Genius, Mervall. Pure genius.
Merv left the shuttles kitchenette, ejecting a disk from the recorder. The computer would have the film on its hard drive, but Miss Koboi liked to have her personal favourites on disk so she could be cheered up, wherever she happened to be. Highlights from the past included her fathers nervous breakdown, the attack on Police Plaza and Foaly bawling his eyes out in the LEP operations booth.
Merv handed the disk to Opal.
And? said the tiny pixie.
Merv was stumped for a moment, then he remembered. One of Opals new commandments was that the Brill brothers should bow when they approached their leader. He swallowed his pride and bowed low from the waist.
Better. Now, werent you supposed to be preparing dinner?
Merv retreated, still bowing. There had been a lot of pride-swallowing going on around here in the last few hours. Opal was unhappy with the level of service and respect provided by the Brill brothers, and so she had drawn up a list of rules. These directives included the aforementioned bowing, never looking Opal in the eyes, going outside the shuttle to pass wind and not thinking too loudly within three metres of their employer.
Because I know what you are thinking, Opal had said in a low, tremulous voice. I can see your thoughts swirling around your head. Right now, youre marvelling at how beautiful I am.
Uncanny, gasped Merv, while traitorously wondering if there was a cuckoo flitting about his head at that very moment. Opal was going seriously off the rails with all this changing her species and world domination. He and Scant would have deserted her by now if she hadnt promised that they could have Barbados when she was queen of the Earth. That and the fact that, if they deserted her now, Opal would add the Brill brothers to her vengeance list.
Merv retreated to the kitchen and continued with his efforts to prepare Miss Kobois food without actually touching it. Another new rule. Meanwhile, Scant was in the cargo bay, checking the detonator relays on the last two shaped charges. One for the job, and one back-up. The charges were about the size of melons but they would make a much bigger mess if they exploded. He checked that the magnetic relay pods were secure on the casings. The relays were standard mining sparker units that would accept the signal from the remote detonator and send a neutron charge into the bellies of the charges.
Scant winked at his brother through the kitchen doorway.
Merv pursed his lips in silent imitation of a cuckoo. Scant nodded wearily. They were both getting tired of Opals outrageous behaviour. Only the prospect of drinking pina coladas on the beach in Barbados kept them going.
Opal, oblivious to all the discontent in her camp, popped the video disk into the multi-drive. To watch ones enemies die in glorious colour and surround-sound was surely one of the greatest assets of technology. Several video windows opened on the screen. Each one represented the view from one of the hemispheres cameras.
Opal watched delightedly as Holly and Artemis were driven into the river by a pack of slobbering trolls. She Oohed and Aahed as they took refuge on the tiny island of corpses. Her tiny heart beat faster as they scaled the Temple scaffolding. She was about to instruct Mervall to fetch her some chocolate truffles from the booty box to go with the movie, when the cameras blacked out.
Mervall, she squealed, wringing her delicate fingers. Descant! Get in here.
The Brill brothers rushed into the lounge, handguns drawn.
Yes, Miss Koboi? said Scant, laying the shaped charges down on a fur-covered lounger.
Opal covered her face. Dont look at me! she ordered.
Scant lowered his eyes. Sorry. No eye contact. I forgot.
And stop thinking that.
Yes, Miss Koboi. Sorry, Miss Koboi. Scant had no idea what he was supposed to be thinking, so he tried to blank out everything.
Opal crossed her arms, tapping her fingers on her forearms, until both brothers were bowing before her.
Something has gone wrong, she said, her voice trembling slightly. Our Temple of Artemis cameras seem to have malfunctioned.
Merv rewound the footage up to the last image. In it, the trolls were advancing on Artemis and Holly across the Temple roof.
It looks like they were done for anyway, Miss Koboi.
Yep, agreed Scant. No way out of that one.
Opal cleared her throat. Firstly, yep is not a word, and I will not be spoken to in slang. New rule. Secondly, I assumed that Artemis Fowl was dead once before, and I spent a year in a coma as a result. We must proceed as though Fowl and Short have survived and are on our trail.
With respect, Miss Koboi, said Merv, directing the words at his own toes, this is a stealth shuttle. We didnt leave a trail.