. It was the mark of a girl who wasn’t going to run anymore. She would fight. She’d fight alone. And if her dream was right, she’d win.
But there’d been another dream too. One where Mace and Raven intervened. In that vision, she died at the hands of the seeker. Her thoughts must have played out on her face, because Mace pushed the backpack out of her hand and pulled her to him. “Let’s leave here,” he said, the strength of his words tempting her to listen. “If you have to face it, let’s do it on our grounds.”
Nikki pushed away and looked into sorrow-filled eyes. “Why? So more Halflings can watch helplessly and have to stay out of the fight? No, Mace.”
“You could have more time to heal.”
“No. It happens here. It happens now.”
He cupped her face. “You know I hate watching you fight.”
A tiny laugh escaped her lips. “Yeah. No choice this time.”
“Nikki, if I’ve ever made you feel like you weren’t a good fighter …” His words trailed off. She knew what he meant. He didn’t have to spell it out.
“You’ve always tried to protect me.”
“I should have been helping you train. I never thought you’d be expected to go up against something like this.”
Nikki reached into the backpack again and found a hunting knife. “I can do this, Mace. I have faith that I’m going to win.”
Mace swallowed. “Me too.”
So many emotions crackled in the cave around them. “Promise me you won’t intervene.”
Mace fisted his hand at the back of her neck and pulled her close enough to rest his forehead against hers.
She couldn’t melt, not this time. “Promise me.”
He closed his eyes. His breath, hot and sweet, fanned against her skin as he mumbled, “I promise.”
“And Raven. Make sure he stays out of it too.” She realized her pleas were killing him, but this is how it had to be. “You know how he is. All act now, think later.”
Mace nodded. His eyes opened.
She studied him, dissecting the portions of his face with great interest. A face she could sketch by memory. Every quirk of the brow, every twitch of the cheek, they all meant something. And Nikki understood each one as they appeared, from his fear to his commitment to honor his promise. “Stay alive, Nikki.”
“I will,” she said, and knew the words sounded sure. She only wished she felt as confident. “When this is over, we need to talk about something.” Nikki pulled her bottom lip into her mouth and bit down. She’d really like to stay lost in the moment, her and Mace together, but reality nagged her to speak. They’d approached the difficult subject before, only briefly—when she tried to kill Vessler. But Mace needed to know the truth before she left — their future relationship rested upon it.
“Sure, we can talk later. Right now, you just need to concentrate on beating the seeker.”
He knew what she referred to, she could see it in his face, hear it in his voice. Just as she knew he wouldn’t let her broach it when she returned. “Mace, I’m not the same girl you fell in love with.” Now, after being on the run with Raven, that was even more obvious. Through Vessler’s machinations, she’d changed into someone who frightened her at times, but who also felt more authentic than she ever had before. “I don’t think I can pretend to be her anymore.”
“I don’t want you to, Nikki. Life is change. If any of us thinks we can stay the same, especially on a journey like this, we’re fooling ourselves. With every step we take, we’re growing into something new.”
“What if the old was beautiful, the best I’ll ever be?” She searched his face, willed it not to flinch.
“The new is beautiful too. Just different. You’ve learned so much already.”
“Yeah.” She rolled her eyes. “How to be a killer.”
“You haven’t killed anyone.”
That much was true. Each time the opportunity to take a life arose — a life she’d deemed unworthy of living — something had stayed her hand. On the plane, she could have shot Vessler in the chest, but opted to aim the gun at his leg. She could have easily shot Keagan Townsend — the man Vessler had hired to kill her parents — until he took a wounded butterfly into his hands and tried to help it fly … She’d been halted by a stupid insect.
How long until she was able to make a lethal shot or slit a throat? Could Mace watch her do that?
Nikki couldn’t change what she was becoming, and she didn’t expect Mace to understand. Her “beautiful” changes made her dark like Raven — and that darkness was the one thing Mace loathed about his brother-in-arms. Now, poison from the seeker had been released in her system, and she had no way of knowing how that would play out over time. It wouldn’t be fair to Mace to not warn him. Maybe he could love her or maybe he would loathe her. It would have to be his choice. Because right now, she was far from the innocent girl he’d first met.
A guttural scream echoed from outside. Nikki closed her hands over Mace’s arms, heart hammering in her chest. The seeker was close.
Raven rushed into the cave. “You hear that?” He tossed a bag of groceries near the fire.
Nikki swallowed and refused to let her two protectors see her fear. “It’s coming.”
Raven grabbed her arms, turning her from Mace. “There’s still time to get away, Nikki.”
But Mace placed his hands over Raven’s. “She wants to do this,” he whispered, his throat catching on the words.
Nikki struggled to look at him directly. Mace had spent this entire journey trying to keep her from fighting; now, he was giving her the support she needed most, as well as his promise to stay out of the fray.
Mace cleared his throat. “Nikki’s ready,” he said, eyes boring through Raven. “We have to give her this.”
Raven turned away and searched her. It was a long time before he answered. “We’ll be right here when …”
She took a gentle step back, causing Raven to release her. The boy’s arms dropped and she reached for both of them, grasping his hands in hers. “You’ll be right here when I get back.” Raven’s midnight gaze and Mace’s blue-green one studied her, drinking her in, remembering in case …
“I’m a fighter,” she said. With a smile, she added, “And I’m on the winning side.” She took several steps away from them and walked out to meet her fate.
Nikki stood near the edge of the cave and faced her enemy. Its large, bumpy, char-black body bristled as she stepped closer, closing the hundred feet of distance between them. It tilted its head back and released a half growl, half roar, in the process exposing a mouth filled with rows of teeth resembling a shark’s. In its chest she could plainly see the scab from where she’d sunk the sharp tip of Glimmer’s bow. Congealed blood — or whatever its life force was — cut a hardened stream from the puncture site to the center of its stomach.
“Everything has a weakness. What’s yours?” she whispered. She chanced a look behind her through the waterfall, where Mace and Raven waited inside the cave. They’d promised to give her what she asked, but they remained ready to jump in if things didn’t go the way she anticipated. Please, please keep out of my fight.
A hot sun beat down on her from above. She scanned the area. Trees and brush, soft grass to land on if this being knocked her off her feet. But what was the key to defeating it? And what things could she use as weapons if she lost her knife? A felled tree lay nearby, but it looked too large to wield as a club. The surroundings offered little help.
It screamed again, as if agitated. The creature drew a few breaths, sucking air into its putrid body through two concave nostrils. Its shoulders spread a little wider and it actually seemed to puff up.
“Like a blowfish,” Nikki muttered, watching the display with growing curiosity and more than a little bit of excitement because … because this could be a key to her victory. “You want me to be afraid of you.”
The thing growled, but didn’t move closer. So Nikki closed the distance, running straight at it while raising the hunting knife in her hand. But one of the creature’s tentacles lashed out and swiped her off her feet before she could get near. She landed with a thud, rolled, and hopped up quickly, knife still in her hand.
As she caught her breath, the creature puffed up again. “You really want me to be afraid. But I’m not.” The realization brought power to her.
It hissed, leaning its head in her direction.
Nikki thought back to what Kaylyn had said about the creature using fear to home in on its target. “You need me to be afraid.”
The long tentacle arms swished in front of her and one came slicing toward her face, but it moved in slow motion, making it easy to sidestep.
The seeker looked confused, white eyes darting in her direction but never really settling on its target. It lashed out again with the same tentacle, but it struck several feet away.
“You can’t see me because I’m not afraid.” The more she spoke the words, the more strength seemed to manifest within her.
When she said it again, she thought she saw the seeker get smaller. I’m actually shrinking him with my words. Boldness washed over her, propelling her a few steps toward the creature. They stood now less than twenty feet apart. Close enough for him to strike with his tentacles if he could get a fix on her position. “I don’t fear you.”
It growled and stumbled back, nearly falling into the lake.
Nikki’s entire body tingled with awareness of her new power over the thing. She screamed, “I am not afraid of you!”
This time, the creature’s tentacles shriveled and diminished to half their original size. Nikki pulled the hunting knife from where she’d slid it under her belt. She aimed at the creature’s chest then drew back and threw, using the mark from Glimmer’s bow as a target. The knife sank deep, with only an inch of the blade protruding from the flesh. The creature reeled back, but corrected itself and ran forward, using a razored arm to drag the knife from its rib cage.
Nikki froze. The thing fell forward onto her, pinning her to the ground. Blades snapped and clawed the ground around her as she tried to escape from beneath the weight of the seeker. The knife-wielding tentacle sliced closer and closer, sparking against rocks and chewing through the grass and dirt to get to her. On instinct Nikki grabbed the blade, feeling it carve into the flesh of her fingers.
The scent of fresh blood filled the air. The seeker drew long, quick breaths, as if frenzied by the coppery smell. Its mouth snapped at her, but she ducked beneath one of its arms so that the seeker bit into his flesh rather than hers. His grip on the knife loosened and Nikki slipped her fingers from the sharp blade to the handle. She snaked her other hand closer, and with all her might drove the knife into the seeker’s side.
It screamed and flew off her. She scanned the grounds for additional projectiles and saw Mace and Raven running toward her. “No!” she screamed, holding her hand out to stop the two boys. Blood ran off her fingers. She gave it only a glance and yelled again. “No!”
They stopped, dividing their glances between her and the beast.
She turned and addressed the creature again, remembering her real weapon — the words. She had all but forgotten while she was wrestling on the ground. “I will not fear you.” And again, it shrank before her eyes like a deflating balloon.
The authority she’d felt moments before settled around her like a cloak when the phrase passed her lips. A swirling, fluttery sensation caused her to raise and lower her shoulder blades. A pulling, almost tearing feeling skittered down either side of her back, but it wasn’t painful. In fact, it felt … free.
Nikki sucked a breath at the realization of what was about to happen. Anticipation caused her to stretch her arms out on either side of her body. She felt perfectly attuned to the rise and fall of her chest as she closed her eyes, and stood perfectly still even though she could hear the seeker moving closer. She willed her mind to calm, and before she could draw another breath, her wings snapped open. Instantly, she felt an updraft lifting her to her toes. She was barely aware of the seeker now, but knew he continued to come at her even as she left the ground completely. She pumped her wings once and felt the cool air sink into her feathers. Feathers! Nikki gave her wings a couple of quick shakes and yes, felt the breeze whistle through each pinion. Every movement, every stretch was met with a similar reaction by these new extensions of herself. This is amazing. She was alive — more so than ever before — and strong, like she’d finally tapped into who she really was. She was … freedom.
Hovering a dozen or so feet above the ground, Nikki yelled at the seeker. “You have no power over me! I belong to the Throne. My name is Freedom. Go back to the pit and never return.”
The seeker shook violently and lashed out with a desperate swipe. Nikki caught the tentacle and pulled, knocking the seeker off balance. It hurled forward at her, but she screamed, “I said, go back to the pit!” It started shaking again and, to both her shock and expectation, disappeared.
Nikki skyrocketed up, letting the currents carry her. If she’d thought being on a motorcycle felt free, it held no comparison to this. Air hissed past her ears as her shoulders moved in tandem with her wings. My wings. She paused in the air, eyes fitted on the brilliant blue sky above her, and now streaming with wind-triggered tears. She wasn’t sure how far she’d traveled, but decided not to look down. After slowing a moment, gravity tugged and she tilted her wings so she would drop gradually. Soon she smelled the pine of the forest below and heard the rushing of the waterfall. Nikki chanced a look. The earth was a hundred feet below and Mace stood there waiting for her. Seeing him reminded her of the Halfling ritual he’d taken her to watch. She’d first thought they were giant eagles, the way the couple had rolled and tumbled in midair as the male caught branches tossed to the ground by the female. Mace had said the last branch always weighed the same as the female, and the male could only catch it at the last possible moment.
Retrieving the branch successfully meant the two were mated for life. And for Halflings, that was a long time.
Nikki wished she could find a branch the same weight as her; she’d lift it into the sky and drop it right now for Mace. Because love conquered all, didn’t it? Even if she wasn’t the Nikki he’d known, it didn’t have to mean they couldn’t have a life together. It felt like her wings had changed everything. What she knew—with all her heart—was that she loved Mace. And this would be her way of saying once and for all that she and Mace truly did belong together. Her mind trailed back to the ritual; the whole thing was based on the idea the male could catch the female if she ever fell …
Nikki tucked her wings into her back and let the pull of earth drag her down. She heard Mace yell — a terrified sound. She couldn’t bear to see his face, so she slammed her eyes shut as she rocketed faster and faster toward the earth.
Air whistled past her ears until she heard the flutter of wings and felt the warmth of his flesh closing around her. Her eyes opened just as they hit the ground. They landed hard, and the impact left her gasping for breath. For a moment they lay there, motionless, limbs intertwined, Nikki tucked into Mace. When she moved to get free, she realized he’d used every part of his body to shield her.
Mace spoke before she got the chance. “Why did you do that?”
“I needed to know you could catch me when I fall.”
“I hope you’re satisfied, because we won’t be playing this game again.”
She snaked a hand from where it had been trapped between them and lifted it to his cheek. “I’m satisfied.”
“Did you see your wings?”
She wiggled her shoulder blades, and could still feel the sensation of something there.
“No.”
“Come on, you need to see this.” Mace unwound his limbs from hers and lifted her to her feet. Taking her by the hand, he led her to the edge of the lake. She looked down at the smooth water while Mace took a step back. “Snap them open.”
Nikki bit her lip and searched his face. She hadn’t opened them the first time — they had sort of done their own involuntary appearance.
Mace released a soft chuckle. “You can do it, Nikki. They’re an extension of you. No one else is in control of them.”
Nikki filled her lungs and spread her arms. Her wings unfurled beside her. Again, the wind grabbed them, forcing her to curl her toes and fight to stay on the ground.
From behind, Mace pressed gently on her upper back. “Now look.”
Nikki tilted out over the bank of the water and stared down. A giant rush of air entered her lungs with such force she thought she’d pass out. Stretched out on either side of her were wings, as beautiful as any bird’s and crimson as fresh blood. “Red?” At first she thought the light was somehow tricking her mind, but when she shook the feathers, the wind caused the water to ripple in long red waves.
“They’re beautiful.” Mace dropped one hand to her shoulder, using the other to press along the upper edge of her wing. She could actually feel his hand on her wing.
“Why are they red? Blood red?”
“I don’t know, Nikki Youngblood. Why is Winter’s skin ice cold? Why do Glimmer’s wings sparkle?”
She glanced up from the reflection to look into his eyes.
“Whatever the reason, it’s a gift, not a curse.”
She nodded, finding strength in his cerulean gaze. “Okay. I can live with red.”
He laughed. “You’re going to have to.”
From her periphery, she saw something moving at the edge of the cave. Nikki looked over in time to see Raven drop to a seated position by the mountain’s smooth wall. “Nice,” he mouthed, his face beaming, but somehow his happy demeanor shrouded something else, perhaps even sadness.
“Go,” Mace said, pointing to Raven. “He kept you alive last night, and I don’t think it was the easiest task. I’m sure he’s anxious to talk.”
When Mace turned to leave, she reached out and grabbed his hand.
He looked down at her grasp, almost surprised. “Don’t worry. I’m not going far. And don’t worry about how long your conversation takes — I get the feeling the two of you have a lot to discuss.”
She watched as he rose into the sky, his wings carrying him over the treetops. Once he disappeared, she walked toward the cave, and whatever awaited her inside. Up close, Raven’s eyes were red-rimmed and framed with dark circles. She’d planned on saying something catchy and cute, but the words died in her mouth. All she could do was drop to her knees and use her finger to trace the purplish half moon beneath one of his eyes.
“You did good back there.” Raven reached up to grab her hand, his fingers closing around hers.
“You taught me how to fight.”
“Not really. I just stirred up the warrior inside. Good to see Mace?”
“Yes.”
“Good.” His deep voice broke on the word.
She flashed a frown.
“I love you, Nikki.”
She opened her mouth but he stopped her words. “Don’t. Don’t talk. Don’t say anything. You need to hear this and I got one shot at getting it out.” His voice cracked again, and she could feel her own throat closing up as he took in a long intake of air and continued. “This whole mess is twisted, you know? I never wanted to be in it. And until last night I didn’t think I’d be willing to get out of it.”
“You’re sounding kind of morbid, Raven. Can we talk about something else?” His fingers traced a path on her palm.
“I’m not sure why it took me so long to see.”
“See what?”
“Mace loves you more than I ever will.”
She felt like she’d been punched directly in the stomach.
“Sorry.” He shrugged. “But look at it. I went after you because it’s what I wanted. I pursued you because it was best for me. I never thought about what was best for you. I told myself I did, but it tasted like a lie every time I swallowed it. Of the three of us, Mace is the only one who repeatedly put his desire aside to give you what you need. That in itself proves he’s the one.”
“I do love Mace, but you’ve always been there for me.”
“That’s not enough to base lifelong love on, Nikki. You deserve better than that. Mace will challenge you. He’ll expect you to continue to grow, to become a real warrior for the battle ahead. But he will do it the right way, with what you need as the center focus.”
Her emotions felt like a tangled mess. “You’re the one who’s always challenging me.”
“No. I was doing whatever was opposite of Mace. I don’t really know how to love sacrificially.”
“That’s not true.” Her grip tightened on him; she would hold him here forever if she had to.
“Mace is your match. I didn’t see it until last night. But now it’s crystal clear.”
“Why does everyone keep talking about last night? What happened last night?”
“You don’t remember?”
“No!”
“Last night your heart spoke what your mind hasn’t let you. Mace is the one.”
With horrible clarity, she remembered talking about Mace. To Raven. Nausea roiled in her gut. Nikki was going to throw up.
“Calm down.”
“Oh, Raven, I’m so, so sorry.” And that sounded so, so lame. Memories spiked into her mind, each one a scalpel, cutting away her clouded emotions, cutting away Raven. The night’s conversation rang with more and more clarity. She’d talked about Mace. How she felt, how she loved him. This was horrible.
Time stretched out before them as the words she’d spoken filled her head, sitting there like guilty little children. Trees fluttered in the breeze, water crashed on rocks. “Nikki, I’m headed in a different direction.”
Her grip on his hand tightened as if the will in her fingers could stop him. “Please don’t run away again, Raven.”
He blinked away the hint of moisture. “That’s not what I mean. After last night …” He made circles on her hand with his thumb. “When I realized, I felt like dying.”
Nikki forced her eyes to focus. How could she have been so cruel — even if she was fighting poison? What kind of a monster does that?
He gave her hand a squeeze. “Let me finish, okay?”
She nodded.
“But then it was like the part of me that had just died made way for something fresh. There was a new —”
“Freedom?” she asked, barely getting the word out before she choked on it.
“Yeah.” He smiled and pulled her closer, making a place for her to sit beside him. She tucked her shoulder beneath his arm, head against his chest. “There was a new freedom. You belong with Mace. And I belong somewhere else.”
She tilted her head to look up at him, but he stopped her by holding her snug against his chest. The muscles beneath were rock hard, and she wondered if this was as difficult for him to say as it was for her to hear. A drop landed on her scalp in response. “Where, Raven?”
“There’s still a journey for me that involves Dr. Richmond. I’ve known it since the beginning, and now it feels imminent.”
Her science teacher. And the man who worked for Omega Corporation and Damon Vessler years ago.
She pressed closer into him. “Will you really go away?” She didn’t think she could bear it. And yet, she knew she couldn’t bear watching him hurt while she spent time with Mace.
“Who knows? Vessler’s reach is far. Maybe we’ll all be expected to help Richmond.”
Nikki pushed back to look at him. “You think Dr. Richmond is in danger?”
“If not now, soon. But Halflings never work alone, so if the Throne is expecting me to get more involved in Richmond’s life, the rest of the team is sure to follow.”
“The other Halflings and Will?”
He nodded. “And you.”
She hadn’t considered that.
“You’re a Halfling, Nikki. You’ve been drafted by the Throne, and have some pretty mind-blowing wings to prove it. You’ll be expected to fight.”
Her heart whooshed in her ears. For so long, everything had centered around her — keeping her safe, keeping her alive. Now, she was one more player on the field, and it was others whose lives were in danger. She couldn’t decide if she wanted to whoop or scream.
“That’s if pretty boy will let you fight.”
Nikki frowned. “He’s not in charge of me.”
“Ah, that’s the warrior I love to see.”
She rolled her eyes. He’d baited her. Easily. “You said Mace would challenge me.”
“He will, Nikki. He’ll make sure you stay at the top of your game. Don’t forget, you’re not out of danger yet. Vessler is still out there. He still wants you.”
She shrugged. “He gave his best shot and he didn’t break me. I’m not a dark creature like he planned.” A new feeling rose within her, a sense of supremacy, a strength she’d never known before. She wasn’t dark. “He can’t touch me.”
Raven flashed a scowl. “Don’t get cocky.”
She shook her head. “Not cocky, just sure. What can he do to me? He tried everything in his power to get me to turn. I beat the seeker, Raven. That means I beat Vessler.”
Concern closed over his features.
Nikki pushed off him, irritated that he’d be so quick to warn her after she’d just experienced such a victory.
Raven didn’t speak. He reached out and stopped her from moving away. Then he gripped her arms and looked at her as if he stared into her soul. For a long time, they stayed like that, and Nikki felt her irritation melting. Once the last shreds had peeled away, Raven pulled her into his arms.
And there he held her for a long, long time.