Damn Charlotte Taggart and her manipulations. “No. I’ll do it. Does my safe word work on him?”
“In this setting it does.” Sometimes when Taggart smiled he looked like a shark getting ready to go into feeding-frenzy mode. Unfortunately, this was one of those times.
“It’s just no for tonight, Tag,” Jesse explained.
“That’s no fun. I thought she would pick expellifucktis or something,” Tag replied.
“It’s expelliarmus,” she corrected. “And actually that’s a good one. I really wouldn’t be thinking that in the middle of this and it is a disarming spell that forces your opponent to drop whatever they’re holding, so it works.”
Now she sounded like a nerd.
“Is that Harry Potter stuff?” Jesse asked.
Yep, she was a super nerd. “Yes and I think Ian would make a good Voldemort.”
“He was a pussy.” Taggart gestured to the play area. “Now if Hermione here would please take the stage, we can get started. Jesse, tie her to the middle cross, please.”
“Cross?” Phoebe hesitated.
Jesse pointed to the back of the stage where there was a wooden X on the wall. There were leather cuffs on the top and bottom of the X, obviously where her hands and feet would go.
It struck her suddenly that she would be all alone up there. She would be stripped down and vulnerable and at the mercy of a man who likely had none.
Was this their version of revenge? Was this how they got back at her for lying to them? She stared at that cross and hated Phoebe Graham in that moment. This vulnerability wasn’t her. She was strong. She’d built up walls over her lifetime that were so strong almost no one could get through them.
Until Jamie died and she found out that all the shit that came before was nothing compared to how hollowed out grief could leave a person.
The old Phoebe would have shoved everyone the finger and then told them to go to hell because she wouldn’t have cared about them. This stupid weak Phoebe didn’t want to be laughed at, didn’t want to find out what they really thought of her.
“I don’t want to be tied up.” She would be helpless. She couldn’t be helpless.
Taggart looked down at her, his face as soft as it ever got. “I’m not going to hurt you. I promise you that. Like I told you, all my rage is far better expended on your brother.”
She shook her head. “I can’t stand the thought of being tied up. This isn’t right for me.”
“Phoebe, this is about learning to trust,” Ian explained. “You wouldn’t be the first sub who couldn’t stand the thought of being tied down and vulnerable, but you’ll also never know what it means to utterly trust a partner so much that he could do anything and you would know it would be all right.”
“I can’t.”
“All right.” Tag gave up. “I’ll get someone else. I can’t flog her with her just standing there. There’s too much risk that she would move at the wrong time.”
“Let me be her cross,” Jesse said suddenly. He stepped forward. “She can hold on to me, lean on me. That way I can tell if she’s handling it all right.”
Taggart seemed to think about it for a moment. “She can use her safe word at any moment, but she’s got to be still until I stop.”
“I won’t move.”
Taggart nodded and gestured for Jesse to join him in setting up the scene. Phoebe was left watching them, wondering if she was making the right choice.
If Jesse was with her, she could try it. It would be better to know than not. If they made fun of her, or if Taggart decided to hurt her for kicks, then she would know that he was the same as all the other assholes she’d met. She didn’t think so, but then she’d only seen how he treated the people he loved. How would he treat her?
People liked to hurt other people. That was what life had taught her. Her childhood had been one long succession of adults who failed her. She’d watched her foster brothers and sisters damn near kill each other over as little as an extra soda. Only Ten and Jamie and their dad had ever offered her refuge, and then they’d sent her off to fight a war no one even knew was raging.
“Just hold on to Jesse.” Charlotte was suddenly at her side. “I promise it won’t hurt. It’s like a really nice massage. Try to let your mind drift. Hear the rhythm of the floggers moving and let go. Jesse will catch you. He won’t let anything happen to you.”
Phoebe turned to Charlotte. “I thought you were hoping to watch me squirm.”
“Only in a good way. Phoebe, if I hadn’t challenged you, you would have stayed out there in the audience all night. You needed a push and I gave it to you. Trust me, I know how to deal with stubborn women who need a swift kick in the ass from time to time. I’m Chelsea’s sister after all.” She got serious for a moment. “I think you need this every bit as much as she did. Women like you, like us, we need to be able to let go from time to time. We need to know we have a safe place.”