In the passenger section of the Lear jet, Mulch was reliving his glory days.
‘Hey, Artemis,’ he said, through a mouthful of caviar. ‘Remember the time I nearly blew Butler’s head off with a blast of gas?’
Artemis did not smile. ‘I remember, Mulch. You were the spanner in an otherwise perfect works.’
‘To tell you the truth, it was an accident. I was just nervous. I didn’t even realize the big guy was there.’
‘That makes me feel better. Scuppered by a bowel problem.’
‘And do you remember the time I saved your neck in Koboi Laboratories? If it hadn’t been for me, you’d be locked up in Howler’s Peak right now. Can’t you do anything without me?’
Artemis sipped mineral water from a crystal flute.
‘Apparently not, though I live for the day.’
Holly made her way back through the aisle.
‘We’d better get you kitted out, Artemis. We land in thirty minutes.’
‘Good idea.’
Holly emptied the bag’s contents on to the central table.
‘OK, what do we need for now? The throat mike and an iris-camera.’
The LEP captain selected what looked like a circular adhesive bandage from the pile. She peeled back the adhesive layer and stuck the material to Artemis’s neck. It immediately turned the colour of his skin.
‘Memory latex,’ explained Holly. ‘It’s almost invisible. Maybe an ant crawling up your neck might notice it, but apart from that… The material is also X-ray proof, so the mike is undetectable. It will pick up whatever is said within a ten-metre radius, and I record it on my helmet chip. Unfortunately, we can’t risk an earpiece – too visible. So we can hear you, but you won’t be able to hear us.’
Artemis swallowed, feeling the mike ride on his Adam’s apple.
‘And the camera?’
‘Here we go.’
Holly removed a contact lens from a jar of fluid.
‘This thing is a marvel. We’ve got hi-resolution, digital quality, recordable picture with several filter options, including magnification and thermal.’
Mulch sucked a chicken bone dry.
‘You’re starting to sound like Foaly.’
Artemis stared at the lens.
‘A technological marvel it may be, but it’s hazel.’
‘Of course it’s hazel. My eyes are hazel.’
‘I’m glad to hear it, Holly. But my eyes are blue, as you well know. This iris-cam will not do.’
‘Don’t look at me like that, Mud Boy. You’re the genius.’
‘I can’t go in there with one brown eye and one blue eye. Spiro will notice.’
‘Well, you should have thought of that while you were meditating. It’s a little late now.’
Artemis pinched the bridge of his nose. ‘You’re right, of course. I am the mastermind here. Thinking is my responsibility, not yours.’
Holly squinted suspiciously. ‘Was that an insult, Mud Boy?’
Mulch spat the chicken bone into a nearby bin.
‘I have to tell you, Arty, a cock-up this early in the proceedings doesn’t exactly fill me with confidence. I hope you’re as clever as you keep telling everyone you are.’
‘I never tell anybody exactly how clever I am. They would be too scared. Very well, we will have to risk the hazel iris-cam. With any luck, Spiro might not notice. If he does, I can invent some excuse.’
Holly placed the camera on the tip of her finger, sliding the lens under Artemis’s lid.
‘It’s your decision, Artemis,’ she said. ‘I just hope you haven’t met your match in Jon Spiro.’
11 P.M., O’HARE AIRPORT, CHICAGO
Spiro was waiting for them at O’ Hare’s private hangar. He wore a fur-collared greatcoat over his trademark white suit. Halogen lamps blasted the tarmac, and the downdraught from the chopper blades snagged his coat tails. It was all very cinematic.
All we need now is background music, thought Artemis as he descended the motorized steps.
As per instructions, Mulch was putting on the gangster act.
‘Move it, kid,’ he snarled, quite convincingly. ‘We don’t want to keep Mister Spiro waiting.’
Artemis was about to respond when he realized that he was supposed to be the ‘terrified kid’. It wasn’t going to be easy. Being humble was a real problem for Artemis Fowl.
‘I said move it!’ repeated the dwarf, stressing the point with a firm shove.
Artemis stumbled the last few steps, almost colliding with a grinning Arno Blunt. And this was no ordinary grin. Blunt’s teeth had been replaced by a custom-crafted porcelain set. The tips had been filed to sharp points. The bodyguard looked for all the world like a human shark hybrid.
Blunt caught Artemis’s stare.
‘You like ’em? I got other sets too. One is all flat. For crushing stuff.’
A cynical sneer was forming on Artemis’s mouth before he remembered his role, replacing the sneer with a set of quivering lips. He was basing his performance on the effect Butler usually had on people.
Spiro was not impressed.